61: Relationship lessons from Dr. Laura Louis

In this episode of 'Solving Disconnection and Creating Connected Relationships for Couples and Parents,' therapist and coach Jason Polk delves into the importance of repair in relationships, why it's challenging, and how to effectively navigate it. Polk explains the concept of repair as restoring relationships after conflicts and discusses two main barriers: ego and lack of skills. He shares personal insights and strategies, including the importance of repairing in the moment and post-conflict methods like offering a sincere apology and sharing vulnerability. He emphasizes that repair is vital for healthy relationships and provides practical advice for couples to enhance their connection. Listeners are encouraged to prioritize repair over ego for the sake of their relationships and families.00:00 Introduction and Welcome00:28 Understanding Conflict and Repair01:11 The Role of Ego in Repair03:39 Repairing in the Moment05:15 Repairing After a Fight08:00 Conclusion and Final ThoughtsFeedback Wheel PDFThis episode was inspired by this blog: The Art of Repair: What It Means and Why It's So Hard

In this episode of 'Solving Disconnection and Creating Connected Relationships for Couples and Parents,' Jason Polk, a therapist and coach with over 10 years of experience, discusses the financial and emotional costs of marriage counseling versus divorce. Jason highlights the expense and emotional toll of contested divorces, which can range from $10,000 to $15,000, compared to the relatively lower cost of marriage counseling. He explains how counseling can help either salvage a relationship or make the separation process more compassionate and dignified. Jason states that counseling can be valuable in creating healthier futures, whether couples stay together or separate.00:00 Introduction to the Show00:27 Marriage Counseling vs. Divorce: An Overview00:39 Financial and Emotional Costs of Divorce02:17 The Role of Marriage Counseling05:23 When Divorce is Inevitable06:15 Cost Comparison: Counseling vs. Divorce06:48 Conclusion and Final ThoughtsCouples Intensive episode.This episode was inspired by Jason's blog post. Jason's marriage counseling practice.

Understanding Cheating: Definitions, Impacts, and Pathways to HealingIn this episode of 'Solving Disconnection and Creating Connected Relationships for Couples and Parents,' therapist and coach Jason Polk explores the complex topic of cheating. He delves into the different forms of infidelity, including financial and emotional cheating, and emphasizes the importance of explicit agreements between partners. Polk also discusses the synonyms and antonyms of cheating and provides insights into how a lack of openness can create a breeding ground for infidelity. Key takeaways include the critical role of trust, honesty, and transparency in preventing and recovering from betrayal.00:00 Introduction to the Show00:22 Defining Cheating and Infidelity01:12 Types of Cheating02:03 Importance of Agreements in Relationships03:29 Emotional Affairs and Implicit Agreements05:00 Antonyms of Cheating05:21 Conditions Leading to Cheating06:20 Conclusion and Final ThoughtsThis blog inspired this episode: What is considered cheating? 

Jason explores the purpose of marriage beyond initial infatuation and love chemicals. He explains that marriage is an essential emotional refuge and economic partnership, providing a place for vulnerability, acceptance, and the sharing of resources. Jason discusses typical relationship dynamics like the pursue-withdraw cycle and how past experiences shape our partner interactions. He emphasizes the importance of prioritizing the relationship to foster connection and joy. Through understanding and intentional effort, marriage can bring resilience and confidence. By succeeding as a team, it can make life more enjoyable and less expensive.00:00 Introduction to the Show00:25 The Science of Love and Monogamy01:07 Impact of Upbringing on Relationships02:40 Purpose of Marriage03:17 Emotional and Economic Benefits of Marriage04:57 Challenges in Marriage06:17 Conclusion and Final ThoughtsTo read the blog that inspired this episode, you can check out: What's the Purpose of Marriage? A Marriage Counselor's Perspective.Click here to learn more about Jason's couples therapy agency.

In this episode, Jason shares ten actionable tips to help couples maintain harmony, reduce disharmony, and effectively repair their relationships. The tips are structured within a framework that includes understanding the phases of harmony, disharmony, and repair. Key points include connecting with your partner through daily gestures, understanding and navigating attachment dynamics, using timeouts to prevent conflicts, making effective apologies, showing vulnerability, using communication tools like the feedback wheel, and taking things less personally. The goal is to foster more connection and less conflict in relationships.00:00 Introduction to Relationship Tips00:06 Understanding Relationship Phases00:47 Tips for Maintaining Harmony02:37 Addressing Disharmony06:04 Effective Repair Strategies08:46 Conclusion and Final ThoughtsLinks:State of the Union MeetingFeedback WheelRelationship (Attachment) QuizThis episode in 10 tips to fix your relationship in blog form.

In this episode, Dr. Laura Louis, a seasoned couples therapist, shares her insights and experiences from her 20-year career. She discusses the challenges and joys of working with couples, the importance of effective communication, and how vulnerability and emotional intimacy play crucial roles in relationships. Dr. Laura also discusses common issues such as the negative sentiment override, the impact of family of origin, and practical strategies for improving relational dynamics. Introduction Dr. Laura's Background Challenges of Couples Therapy Creating Connection in Relationships Men and Feelings Effective Communication Tools Signs You Should Seek Couples Therapy Stonewalling and Taking Breaks Final Thoughts and ResourcesLink to Dr. Laura Louis' Atlanta Couple Therapy practice.Her book Martial Peace___You can learn more about Jason's couple therapy practice here.

Sex can be a powerful way to connect, but for many men, it's often the only way they're taught to access vulnerability and emotional closeness. This can create a rub, especially when partners need emotional intimacy to feel open to physical intimacy.In this blog, we break down the dynamics of intimacy using the metaphor of a wedding cake.Couples thrive when they intentionally build each layer tier of the cake. Listen to discover how to strengthen your relationship, deepen intimacy, and foster connection beyond sex.This episode is in blog form: From Emotional to Sexual Intimacy: A Guide for Males (and Couples).For the blog on how to start with awareness of feelings, go here: Get in Touch With Your Feelings.

Do you two feel like roommates? Or cost-sharing-associates?Have you and your partner drifted into feeling more like roommates than lovers?Just co-parents?Or “cost-sharing-associates?”It’s easy for the initial spark to dim as time passes, but rekindling it is possible.This quick episode talks about how to reconnect and feel love again.I also share why you two have drifted apart, how to break the cycle of disconnection, and how couples therapists help couples do just that.One of our favorite quotes from Terry Real is:“Intimacy is not something you have, but something you do.”I share how you two can intentionally foster intimacy and how you can be that passionate couple again!This blog inspired this episode. 

This episode discusses functional, psychological boundaries and what is not.  What are not functional boundaries? They are if we are behind walls or boundaryless.  We will define that and what physiological boundary violations are.This will also encourage you to reflect on your boundaries as well. Here's the link to the chart I mentioned.You can learn more about our couples therapy practice.

Mess is one of the content issues that come up in couples therapy. If this is an issue for you, you can check out what you can do on your side of the relationship and what you two can do as a team. Link to the Fair Play Card Deck.Click here to read the blog this episode was inspired by: Couples Counseling and Your Messy Partner.