Episode 16: What To Do When Someone Crosses Your Sexual Boundaries

We've been doing this show for around 6 months... We came into this not knowing what to expect. To say our lives have been changed is an understatement. Today we're going to do a recap of some of our favorite takeaways since we started the show. We might take a bit of a break after this episode as we RETHINK (see what I did there?) what we want the future of the show to look like. I hope you're able to tune in and say hi on today's episode!

Now that we know the 6 Principles of Sexual Health, it's time to create our own Sexual Health Plan. Just like physical fitness, if we want to get healthy, it helps to develop a plan. The plan helps us move towards our goals, avoid damaging behaviors, and develop healthy habits. The plan typically involves some sort of support system. And our ability to succeed in following the plan means we need to have clarity around our values so that our plan is in alignment with them. Today we hope you leave with some clarity around what it looks like to develop your own Sexual Health Plan.

A few weeks ago, Utah's governor signed a bill to make porn filters mandatory on any mobile device or tablet sold in the state. This prompted an interesting conversation within our group about sexual ethics. The conversation was so interesting that we decided to stop having it without sharing it with you... So we're having it here. Today we're talking about using the 6 Principles for Sexual Health as a framework for your sexual ethics.

Do you want to eradicate shame, and rebuild trust? Do you want honesty and transparency to thrive in your relationship? Well, telling the truth (or not keeping secrets) is only ONE part of honesty. The other part is making sure you have created an environment where your partner feels safe to be honest. In order for true honesty to exist, you HAVE to have rules of engagement for your relationship. In times of conflict or high emotional reactivity, there need to be agreements in place, and a code of conduct that gets followed. Otherwise, you or your partner might say things you regret, or behave in a way that undermines the safety needed for honesty to take place. Today we're going to talk about what your rules of engagement could look like, and how to have that conversation. I hope you join us!

Anyone who is struggling with porn problems is struggling with shame. You don't get one without the other. In our last episode, we talked about shame, where it comes from, and how it impacts us and our relationships. How it makes us want to hide... How it makes us feel unloveable... How it sends us into cycles of negative behavior and self-loathing... But we didn't talk about what to do when you're experiencing shame. Today, we share the light at the end of the tunnel. We will talk about the courageous acts required to break free of your shame. We will show you how to start taking responsibility for your negative cycles. Don't miss this one! 

How Do I Find My Pleasure & Keep My Faith? This is a question that challenges many people... I cherish my faith. It's important to me. I don't want to give it up... But I also don't want to hold to my faith if it's doing me damage, or harming my relationship with myself or others... So, how do we develop and explore sexual pleasure without reliquishing our relationship with the divine? This is the conversation we'll be wrestling with today. Make sure to check out http://rethinkingpornaddiction.com​ for more resources!

There's a motif in Christianity of "bearing your cross." In Christianity, Jesus represents the ultimate human ideal. And despite being perfect, he's betrayed, tortured, and killed for crimes he did not commit. In the midst of all this, he takes upon himself the suffering, sins, and weaknesses of humanity. He voluntarily bears his cross by willingly taking on suffering and ultimately transcending suffering. The reason the story of Christianity has endured for thousands of years is not that Jesus suffered and died... but that he overcame suffering and death. I n so doing, His story continues to inspire countless people to find meaning and purpose in their own suffering. T oday, we're going to talk about finding meaning in a porn crisis. Can it be painful? Yes. Can it leave you feeling hopeless? Absolutely. But can it also be the source of deep and profound meaning, purpose, and self-discovery.

You keep it a secret, hoping nobody will ever find out. "I can manage this on my own." "My secrets aren't hurting anyone." "It's nobody else's business..." But you know if the wrong person found out, it could cause immense pain and damage to your relationships and your reputation. So you start to consider having a discussion... Revealing your true self to those you love. At least then you can do it on your own terms. But admitting out loud that you're struggling with porn feels impossible. "How do I share this part of myself and not end up in the dog house, ruin my relationships, or worse... lose everything?" "Should I downplay it? Should I tell the whole truth? When is the right time? How do I do it in a way that is the least painful for everyone involved?" When it comes to disclosing your unwanted porn use, there are lots of questions to consider. Some people wait (or even want) to get caught. Others opt to disclose on their own terms. In today's conversation, we're going to talk about that...          

At the end of our last conversation, after we'd stopped recording, Hans shared an epiphany... It was an "ah ha!" moment for several of us. It shed light on why so many people have a hard time STOPPING their porn problems. I got goosebumps... As we talked about his epiphany (which we'll share with you today), we realized it came because Hans was living 2 of the Principles of Sexual Health: Honesty and Pleasure. We're excited to talk to you about the intersection of those two principles today.

We talk about boundaries a lot. Last week's conversation was ALL about boundaries and agreements. But rarely do we talk about what to do when a boundary is crossed, or when you cross a boundary. How should you react? What do you do? How you respond matters. It can make things better or worse. Today we're going to talk about the hard aspect of boundaries: How they are maintained and repaired when they've been breached.     SHOW LESS