How to Talk About What You Want in Bed: Top Tips for Better Sex

In this episode, Toshi had the opportunity to chat with Michelle Fischler all about early ejaculation. Michelle recently published the book ‘Coming Soon: The Unshaming Guide to Early Ejaculation and Lasting Longer’, a practical, shame-aware guide that understands early ejaculation as a nervous system pattern, not a personal failure. Together, Toshi and Michelle discussed:  The difference between early ejaculation and premature ejaculation The biological drive behind early ejaculation Why addressing shame before technique is so important How masturbation practices impact early ejaculation Tips for managing early ejaculation  How to talk about early ejaculation with a partner And more. Timestamps:00:00 – Intro  00:22 – Who is Michelle and what does she do?  01:26 – Why you should listen to this podcast 02:26 – What’s the reason Michelle wanted to write a book about early ejaculation? 07:18 – The way you feel about early ejaculation matters: here’s why 09:17 – Early ejaculation vs premature ejaculation: what’s the difference?  10:32 – The biological drive behind early ejaculation 12:03 – Why unlearning shame around early ejaculation has to happen before bringing in techniques 15:30 – Shame vs guilt: how are they different?  18:25 – Tips for turning down the volume on shame 21:45 – Advice if you’re avoiding sex because of early ejaculation 27:55 – How masturbation impacts early ejaculation 31:20 – How breathing exercises can help early ejaculation (and how to do them) 37:09 – What can cause early ejaculation?  39:05 – How to talk about early ejaculation with a partner  42:00 – Why you should be cuddling with your partner for six minutes after sex 44:42 – What does Michelle think of numbing creams? 47:09 – What you and a partner should know about early ejaculation  50:40 – Why the goal is not perfect control (and what the goal actually should be) 51:44 – Why has it taken so long for a book like this to be written?  55:48 – What people think of the book (and why you should grab a copy!) Check out Michelle here: https://www.michellefischler.ca/ Grab a copy of her book here: https://getsome.ca/coming-soon-book Read more about Michelle’s podcast here: https://getsome.ca/ Michelle Fischler, MSW, RSW, RP, is a Toronto-based Registered Psychotherapist, Registered Social Worker, ASTO-certified sex therapist and supervisor, author, speaker, and founder of GETSOME INC.  -----------------  Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy.  Follow us here: https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace For more info, check out our website at: https://www.sexinspace.com/  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Lillian Frances is a pop star, rock climber, and author of the cheeky guide "Finger Banging for Climber Boys". In this episode, Toshi spoke with Lillian all about how to talk about what you want in bed, advice for pre-hookup check-ins and sexy ways to set boundaries, as well as why you should know more about female anatomy if you want to have better sex.  Find more of Lillian (and her book) here. Timestamps: 00:00 – Intro  00:47 – What is finger banging for climber boys?  01:51 – Why this book is a trojan horse (in the best way) 03:22 – How asking questions makes you so much better in bed 07:23 – Why it’s important to talk about sex in your everyday life 12:12 – Asking for consent is sexy: here’s why 19:41 – Advice for a pre-hookup check-in 21:25 – The difference between opt in vs opt out consent (and why one leads to better sex) 27:18 – Try this if you want a fun, sexy way to set boundaries 30:33 – What you should know about the female anatomy to have better sex  33:39 – Why you should read Lillian’s book -----------------  Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available here to download or buy.  Follow us here: InstagramTikTokFacebookYouTube For more info, find us on our website! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

On this episode of the podcast, Toshi spoke with Sarah and Cam all about asexuality. Sarah (whose artist name is Vōx), is a musician and writer on Substack, and Cam is a creative producer, a curator and creator of time and space. We came across Sarah and Cam after reading an article in the Guardian written about their relationship and how they’ve embraced Sarah’s asexuality. Toshi had the opportunity to talk with them both about: What asexuality and compulsory heterosexuality is How Sarah came to understand she’s asexual What it was like for both Sarah and Cam to embrace Sarah’s asexuality Common misconceptions about what it means to be asexual How neurodivergence is connected to this conversation Thoughts on decoupling romance from sex And more. -----------------  Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy.  Follow us here: https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace For more info, check out our website at: https://www.sexinspace.com/ You can check out Sarah’s Substack here: https://itsmevox.substack.com/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

On this episode of the podcast, Toshi spoke with Kate Daly, one of England’s leading experts on divorce, separation relationships and family law reform. Kate is the co-founder of amicable, the leading online divorce services company, and the co-founder and host of ‘The Divorce Podcast’. Together they had a conversation about why we need to change the narrative around divorce, advice for anyone navigating a separation or divorce, why communication is key – and how to be better at it – and a practical guide to divorce without the drama.  Find amicable here.Check out Kate’s book here.Timestamps:  00:00 – Intro 01:00 – Kate Daly’s experience with divorce 05:06 – We need to change the narrative: divorce is not a failure 08:38 – Why it’s important to acknowledge the emotional journey behind divorce 13:24 – Advice for navigating a separation or divorce 19:11 – What can divorce teach us about ourselves, and relationships?  22:37 – Two different questions: is it over, and should I leave?  25:39 – Why maintaining your identity is key to relationship success 28:30 – Why communication is key when it comes to navigating a divorce amicably (and how to be better at it) 34:33 – A practical guide to divorce without the drama 42:40 – One thing you should know about starting over -----------------  Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy.  Follow us here: https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace For more info, check out our website at: https://www.sexinspace.com/  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

On this episode of the podcast, Tim chatted with board certified urologist Dr. Amy Pearlman about all things men’s health, including the health of your penis. Dr. Pearlman specialises in male sexual and hormonal health, and is fellowship trained in male genitourinary reconstruction, male infertility, and prosthetics. Although she is trained as a surgeon, Dr. Pearlman’s primary mission is to educate people on the basics of their bodies, encourage healthy behaviours to optimise health and help people live their most authentic lives. Together, Tim and Dr. Pearlman spoke about:  Why we need a ‘Wellman’s visit’ at the doctor How testosterone impacts men’s health Her health tip for young men How much growth you can get from penile filler, and why men get it Advice for men looking to get penile filler And more.  You can find more of Dr. Amy here: https://pearlmanmds.com/amy-pearlman-md/ Timestamps:  00:00 – Intro. 00:55 – What does Dr Amy Pearlman do? 04:35 – Why we need a ‘Wellman’s visit’ at the doctor.  09:00 – How testosterone impacts men’s health. 16:09 – Why do men get penile enhancement?  24:18 – How much growth can you get from penile filler? 27:16 – What does a ‘normal’ penis look like – does it even exist?  31:36 – Why Dr Pearlman doesn’t start the conversation talking about penis size.  33:34 – Does filler show up more when the penis is flaccid or erect?  39:39 – Advice for men looking to get penile filler. 42:40 – What makes Dr Pearlman’s practice different.  46:59 – Where to find more about Dr Pearlman. -----------------  Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy.  Follow us here: https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace For more info, check out our website at: https://www.sexinspace.com/  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Toshi sat down with Jocelyn Silva to talk all things sexual shame. Jocelyn grew up in a conservative, Spanish-speaking Catholic home in Los Angeles, California. She attended Catholic school, went to weekly confession, and dreamed of becoming a nun at 16 - her entire world revolved around faith. But that faith also taught her to see her body and desires as sinful, leaving her ashamed and feeling disconnected from herself. When she was 18 and had sex for the first time, this sent her on a different journey. By 21, Jocelyn was a sex educator. She earned a degree in Gender and Women’s Studies, ran a sexual wellness boutique for 4 years, and later completed her Master’s in Social Work. Over 15 years in this field and now 6 years coaching women, men, and couples, she’s learned that our sexuality is not something to be ashamed of – it’s where our power lives. Together, Toshi and Jocelyn discussed:  Jocelyn’s journey from wanting to be a nun, to becoming a sex expert How she unlearned sexual shame (and how you can too) Tips for feeling more confident speaking your desires in the bedroom Jocelyn’s #1 sex tip (and it’s not communication) How Jocelyn reconnected with her faith The conversation you need to be having early on in your relationship Find more of Jocelyn here: https://www.jocelynsilva.com/ Timestamps: 00:00 – Intro  00:46 – How Jocelyn's life plan went from nun, to sex expert 02:42 – Jocelyn's journey unlearning sexual shame 04:34 – The early messages around sex that follow us into adulthood 06:27 – Tips for unlearning sexual shame 11:56 – How to feel more confident expressing your sexual desires as a woman 18:37 – Jocelyn’s #1 sex tip 22:04 – What Jocelyn learned from being a cheater 24:33 – How to sit in discomfort  32:08 – How Jocelyn relearned faith 34:55 – Why you need clarity before a sexual experience  38:22 – The conversation you should have early on in your relationship 41:45 – Where to find more of Jocelyn Silva -----------------  Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy.  Follow us here: https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace For more info, check out our website at: https://www.sexinspace.com/  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Toshi sat down with Sanja Zündorf, the founder of entzück dich selbst. For a long time, Sanja thought she was the only woman who masturbated – it wasn’t something she spoke about with her friends, even though they were very open in talking about sex. She began researching this topic in 2019 and realised how many women know very little about their bodies, as well as how many women are ashamed of masturbating, and the way they masturbate. Sanja found in her survey that rubbing against pillows was a very popular method of masturbation but also associated with a lot of shame. Her mission is all about destigmatising masturbation and one of the ways she does this is by designing and selling a collection of sex toys specifically designed for pillow humping.  In this episode, Toshi and Sanja spoke about:  Practical tips for how you can start to feel less shame about masturbation Why Sanja views masturbation as a feminist act How the language we speak can shape our feelings towards our bodies and pleasure And why your masturbation habits are normal (and sexy!).  Find Sanja and her work here: https://entzueckdichselbst.com/de Check out Sanja on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/entzueckdichselbst/ Timestamps:  00:00 – Intro. 00:58 – Who is Sanja and what does she do?  01:51 – What makes Sanja’s sex toy different to others on the market?  04:09 – Unpacking shame: Sanja’s early relationship with masturbation. 06:54 – How Sanja helps others feel okay about self-pleasure. 08:49 – How to feel less shame about masturbation. 11:35 – Why Sanja views masturbation as a feminist act. 14:42 – What do people think of pillow humping saddles?  21:06 – Why this sex toy is a self-love statement. 22:24 – How our language can contribute to our shame around masturbation.  30:09 – The importance of teaching kids the anatomically correct terms for their body parts 31:20 – Where you can see the saddles in person.  35:59 – Is using a phallic toy feminist?  39:12 – Your masturbation habits are normal (and sexy!). 45:15 – Where you can find more about Sanja and her work (and how you can participate).  -----------------  Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy.  Follow us here: https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace For more info, check out our website at: https://www.sexinspace.com/  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

On this episode of the podcast, Toshi spoke with Hollie McNish, an award-winning poet, writer and performer. Together they had a conversation Hollie’s latest book, ‘Virgin’. It's a six-letter word that holds such incredible power - the power to pressure, to judge, to harm, to praise, to profit, to punish. But virginity is also just a concept, a label that has been pressed upon people for centuries in numerous cultures worldwide. In ‘Virgin’, Hollie McNish unpicks the role this word has played in her own life, as well as others. 00:00 – Intro  01:04 – Who’s Hollie McNish? – Why you need to know!  01:41 – What inspired Hollie to write ‘Virgin’?  05:29 – What’s virginity got to do with purple carrots?  08:22 – The problem with ‘body count’.  12:54 – What does it mean to be sexy? 28:16 – How media shapes the way we think, feel and see the world.  34:11 – We can stop apologising!  41:07 – Social media’s not all bad – here's why.   45:43 – The ways we make love in real life.  49:25 – Time to get comfortable talking about sex, and why.  56:21 – Where to find Hollie and her work.  Check out Hollie here:https://www.holliepoetry.com/https://www.instagram.com/holliepoetry/?hl=enFind 'Virgin' here:https://www.bookbaruk.com/product-page/virgin-by-hollie-mcnish-----------------  Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy.  Follow us here: https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace For more info, check out our website at: https://www.sexinspace.com/  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Willis Austin Chimano, known simply as Chimano, is formally a key member of Africa’s biggest band Sauti Sol. Hailing from Nairobi Kenya, Chimano, through the frequency of grace, love and discernment now embarks on a solo career designed to set the world on fire through his music, product lines and advocacy.  Chimano is celebrated for his deep baritone voice, dynamic stage presence, and distinct fashion sense. His first solo EP "Heavy is the Crown" highlights Chimano's vocal prowess and his ability to blend different musical styles, including pop, soul, and electronic influences. The EP has been well-received by fans and critics alike, noting Chimano's bold step in expressing his individuality and exploring new artistic territories.  Chimano is known for his bold fashion choices, often seen in flamboyant and stylish outfits that challenge traditional norms. He has been an advocate for self-expression and individuality, inspiring many fans to embrace their unique identities. In a landmark moment for his personal life and the LGBTQ+ community in Kenya, Chimano publicly came out as gay in 2021. His openness about his sexuality has been a significant step toward breaking down barriers and challenging societal norms in a region where LGBTQ+ rights are often underrepresented. Chimano's influence extends beyond music. His advocacy for self-expression and his courage in sharing his personal journey have made him a role model for many. Through his solo work, he continues to inspire and entertain, leaving a lasting impact on the African music scene and beyond. Find more of Chimano here: https://www.willischimano.com/ Check him out on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/willis.chimano/?hl=en We asked Chimano which song he’d like us to play alongside this podcast episode. Here is ‘Beautiful Day,’ his song of choice: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3DICz0wi8RU  Timestamps:  00:00 – Intro 00:36 – Who is Chimano?  01:54 – Being a part of Sauti Sol  04:15 – Chimano’s experience of coming out publicly 12:40 – Rethinking his identity as an artist 21:13 – The importance of a positive mindset and how to achieve it  26:43 – Reflecting on your Chimano’s childhood relationship with music 34:30 – Chimano's message to young queer people in Africa 37:29 – What’s next for Chimano 42:23 – Outro -----------------  Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy.  Follow us here: https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace For more info, check out our website at: https://www.sexinspace.com/  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Toshi sat down with Issy from Our Streets Now to talk about why showing Adolescence in schools isn’t a good idea – as well as some alternatives. Our Streets Now is a UK based organisation that is looking to end public sexual harassment. It was founded in 2019 by two teenage sisters, sharing how they experienced the world as young women. They spoke about feeling afraid walking home at night. About being harassed in their school uniform. About how their lives were restricted by the fear of public sexual harassment. And about how this was an everyday reality for millions of women, girls and people of marginalised genders up and down the country. They began a petition to make public sexual harassment (PSH) a criminal offence. Within 100 days, that petition had over 100,000 signatures. It now sits at almost half a million. It caught the attention of local media, then national media, then policymakers at the heart of government. And, in 2023, the five year campaign to make PSH a crime was a success.  Timestamps 00:00 – Intro 00:55 – What is Our Streets Now and what do they do? 03:20 – All about the workshops run by Our Streets Now about sexual harassment 07:06 – How different genders respond differently to these workshops 10:23 – How to get students involved in difficult conversations about sexual harassment  13:43 – What do young people want to know?  18:40 – How we are all part of the problem 25:24: The ‘little and often’ approach – and why it’s so useful 26:54 – Should Adolescence be shown in schools as a learning resource?  31:14 – The alternative to showing Adolescence in schools 34:25 – How can parents and carers support these conversations?  37:41 – Issy's message to young people  39:13 – Where to find out more about Our Streets Now 40:50 – Conclusion  Find out more about Our Streets Now: https://www.ourstreetsnow.org/ Our Streets Now support: https://www.ourstreetsnow.org/support  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.