Choosing The One

So, you’re queer and your kids are here. No matter how you became a parent, at this point, it can feel like the hardest, scariest work is really just beginning.Freddy’s child is two years old. For now, life is all play. But Freddy is already mentally preparing for him going to school.Will his be the only kid from a queer family? Will he get teased for it and, if so, will he be resilient? And are these even things queer parents need to worry about nowadays?Freddy takes his hopes and fears to Anna Carlile, and her daughter Tallula. Resources: - BBC Actionline – Bullying https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/2bDp2XwpGSYbFdYCG8QNz95/information-and-support-bullying - NHS – LGBT paths to parenthood https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/healthy-body/gay-health-having-children/ - BBC Actionline – LGBT https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/1nYWPTdMtKStFL2ztx1SV11/information-and-support-lgbt-issuesPresented by Freddy McConnell Produced by Dasha Lisitsina Assistant Producer: Arlie Adlington Executive Producer: Russell Finch Sound Design: Phoebe Wang A Somethin’ Else Production for BBC Sounds

Freddy meets Louie and Ellie, a transgender man and a cis woman, who are trying to start a family. But navigating fertility treatment as a queer couple isn’t always easy. And then there's the tricky business of choosing a sperm donor…which for Louie and Ellie can only mean one thing: it's spreadsheet time.Freddy also meets Dev, who is trans and not too interested in parenthood. So instead, he decided to become an egg donor.Resources: - For basic, official, up-to-date information in the UK https://www.hfea.gov.uk/Presented by Freddy McConnell Produced by Dasha Lisitsina Assistant Producer: Arlie Adlington Executive Producer: Russell Finch Sound Design: Phoebe Wang A Somethin’ Else Production for BBC Sounds

Kacey grew up in the Midlands, became a teacher, got married and had three kids. At 49 years old, she came out as a trans woman. What’s it like when your family becomes queer after you’ve had your kids? Kacey shares the story of coming out to her family - and her entire school. Presented by Freddy McConnell Produced by Dasha Lisitsina Assistant Producer: Arlie Adlington Executive Producer: Russell Finch Sound Design: Phoebe Wang A Somethin’ Else Production for BBC Sounds

If you’re not in a committed, monogamous relationship, and you want to find someone to co-parent with — how do you even go about it? And how do you all make decisions that affect your child – the big ones and the small? We tell three stories of co-parenting without a blueprint. A woman who met her future co-parents through a website. A trans father who co-parents with his wife and ex. And someone who has set up a network of co-parents that is about as far from nuclear as you can get. - NHS – LGBT paths to parenthood https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/healthy-body/gay-health-having-children/ - And Baby Makes More: Known Donors, Queer Parents, and Our Unexpected Families by Susan Goldberg - Nick North – @epicdanger - BBC Actionline – LGBT https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/1nYWPTdMtKStFL2ztx1SV11/information-and-support-lgbt-issuesPresented by Freddy McConnell Produced by Dasha Lisitsina Assistant Producer: Arlie Adlington Executive Producer: Russell Finch Sound Design: Phoebe Wang A Somethin’ Else Production for BBC Sounds

UK surrogacy is unregulated and can seem a little mysterious. So, what’s it really like? Freddy talks to David and Martin about how they found their surrogate, Fi, and asks her why she chose to carry their baby. Resources: - Surrogacy UK https://surrogacyuk.org/ - NHS – LGBT paths to parenthood https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/healthy-body/gay-health-having-children/ - BBC Actionline – LGBT https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/1nYWPTdMtKStFL2ztx1SV11/information-and-support-lgbt-issues - BBC Actionline – Pregnancy https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/1KhLYgXHRxyw67mkGRRXQ3R/information-and-support-pregnancy-related-issuesPresented by Freddy McConnell Produced by Dasha Lisitsina Assistant Producer: Arlie Adlington Executive Producer: Russell Finch Sound Design: Phoebe Wang A Somethin’ Else Production for BBC Sounds

61 year old Cecile Eledge was thrilled when her son and his husband told her they wanted to have a baby. But none of them realised just how involved she would become...This is a tale of queer surrogacy, but not as we know it.- Surrogacy UK https://surrogacyuk.org/ - Elliot and Matt – @ephemeral.elliot - BBC Actionline – LGBT https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/1nYWPTdMtKStFL2ztx1SV11/information-and-support-lgbt-issues - NHS – LGBT paths to parenthood https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/healthy-body/gay-health-having-children/Presented by Freddy McConnell Produced by Dasha Lisitsina Assistant Producer: Arlie Adlington Executive Producer: Russell Finch Sound Design: Phoebe Wang A Somethin’ Else Production for BBC Sounds

When queer folk want kids, we really have to plan. For us, there’s usually no straightforward “old-fashioned way.” But as one couple learns, plans alone are sometimes not enough. Harriet and Meegan, a lesbian couple, have been trying for a baby for a long time. This is the story of how Plan A, became Plan B, became Plan C.- NHS – LGBT paths to parenthood https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/healthy-body/gay-health-having-children/ - Harriet and Meegan – @shecanicant - Pregnant Pause: a guide for lesbians on how to get pregnant developed by Stonewall - BBC Actionline – LGBT https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/1nYWPTdMtKStFL2ztx1SV11/information-and-support-lgbt-issues - BBC Actionline – Pregnancy https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/1KhLYgXHRxyw67mkGRRXQ3R/information-and-support-pregnancy-related-issuesPresented by Freddy McConnell Produced by Dasha Lisitsina Assistant Producer: Arlie Adlington Executive Producer: Russell Finch Sound Design: Phoebe Wang A Somethin’ Else Production for BBC Sounds

When Freddy started his transition seven years ago, his doctor told him he’d never be able to have his own child. But, he was wrong. Right now, many trans and nonbinary people are discovering the truth about their fertility and rethinking their family plans. Freddy talks to his queer super hero, Jacob, about their journeys to parenthood, the challenges of pregnancy, and the joys of having a kid. ----The story of how Freddy became a dad is also told in the documentary Seahorse, directed by Jeanie Finlay, produced by the BBC and Grain Media, in association with Glimmer Films and The Guardian. www.seahorsefilm.comIf you've been affected by any of the issues discussed please go to BBC Action Line where you can find resources available: https://www.bbc.co.uk/actionlineBBC Action Line – LGBT: https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/1nYWPTdMtKStFL2ztx1SV11/information-and-support-lgbt-issuesPresented by Freddy McConnell Produced by Dasha Lisitsina Assistant Producer: Arlie Adlington Executive Producer: Russell Finch Sound Design: Phoebe Wang A Somethin’ Else Production for BBC Sounds

Freddy McConnell is a transgender man and single dad. In Pride and Joy, he’s talking to other queers who are finding ways to make their dreams of parenthood come true.