When “I Invested Too Much to Leave the Law” Becomes the Reason You Stay Stuck

There comes a point where the math you’ve been doing in your head stops adding up. You spent years in school. You passed the bar. You took on the loans. You built the career you were told would make it all worth it. Now you’re tired, anxious, or checked out, but the idea of leaving makes your stomach drop. It feels like walking away means none of it mattered.That’s how the sunk cost trap works. It convinces smart people that the only respectable choice is to stick with a decision that’s hurting them. It tells you that if you bail now, everything you put into becoming a lawyer disappears.If you’re stuck in the “I can’t throw this away” spiral and need help figuring out your next step you need to listen to this. See show notes at formerlawyer.com/249

Zi Lin did everything “right.” Philosophy major, law school, great grades, OCI, Biglaw offer, six-figure salary. From the outside, the path looked impressive. From the inside, it felt like being processed through a conveyor belt. No one asked whether the career actually fit. It was just the obvious next step. Parents approved. Professors approved. Colleagues approved. When everyone around you nods along, it’s easy to assume there’s nothing to think about.The problem came later, once Zi was actually practicing. The culture inside the firm didn’t match what was promised. “Bring your whole self to work” sounds supportive until you realize it only applies if your whole self fits the mold. Zi found herself performing a version of “acceptable lawyer,” constantly adjusting how she acted, talked, socialized, even reacted. When your value comes from churning out work and avoiding the wrong reactions, there’s no space to be a person. There’s only survival.In this episode Zi Lin joins Sarah to talk about her experience leaving Biglaw and what she's doing now.Website & PortfolioZori Nori Instagram (@zori_nori)Personal Art Instagram (@garbage_collector_s)Linktree (for all other links, shops, etc.)

A lot of lawyers assume that making more money will make leaving easier. In reality, the opposite often happens. Once you are in a high-paying legal job, it can feel like there is no other path that will work. People outside the profession are usually surprised by this. They assume lawyers have endless options, but many lawyers feel they have to hang on to what they have because there may not be anything else that fits.See show notes at formerlawyer.com/289

A lot of lawyers believe they shouldn’t feel burned out because they haven’t been practicing very long. But burnout isn’t measured by years in the profession. For many lawyers, it started long before their first legal job. Sarah hears from people who have only been in practice a few years and are already exhausted, overwhelmed, or checked out. They feel embarrassed or confused because they can point to colleagues who have been doing it longer. But measuring burnout by the calendar misses the reality of how it develops—especially for high-achieving perfectionists who have been pushing themselves for years before they ever set foot in a law firm.See show notes at formerlawyer.com/288

For years, the idea of leaving the law can sit quietly in the back of your mind. You tell yourself you’ll figure it out eventually, that one day you’ll know it’s time. But months turn into years, and the only thing that changes is how tired you feel saying, “I don’t want to do this forever.” The biggest mistake most lawyers make when they want to leave is assuming it will just happen on its own.See show notes at formerlawyer.com/287

Lawyers often describe feeling like they can never fully turn their brains off. Even during downtime, there’s a sense of waiting for the next email, the next call, or the next fire to put out. It’s not simply overthinking. It’s the body staying on alert, a nervous system trained to expect that something could go wrong at any time.Sarah explains why this constant state of vigilance makes sense, why it’s not a personal failing, and what it means for lawyers trying to find relief from the pressure.Anchored: How to Befriend Your Nervous System Using Polyvagal Theory by Deb DanaSee show notes at formerlawyer.com/286

The first year after leaving law is a strange mix of freedom and fatigue. There is relief in stepping away from billable hours, but the exhaustion runs deeper than expected. Sarah Cottrell hears it constantly from clients. They imagined a clean break. Instead, it feels like living in a body still bracing for impact.At first there’s quiet. The noise of practice fades, and breathing feels easier. Then comes the question no one expects. What now? For years the answer was always clear. Get through the case. Close the deal. Survive the week. Outside that system, there’s no obvious next step, only space that feels both exciting and uncertain.Sarah describes the first year as less about reinvention and more about recovery. It’s about realizing how much the profession shaped your sense of worth and how long it takes to stop living like every moment has to be optimized.See show notes at formerlawyer.com/285

Ever feel trapped in the cycle where one week you swear you have to get out of law, and the next you convince yourself it isn’t so bad? That back-and-forth isn’t clarity, it’s burnout and fear of judgment keeping you stuck. In this episode, Sarah Cottrell breaks down how to recognize the outrage complacency cycle and what it takes to finally step out of it. Join Sarah for a free live masterclass on October 10, Five Simple Steps to Identify a Career You Actually Like.Sign up at formerlawyer.com/masterclass.See show notes at formerlawyer.com/284

Many lawyers, when they stop and reflect, realize that one of the reasons they went to law school was to impress other people. Prestige mattered. But the moment they name it, the shame sets in — “That was a bad reason. I shouldn’t care what others think.” Sarah Cottrell pushes back on that belief, reminding lawyers that caring about opinions is normal and human. In this episode, she shares how caring becomes a problem only when it outweighs your own needs, especially if you’re considering leaving the law. You’ll hear how to notice when you’ve given outside voices too much power, how to decide whose opinions really matter, and why therapy can help you find the right balance. If guilt or fear of judgment has been keeping you stuck, this conversation will help you put those concerns in perspective.See show notes at formerlawyer.com/283

The Former Lawyer framework has recently received a glow-up, and this podcast episode covers all the fun updates. Sarah has a few things that stuck out to her and would be the most helpful to anyone considering becoming a former lawyer. She covers those items in this episode to highlight them for all the podcast listeners considering joining.Reserve your seat to learn The Simple 5-Step Framework To Identify An Alternative Career (That You Actually Like!) on October 10th.See show notes at formerlawyer.com/241