122: Can you change who you’re attracted to? w/ Annie Lord

Moya is worried about status – and so are increasing numbers of men in therapy, according to a recent report. So what does status look like in this economy? How are men adapting to not being guaranteed breadwinners? Can you be both downwardly mobile and satisfied with your life? Plus: what to do when you suspect your friend is in love with you. Read the article on men in therapy: https://www.theguardian.com/society/ng-interactive/2026/aug/19/men-therapy-achievement-grief Read John Burn-Murdoch on women breadwinners: https://www.ft.com/content/4b7b8d3f-5625-4dba-ad90-66192c101956?syn-25a6b1a6=1 Get tickets for Ash at the Southbank Centre on 26 September: https://www.southbankcentre.co.uk/whats-on/ash-sarkar-the-future-of-relationships Send us your dilemmas: [email protected] Music by Matt Huxley.

Ash has had life-changing experience for only £38. Has she found the key to escaping her fight-or-flight response? And what’s the best way to process anxiety? Plus: how to respond when your partner’s porn habit makes you feel weird. Get tickets for Ash at the Southbank Centre on 26 September. Get tickets for Heated: Carnival Afters at Vespers on 30 August. Send us your dilemmas: [email protected] Music by Matt Huxley.

Have we finally had enough of hyper-consumerism? Moya and Ash confront the political crises that are changing our attitudes to spending, and what that’s got to do with the World Cup and cerulean sweaters. Plus: what to do when you’ve lost all motivation. Read the Vulture article about lifestyle influencers mentioned in the show. Get tickets for Ash at the Southbank Centre on 26 September. Get tickets for Heated: Carnival Afters at Vespers on 30 August. Send us your dilemmas: [email protected] Music by Matt Huxley.

Trapped in the attention economy, Moya wonders if our reading habits are affecting our sense of self, and Ash offers a feminist analysis of ‘main character’ versus ‘NPC’. Plus: what to do when your politics drift away from your friends’. Get tickets for Ash at the Southbank Centre on 26 September. Get tickets for Heated: Carnival Afters at Vespers on 30 August. Send us your dilemmas: [email protected] Music by Matt Huxley.

Ash dreams up a whole new category – Disasterclass – in order to talk about inevitable pain of rejection. Whether it’s jobs, romance, friends or success, how much damage can rejection ultimately cause? Plus: early reviews of the Andy Burnham era. Get tickets for Ash at the Southbank Centre on 26 September. Get tickets for Symeon Brown in conversation at the Bernie Grant Arts Centre in North London on 5 August. Send us your dilemmas: [email protected] Music by Matt Huxley.

Former Vogue agony aunt Annie Lord joins Ash and Moya to talk about what happens if you let go of your ‘type’ and allow your romantic ideals to change. Her debut novel, The Project, is out now. (NB: Annie recommends Sharon Olds’ poetry collection Stag’s Leap.) Plus: advice for a man who’s feeling romantically jaded. Send us your dilemmas: [email protected] Music by Matt Huxley.

Ash and Moya answer a not-so-mystery question about male self-image and whether short kings really do lose out in the dating market. How does modern masculinity look and dress? Plus: advice for a listener fantasising about a romantic spark with a former colleague. Send us your dilemmas: [email protected] Music by Matt Huxley.

Ash and Moya get stuck into your dilemmas. Featuring: a POC friend whose new boyfriend votes Reform, a male coworker who’s gone from supportive to creepy, a woman who’s struggling to think before she speaks, an independent woman who’s dreading suburban life with her boyfriend, and an environmentalist weighing up a job in big tech. Send us your dilemmas: [email protected] Music by Matt Huxley.

* Last call for our show at Crossed Wires in Sheffield this Saturday, 4th July! Final tickets: https://crossedwires.live * A brush with an old enemy brings up big questions about letting go and moving on. What does forgiveness really mean in a secular society? Is punishment ever the answer? Plus: advice for a special one who fears they’ve outgrown their 15-year relationship. Send us your dilemmas: [email protected] Music by Matt Huxley.

* We’ll be at Crossed Wires festival in Sheffield on 4th July! Final tickets: https://crossedwires.live * ‘Tis the season! Moya and Ash explore the etiquette of the modern wedding, from cringey hen do to lavish ceremony to nightmare groupchat. And how does anyone afford it?! Plus: are we expecting too much from single straight men? Send us your dilemmas: [email protected] Music by Matt Huxley.