Episode 126: Restoring Wonder & Play in Intimacy—Navigating Sexual Brokenness, Safety, and Vulnerability with Therapist Sam Jolman

Are patterns from your past influencing how you show up in relationships today? In this episode, we explore how early family dynamics—like criticism, control, & emotional immaturity—shape our adult relationships. This process isn’t about placing blame but about building awareness of behaviors that impact self-worth, boundaries, and relational health. By naming these patterns, we open a path to greater confidence, healthier connections, autonomy, and healing. In this episode, we cover: * The two essential ingredients for building secure parent-child attachment * The role of enmeshment and individuation in emotional health * 5 common parenting patterns that disrupt secure attachment * 5 questions to assess how these patterns may be impacting you today * Practical steps to heal and change Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here. Have a question or an episode idea? Leave them here. If you enjoyed this episode, you'll love: The Best of You: Break Free From Painful Patterns, Mend Your Past, and Discover Your True Self In God Episode 109: Healing Burdens From the Past—How to Overcome Childhood Wounds and Heal Your Younger Self with Tammy Sollenberger Thanks to our sponsors: Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou today and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/BESTOFYOU and get on your way to being your best self. Go to thrivemarket.com/bestofyou for 30% off your first order, plus a FREE $60 gift! Turn back time on the appearance of your skin with Purity Woods’s Age-Defying Dream Cream. Purity Woods is currently offering 17% off sitewide but we have an additional 10% discount for our listeners for a total savings of 27%! Go to puritywoods.com/BESTOFYOU or enter code BESTOFYOU at checkout for an additional 10% off your first order. Visit cozyearth.com and unlock an exclusive 35% off with code BESTOFYOU. Music by Andy Luiten Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Did you know that by adulthood, most people have experienced some form of sexual wounding? Today's conversation with Sam Jolman, therapist and author of the new book, "The Sex Talk You Never Got," is one of my absolute all-time favorites. Why? It truly surprised me. It’s so rare to find a nuanced conversation about sex—especially in a world where we’re constantly tugged between a reductive view of “purity” and an equally reductive sense of “permissiveness.” This conversation is packed with absolute gems—there’s depth, wisdom, and healing in every moment that’s relevant to all of us, no matter our stories. Here’s what we dive into: - How to establish safety, consent, and trust in intimate relationships - An eye-opening statistic from Harvard about what kids long for from their parents on the topic of sex - How to have a truly meaningful “sex talk” with your kids - What God actually desires from us when it comes to sex - Sam's advice for those who’ve experienced sexual wounding or brokenness and want to begin the healing process Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here. Want to receive free bonus content? ⁠⁠Sign up for my free weekly email here. If you enjoyed this episode, you'll love: Episode 125: Recovering From Purity Culture: Dismantle the Myths, Reject Shame-Based Sexuality, and Move Forward in Your Faith with Dr. Camden Morgante Thanks to our sponsors: Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou today and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today. Get an additional 15% off Fatty 15's 90-day subscription Starter Kit by going to fatty15.com/BESTOFYOU and using code BESTOFYOU at checkout. Get 40% off your first order of Sundays. Go to SundaysForDogs.com/BESTOFYOU or use code BESTOFYOU at checkout. Go to thrivemarket.com/bestofyou for 30% off your first order, plus a FREE $60 gift! Visit cozyearth.com and unlock an exclusive 35% off with code BESTOFYOU. Music by Andy Luiten Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's episode is a fascinating conversation about the phenomenon of "purity culture." You've heard the phrase, but my guest today, licensed therapist and purity culture expert, Dr. Camden Morgante, is here to explain exactly what it was and how it created a culture of shame, fear, and coercion around sex, especially for women. We explore the damaging myths purity culture perpetuated and the ways it continues to affect women and married couples, especially around issues of intimacy and self-worth. Dr. Camden shares essential insights on how to heal from these harmful messages and move forward in faith, while also offering practical advice for anyone struggling with shame-based sexuality. Key Takeaways: - What purity culture is and its lasting impact on Millennials and Gen X - The 5 damaging myths, including the "gatekeeper," "damaged goods," & "flipped switch" - The most important strategy for couples dealing with disappointment around sex - The real meaning of intimacy beyond physical connection - Dr. Camden’s practical advice for overcoming shame and reclaiming your faith Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here. Want to receive free bonus content? ⁠⁠Sign up for my free weekly email here. If you enjoyed this episode, you'll love: Episode 48: Loving Your Body as a Spiritual Practice, Why the Flesh Isn’t the Body, and 3 Heresies We Kind of Believe Thanks to our sponsors: Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou today and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today. Go to puritywoods.com/BESTOFYOU or enter code BESTOFYOU at checkout for an additional 10% off your first order. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/BESTOFYOU and get on your way to being your best self. Go to AquaTru.com and enter code BESTOFYOU at checkout to get 20% OFF any AquaTru purifier! Go to thrivemarket.com/bestofyou for 30% off your first order, plus a FREE $60 gift! Visit cozyearth.com and unlock an exclusive 35% off with code BESTOFYOU. Music by Andy Luiten Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If you’ve ever struggled to set boundaries or wondered why it’s so hard to respect them in others, this episode is for you. We dive deep into how to set and receive healthy boundaries, and why so many of us confuse healthy limits with toxic behaviors. Spoiler: setting boundaries isn’t selfish—it’s necessary for healthy, thriving relationships. But that’s not all. When our boundaries are shaky, complicated emotions—like guilt, resentment, or anxiety—often arise. And instead of dealing with them, many of us reach for quick fixes: we numb. We avoid confronting those tough feelings that boundaries bring to the surface. Today, I’ll break down why we numb, how to recognize it, and the steps you can take to stop avoiding your emotions and start healing. This episode covers: * The difference between healthy boundaries and toxic behaviors * How to communicate boundaries without guilt or shame * Practical ways to receive boundaries from others gracefully * How to recognize when you’re numbing emotions (and what to do about it) * Why boundaries and emotional numbing are deeply connected—and how to untangle them You deserve relationships that nourish you, not drain you. This episode will help you understand the power of boundaries and guide you toward emotional freedom. Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here. Want to receive free bonus content? ⁠⁠Sign up for my free weekly email here. If you enjoyed this episode, you'll love: Episode 24: Boundaries, the Spectrum of Toxicity, and a Note About Evil Episode 26: How to say "No" to toxicity Thanks to our sponsors: Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou today and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today. Healing What's Within by Chuck DeGroat is now available wherever books are sold. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/BESTOFYOU and get on your way to being your best self. Get 40% off your first order of Sundays. Go to SundaysForDogs.com/BESTOFYOU or use code BESTOFYOU at checkout. Go to thrivemarket.com/bestofyou for 30% off your first order, plus a FREE $60 gift! Visit cozyearth.com and unlock an exclusive 35% off with code BESTOFYOU. Music by Andy Luiten Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What do you do after someone hurts you? How do you heal the pain that lingers inside of you? This is such an incredibly helpful, honest and vulnerable conversation with my friend and fellow therapist Chuck DeGroat, author of the brand new book Healing What's Within. Chuck taught us so much about the harmful realities of narcissism in his book, When Narcissism Comes to Church, and now he's helping us heal the lingering wounds. Here’s what we cover: 1. The moment that launched 5 years of inner chaos for Chuck 2. 3 surprising questions God asks to each of us 3. How Adam & Eve were manipulated 4. The first step when dealing with narcissism 5. How take feedback from others 6. How to ask for what you need from others Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here. Pre-order Healing What’s Within: Coming Home to Yourself--and to God--When You're Wounded, Weary, and Wandering If you enjoyed this episode, you'll love: Episode 97: I Shouldn't Feel This Anxious—Insights on Trauma & Healing with Monique Koven Thanks to our sponsors: Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou today and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today. Go to thrivemarket.com/bestofyou for 30% off your first order, plus a FREE $60 gift! Visit cozyearth.com and unlock an exclusive 35% off with code BESTOFYOU. Music by Andy Luiten Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Has anxiety ever made it hard for you to connect with God? Do you love God but sometimes struggle with church? Today's episode is such a breath of fresh air. I had the pleasure of diving into a deep, insightful conversation with New York Times bestselling author John Mark Comer. We explore the powerful intersection of mental, emotional, and spiritual health, uncovering how these aspects work together to create a whole, integrated person. Here’s what we cover:‍ 1. Misconceptions in the church about true discipleship 2. The benefits and limits of therapy for personal growth 3. What to do when anxiety or past trauma make it hard to engage spiritual practices 4. John Mark’s candid experiences with therapy and what he’s learned 5. The two essential spiritual practices for holistic well-being 6. Our thoughts on the overlapping circles of emotional & spiritual maturity Listen to Dr. Alison Cook discuss fasting with John Mark Comer on the Rule of Life Podcast Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here. If you enjoyed this episode, you'll love: Episode 67: The Link Between Faith & Emotional Healing—Gen Z, College Life, & A Hidden Search for Meaning with Cindy Gao Thanks to our sponsors: Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou today and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today. Head over to WildHealth.com/BESTOFYOU and use code BESTOFYOU at checkout for 20% off! Visit cozyearth.com and unlock an exclusive 35% off with code BESTOFYOU. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/BESTOFYOU and get on your way to being your best self. Go to thrivemarket.com/bestofyou for 30% off your first order, plus a FREE $60 gift! Music by Andy Luiten Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We all face doubt, disappointment, and even disillusionment at times. In today’s episode, I’m sharing with you my framework for cultivating a vibrant inner spirituality—one that doesn’t bypass or exile the hard parts of this faith journey. Here’s what I cover: 1. The surprising secret to emotionally resilient faith 2. What is an inner family of parts? 3. Research on different faith orientations 4. The 5 languages (e.g. parts!) of faith 5. How to honor (& lead) each of these parts Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here. Have questions? Leave them for me here! Sign up for my weekly email and get free resources here If you enjoyed this episode, you'll love: Boundaries For Your Soul Series on Youtube Thanks to our sponsors: Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou today and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today. Go to AquaTru.com and enter code BESTOFYOU at checkout to get 20% OFF any AquaTru purifier! Get 40% off your first order of Sundays. Go to SundaysForDogs.com/BESTOFYOU or use code BESTOFYOU at checkout. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/BESTOFYOU and get on your way to being your best self. Go to thrivemarket.com/bestofyou for 30% off your first order, plus a FREE $60 gift! Visit cozyearth.com and unlock an exclusive 35% off with code BESTOFYOU. Music by Andy Luiten Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today’s conversation is a fascinating deep-dive into celebrity culture with Katelyn Beaty, editor and author of Celebrities For Jesus: How Personas, Platforms, & Profits are Hurting the Church. We explore the dynamics of celebrity culture and its profound effects on both the church and our personal sense of worth and mission. Here’s what we cover: 1. The importance of developing an inner locus of control 2. How celebrity culture impacts the church 3. Parasocial relationships & influencers as attachment figures 4. Reevaluating what true success looks like 5. How to discern trustworthiness in people you follow Check out Katelyn's book Celebrities for Jesus here Find Katelyn's conversation with Chuck DeGroat on celebrity and narcissism here Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here. If you enjoyed this episode, you'll love: Episode 119: Drawing Strength from the Past —The Spirit of Justice: True Stories of Faith, Race, and Resistance with Dr. Jemar Tisby Thanks to our sponsors: Register for Broken to Beloved Conference Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou today and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today. Right now get up to 60% off your Babbel subscription - but only for our listeners - at Babbel.com/BESTOFYOU. Go to thrivemarket.com/bestofyou for 30% off your first order, plus a FREE $60 gift! Visit cozyearth.com and unlock an exclusive 35% off with code BESTOFYOU. Music by Andy Luiten Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It was an absolute honor to sit down with New York Times bestselling author & public historian Dr. Jemar Tisby for an incredibly rich conversation about his brand new book,The Spirit of Justice. We discuss his own story of coming to faith and what led him to explore stories of Black Christians who tirelessly pursued healing, goodness, and justice against impossible odds. Here’s what we cover: 1. The impact of culture on mental & emotional health 2. The double-edged sword of religion 3. The dissonance Jemar felt as a Black Christian in predominantly white settings 4. The lifelines who helped him shore up his faith 5. What is the spirit of justice? 6. Jemar’s thoughts on therapy 7. What stories of resistance teach us about following Jesus Get Jemar Tisby's new book The Spirit of Justice here. Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here. Thanks to our sponsors: Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou today and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today. Get 40% off your first order of Sundays. Go to SundaysForDogs.com/BESTOFYOU or use code BESTOFYOU at checkout. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/BESTOFYOU and get on your way to being your best self. Go to thrivemarket.com/bestofyou for 30% off your first order, plus a FREE $60 gift! Visit cozyearth.com and unlock an exclusive 35% off with code BESTOFYOU. Music by Andy Luiten Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today, Cindy and I are tackling your questions about therapy, shedding light on research, common challenges, and insights to help you on your own healing journey! Here's what we cover: 1. Which modality should I use (DBT / CBT / IFS / EMDR)? (4:30) 2. What is the most important factor in getting results? (8:53) 3. What is trauma-informed therapy? (10:07) 4. How do therapists deal with getting triggered by a client? (16:03) 6. What if I’m “too much” for my therapist? (21:51) 7. Does therapy take the role of sin too lightly? (24:28) Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here. If you enjoyed this episode, you'll love: Episode 67: The Link Between Faith & Emotional Healing—Gen Z, College Life, & A Hidden Search for Meaning with Cindy Gao Episode 70: Mastering the Art of Emotional Intelligence—How to Harness the Power of Your Emotions to Improve Your Relationships Episode 23: Am I wounded or am I sinful? Episode 113: A New Vision of Human Flourishing—A Christian Approach to Mental Health with Duke University Psychiatrist & Theologian Warren Kinghorn Thanks to our sponsors: Register for the Broken to Beloved Conference today Go to www.organifi.com/bestofyou today and use code BESTOFYOU for 20% off your order today. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/BESTOFYOU and get on your way to being your best self. Go to thrivemarket.com/bestofyou for 30% off your first order, plus a FREE $60 gift! Visit cozyearth.com and unlock an exclusive 35% off with code BESTOFYOU. Music by Andy Luiten Sound editing by Kelly Kramarik While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices