Extended Massive Orgasms with Steve Bodansky

Walk into an AARP event expecting walkers and wheelchairs. Leave rethinking everything you thought you knew about senior dating. That was Dr. Gilda Carle’s experience, and she has never looked at this age group the same way since.Gilda spent eight years as a columnist and spokesperson for Match.com, writing the widely read Ask Dr. Gilda column. When the company sent her to a Washington DC event for AARP members, she assumed she’d be done in five minutes. “I thought these people were going to be so over the hill,” she told me. “I’m going to make my presentation and five minutes later I’ll be out of the door.”Standing room only. A packed auditorium. Questions coming faster than she could answer them. These were not people with one foot in the grave.The women’s burning question? How do I find a man who drives at night? Gilda responded by asking every man in the room to raise his hand. What followed, she says, was a mob scene.The men had a different concern. They didn’t want their age displayed on the platform. One man made the argument with complete confidence. Short, bald, slightly bent. Ninety-two years old. He told Gilda he liked to date women in their sixties, and that he had what it takes. She believed him. She went back to Match and lobbied on his behalf. They declined.From there, our conversation covers a lot of ground. Gilda talks about why she walked out mid-sentence on a date who had shown up twenty years older than his profile claimed. (She had given a fake name online for safety: Sparkle. He chased her out of the restaurant calling after her. Loudly.) We discuss a Bumble study showing women are now dating ten years younger on average, and why their younger partners are enthusiastic about it. And Gilda shares the story of a PhD psychologist who found love by reading the obituaries, tracking down recently widowed men in her neighbourhood, and arriving with casseroles. One of them married her.We also get into something I hear about constantly from women my age. Men who retire without hobbies, without purpose, without much to offer in a conversation. Gilda shares a statistic that stuck with me: people who retire with nothing to replace the work tend to live only seven more years afterward. The grind ends and there is no plan for what comes next. That’s not just a health problem. It’s visible when you meet someone. It’s not attractive.Gilda’s position is simple: get vital before you try to get seen. Work out. Present well. Have a life. Know who you are. Because older women, as she points out, already do. We have done the difficult relationships, made the mistakes, and come out the other side with something younger women often cannot offer: directness, self-knowledge, and zero interest in playing games.Jane Seymour said she has had the best sex of her life at 74. Four husbands, one brilliant partner, no judgment, no interference. That is the standard Gilda is holding out for. Honestly, so am I.What Matters* Ageist algorithms are real. Lying about your age online is a rational response to being made invisible, not a character flaw.* Women’s top priority in senior dating is vitality, not youth, not money. Vitality. Men who let themselves go are not losing out to the competition. They are losing out to indifference.* Men who retire without purpose often become dependent on a partner for entertainment. It shows in every interaction, and it is not appealing.* Older women are increasingly dating younger, and the men are into it. Bumble data confirms it. Transparency and confidence are the draw.* One woman read the obituaries to find love. She brought casseroles. It worked. Do not dismiss unconventional approaches.* Essence matters more than age. The goal is to find someone who wants your presence, not your practicality.Unlock even more pleasure, clarity, and confidence in your intimate life by becoming a paid subscriber.You’ll gain full access to every weekly blog, the complete archive of 150+ expert-led podcasts, the private chat room for candid Q&A, and my 32‑page guide Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later Life.If you’re ready to deepen your knowledge, explore new possibilities, and feel fully supported on your journey, upgrade today only £6.99/month or £49.99/year.More than ever, I rely on your financial support to help produce each weekly episode of the podcast and blog post. Do consider becoming a paid subscriber if you are able. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe

Most couples have their story memorised. When they met, what went wrong, why things aren’t what they used to be. They’ve told it so many times it feels like a fact.And that’s the problem.Dr. Dan Sneider is a couples therapist and the founder of IntimacyShift.com. He works with two distinct groups of older people: couples who’ve been together for decades, and people starting over in their 50s and 60s but carrying years of history with them. Both tend to arrive stuck in the same way, often telling a story about their relationship that stopped being accurate a long time ago.One of Dan’s favourite tools comes from researchers John and Julie Gottman. He calls it the Story of Us. He asks couples to tell the story of their relationship and he says, that most have it memorised. That, he says, is where the work begins because if part of that story is “the passion faded,” that belief is now embedded, and better communication alone won’t shift it.We also talked about something I personally found frightening in my marriage : disclosing my desires. Not the everyday stuff but the wants you’ve kept quiet about for years, maybe decades. The ones that feel genuinely risky to say out loud.Dan’s approach isn’t to say everything at once. He talks about volume knobs. Turning down the fear a little, not eliminating it and scheduling regular time to talk about intimacy the same way you’d schedule the gym. Building safety in small stages rather than waiting for a perfect moment that never comes.We got into conflict too. Specifically, why couples who live for big dramatic ups and downs are actually hardwiring themselves for pain. You know, the stuff of which movie romances are made. The repair is harder and the dopamine hit of drama becomes part of what they expect from love. Dan’s antidote sounds deceptively simple: I-language. “I feel unseen” instead of “you never.” It changes everything about how the repair goes.Dan uses emotionally focused therapy, a model developed by Dr. Sue Johnson. He recommended her book Hold Me Tight to anyone who wants to understand it. The model runs 12 to 20 sessions, and Dan is refreshingly transparent about this: if you’re not seeing progress within that window, more sessions won’t fix it.He also runs a 12-week online programme through IntimacyShift.com for couples who can’t access therapy locally or want to do the work on their own schedule. Yes, it’s expensive and that’s the point. Couples who invest are the ones who show up and do the work.There’s a free tool on his website as well: a six-step framework for unlocking intimate conversations. A good place to start if everything else feels like too much right now.What Matters* The story you tell about your relationship shapes how you feel about it. It can be rewritten.* Disclosing desires doesn’t require going all in at once. Build safety in stages.* Schedule intimacy conversations like any other practice that matters to you.* Fight with I-language, not you-language. The repair is easier, and so is the making up.* Rebuilding after infidelity or betrayal is possible. Dan has seen it happen.* Emotionally focused therapy runs 12 to 20 sessions. That’s the research-backed window for lasting change.Unlock even more pleasure, clarity, and confidence in your intimate life by becoming a paid subscriber.You’ll gain full access to every weekly blog, the complete archive of 150+ expert-led podcasts, the private chat room for candid Q&A, and my 32‑page guide Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later Life.If you’re ready to deepen your knowledge, explore new possibilities, and feel fully supported on your journey, upgrade today only £6.99/month or £49.99/year.More than ever, I rely on your financial support to help produce each weekly episode of the podcast and blog post. Do consider becoming a paid subscriber if you are able at https://sexadviceforseniors.com This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe

There’s a version of male ageing that’s become so familiar we’ve stopped questioning it. Energy drops. Interest fades. The man who used to be the life of the party just… stops showing up. His partner wonders where he went. He probably wonders too.Dan Leach hears this story constantly.Dan runs Valens Health, a UK-based hormone optimisation clinic focused on men’s health, though as our conversation made clear, hormones are very much a shared concern. His path into this work started personally, noticing his own vitality shifting in his 40s and finding that mainstream medicine didn’t have much to offer beyond a shrug. So he built something that did.The core problem, he explained, is that conventional medicine is set up to treat disease. Hormonal decline in men involves gradual drops in testosterone, DHEA, and thyroid from age 40 onward. It often doesn’t register as pathology. The numbers land inside the “normal range.” The patient gets sent home. Nothing changes.But the normal range is enormous. And there’s a significant difference between landing somewhere in that range and being where you were in your prime.That distinction is what Valens Health is built around. Dan calls it hormone optimisation rather than replacement: finding where each person actually functions best, not just keeping them out of the red zone.The testosterone conversation tends to carry a lot of baggage. People hear the word and think aggression, shortcuts, something vaguely illicit. Dan’s reframe is simple: testosterone doesn’t make you someone else. It makes you more of who you already are. If your energy has dropped off, your libido has gone quiet, you’ve lost motivation and muscle mass: it amplifies what’s been suppressed. The lights come back on.I’ve been taking prescription testosterone myself for a few months now, and the difference has been real. Better focus. More physical stamina. More interest in things generally, including sex. I wouldn’t have discovered it through a doctor. I found out through a friend. That’s a story I hear far too often.One thing I hadn’t known about before talking to Dan: DHEA. It’s not a hormone most people have heard of, but it plays a critical role in whether your body can actually use the testosterone it has. Some men have reasonable testosterone levels and still feel terrible, because the activation pathway isn’t working. DHEA is essentially the key that turns the lock. Adding it, Dan said, tends to produce a fast, noticeable effect.Thyroid rounds out the picture. It sets the pace for your entire metabolism. When it drops, even to a level that still reads as “normal” on a standard test, everything slows: mood, energy, concentration, libido. Optimising all three together is where people start describing themselves as feeling 30 again at 57.There’s also a serious health reason not to ignore this. Dan was clear that unreliable erections aren’t just a sex problem. They’re a cardiovascular signal. Around 80% of men who start experiencing them regularly will go on to have a significant cardiac event within five years. It’s worth paying attention to.Valens Health works remotely, which Dan says most patients actually prefer. It starts with a free consultation and comprehensive bloodwork. The premium package, a dedicated doctor and ongoing optimization for a full year, runs £1,800, payable in instalments.Dan put it simply toward the end of our conversation: isn’t life about feeling as good as we can? Most men have been told the answer is no, that decline is just the deal. It doesn’t have to be.Key Takeaways* Testosterone, DHEA, and thyroid all decline from age 40 onward. “Within normal range” doesn’t mean optimal.* DHEA helps the body activate testosterone. Some men have adequate levels but can’t use them properly.* Unreliable erections are a cardiovascular signal, not just a sex problem. Around 80% of men who experience them regularly go on to have a significant cardiac event within five years.* Testosterone doesn’t cause aggression. It amplifies who you already are.* Valens Health works remotely. The premium programme is £1,800/year, payable in instalments.Unlock even more pleasure, clarity, and confidence in your intimate life by becoming a paid subscriber.You’ll gain full access to my sexy stories, the complete archive of 150+ expert-led podcasts, the private chat room for candid Q&A, and my 32‑page guide Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later Life.If you’re ready to deepen your knowledge, explore new possibilities, and feel fully supported on your journey, upgrade today only £6.99/month or £49.99/year.More than ever, I rely on your financial support to help produce each weekly episode of the podcast and blog post. Do consider becoming a paid subscriber if you are able. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe

You’re not past it. You may even be approaching your peak.A psychiatrist just told me that women tend to reach their highest sexual satisfaction at 64. I’m 64. And I cannot tell you how many times I’ve heard the opposite message, that desire fades, that this is the time to wind down, that the body just stops cooperating.Dr. Shila Patel has been listening to patients talk about sex, relationships, and desire for 25 years. She grew up in Kenya, went to medical school in England, and spent the bulk of her career practicing psychiatry in the American South before retiring at 51. When the pandemic hit and the Me Too movement was at its peak, she started writing. Two books later, she’s on a mission to reach people that one-on-one clinical work never could.She’s also nearly 70, still sexually active, and completely unapologetic about both.What struck me most in our conversation wasn’t just the 64 statistic - which I found astounding (I hadn’t ever heard before!), it was the context. Because while women are approaching their sexual peak, men are often stepping back. Erectile dysfunction, reduced interest, withdrawal. Dr. Patel saw this pattern constantly in clinical practice, and she sees it in her own life and I’ve certainly seen it in my own. Women in her condominium complex, all roughly her age, laugh and joke about it. It’s a real thing. And most women, she says, just go quiet and accept it.That acceptance is partly cultural. Dr. Patel grew up in Indian culture, where sex was not discussed. Full stop. Not by parents, not between siblings, not even now. At 70, she and her sister have never once discussed whether either has had an orgasm. She described watching a preview of a Bollywood film where a group of women, talking about an upcoming wedding, couldn’t form the word for orgasm. They landed on “intense pleasure.” She said it with affection and exasperation in equal measure.But she’s quick to say this isn’t an Indian problem, or an Asian problem. It’s a human problem. Americans of her generation were raised the same way. Her 91-year-old mother still tenses slightly when hugged. The silence around sex, pleasure, and desire crosses every culture she encountered in 25 years of clinical work.What can be done about it? Quite a lot, actually.Dr. Patel was frank about her own experience with vaginal atrophy and vaginismus after a hysterectomy and the way the body can, as she put it, just close up. Her gynaecologist prescribed estradiol cream, and it changed everything. Lubrication, libido, comfort. It also dramatically reduces UTIs and vaginal infections, something most women are never told. I have my own version of this story: I found out about vaginal estrogen from a friend, not a single healthcare professional. When I complained about painful sex, she asked if I was on vaginal estrogen. I was angry that no doctor had mentioned it.If you’re avoiding sex because it hurts, or because desire has gone quiet, it’s worth asking about estradiol cream/pessaries or ring. It has certainly changed my life.Dr. Patel’s bigger message is about permission. Permission to still want sex at 70. Permission to tell your partner what you need — including that if they’ve stepped back, you might need to look elsewhere for that connection. Permission to adapt: different positions, more patience, a lot of laughter, and no more hanging off the chandeliers.She said it plainly: we only go through this life once. Are you going to make the most of what you enjoy?Unlock even more pleasure, clarity, and confidence in your intimate life by becoming a paid subscriber.You’ll gain full access to every weekly blog, the complete archive of 150+ expert-led podcasts, the private chat room for candid Q&A, and my 32‑page guide Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later Life.If you’re ready to deepen your knowledge, explore new possibilities, and feel fully supported on your journey, upgrade today only £6.99/month or £49.99/year.More than ever, I rely on your financial support to help produce each weekly episode of the podcast and blog post. Do consider becoming a paid subscriber if you are able. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe

In this episode, I unpack my long-held scepticism about so‑called “orgasm techniques” and the pressure on women to climax in multiple ways. Then I speak to Steve Bodansky, co‑creator of Extended Massive Orgasm (EMO), a practice focused on clitoral stimulation, deep relaxation, and “peaking” (edging) to prolong pleasure.We explore how extended orgasm works, why relaxation matters more than effort, and how orgasmic capacity can grow with practice — even into your 70s and 80s. We also talk about aging, self‑pleasure, conditioning the body for pleasure, and what it really means to invest in your sexual wellbeing for the long term. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe

Can a marriage survive infidelity?This week I spoke with Renelle Nelson, a licensed marriage and family therapist who’s spent 11 years specialising in affair recovery. She helps couples rebuild after betrayal, when everything’s shattered and nobody knows where to start.Turns out infidelity isn’t just sex outside the marriage. It’s anytime you go outside your relationship to get pleasure that should be shared within it. Money. Communication. Emotional affairs. Physical ones. Renelle prefers the word “betrayal” because it’s more accurate. You break contracts you didn’t realise you’d signed.Here’s the thing nobody talks about: it’s not a male sport anymore. In her practice, men and women cheat in equal numbers. Women are leaving marriages after raising kids, after becoming empty nesters. The emotional labour falls heavily on them. Sometimes an affair is escape from domesticity. Not dissatisfaction. Escape.So what does affair recovery actually look like?Different from regular marriage counselling, for starters. More talking won’t prevent betrayal. More sex won’t prevent it. More date nights won’t prevent it. The only things that stop betrayal are communication and not wanting to do it. That’s it.Renelle’s approach: you can’t heal what you can’t reveal. She works with the person who cheated first. Who did they become? What need were they trying to meet? Then she works with the person who stayed. Both deserve healing. Neither caused the affair, but both are responsible for their part in the marriage moving forward.I asked whether opening a relationship after betrayal ever works.Her answer was direct: it doesn’t. Couples who open relationships successfully do so from trust and solid foundation. Starting that journey on a lie, with one partner settling because they can’t keep the other person faithful, almost always fails. If you can’t communicate basic needs with one person, adding more people just multiplies the chaos.My favourite bit? Renelle’s seeing younger couples come to therapy after dating a month, maybe two. They want to learn how to communicate before problems arrive. They’re treating therapy as education, not crisis management. They want enhancement, exploration, education, eroticism. That last one matters most.Eroticism is what’s missing in long-term relationships, she said. When it leaves, people turn to porn. When you think you know everything about your partner, desire dries up.Literally.As Renelle put it: “When you think you know it all, that means you dried up. You’re not getting hard or wet.”Fair point.What Matters* Women cheat just as much as men now. The numbers are equal.* Affair recovery heals individuals first, then the relationship.* You can’t heal what you refuse to reveal. Truth comes before repair.* Opening relationships after betrayal rarely works. Trust must exist first.* Eroticism sustains long-term desire. Mystery matters more than familiarity.* Younger couples seek therapy as prevention. That’s actual progress.Check out these resources from Renelle:The Pleasure Agenda: Couples Edition Undated PlannerPleasure After Betrayal: Aftercare Edition Undated PlannerThe Couple’s Connection DeckConnect with RenelleWebsite https://renellenelson.thinkific.com/InstagramFacebookUnlock even more pleasure, clarity, and confidence in your intimate life by becoming a paid subscriber.You’ll gain full access to every weekly blog, the complete archive of 150+ expert-led podcasts, the private chat room for candid Q&A, and my 32‑page guide Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later Life.If you’re ready to deepen your knowledge, explore new possibilities, and feel fully supported on your journey, upgrade today only £6.99/month or £49.99/year.Sex Advice for Seniors is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscribe This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe

Ever wondered what it’s like to hire a matchmaker?This week I spoke with Tammy Shaklee, a heterosexual woman who specialises in matching LGBTQ+ clients over 50. She’s spent 14 years helping gay and lesbian singles find serious relationships.It goes without saying, I was curious to hear how she got her start. Turns out, after her divorce, Tammy hired a matchmaker and met her husband. Years later, a gay friend said he wished there was a matchmaking service for gay men who valued privacy. Tammy assumed one existed. She researched for 24 hours, pretending to be a 40-year-old gay physician looking for a dignified way to meet professionals online.She found nothing dignified.That’s when she realised matchmakers weren’t serving the LGBTQ community at all. Being entrepreneurial, she built a service exclusively for gay and lesbian singles seeking serious relationships called H4M.The biggest problem she encountered? Older gay men, it is assumed, want younger partners. Younger men want financial support. If you’re seeking someone your own age with similar stability, you’re stuck. App for gay men are more often than not hookup platforms. They don’t work for finding real compatibility. That’s where matchmakers come in - introducing you to people you’d never meet on your own.My favourite story of Tammy’s? A 66-year-old widow called Tammy, bursting with enthusiasm. She’d just spoken with her parents in their late 90s, still independent, still in love, still caring for each other. “I realised I have a 30-year relationship in front of me. We need to get started.” Tammy matched her twice. She met someone and never needed another introduction.Tammy’s filter for clients: “Would I have you at my holiday table? Would I set you up with my siblings?” She turns people away if she’s not the right fit, then helps them find someone who is.Cost: Thousands, not tens of thousands. She starts with a phone call. If the decision i is made to work together, Tammy will introduce you to one new person per month. She manages venues, reservations, and feedback calls. The process continues until one match clicks.The takeaway: “When you love the life you’ve built, that’s magnetic. People want kindness and someone happy with what they have.” Contentment attracts. Desperation repels. Don’t we know it?!What Matters* You might have 30 years left. Do the math on your own life.* People want partners who like their lives, not people who hate theirs.* Apps are hookup tools now. Use different tools for serious relationships.* Interview your matchmaker. Ask: Would they have you at their holiday table?* Enthusiasm wins. Hope beats pessimism every time.Connect with TammyWebsite https://www.h4m.com/Instagram H4M MatchmakingFacebook https://www.facebook.com/H4MMatchmakingYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@H4MMatchmakingUnlock even more pleasure, clarity, and confidence in your intimate life by becoming a paid subscriber.You’ll gain full access to every weekly blog, the complete archive of 150+ expert-led podcasts, the private chat room for candid Q&A, and my 32‑page guide Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later Life.If you’re ready to deepen your knowledge, explore new possibilities, and feel fully supported on your journey, upgrade today only £6.99/month or £49.99/year.I rely on your financial support to help produce each weekly episode of the podcast and blog post. Do consider becoming a paid subscriber if you can. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe

If you’ve been in a long-term relationship for years (or decades), there’s a good chance this sentence will feel uncomfortably familiar: “We haven’t had sex in years, and I don’t know how to fix it.”That’s exactly why this week’s episode of Sex Advice for Seniors hits such a very familiar nerve for me, because it speaks to my own experience.My guest, Elana Auerbach, didn’t come on the podcast with a tidy theory or a list of bedroom “tips.” She came with something far more useful: a lived solution and I’m all about practical ways to fix everyday problems. After nearly twelve years of frustration, mismatched desire, and quietly building resentment in her marriage, Elana and her husband found their way back to intimacy through something surprisingly simple: a weekly, scheduled pleasure practice she now calls The Sure Thing .Yes, scheduled sex. You know, the type of sex I harp on about infinitum. In fact, as I openly shared in the conversation, putting intimacy in the diary can be deeply liberating. When the time is protected, there’s no negotiating, no wondering if tonight is “the night,” no mental load filled with grocery lists or laundry. The body and brain get advance notice: this time is for pleasure. For many women, especially as we agem anticipation alone can gently press our internal intimacy accelerator, much like a car long forgotten in the garage. Once neglected and dust-covered, it’s now a vehicle we’ve chosen to repair, restore, and bring back to life.What makes Elana’s approach refreshing is that it removes performance pressure entirely. The intention isn’t orgasm. Sex isn’t mandatory. Penetration isn’t the goal. The only aim is to deepen intimacy, pleasure, and connection. Sometimes that leads to sex. Sometimes it doesn’t. And paradoxically, that’s exactly why it works.A big turning point in the episode is the discussion around responsive desire - the very normal experience of not feeling “in the mood” until touch, closeness, or sensual context begins. Many older women assume their libido has disappeared when in reality it’s simply waiting for the right conditions. A kiss on the neck. Lying in bed together. Holding hands. Small things that let the nervous system relax and say, oh, yes, this feels good.Perhaps most powerful of all is Elana’s insistence that this practice doesn’t depend on having a willing partner. There’s a “solo Sure Thing” too, a reminder that pleasure, connection, and kindness toward our own bodies are not things we earn through relationship status.If intimacy has quietly slipped out of your life, this episode is a hopeful place to start. And if you think scheduled pleasure sounds unromantic, you might just discover it’s the most freeing thing you’ve tried in years.🎧 Listen to the full episode of Sex Advice for Seniors to hear Elana’s story, her practice, and why pleasure might be one of the most underrated forms of medicine we have.The Sure Thing is out on 3rd February. Order your copy here:00:00 Introduction to Sexual Frustration in Long-Term Relationships01:01 The Birth of the ‘Sure Thing’ Practice05:16 Scheduling Intimacy: A Path to Liberation08:12 Overcoming Resentment and Reconnecting09:26 The Solo Sure Thing: Self-Exploration and Pleasure11:59 Building Communication Through Rituals12:25 Responsive vs. Spontaneous Desire16:28 The Power of Small Touches18:16 Pleasure as Medicine: The Benefits of Intimacy21:35 Navigating Imbalances in Desire24:19 Starting Small: The Importance of Daily Connection24:57 The Release of ‘The Short Thing’ Book26:50 Kindness and Intention in RelationshipsThe Sure Thing is available from 3rd February. You can buy it from Amazon here.On similar topic, you may also want to check out this episode. Unlock even more pleasure, clarity, and confidence in your intimate life by becoming a paid subscriber.You’ll gain full access to every weekly blog, the complete archive of 150+ expert-led podcasts, the private chat room for candid Q&A, and my 32‑page guide Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later Life.If you’re ready to deepen your knowledge, explore new possibilities, and feel fully supported on your journey, upgrade today only £6.99/month or £49.99/year.I rely on your financial support to help produce each weekly episode of the podcast and blog post. Do consider becoming a paid subscriber if you can. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe

What do we learn about sex when no one talks about pleasure?In this episode of Sex Advice for Seniors, clinical psychologist Dr. La Keita Carter (Dr. L) joined me for a powerful, honest conversation about sex, silence, and the myths surrounding women of colour and intimacy. We explore how cultural messages, shame, and generational “don’t bring a baby into this house” rules shape sexual desire, relationships, and self-worth, often long into adulthood.Dr. L breaks down the difference between sexual interest and sexual activity, why so many women feel obligated to have sex they don’t want, and how the “strong woman” stereotype leaves little room for softness in the bedroom.A thoughtful, eye-opening discussion about pleasure, power, and why whatever we’re silent about often carries the most shame.🎧 Listen now and join the conversation.00:00 Introduction to Dr. La Keita Carter00:54 Understanding Sexuality and Trauma01:59 Cultural Assumptions About Women of Color03:44 The Silence Surrounding Sexual Education05:19 The Role of Pleasure in Sexuality09:14 Duty vs. Desire in Sexual Relationships10:45 Masturbation and Self-Exploration12:45 The Importance of Orgasms15:22 Strength and Vulnerability in the Bedroom17:58 The Exhaustion of Being Strong20:42 Historical Perspectives on Women of Color and Sexuality22:25 Over-Sexualization of Women of Color25:48 The Male Perspective on Sexuality27:24 The Importance of Language in Gender Discussions31:37 Ending the Cycle of ShameUnlock even more pleasure, clarity, and confidence in your intimate life by becoming a paid subscriber.You’ll gain full access to every weekly blog, the complete archive of 150+ expert-led podcasts, the private chat room for candid Q&A, and my 32‑page guide Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later Life.If you’re ready to deepen your knowledge, explore new possibilities, and feel fully supported on your journey, upgrade today only £6.99/month or £49.99/year.I rely on your financial support to help produce each weekly episode of the podcast and blog post. Do consider becoming a paid subscriber if you can. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe

I’m a big believer that we can receive good advice from anyone, regardless of their age. Emma Shandy Anway is a West Coast-based Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specialises in relational and sex therapy. Although in her mid thirties, she has extensive experience working with couples aged 50+ and, during this episode, we discussed her work specifically with those aged 70+. Having chatted several weeks ago with Dr. Susan Campbell, herself in her 80s, about her sex life, I was curious on how someone fifty years her junior approaches the topic with her older clients because I have found that lived experience counts for a huge amount and sometimes those who have no concept of what it means to be older fall into familiar tropes and stereotypes that have no bearing on reality.I can’t say that about Emma whose approach with her older patients clearly demonstrates an openness and eagerness to help them embrace their sexual selves, whether that means exploring open relationships, kink or simply learning how to be a better lover to each other. As Emma says, age, illness and changing bodies do not have to mean the end of a vibrant sex life; the biggest shifts are in mindset, communication and willingness to experiment.​What I know is that it is never too late to learn, explore or rewrite your sexual story, as long as you genuinely want to and are prepared to be curious, honest and kind with yourself and your partner.You can find Emma here:https://www.esacounseling.com/abouthttps://www.instagram.com/pennyboardpsychHere’s a Yes/No/Maybe checklist I consider to be particularly comprehensive:You can find the episode with Dr. Susan Campbell here:Chapters00:00 Introduction to Sexuality in Later Life01:44 Understanding the Motivations for Seeking Therapy06:53 Redefining Good Sex: From Okay to Magnificent12:06 Navigating Disappointment and Apathy in Relationships16:19 Body Confidence and Aging: Embracing Change23:09 Exploring Alternative Relationships and Sexuality27:47 Communication Tools for Sexual ExplorationUnlock even more pleasure, clarity, and confidence in your intimate life by becoming a paid subscriber.You’ll gain full access to every weekly blog, the complete archive of 150+ expert-led podcasts, the private chat room for candid Q&A, and my 32‑page guide Sex Toys and Supplements for Thriving in Later Life.If you’re ready to deepen your knowledge, explore new possibilities, and feel fully supported on your journey, upgrade today only £6.99/month or £49.99/year.I rely on your financial support to help produce each weekly episode of the podcast and blog post. Do consider becoming a paid subscriber if you can. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.sexadviceforseniors.com/subscribe