EP 260: No Strategy Will Fix This: What Actually Helped Instead

If you've tried everything and a behavior just won't stop…that's a sticky behavior. Let's dive deeeeeep into the neuroscience behind the behaviors that feel impossible to change. We'll touch on how the brain stores predictions and how the most well-meaning response can actually, unintentionally, keep those predictions locked in place and perpetuate that sticky behavior. This is Part 1 of a 3-part series that brings new aha moments to your child's most baffling behaviors.In this episode, you will learn:Why your child's brain holds onto certain behaviors so tightly, and why it has nothing to do with defiance or choiceWhat neural glue is and why the behaviors encoded under overwhelm and aloneness are the stickiest of allWhy the urge to make a behavior stop can actually confirm the very prediction the behavior is protectingResources mentioned in this podcast:https://robyngobbel.com/immersion/Read the full transcript at:RobynGobbel.com/stickybehaviors1Finally! Something that will really help you with those stickiest behaviors...Join my webinar on Brain Based Strategies and Scripts for Lying, Manipulation, and Verbal Aggression on June 11RobynGobbel.com/BrainBasedWebinar::: Presence in Practice: An Experiential Workshop into the Neurobiology of How Change HappensRobynGobbel.com/MIPIP26Early Bird rate expires June 15!::: Immersion Program for Professionals!The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list! Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

When kids can't tolerate boredom, it's easy to forget to put on our X-ray vision goggles and chalk it up to too much screen time or even not enough gratitude. Our kids’ reaction to boredom triggers OUR watchdog brain! If we can invite our owl to come back, we will almost certainly see that boredom flips our kids’ nervous system into protection mode.In this episode, you'll learn:Why boredom can trigger the nervous system to shift onto the protection pathwayHow vulnerability in the nervous system (whether from ADHD, autism, trauma, or any other reason a kid has a vulnerable nervous system) impacts a child's experience of boredom Practical, nervous-system-informed ways to gradually build your child's boredom tolerance Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/boredomFinally! Something that will really help you with those stickiest behaviors...Join my webinar on Brain Based Strategies and Scripts for Lying, Manipulation, and Verbal Aggression on June 11RobynGobbel.com/BrainBasedWebinar::: Presence in Practice: An Experiential Workshop into the Neurobiology of How Change HappensRobynGobbel.com/MIPIP26Early Bird rate expires June 15!::: Immersion Program for Professionals!The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list! Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

A dad - who is also a former foster youth and the director of non-profit supporting foster and adoptive families - shares an honest and tender conversation about what it's actually like to parent kids with big, baffling behaviors when life is also impossibly hard. He shares the staggering losses his family has carried over the past few years, how he found The Baffling Behavior Show, Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors, and The Club…and what has genuinely helped him keep going. This one is for every parent who has felt utterly alone in this journey- AND for every professional who needs a reminder of what the real work actually is.In this episode you'll learn:Why being seen by people who truly get it matters more than any tool or strategyHow learning to receive and offer presence (not just advice) changes the way you show up everywhere- with your kids, at work, and even in a Whataburger drive-throughWhat it looks like to hold hope and honesty at the same time- staying grounded in how hard things really are without sliding into toxic positivity or despairFinally! Something that will really help you with those stickiest behaviors...Join my webinar on Brain Based Strategies and Scripts for Lying, Manipulation, and Verbal Aggression on June 11RobynGobbel.com/BrainBasedWebinar::: Presence in Practice: An Experiential Workshop into the Neurobiology of How Change HappensRobynGobbel.com/MIPIP26Early Bird rate expires June 15!::: Immersion Program for Professionals!The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list! Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

A single mom who adopted boy-girl twins through foster care shares about her slow, almost invisible journey from survival mode to genuinely delighting in her now-13-year-old kids. Nothing shifted in one big moment.  Yet somehow, everything changed.In this episode, you'll learn:Why the shift from "I have to fix this right now" to "I can just be with you in this" is the thing that changes everything — for your kids and for youHow letting go of performing shame (in school meetings, with professionals, for society) freed up the energy to actually parentWhy the biggest leaps — academic, emotional, social — consistently happened during the stretches when they stopped trying to fix anything and just existed togetherRead the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/everythingchangedFinally! Something that will really help you with those stickiest behaviors...Join my webinar on Brain Based Strategies and Scripts for Lying, Manipulation, and Verbal Aggression on June 11RobynGobbel.com/BrainBasedWebinar::: Presence in Practice: An Experiential Workshop into the Neurobiology of How Change HappensRobynGobbel.com/MIPIP26Early Bird rate expires June 15!::: Immersion Program for Professionals!The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list! Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Parenting kids with big, baffling behaviors is hard enough. THEN someone has opinions about it. This episode breaks down why people say the things they say, what's actually happening in you when judgment lands, and how to respond- or not respond- in a way that protects your own regulation.In this episode:Why unsolicited advice and criticism are almost always a projection from the other person's protection brain How to recognize when explaining yourself won't actually help Practical ways to respond to judgmentScripts"Thank you. I'm comfortable with our parenting decisions.""I hear you. I need to tend to my child right now."Neutral / Redirect"We've got it covered, thanks.""We have a lot of support around this.""I have people I go to for that.""That's not something I'm looking for input on.""We're working with someone on it."Warmer with a Clear Boundary"I appreciate that you care. We're good.""Thanks for thinking of us — we've got support."Confident / Firmer"I'm not looking for advice, but thank you.""That's not actually something I'm open to feedback on.""We're pretty settled on how we're handling it.""I'm not going to take that in, but I hear you."For the chronic offender"We've talked about this- we're not changing course.""I've let you know this isn't something I want input on."The subject-change version"Mmm. Anyway…" (and move on)"Noted." (full stop)Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/judgementFinally! Something that will really help you with those stickiest behaviors...Join my webinar on Brain Based Strategies and Scripts for Lying, Manipulation, and Verbal Aggression on June 11RobynGobbel.com/BrainBasedWebinar::: Presence in Practice: An Experiential Workshop into the Neurobiology of How Change HappensRobynGobbel.com/MIPIP26Early Bird rate expires June 15!::: Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Whether you're supporting a dysregulated eight-year-old, a parent who's convinced nothing is working, or the version of yourself driving home after a really hard week, the science is exactly the same. Let’s look at how the theory underneath this podcast, Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors, and the BBTI’s Professional Immersion Program are grounded in the same unified relational neuroscience framework. This paradigm supports your work with kids, parents, and yourself. You only have to learn it once, because it scales!This is the second episode in a row I’ve recorded for professionals and helpers. Next week, we’ll be back with episodes for parents! (Of course, anyone can listen to all of them!)In this episode, you'll learn:Why the nervous system framework that explains kids' behavior is the exact same one that explains parents' behavior…and yoursWhat it actually means to "be the owl" as a professional, and why that is the interventionWhy your reactions to clients aren't failures of professionalism. Their information, and getting curious about them, makes you a better helperResources mentioned in this podcast:All Behavior Makes Sense {EP 198}Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/frameworkFinally! Something that will really help you with those stickiest behaviors...Join my webinar on Brain Based Strategies and Scripts for Lying, Manipulation, and Verbal Aggression on June 11RobynGobbel.com/BrainBasedWebinar::: Presence in Practice: An Experiential Workshop into the Neurobiology of How Change HappensRobynGobbel.com/MIPIP26Early Bird rate expires June 15!::: Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

The helpers ~ therapists, coaches, teachers, advocates ~ are burning out at alarming rates. We talk endlessly about self-care, caseload management, and having better boundaries but almost nobody is addressing the root cause. This is a special episode that I recorded for all the professionals who listen. All the helpers who show up day after day because they love to help the parents of kids with big, baffling behaviors. All the helpers who are tired and wondering how much longer they can keep doing this. In this episode, you'll learn:Why working with clients in chronic protection mode pulls helpers into protection mode too - and how that's the real starting point of burnoutApplying the "all behavior makes sense" framework to your own nervous system responses changes everything about how you workThe skill that actually prevents burnout - and why bubble baths and calendar blocking aren't itAnd if you want to learn more, you can join 4000+ other professionals and me in Making Sense of Baffling Behaviors- a 4-part free audio training for professionals!Resources mentioned in this podcast:All Behavior Makes Sense {EP 198}Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/burnoutFinally! Something that will really help you with those stickiest behaviors...Join my webinar on Brain Based Strategies and Scripts for Lying, Manipulation, and Verbal Aggression on June 11RobynGobbel.com/BrainBasedWebinar::: Presence in Practice: An Experiential Workshop into the Neurobiology of How Change HappensRobynGobbel.com/MIPIP26Early Bird rate expires June 15!::: Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

You've learned about the nervous system, you're trying to co-regulate, you're thinking about felt safety and connection — and the behavior is still happening! WHY?!?! This episode is a troubleshooting guide for exactly that moment. Instead of going back to the drawing board, we're going deeper into the same map: getting curious about regulation, felt safety, connection, and skills to figure out what the nervous system actually needs.In this episode you'll learn:Why the question is never "what consequence haven't I tried yet?" — and what to ask insteadHow to troubleshoot each of the four conditions that need to be in place for behavior to be okay: regulation, felt safety, connection, and skillsWhy a child can "know" a skill and still not be able to access it — and what scaffolding that skill actually looks likeResources mentioned in this podcast:Podcast EpisodesEp 198: All Behavior Makes Sense — deep dive into the moment the behavioral impulse firesEp. 9: Building the Tower of Self Regulation — very early episode about trust and what it means for kids with vulnerable nervous systems; link to go in show notesStarts at Ep. 161: Felt Safety series — multiple episodes: one on inside, one on outside, one on betweenBooksRaising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors — specifically Chapter 7 (Nat's story); available in paperback, ebook, and audio wherever books are sold; bulk ordering at RobynGobbel.com/BookGuided Journal for Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors — pre-order available; publishes September 21; signed copies available through her local bookstore Free ResourcesFree Resource Hub — RobynGobbel.com/FreeResourceHubMaking Sense of Baffling Behaviors — free audio training for professionals; May 4–8, 2026; register at RobynGobbel.com/BafflingBehaviorsPaid / Member ResourcesThe Club resource library — includes the troubleshooting worksheet and the Growing a Child's Owl Brain with Felt Safety packet/workbook (~40 pages) RobynGobbel.com/TheClubProfessional Immersion Program — students and alumni also have access to the troubleshooting worksheet RobynGobbel.com/ImmersionIn-Person TrainingsFull list at RobynGobbel.com/TrainingRead the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/itsnotworkingFinally! Something that will really help you with those stickiest behaviors...Join my webinar on Brain Based Strategies and Scripts for Lying, Manipulation, and Verbal Aggression on June 11RobynGobbel.com/BrainBasedWebinar::: Presence in Practice: An Experiential Workshop into the Neurobiology of How Change HappensRobynGobbel.com/MIPIP26Early Bird rate expires June 15!::: Immersion Program for Professionals!The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list! Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

This episode originally aired in September 2024. Almost every time I teach, especially if there are folks in the audience not already familiar with my work or the concept of co-regulation, someone asks the very valid question of- “Isn’t this (co-regulation) just coddling?”Fair question! There are a lot of underlying assumptions and fears in this question that we will deconstruct in today’s episode.Spoiler: Co-regulation is NOT coddling!In this episode, you’ll learnThe difference between co-regulation and coddlingWhy asking this question helps us understand some of our fearsWhat trust has to do with co-regulationResources Mentioned on the PodcastSelf-Regulation Doesn’t Exist!!What Does Co-Regulation Really Look Like? {EP 81}Enabling vs. Low-Demand Parenting {Ep 144}Read the transcript at https://robyngobbel.com/coddlingFinally! Something that will really help you with those stickiest behaviors...Join my webinar on Brain Based Strategies and Scripts for Lying, Manipulation, and Verbal Aggression on June 11RobynGobbel.com/BrainBasedWebinar::: Presence in Practice: An Experiential Workshop into the Neurobiology of How Change HappensRobynGobbel.com/MIPIP26Early Bird rate expires June 15!::: Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Listen in on a conversation I have with a Club member whose family lived through years of intense, violent, and deeply isolating behavior…and eventually found their way to something different. It’s a story about holding onto the truth of who your child is, even when everything in front of you makes that feel impossible.In this episode, you’ll learn:Why “just tell me what to do” doesn’t work in the hardest situations, and what actually helps insteadHow holding onto your child’s true essence can anchor you, even in the most dysregulated momentsThe small, doable shifts that can begin to change things (even before behavior improves)Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/nostrategyFinally! Something that will really help you with those stickiest behaviors...Join my webinar on Brain Based Strategies and Scripts for Lying, Manipulation, and Verbal Aggression on June 11RobynGobbel.com/BrainBasedWebinar::: Presence in Practice: An Experiential Workshop into the Neurobiology of How Change HappensRobynGobbel.com/MIPIP26Early Bird rate expires June 15!::: Immersion Program for Professionals!The Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals is NOW accepting applications for our 2027 cohorts. You MUST be on the waiting list to be eligible to apply so head to RobynGobbel.com/Immersion and put your name on the waiting list! Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/bookJoin us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClubSign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/ImmersionFollow Me On:FacebookInstagramOver on my website you can find:Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)LOTS & LOTS of FREE ResourcesOngoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The ClubYear-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)