Series2 Ep2: Why Me? (…of all the fish in the sea?)

For people who have recently experienced sudden abandonment or frenzied flight from a partner they believe to be a narcissist or sociopath

Change + resistance = struggle.

Pause. Say nothing. Write it down. Keep yourself safe. Trust your instincts. Detoxify. Make room for positive influences. Slowly rebuild.

The fact of re-victimisation is a known phenomenon in professional trauma recovery circles. People who have been bullied, abused or traumatised in early life are especially vulnerable to human predators. Some will put this vulnerability down to weak boundaries, natural subservience, lack of assertiveness or anxious and dependent attachment tendencies. Whilst these explanations may be true in part, the conundrum of re-victimisation is far more complex and interdependent than any single issue.

This might have been the only relationship in your life where you ended up co-dependent, with annihilated boundaries, so please shift your focus to other things, including your finer qualities that attracted the predator.

We loved and trusted him and placed him at the centre of our universe. So, it can take a while to accept he just doesn't care. He never loved us. His interest in us ended the day he gained our absolute commitment. From then onwards, it was just about what he could 'get'. He only cares about his image, and he loves no one but himself.

One thing that characterises narcissistic abuse from other toxic behaviours is the repeated stealthy violation of our core values. These values bond us to our abuser(s), at the same time as their violation causes us great pain. We are torn. This kind of injury is what is meant by a moral injury.

Tips from women who have survived the devastating impact of relationships with pathologically disordered men. Do's and don'ts for handling abandonment, traumatisation and grief.

Here in Australia, the jury of 'experts' is still out on whether an emotional trauma can actually cause the same condition as being shot on the battlefield or surviving a plane crash into the sea. How could it, they say? But when the man you've invested your whole life in suddenly sheds his skin to reveal the snake he was all along, the shock is something else, man!

The sophisticated shallow charming persona of the psychopath whitewashes over the sinister tactics they use to manipulate the truth, the target's emotions, and other people's perceptions. The things they DO for their self- gratification and aggrandisement, counter to what they SAY to win hearts and minds.