I'm Awful at Boundaries in Ministry

Rest isn't a luxury, it's a necessity. Even Jesus, who was by nature God, yet also fully man -- took the time to REST. But so many Christians struggle to believe that it's okay to slow down, pace yourself, and rest - in a culture that encourages and affirms hustle, grind, and a fast-pace. In this on-air session, I talk to Kayla about the importance of rest and we unpack her struggle to live it out in her life, as well as help her get to the roots of her why. If you struggle to rest, this episode is for you. Extras: Soul Care: Order Soul Care Today! The Debra Fileta Counselors Network: Book a counseling session at the Debra Fileta Counselors Network and get started on your healing journey from the inside out TODAY!  DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, bestselling author, relationship expert, and founder of the Debra Fileta Counselors Network. She’s written seven books including Choosing Marriage,True Love Dates, Love In Every Season,Are You Really OK?, Married Sex, RESET, and Soul Care. She’s also the host of Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast (formerly the Love + Relationships Podcast) where she facilitates on-air authentic counseling-style sessions. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her or someone from her team today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today I am joined by Lindsi who called in to discuss her tendency to ignore or repress her emotions — until they suddenly and forcefully come up to the surface of her life. She feels like her emotions take over at that point, and she doesn’t know how to control them. She gets set off by the smallest things, ends up engaging in conflict — and she is desperately trying to figure out how to navigate this unwanted cycle. We talk about the rhythm of TUNE IN and how important it is to understand and practice in order for us to engage in SOUL CARE. Extras: Soul Care: Order Soul Care Today! The Debra Fileta Counselors Network: Book a counseling session at the Debra Fileta Counselors Network and get started on your healing journey from the inside out TODAY!  DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, bestselling author, relationship expert, and founder of the Debra Fileta Counselors Network. She’s written seven books including Choosing Marriage,True Love Dates, Love In Every Season,Are You Really OK?, Married Sex, RESET, and Soul Care. She’s also the host of Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast (formerly the Love + Relationships Podcast) where she facilitates on-air authentic counseling-style sessions. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her or someone from her team today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

So much of how we feel and what we do, is influenced by what’s going on underneath the surface of our lives. This is why we have to take the time to “tune in”. We’re tackling the rhythm of TUNE IN and today I am joined by Candace Cameron Bure for an on-air counseling session where we process her people-pleasing tendencies, where they come from, the work she has to do in order to fight off her people-pleasing nature, and what God has been teaching her in the process. Extras: Soul Care: Order Soul Care Today! The Debra Fileta Counselors Network: Book a counseling session at the Debra Fileta Counselors Network and get started on your healing journey from the inside out TODAY!  DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, bestselling author, relationship expert, and founder of the Debra Fileta Counselors Network. She’s written seven books including Choosing Marriage,True Love Dates, Love In Every Season,Are You Really OK?, Married Sex, RESET, and Soul Care. She’s also the host of Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast (formerly the Love + Relationships Podcast) where she facilitates on-air authentic counseling-style sessions. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her or someone from her team today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you find that it’s hard to be present? Why do so many of us get stuck on the fears of the future, discontent in the here and now, or regrets from the past? Or what about the devices that we have living in our pockets, tempting us to scroll, and click, and watch — wasting our everyday moments? Today, I have an on-air session with Chris where we talk about his personal struggle to stay present, battle discontent, and enjoy the life he’s been given today.  Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast Extras: Soul Care: Order Soul Care Today! The Debra Fileta Counselors Network: Book a counseling session at the Debra Fileta Counselors Network and get started on your healing journey from the inside out TODAY!  DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, bestselling author, relationship expert, and founder of the Debra Fileta Counselors Network. She’s written seven books including Choosing Marriage,True Love Dates, Love In Every Season,Are You Really OK?, Married Sex, RESET, and Soul Care. She’s also the host of Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast (formerly the Love + Relationships Podcast) where she facilitates on-air authentic counseling-style sessions. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her or someone from her team today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today on talk to me, I have an on-air counseling session with the one and only Ann Voskamp. We talk about the importance of savoring life through the gift of gratitude. And then we talk about how to actually go about savoring life when you are a season of suffering and it feels really hard to savor. If you are struggling with gratitude, being present, and wanting to do a better job savoring life…. This episode is going to bless you and encourage you to savor. Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast Extras: Soul Care: Order Soul Care Today! The Debra Fileta Counselors Network: Book a counseling session at the Debra Fileta Counselors Network and get started on your healing journey from the inside out TODAY!  DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, bestselling author, relationship expert, and founder of the Debra Fileta Counselors Network. She’s written seven books including Choosing Marriage,True Love Dates, Love In Every Season,Are You Really OK?, Married Sex, RESET, and Soul Care. She’s also the host of Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast (formerly the Love + Relationships Podcast) where she facilitates on-air authentic counseling-style sessions. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her or someone from her team today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Is self-care biblical? So many Christians are held back from the message of practicing SOUL CARE because of misbeliefs about the theology of self-care and soul-care. They have been taught that the Christian way is “self neglect”. In this special episode, I am joined by my new friend, theologian Joel Mudamalle, as we differentiate between soul care and self-care, as well as unpack some verses that help us make sense of the importance of caring for ourselves and why it matters. Tune in to this important episode on the theology of self-care! Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast Extras: Soul Care: Order Soul Care Today! The Debra Fileta Counselors Network: Book a counseling session at the Debra Fileta Counselors Network and get started on your healing journey from the inside out TODAY!  DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, bestselling author, relationship expert, and founder of the Debra Fileta Counselors Network. She’s written seven books including Choosing Marriage,True Love Dates, Love In Every Season,Are You Really OK?, Married Sex, RESET, and Soul Care. She’s also the host of Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast (formerly the Love + Relationships Podcast) where she facilitates on-air authentic counseling-style sessions. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her or someone from her team today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What happens when you are on the line of burnout on a regular basis? Today’s caller, Liz from California, feels like she’s constantly straddling the line of burnout. She has a really hard time with boundaries, especially with ministry. She feels like she’s taught to “trust the Lord” and push through, but not actually replenish herself. She’s watching people in ministry burn out left and right, and no one is teaching her a better way to do it. She’s even seen her own leaders filled with stress and fatigue — but it doesn’t look or feel healthy, and she doesn’t believe that is “trusting the Lord”. So where do you go when you’re bad at boundaries and no one has taught you any better? How do you even set boundaries in ministry when there is so much to do? We talk through all of this in today’s conversation.  Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast Extras: Soul Care: Order Soul Care Today! The Debra Fileta Counselors Network: Book a counseling session at the Debra Fileta Counselors Network and get started on your healing journey from the inside out TODAY!  DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, bestselling author, relationship expert, and founder of the Debra Fileta Counselors Network. She’s written seven books including Choosing Marriage,True Love Dates, Love In Every Season,Are You Really OK?, Married Sex, RESET, and Soul Care. She’s also the host of Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast (formerly the Love + Relationships Podcast) where she facilitates on-air authentic counseling-style sessions. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her or someone from her team today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Why do so many Christians struggle with boundaries? We are taught that boundaries are wrong, sinful, or selfish — and that we should always say YES and be ready to sacrifice and serve at a moment’s notice. But is this really the way of Jesus? Or could this lead us down a path of emotional burnout, codependency, and unhealthy relationships? Today, we continue this Soul Care series with an on-air counseling session with my friend, Bianca Olthoff. Bianca has been on the podcast before, processing pain from the past (listen here if you missed it!) but today we dive into the topic of BOUNDARIES and learning to protect your heart and calling. Bianca shares how she lived so many years with low to no boundaries, and the damage that caused in her life and in her relationships. We talk about her childhood, and how the concept of low boundaries began to take root in her life…and followed her into adulthood. It’s probably my favorite conversation on the Soul Care series so far, and I know it will challenge and change you!! If boundaries have been a weakness for you, you HAVE TO make time to listen to this episode from start to finish! Setting healthy boundaries is the Jesus way. Find out how! Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast Extras: Soul Care: Order Soul Care Today! The Debra Fileta Counselors Network: Book a counseling session at the Debra Fileta Counselors Network and get started on your healing journey from the inside out TODAY!  DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, bestselling author, relationship expert, and founder of the Debra Fileta Counselors Network. She’s written seven books including Choosing Marriage,True Love Dates, Love In Every Season,Are You Really OK?, Married Sex, RESET, and Soul Care. She’s also the host of Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast (formerly the Love + Relationships Podcast) where she facilitates on-air authentic counseling-style sessions. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her or someone from her team today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How many friends do we actually need? And does the desire to connect change through different seasons of life, or is it a sign that something is wrong? Today as we continue the Soul Care series, I have Cindy from South Africa joining me on the hotline to talk about her recent journey with friendships, and her decreasing desire to connect with people. We process whether or not this is healthy, where it might be coming from, and how she should respond to these feelings. It’s a really good conversation if you’ve ever wondered what friendship in adulthood should actually look and feel like. Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast Extras: Soul Care: Order Soul Care Today! The Debra Fileta Counselors Network: Book a counseling session at the Debra Fileta Counselors Network and get started on your healing journey from the inside out TODAY!  DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, bestselling author, relationship expert, and founder of the Debra Fileta Counselors Network. She’s written seven books including Choosing Marriage,True Love Dates, Love In Every Season,Are You Really OK?, Married Sex, RESET, and Soul Care. She’s also the host of Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast (formerly the Love + Relationships Podcast) where she facilitates on-air authentic counseling-style sessions. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her or someone from her team today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Isn't it amazing how we can feel so disconnected, when our culture is more "connected" than ever before through social media? Today as we continue the Soul Care series, I have an on-air counseling session with Carlos Whitaker, and we dive into his feelings of disconnect from his friends and family, ironically, during the rise of his online connections on social media. He had a lot of "followers" on social media, but not many real "friends". We talk about the roots that got him to that point in life, and unpack some things from his childhood that influenced his difficulty connecting in real life. And then we process what he's been doing to learn to connect in relationships in healthy and life-giving ways. It's such a meaningful and insightful conversation, so make sure you tune in! Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast Extras: Soul Care: Order Soul Care Today! The Debra Fileta Counselors Network: Book a counseling session at the Debra Fileta Counselors Network and get started on your healing journey from the inside out TODAY!  DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, bestselling author, relationship expert, and founder of the Debra Fileta Counselors Network. She’s written seven books including Choosing Marriage,True Love Dates, Love In Every Season,Are You Really OK?, Married Sex, RESET, and Soul Care. She’s also the host of Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast (formerly the Love + Relationships Podcast) where she facilitates on-air authentic counseling-style sessions. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her or someone from her team today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices