328 - Skills vs. Willpower

Join Matt and Sam Dobschuetz as they read listener letters celebrating 10 years of Porn Free Radio. Take hope and take action! https://recoveredman.com/335

Do you see yourself as broken or an addict? Then this episode is for you. Over the last 10 years, I have had a shift in my thinking;  I have moved away from diagnosing and pathologizing porn behaviors (disease model.) And I moved towards a choice/ownership model. I invite the guys I work with to examine their choices, define problematic behaviors, developing their why for going porn free, and come up with creative solutions to solve their challenges. I treat guys from day one as whole people with the capacity and capability to form new habits and change their relationship with porn. This is part 9 in our series, The Choice is Yours. https://recoveredman.com/334

Before recovery, I lived a divided life. I hid anything I found unacceptable from my friends and family including my problematic porn use. On the surface, I presented a "nice guy" version of myself to be liked and accepted. It was exhausting and painfully lonely. In recovery, my why is "to be the same on the inside as on the outside." But this requires honesty. This is part 8 in our series, The Choice is Yours. http://recoveredman.com/333

We've all heard the phrase, “Fact vs. Fiction.” But a friend of mine said it should be “Fact vs. Fear.” It's fear that often leads us to our escapism and avoidance with porn. This is part 7 in our new series, The Choice is Yours.  https://recoveredman.com/332

Is stress based on our perception or is it objective? That was question we discussed in a recent REV group. The stressful situations guys described had one surprising thing in common. And it might change the way you look at stress.  On this episode, we break down stress and examine what helps us return to calm.  This is part 6 in our series, The Choice is Yours. http://recoveredman.com/331

“You're either working on recovery or you're working on relapse” ― Old guy at my recovery meeting  Coach Vern Tompke sits in on Porn Free Radio to talk about the line between recovery and relapse.  This is part 5 in our series, The Choice is Yours. http://recoveredman.com/330

MMA coach, Firas Zahabi, emphasizes that consistency in training beats intensity. Consistency is where we build skill and endurance without burning out. And our training volume over time leads to mastery. This powerful concept can be applied to our recovery. This is part 4 in our series, The Choice is Yours. https://recoveredman.com/329  

When you started recovery, the challenge was overwhelming (high) and your skill level was low. And chances are if you have not significantly changed your habits, the challenge feels about the same. For a long time the only tool in your tool box was willpower. Some version of "JUST SAY NO." But often willpower is easily exhausted. It gives out when we need it most. What if I told you success in recovery is not about increasing your willpower, it's about building skills. This is part 3 in our series, The Choice is Yours. https://recoveredman.com/328

“Porn is not the problem for us,” I write in my book. “It’s the solution.” It may feel like the problem in your life that needs to be fixed. But if you’re using porn there is a need that is driving it. It’s a solution. This is part 2 in our series, The Choice is Yours. https://recoveredman.com/327

Author Steve Chandler often says there are two types of people in the world; owners and victims. Victims see themselves as victims of their situation or circumstance. Life happens to them. Owners on the hand while they can't control every situation and circumstance, they control their reaction to any situation. Learning the habits of thinking like an owner is essential to be porn free.  This is part 1 in our new series, The Choice is Yours. https://recoveredman.com/326