[Rebroadcast] Why People Pleasing is a Trap

#225: Dr. John Gottman identifies four stages in the breakdown of a relationship: defensiveness, criticism, stonewalling, and ultimately contempt. Each of these reflects a deeper issue— a lack of humility. In this episode, we delve into the third stage: stonewalling. Stonewalling means putting up obstacles to forming bonds with others. While defensiveness and criticism most concern one’s attitude, stonewalling goes deeper and touches upon one’s attention. Stonewalling at its most extreme implies an inward collapse of attention, an unwillingness to attend to others. Find more at https://OptimalWork.com

#224: Dr. John Gottman identifies four stages in the breakdown of a relationship: defensiveness, criticism, stonewalling, and ultimately contempt. Each of these reflects a deeper issue— a lack of humility. In this episode, we delve into the second stage: criticism, or what we call a critical spirit. A critical spirit often arises from hyperfocusing on someone else’s flaws, conflating those flaws with their identity, and viewing them as fixed and unchangeable. It can also serve as a kind of projection—an unconscious act of attributing our own shortcomings to others. Recognizing a critical spirit within ourselves, however uncomfortable, can open the door to profound personal growth. By addressing the root of this behavior, we not only improve our relationships but also cultivate greater humility and self-awareness. Find more at https://OptimalWork.com

#223: Dr. John Gottman describes four stages in the breakdown of a relationship: first defensiveness, then criticism, then stonewalling, and finally contempt. Each of these is a manifestation of a lack of humility. Having laid out the big picture in our previous episode, here we do a deep dive into the first, defensiveness. We explain how it arises and how it relates to key concepts in our approach, like Reframing, Growth Mindset, and Threat Mode. Find more at https://OptimalWork.com

#222: In this episode of the OptimalWork Podcast, Sharif and Dr. Kevin Majeres delve into the significance of humility in leadership and team dynamics. They explore the concept of humble leadership, the detrimental effects of pride, and the four horsemen of team dysfunction: defensiveness, criticism, stonewalling, and contempt. The conversation emphasizes the importance of cultivating humility as a means to foster better relationships, enhance team cohesion, and promote personal growth. The episode concludes with actionable steps for developing humility and the transformative power it holds in achieving mastery in various aspects of life. Find more at https://OptimalWork.com

#221: Over the past five years, OptimalWork has grown into a unique and powerful digital platform for growth, centered on our MasterClass. In this episode, Sharif and Dr. Majeres discuss the history of our digital platform and recent findings about how effective the MasterClass is in helping people achieve behavior change. Find more at ⁠https://www.OptimalWork.com⁠. 

#220: Working with a spirit of service lies at the core of working at your best. But the spirit of service has a doppelgänger: aiming to please people. This often arises from motives of fear (fear of conflict, etc.), whereas service is rooted in love. In this episode, we compare these two motivations, and discuss how to escape the trap of seeking to please others. Find more at ⁠https://www.OptimalWork.com⁠. 

#219: In this episode, Sharif and Dr. Kevin Majeres discuss the concept of Extreme Ownership, as introduced and developed by Jocko Willink and Leif Babin. Willink and Babin learned this concept from their time serving as Navy Seals and have gained popularity adapting it to other contexts, like business and relationships. In this conversation, Sharif and Dr. Majeres discuss the nuances of this approach, and share applications to challenges faced in various contexts, from the classroom to the boardroom. Find more at https://OptimalWork.com

#218: In this installment of our series on mastery, Sharif and Dr. Kevin Majeres explore the third and final stage: the optimizing stage. The optimizing stage of mastery has deep connections to other core concepts of OptimalWork like deliberate practice, continual growth, and above all service. In the optimizing stage, we can go beyond the automaticity characteristic of the implicit stage (stage two) and develop our mastery to such a degree that we can pour our entire selves into a task. In this way, the optimizing stage of mastery is also connected to flow, the state of peak focus, when we become, as it were, fused with the present task. Find more at https://OptimalWork.com

#217: In this episode, Sharif and Dr. Kevin Majeres explore the second of the three phases of mastery: the implicit phase of mastery. This phase is the most dangerous, because it is where bad actions can become automatic habits, and where good habits can become plateaus. Fortunately, there are ways to avoid these pitfalls. The implicit phase of mastery is also closely connected with flow. The next episode will cover the final stage of mastery: optimizing strategies. Find more at https://OptimalWork.com

#216: In this episode, Sharif and Dr. Kevin Majeres delve into the concept of mastery, focusing on its explicit phase. Broadly, mastery has three forms: mastery over a technical skill, self-mastery, and mastery in the context of bonds. For all these forms, crafting a strategy (a goal plus steps) is essential to developing explicit mastery. As you develop explicit mastery, you can harness dopamine to maintain motivation by setting appropriate micro-goals to complete as you carry out your strategy. Find more at https://OptimalWork.com