Episode 280: Communication Tips for Anxious-Avoidant Couples

In this episode, we’re unpacking exactly what happens when the anxious partner brings up an issue…and the avoidant partner immediately feels overwhelmed, blamed, or like they’re walking into another argument they didn’t ask for.You’ll learn:What each partner is really thinking underneath the surfaceWhy emotional safety is the missing ingredient that keeps you both stuck in this cycleAnd what to do instead—whether you’re the one bringing up the issue, or the one on the receiving end of itWe’ll also talk about what it means to be a wounded partner vs. a wounding partner—and how this shift in mindset can change the tone of your conversations and help you actually hear and be heard.If your marriage feels like one long loop of misunderstanding and miscommunication, and you’re both tired of repeating the same fight with different words…This episode will give you a new perspective—and the tools to finally begin creating connection, instead of more conflict.And for more help on creating more productive conversations and using your communication to bring you CLOSER as a couple, I invite you to consider one of my coaching programs. You can learn more here: https://drchavonne.com/work-with-me/

In today’s episode, we’re diving into one of the most emotionally complex and frustrating dynamics between partners—what happens when one of you is anxiously tuned in to every emotion, every disconnect, every nuance…essentially hyper-self aware...And the other is not able to see what's happening, unaware of the emotions often driving them, and has a harder time communicating what's going on for them...essentially lacking self awareness...We’re breaking down why this mismatch in self-awareness and emotional processing leads to blame, shame, shutdowns, and emotional spirals—and how to begin shifting that pattern.You’ll hear:Why anxious partners can feel like they’re always solving the relationship aloneWhy avoidant partners often feel like they’re being treated as a project instead of a personAnd how this blame/shame cycle keeps both of you stuck, exhausted, and silently wondering if things will ever feel betterBut more importantly—we’ll talk about what to do next. What actually helps. And how to start creating a new rhythm between you that leaves you both feeling seen, respected, and more connected.If you’ve been feeling like you’re the only one clued in to what's happening…or if you’ve felt like your partner is always psychoanalyzing you—this episode is for you.And if you are looking for help and would like to explore the ways my coaching program can help you, I invite you to book a complimentary consultation call with me here: https://drchavonne.com/work-with-me/

In today’s episode, we’re unpacking one of the most frustrating—and misunderstood—dynamics in a relationship: the anxious partner who longs for emotional validation, and the avoidant partner who’s just trying not to drown in overwhelm.If you’ve ever found yourself needing your partner to get what you’re feeling and help you through it… Or if you’ve ever felt like your partner’s emotions are a test you’re destined to fail… You’re in the right place.We’re getting to the root of what’s really going on underneath these reactions:Why anxious partners often feel like they can’t handle big emotions aloneWhy avoidant partners often feel like emotions = failureAnd how both sides are doing their best to feel safe—but in ways that unintentionally trigger each otherThis episode will give you insight into your nervous system responses, the deeper emotional fears you might not even realize are running the show, and—most importantly—what to do about it.Because once you understand the real reason this feels so hard, you’ll finally have a clear direction forward. One that doesn’t involve blaming, fixing, or giving up.r And if you are looking for more help navigating these triggering cycles as a couple, I invite you to reach out to book a 20 Minute Marriage Solution Call, to experience firsthand the power of coaching to help you. Or if you are already interested in working with me through one of my coaching programs, you can book a complimentary consultation. Both links can be found on my website: DrChavonne.com

Have you ever felt desperate for more connection in your marriage—wanting to talk more, do more things together, feel like you're truly on the same page—but no matter how hard you try, your partner just doesn’t seem to meet you there?Or maybe you're on the other side—feeling like your partner always needs more from you than you can give, and all you want is a little space to think, breathe, and just be without feeling like you're letting them down.If either of those sound familiar, you're not alone—and you’re likely caught in the anxious-avoidant dynamic.In this episode, we’re unpacking that exact struggle: what happens when one partner craves closeness and the other craves space. When one feels rejected, and the other feels pressured. When you both want peace, but your patterns keep pushing each other further apart.You’ll learn:Why the anxious partner often ends up feeling like they’re too much and not enough at the same timeWhy the avoidant partner feels pressure to be someone they’re not, and shuts down to preserve their sense of selfWhat it really looks like to balance independence and intimacy in a healthy, respectful wayAnd the personal growth plans each of you can start implementing today to change the cycle and create something betterThis is one of the most common dynamics I work with—and the good news is: healing is absolutely possible when you understand the deeper needs underneath the behavior.

In today’s episode, we’re breaking down the emotional tug-of-war between anxious and avoidant partners—and why it’s so hard to stop, even when you both want things to be better.You’ll hear the real fears driving this dynamic:Why the anxious partner is so afraid of being emotionally abandonedWhy the avoidant partner is terrified of not being enoughAnd how these fears fuel the very behaviors that keep you disconnectedWe’re going deeper than just communication tips—this is about the belief systems that live underneath your patterns. The unconscious drivers that have you stuck in criticism, defensiveness, shutdown, and silent suffering.If you’ve ever thought, “Why do we keep having the same arguments?”Or felt like, “No matter how hard I try, I still don’t feel close to my partner…”This episode will help you understand why—and what to do instead.Because real change happens when you understand what’s really going on inside you… and inside each other.If you are ready for help growing as an individual AND together as a couple, then I invite you to book a complimentary consultation call to discuss how my coaching approach can help you get there faster: https://drchavonne.com/work-with-me/

You’ve probably heard the phrase “own your emotions”—but what does that actually mean in a marriage?Does it mean your partner gets a free pass to ignore your feelings?Does it mean you’re supposed to just “deal with it” when you’re hurt or disconnected?Not even close.In this episode, we’re unpacking the delicate balance between emotional self-responsibility and relational needs.Because here’s the truth:Yes, your feelings are yours.But that doesn’t mean your relationship shouldn’t feel good.This conversation is for you if you’ve ever felt stuck between two extremes:“I shouldn’t depend on my partner for how I feel” and“But I also want to feel loved, valued, and supported in this relationship.”We’re diving deep into how to own your triggers without abandoning your needs, and how to express those needs in a way that builds true emotional safety and closeness in your marriage.This is where emotional intelligence meets healthy interdependence—and it might just change the way you show up in your relationship from this point forward.And if you're looking for help creating a marriage where you grow both individually and as a couple, I invite you to book a complimentary consultation call to discuss how one of my coaching programs can help. https://drchavonne.com/work-with-me/

What if the friction in your relationship isn't just about unmet expectations, but a deeper misalignment in values and life goals? In this episode, we delve into the challenging yet liberating concept of recognizing when you and your partner might not be the right fit for each other.We'll explore:Identifying Core Misalignments: Understanding when differing values, unmet needs, and divergent life paths signal a fundamental incompatibility.The Importance of Self-Work: Ensuring you've done the inner work to distinguish between personal triggers and genuine mismatches.Navigating the Realization: How to approach this awareness with compassion, reducing judgment and the urge to change your partner.Redefining the Relationship: Embracing the possibility of transforming the relationship dynamic, whether that means adjusting expectations or parting ways amicably.This conversation isn't about giving up; it's about honoring your truth and creating space for both partners to thrive—together or apart. Tune in to discover how acknowledging a mismatch can be a courageous step toward personal growth and authentic connection.Also mentioned in this episode: It’s normal to have doubts—especially when love is there, but the differences feel hard to bridge. I invite you to book a complimentary consultation call with me to explore how my private coaching program can help.This is your chance to explore those lingering “What ifs” with clarity and compassion. You don’t have to figure it all out alone. Let’s talk: https://drchavonne.com/work-with-me/

Have you ever felt like your partner just doesn’t see eye to eye with you on some of the most important aspects of life? Maybe it’s domestic responsibilities, parenting styles, intimacy, finances, or even how you handle marriage challenges. The truth is, when it feels like you're constantly clashing, it’s often because you’re not aligned on your values—the deeper essence of what drives your decisions.In today’s episode, we’re unpacking why these differences can feel so intense and how they tie back to core values versus specific expectations. Whether it's a clash between traditional and modern views on roles, a difference in how you view intimacy, or how you approach finances, these fundamental values impact everything.I’ll share key insights on how to:Understand the root cause of your disagreements by uncovering your values.Create a partnership where both of you feel equally heard, valued, and invested.Move away from guilt, shame, and pressure to create intentional choices that actually work for both of you.Accept that it’s okay if you’re not always a perfect match, and still find peace and respect in your relationship.This episode is for anyone who’s feeling stuck in these deeper conflicts and wants to find real alignment and peace in their marriage. If you're ready to uncover the root issues and make empowered choices that bring you closer, tune in now.And if you'd like my personal help navigating the biggest expectation clashes in your own marriage, I invite you to book a complimentary consultation call with me here: https://drchavonne.com/work-with-me/

You’ve probably heard the term “inner work” thrown around in the personal development world, but what does it actually mean, and how does it impact your marriage?In today’s episode, we’re digging into why inner work is one of the most powerful tools you can use to transform not just yourself, but your relationship. Whether you’re just starting your personal growth journey or looking to expand your current growth plan, this episode will help you understand why this work is essential—especially when it comes to the way you show up in your marriage.Inner work isn’t just about self-improvement—it’s about understanding your triggers, breaking unhealthy patterns, and creating emotional resilience that positively impacts every part of your life.So if you’re ready to start building a stronger, healthier version of yourself, and unlock a more connected, peaceful relationship with your partner, this episode is for you. Tune in and discover exactly how to get started on the path of personal growth and transformation, right now.Also mentioned in this episode: If you'd like my personal help walking you through your own inner transformation, I invite you to book a complimentary consultation call by visiting my website: https://drchavonne.com/work-with-me/

What if the secret to more peace, connection, and closeness in your marriage wasn’t about getting your partner to change, but instead, learning how to tolerate your own emotions?In today’s episode, we’re diving into a game-changing skill that can dramatically shift how you handle those intense emotional moments in your relationship: emotional tolerance.In this episode, I’ll walk you through how to:Identify your emotional triggers and the knee-jerk reactions that come with themPause and tolerate discomfort instead of reacting immediatelyDevelop emotional resilience so you can choose how to respond, no matter how strong the emotion isIf you’re tired of feeling stuck in the same emotional patterns and want to break the cycle, this episode will show you how to start making lasting change—by learning to feel your feelings without letting them take over.Also mentioned in this episode: If you’re tired of feeling stuck in the same emotional patterns and you’re ready to learn how to navigate your emotions with more ease, I can help. Book your complimentary consultation HERE, and let’s explore how we can work together to help you respond, not react—leading to a more peaceful, fulfilling marriage.