233. Overwhelmed? How Adding Margin Can Improve Your Life

We (Amy and Drew, Abby and Colin) just got back from our amazing trip to Kaui, Hawaii to celebrate our 10 year anniversaries. We had such a great time vacationing as separate couples exploring North Shore Kauai, and then also as a group enjoying the South Shore. The best of both worlds! Coming home from Hawaii, we felt compelled to record this episode and talk about friendship. As busy moms, wives, and entrepreneurs, our schedules are pretty full. Which makes the time we dedicate to friendships very sacred. We have learned over the years that not only is time precious, but who you keep in your inner circle is just as important. Are you okay with the habits and behaviors of those friends and their children rubbing off on your kids? Do their values line up with yours? It’s important to choose wisely which friendships you nurture. Choose ones that will build you up and leave you feeling energized and happy instead of drained.Enriching friendships takes a lot of work. A new friend can’t be a best friend immediately. Maintaining surface level friends is okay, but digging deep, asking questions, and spending quality time together can get you to that best friend level. Being open to new friendships in our 30s and 40s may bring a new best friend (or two!) to walk through life with. We are so thankful to have developed our great friendship over these past years and witness each other's vow renewals in Hawaii. We encourage you to keep an open heart to new friendships as they may provide you with joy you didn’t know you were missing!Links & Resources:20% off your Thorne purchase: www.thorne.com/u/herselfCheck out Forage Kitchen!10% off at BETTERHELP: http://betterhelp.com/herselfEnroll in the HERself Self-Care CourseLet’s connect!HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcastHERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcastMEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskieferMEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreen

We have some news to share today… Pursuing HER Purpose, our other business focused on helping entrepreneurial moms with our friend Kat, is officially closing its doors. As we mention in today’s episode, while PHP may be ending, we are bringing over the best of that brand to the HERself platform! Our consulting services and coaching courses will still be available on our website.In honor of one season ending and another beginning, we thought we would replay one of the most listened to episodes from the PHP podcast titled “The Episode You Need if You Are About to Return From Maternity Leave” for you today. The season of your maternity leave ending can be bittersweet. It can seem daunting to leave your infant just as you were getting the hang of being a new mom, or new mom again! In this episode we go through many tips and tricks to help you during this transition like what to wear to pump at work, how to prepare the night before for a smooth morning and daycare drop off, as well as how to lean on your partner during this season. Beyond the physical things we can do to prepare to go back to work, we encourage you to embrace a mindset change too. Instead of feeling guilty for needing to step away from work for 15 minutes to go pump, changing your mindset to “I’m doing this for my baby” can help you stay motivated and empowered to go pump. Going back to work can be stressful, but reminding yourself that your role of providing for your family is important and your kids will be so proud of you for doing so! To wrap up, Kat shares with us a heartfelt letter she wrote to her children when her maternity leave was coming to an end.If you are coming over from the PHP podcast, thank you for your support over the years and your continued support here at HERself!Links & Resources:Enroll in the HERself Self-Care CoursedrinkLMNT.com/HERSELF free sample pack with purchase Check out our newest partner Goodwipes Follow Kat’s other business @theyesandcoPursuing HER Purpose websiteLet’s connect!HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcastHERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcastMEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskieferMEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreen

Today on the podcast, we are excited to welcome back Dr. Emily Jamea, who was last with us for episode 192. Dr. Emily is a sex therapist who works with couples and individuals to overcome relationship and sexual hurdles to enjoy more meaningful lives. She sits down with us today to discuss how we can talk with our kids about all things related to sex. Here at the HERself podcast, we plan on talking to our kids about sex, but understand that if this topic does not align with your beliefs, please feel free to skip this episode! “Mom, where do babies come from?” If you haven’t already been asked, you will be at some point. And when is the right time to give our kids “the talk”? Dr. Emily points out that it is important to use proper anatomical terminology while she walks us through how to answer these questions with age appropriate responses. She also emphasizes the importance of discussing different scenarios when sex may come into play with our older children. By helping them establish their personal sexual values, they will be better prepared for when those scenarios happen in real life. While privacy settings and activity monitoring apps can be useful on teen phones, nothing can replace the conversations we need to have with our kids about being safe online. We know this can be an uncomfortable topic to talk about, but we encourage you to get uncomfortable and have those conversations. We thank you for listening to today’s episode!Sponsor: 20% off at Vuori Clothing: https://vuoriclothing.com/herself Links & Resources:Dr. Emily’s WebsiteFollow Dr. Emily on InstagramOrder Dr. Emily’s book, Anatomy of DesireListen to Dr. Emily’s PodcastEnroll in the HERself Self-Care CourseLet’s connect!HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcastHERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcastMEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskieferMEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreen

For today’s “Greatest Hits” episode, we are revisiting our interview with Dr. Morgan Cutlip. She joined us for episode 162 and episode 190. This episode we are focusing on how we take care of ourselves as mothers; how do we feel good inside motherhood? So many of her answers spoke directly to both of us.In her book, Love Your Kids Without Losing Yourself, Dr. Morgan explains three core concepts moms face. She chats with us about these concepts including what we can do to help ourselves with the conflict of sacrificing our own identities in motherhood. We also discuss the core concept of idealization of motherhood and how intense our standards are on ourselves as parents. Ever feel like your needs aren’t being met by your partner when it comes to sharing the load? Do you ask them for help but it never seems to go anywhere? Dr. Morgan shares actionable steps you can take when our own needs are not being met. She talks about how you can best manage all of our commitments and why that means you can’t be 100 percent committed to everything at once. If the HERself podcast has made an impact on your life we would love it if you could help us in return. Leave us a rating and review wherever you listen to podcasts and while you’re there also hit the follow or subscribe button. That way we will land in your inbox every single Monday!Sponsor: 10% off at BETTERHELPSponsor: Free Shipping at GOODR with code ‘HERSELF’Meet Dr. Morgan CutlipOrder Dr. Morgan’s Book HERE - out now!Let’s connect!HERSELF SHOPHERSELF PATREONHERSELF INSTAGRAMMEET AMYMEET ABBYThis episode was produced and edited by @pivotballchange.

We’ve all experienced the feelings of happiness, sadness, fear, anger, etc. And if you are a mom, you’ve seen your children experience all of these emotions too.  But why is it that when our children are displaying anger, it makes us so uncomfortable? Today we are talking with Certified Parenting Coach, Leda Rawlins, about why anger in children is normal and what we, as parents, can do when our child is angry. Leda will walk us through how, and when, to teach our children how to react in a frustrating moment.We know that angry behaviors from our kids at home is stressful enough, so it’s normal to worry about those same behaviors while they are at school or extracurricular activities. Leda will explain when and who we should collaborate with to make the best team to support our child in those settings. Sometimes as parents it can seem daunting to change our own behavior when responding to anger from our child. Leda acknowledges that the help of professionals can be beneficial and sometimes necessary to teach us the tools and strategies we need to help our child succeed. The main thing we want you to know is that it doesn’t take a perfect parent to implement the strategies Leda teaches us today. It’s about being better, and that’s what’s important! You’ve got this, mama!Leda’s WebsiteLeda’s InstagramLeda's NewsletterSponsor: Thorne; 20% off your purchase: www.thorne.com/u/herselfSponsor: LMNT; drinkLMNT.com/HERSELF free sample pack with purchase Sponsor: 20% off at CHOMPS with code herself: https://chomps.com/Links & Resources:Leda’s “Smoother Transitions” GuideEnroll in the HERself Self-Care CourseLet’s connect!HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcastHERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcastMEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskieferMEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreen

Have you ever gone through a rough stretch and it’s made you take a look at your life from a zoomed out perspective? Well that’s exactly where we’ve been lately. Both of us have gone through a stretch of illnesses for both ourselves and our kids that has made us reflect on what we want to stay in our lives and what we want to leave behind. And sometimes it takes going through a really hard period to notice these things.In this episode we talk about how most of us live such busy lives that we don’t have any margin for sick days. And that includes for ourselves. We talk about what we call the “10-minute” support person and how neither of us have that. But instead of wishing we did, we share how we have the necessary conversations with our partners and friends, so that when we do get that call from school saying our kiddo is sick, it isn’t always falling on just us.We want this episode to be the push you need to do some reflecting on your own life. What can you let go of? Where can you ask for help? What are your values and what can you do that is going to help you live in more alignment? Do you have the necessary margins that you need so that when something does come up, you’re set up to handle it in a way that feels best for you?Sponsor: 20% off at Vuori Clothing: https://vuoriclothing.com/herself Links & Resources:Enroll in the HERself Self-Care CourseLet’s connect!HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcastHERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcastMEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskieferMEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreen

Making new friends in our 30’s and 40’s can be tricky, especially as moms. Today, we have Danielle Bayard Jackson on the show to talk with us about how to maintain close friends while nurturing the surface level ones at the same time. Danielle is the friendship expert on Bumble’s new app; Bumble for Friends. She is here to share everything from what to do if your partner doesn’t get along with one of your friends to ideas on how to find those deep friendship connections if that’s what you're seeking.What is more important - the quality of the friendships you have or the quantity? Danielle gets into how many deep friendships we can sustain at a time but also pushes us to not discount the “weaker” ties that we have. She explains the pros and cons of both. And what are we supposed to do when those feelings of being left out creep in? Danielle offers some great tips on what you can do if loneliness seems to be a factor in your life right now.We know that many of you are moms and this can be one of the hardest stages to make or maintain friendships. But the value that they bring to your life is so rich. It’s not too late to find those deep connections. Be intentional with the new people you meet. Put in some effort and remind yourself that these types of relationships are going to take time and work!Sponsor: 10% off at BETTERHELP: http://betterhelp.com/herselfSponsor: LMNT; drinkLMNT.com/HERSELF free sample pack with purchase Links & Resources:Enroll in the HERself Self-Care CourseDanielle’s Book; Fighting for Our FriendshipsDanielle’s WebsiteLet’s connect!HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcastHERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcastMEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskieferMEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreen

Are you working on forming habits that will lead to positive behavior change? What’s the difference between a behavior change and an actual habit? Today, our guest Robyn Conley Downs, joins us to speak on all things habits! When it comes to forming new habits maybe you fall into the all or nothing category? Or perhaps you compare yourself too much or have that perfectionistic mindset? Well, Robyn is here to give you strategies that you can implement right away no matter what stage of habit formation you are currently in.Wanting to live a healthier lifestyle but not knowing where to start can be overwhelming. Robyn explains the power that momentum can have when we start small. She also reminds us to give ourselves credit for how far we have come. Robyn explains what a purpose habit is and why it is a key piece to the puzzle. Are you one to focus on the outcome of a goal rather than the process? Robyn shares what shifting your goals to process goals versus outcome goals can do for you. She also breaks down the 80/20 rule and talks about the impact that becoming brilliant at the basics can have on your life. Sponsor: 20% off at CHOMPS with code herself: https://chomps.com/Sponsor: Vivo; vivobarefoot.com - enter code ‘HERSELF’ at checkout for 20% off your first orderLinks & Resources:Enroll in the HERself Self-Care CourseRobyn’s Book; The Feel Good EffectFollow Robyn on InstagramListen to Robyn’s Podcast; Whole Life OrganizedLet’s connect!HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcastHERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcastMEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskieferMEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreen

In the past so many of you have requested more podcast episodes that are aimed towards dads. This one does just that. Our guest, Michael Perry, is a husband, dad of two young boys, and the founder of tech startup and household organization app Maple - which stands for Make All Parents Lives Easier.It is easy to hear Michael’s passion for his work. He talks about his values and how they show up both in and out of his household. Michael touches on how he and his wife share the load and the responsibilities he takes on as a father. He also offers tips on how to empower your partner to step up more and share more of the work that comes with parenting. If you’ve implemented different strategies and systems to try to improve how your household functions but it doesn’t seem to be working, Michael offers suggestions on how a simple conversation about things can make the world of difference. We also know that at times, it can feel like we and our partner are giving each other the leftover version of ourselves. Michael touches on how we can bring the best version of ourselves to our families and how that might mean not giving 100% at work all the time.We know this episode is going to really resonate with our male listeners so be sure to share this one with your partner!Sponsor: LMNT; drinkLMNT.com/HERSELF free sample pack with purchase Sponsor: Free Shipping at GOODR with code ‘HERSELF’: https://goodr.com/herselfLinks & Resources:Enroll in the HERself Self-Care CourseFollow Maple on Instagramgrowmaple.comLet’s connect!HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcastHERSELF INSTAGRAM: http://instagram.com/herselfpodcastMEET AMY: http://instagram.com/ameskieferMEET ABBY: http://instagram.com/abbyrosegreen

Are you in a phase of your relationship where your partner feels more like a roommate? We know this is a challenge that many of our listeners in this community face. Today we are excited to have Sheina Schochet of @loveafterbaby back on the show. If you haven’t already, be sure to go back and listen to episode 170 when we first had Sheina on.Today’s discussion is infused with so many tips on everything from what to do if your partnership doesn’t feel like it’s in a strong place to some actions you can take if your partner isn’t open to going to therapy. Since Sheina’s last visit on the show, she has become a Gottman Bringing Home Baby educator and the insights she’s gained from this are tangible throughout our conversation.What we want you to walk away with from our discussion with Sheina is that being in a rut in your relationship is super common and it’s something that isn’t talked about enough. So if you’re feeling like you are in a low place right now, tune into this episode to learn how to reconnect with your partner and get back to a place where you are able to find the friendship & intimacy in your relationship again. Sponsor: Vivo; vivobarefoot.com - enter code ‘HERSELF’ at checkout for 20% off your first orderSponsor: 10% off at BETTERHELP: http://betterhelp.com/herselfSponsor: Thorne; 20% off your purchase: www.thorne.com/u/herselfLinks & Resources:Enroll in the HERself Self-Care CourseMen Searching for MeaningThe Mask of MasculinityEpisode 170: Keeping the Love in Our Partnerships After Kids with Sheina Schochet @loveafterbabyLove After Baby QuizFollow Sheina on InstagramLove After Baby WorkshopsWork 1x1 with SheinaLet’s connect!HERSELF PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/herselfpodcastHERSELF