How guilt keeps you sinning

Therapy and coaching can be useful tools for self-improvement. However, the biggest challenge with them is the fact that most people - especially the ones who need it the most - will never do it.  And this is not entirely without reason.  There is a lot of distrust of psycho-therapists, particularly those trained only in western Freudian models of the mind, devoid of religion, spirituality and sometimes even common sense.  Besides, if this therapy 'service' was not needed for thousands of years, why is it suddenly so fashionable now? 

There are 2 types of people in this world:  Spiritual Warriors and "Normies".  "Normies" are normal people.  There's nothing wrong with being a "normie". Most people are. They do fine. They go through mental and emotional suffering - much of it needless. They get freaked out when 'big things' happen in their lives and in the world. They're plagued with anxiety and bouts of depression, completely vulnerable to their circumstances.  Ultimately, they usually don't contribute much to the elevation of the consciousness of humanity most of the time. 

Here's a question that recently came up in a coaching session: Client: I've been trying to be present and I've let go of a lot of thinking about the past… but now I'm constantly thinking about the future. Me: If you want to gain any insight or clarity into deepening your level of presence, it has to start with presence. So, right now, are you fully present, with me, in this moment? Bring your full attention into the Now. Clear your mind. Take a deep, conscious breath. Client: I can't. My mind jumps to what's next and issues with my work and family. Me: That's okay, tune into your breath and your body. Do you notice any feelings in your body as your mind tries to run away? Client: Yes, I feel really bad.

Q: "How do I get rid of guilt and stop beating myself up after I sin?" After you mess up and realise you've done something wrong, the temptation is to become Judgy-Mc-Mufti Pants and start beating yourself up and drowning in guilt. I say 'temptation', deliberately. It is, indeed, your nafs (ego) that leads you down this dark, self-denigrating path of self-sabotage. Most people never become aware of this fact and foolishly believe that they feel guilty because they sinned.

I recently had a question from a client:  "The other day I was out with my family and I saw the mother of my ex-fiance. I gave her the nicest smile and she gave me the meanest, most horrible look like she wanted something really bad to happen to me."  At this point the client was on the verge of tears just recounting the event.  My response:  "Awwh, it must be really hard to live in your head." She quickly snapped out of it and became curious about what I meant. 

Here are a few reasons why I got so excited when I saw that 'MY People' (email subscribers like your good self) voted for the name of my next coaching program to be, "Nafs Mastery"... All of our relationship, mindset and spiritual 'problems' are manifestations of the nafs (ego) playing its games on us, without us being aware of it The essence of all spiritual growth comes down to the extent to which we are aware of (and not falling for) the tricks and traps of our nafs "Nafs" is not an English word… but it totally should be! It is perhaps one of the easiest-to-pronounce Arabic words that I hope will one day make its way into the Oxford dictionary

A question came up on a group coaching call recently: "How do you parent when you have no example? The way we grew up, with Pakistani parents who were really strict and didn't really connect with us or do any of the things that we now know we're supposed to do… things that are better for the kids in the long run… and more Islamic - like, how do we not just flip out when we see our kids doing something wrong?  

In one of the greatest movies of all-time, Kyle Reese tries to explain to Sarah Connor how dangerous this thing called "the Terminator" is: Kyle Reese: Listen, and understand! That Terminator is out there! It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop... ever, until you are dead! Sarah Connor: Can you stop it? Kyle Reese: I don't know. With these weapons? I don't know

The battle against the nafs (lower, egoic self) isn't a joke.  Your eternal life and worldly life depend on it.  Fortunately, in my travels I have come across some weapons that have aided me on my personal spiritual journey of being much more aware of the tricks my nafs is trying to play on me.  As a result, I've dropped a load of psychological suffering, much of which I wasn't even aware existed, until it was gone. I never realised it's possible to go for hours and even days with virtually no thoughts - certainly none that create anxiety, anger or depression.

What is true 'Islamic Spirituality'?  It could be described and understood in a few ways: To surrender oneself fully to the will of Allah.  To embrace Allah's constant, eternal Presence.  To use the outward rituals of Islam as catalysts to deepen our awareness of Allah's Presence.  To exchange one's own mind-made fantasies for the beauty of Allah's Reality.  Put most simply, it is 'Zikr Allah' - to bring Allah to mind. To clean one's heart, by quietening one's mind; removing thoughts of anything, thereby finding the One Source of everything.