Critical Jesus Theory

Roll out the buttermilk biscuits and put on your best Bullwinkle shirt, because we have a treat of a show today that you'll definitely not want to fly over. Fire up the C64 and hide your bibles before they burn away from our searing metalized and synthetic mixer! Grab a paper bag and we'll spray in the best silver paint as we damage your mind at Select BGM.

The machinery of time has been jammed, but it has still managed to plop out another wonderful episode full of corrosive ear candy. Jon and Rich are back and dancing to that Bronze Key Beat, with the spirit of Baphomet inspiring a return to the chaotic brilliance you expect. You know you can't turn away, or run away. When the Serpent yells "All Aboard!", hop on the train and you can share an apple or two with Select BGM.

Colonoscopies are a drag, but you've never given up on anything, so you surely won't surrender to this. You'll knock it out of the park with a big Wham! Just remember to stay hydrated and avoid Pepsi. This sing-songy episode is brought to you by the word "barracuda" and the Letter "G". Go watch some football and eat some ice cream while you still can at Select BGM!

Colonoscopies are a drag, but you've never given up on anything, so you surely won't surrender to this. You'll knock it out of the park with a big Wham! Just remember to stay hydrated and avoid Pepsi. This sing-songy episode is brought to you by the word "barracuda" and the Letter "G". Go watch some football and eat some ice cream while you still can at Select BGM!

It's a beautiful Saturday afternoon, so you hit the town to get your chakra re-aligned. Along the way you run into a group of nice robed figures, chanting and rubbing their rosaries. Your mood has improved, but something still feels off, so you reach into your pocket and pop a power pellet, now you're firing on all cylinders. Why build it when you can buy it? You jump back in the Jetta, pop in your new cassette and drive home listening to dirty sax music over EDM beats and think: "Jon and Rich always play the best beats at Select BGM."

Your stark individualism and grit make you different, even if the din of conformity has so far silenced your beautiful song. When graduation day happens, you will be able to ascend from the crowd and begin your solo career as the star of the big show. Until then, placate your desires on the fruits of vice, and navigate your way through these unremarkable days, for the future will be bright and exciting. Jon and Rich have seen the faults in that way and realize that a good playlist and exciting computer magic are the true vehicles to reaching enlightenment in the hallowed halls of Select BGM.

Pick up your gut and wobble on over to the trough, the dinner bell is ringing. Don't go too quick or you might slip and break a hip. We are somehow back again for the 17th time on yet another retirement tour, so slop a buttery smooth heaping of Jon and Rich onto your buffet tray for another mayonnaise smothered episode of Select BGM.

When you find that secret place by the river, turn up the butt rock, drink down that tequila and swallow that worm. It's been awhile, but we're back to kick it G-Style in this return to irreverent form. The tunes this week are a bit sing-songy and of course conversation is all over the place and back to sloppy fun instead of curmudgeonly complaining. Usul, we have wormsign the likes of which even Select BGM has never seen.

Tally-ho! We may have abandoned you for a couple of weeks, but we're back with a slew of musical stew. Pour a beer and blow a puff into The Music Machine because even computers like the spells we cast. Conjure up the patience to listen for an hour or so because you'll definitely regret it. With or without a license you'll be conveyed to magical places, but you'll never get your time back at Select BGM.

Bless you buckaroos! In this episode we let Jesus take the wheel and spin luminous hymns from the magic planet. Jon and Rich reach out and touch faith while dealing with a devil dog and front door intruders. Thank you all for populating the pews and listening to our words of folly. You have a place in the 8th dimension at Select BGM.