Stop Trying to Win the Argument, Do This Instead

Visit: menstherapy.online/start What if the secret to quitting porn isn’t willpower, but building a life you don’t want to escape from? On this episode of the Men’s Therapy Podcast, host Marc Azoulay sits down with Jake Kastleman, founder of the No More Desire program, to talk about porn addiction and recovery. Jake struggled with pornography from age 13 for a decade. He explains how his four pillars of emotions, neurology, biology, and relationships help men build a mindset and lifestyle where the desire fades, instead of just trying to stop watching. They dig into why so many men say “I’m not an emotions guy” while hiding anger, shame, and loneliness behind their behavior, and how the RAIL method and parts work (IFS) can help men recognize protective emotions like cravings and perfectionism and take leadership over them.They also discuss the difference between base and noble pleasures and how low-effort, high-reward habits like porn, video games, and endless scrolling train the nervous system. Jake and Marc explore where this is heading with OnlyFans, AI girlfriends, and robots, and why human connection will matter more than ever. Jake shares how childhood patterns like emotional absence, roommate syndrome, and enmeshment can set the stage for addiction, and why addiction works like a procrastination strategy and a snoozed alarm. He covers the emotional rush after quitting, what to do when sobriety feels like an empty room, and how tiny, imperfect steps and a kinder relationship with your inner critic can break perfectionism. Jake also offers a message for partners dealing with betrayal and disclosure, including why it’s not about them, why their anger is valid, and how support groups can help.Connect with Jake:Website: https://www.nomoredesire.com/ Podcast: https://nomoredesire.buzzsprout.com/ Resources MentionedFree workshop, free e-book, and The Four Pillars of Recovery free online course: https://nomoredesire.com/tools Individual Therapy:https://menstherapy.online/?utm_source=Podcast&utm_medium=Service&utm_campaign=Individual_TherapyMen’s group:https://menstherapy.online/mens-groups/?utm_source=Podcast&utm_medium=Service&utm_campaign=Mens_GroupsMTO Slack:https://menstherapy.online/slack/?utm_source=Podcast&utm_medium=Slack_CTA&utm_campaign=MTO_SlackWebsite:https://menstherapy.online/

Visit: ⁠menstherapy.online/startWhat if anxiety isn’t a thinking problem, but a feeling problem? On this episode of the Men’s Therapy Podcast, host Marc Azoulay sits down with Dr. Russell Kennedy, known as the Anxiety MD, to explore why so many men struggle with anxiety without even recognizing it. Drawing on his background in medicine, neuroscience, and Eastern philosophy, Russell explains how childhood experiences, emotional suppression, and chronic self-criticism can keep the nervous system stuck in a cycle of fear and overthinking.They discuss how social media fuels comparison and inadequacy, why young men are losing hope, and how the pressure to succeed can turn into anxiety, burnout, and depression. Russell also challenges the idea that men need to be harder on themselves to improve, explaining how self-compassion and curiosity can help break destructive patterns. The conversation explores why men's groups can be especially powerful for emotional growth, how shared experiences help men lower their defenses, and why healing often requires more than talking through your thoughts. Russell shares his body-based approach to anxiety, the role of childhood trauma in creating an internal alarm system, and practical ways to reconnect with yourself rather than fight your feelings.Connect with Dr. Russell:Website: https://www.dr-russ.com/ Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/anxiety-rx/id1565897115 Resources MentionedGet His Book: Anxiety Rx Individual Therapy:https://menstherapy.online/?utm_source=Podcast&utm_medium=Service&utm_campaign=Individual_TherapyMen’s group:https://menstherapy.online/mens-groups/?utm_source=Podcast&utm_medium=Service&utm_campaign=Mens_GroupsMTO Slack:https://menstherapy.online/slack/?utm_source=Podcast&utm_medium=Slack_CTA&utm_campaign=MTO_SlackWebsite:https://menstherapy.online/

Visit: menstherapy.online/startThe nice guy’s unspoken deal is simple: be agreeable, keep everyone happy, and eventually get the love, approval, or respect you think you’ve earned. On this Men’s Therapy Podcast roundtable, host Marc Azoulay brings together Tim Wienecke, Pete Armstrong, and Josh Brewster to unpack nice guy syndrome, where it comes from, and why trying to be liked by everyone can leave men feeling resentful, disconnected, and unsure of who they really are.The panel explores how childhood experiences, emotionally overwhelmed parents, bullying, and the pressure to earn love can teach boys to suppress their needs and avoid conflict. They look at the covert contracts behind people-pleasing, the resentment that builds when unspoken expectations go unmet, and the cycle of shame and anger that can follow. The conversation also examines what happens when a man begins changing his behaviour in a relationship, why assertiveness doesn’t have to mean becoming an asshole, and how to express anger without turning it into aggression. Practical takeaways include learning to disappoint people, setting social boundaries, trying a “negotiated no” instead of automatically saying yes, and building an identity through action, honest friendships, and community. The central question is how to move from performing niceness to showing up with genuine kindness, clearer needs, and greater authenticity.Connect with PanelTim WieneckeWebsite: https://americanmasculinity.com/ Pete ArmstrongWebsite: https://peteinspires.com/ Josh BrewsterWebsite: https://menstherapy.online/ Resources MentionedIndividual Therapy:https://menstherapy.online/?utm_source=Podcast&utm_medium=Service&utm_campaign=Individual_TherapyMen’s group:https://menstherapy.online/mens-groups/?utm_source=Podcast&utm_medium=Service&utm_campaign=Mens_GroupsMTO Slack:https://menstherapy.online/slack/?utm_source=Podcast&utm_medium=Slack_CTA&utm_campaign=MTO_SlackWebsite:https://menstherapy.online/

Visit: menstherapy.online/start The scorekeeping spreadsheet in your head never shows a balanced ledger. On this Men’s Therapy Podcast roundtable, host Marc Azoulay asks why resentment so often arrives in relationships where both partners are convinced they’re the one doing more. He is joined by three therapists. Melissa Ryan, a returning guest, is a couples counsellor in Lakewood, Colorado, who works with couples on trail-based and outdoor sessions. Sylvan Herb Summers is a Boulder therapist and Men’s Therapy Online coach whose work is somatic and attachment-based. Riley Zweig has a private practice in Broomfield, Colorado, focused on perfectionism, “not enough” beliefs, and relationship OCD.The panel treats scorekeeping as data rather than a character flaw, and asks what unspoken expectations sit underneath it. They look at the columns on the spreadsheet: sex as a currency for approval or desire, provider pressure, and the covert contracts behind nice guy syndrome. They question whether 50/50 is a real standard, and Melissa traces the “wanter versus wanted” scripts we inherit from culture. They also cover why a sacrifice mindset curdles while a generosity mindset builds trust, and why the Gottmans’ “emotional bank account” makes an 80/20 season survivable. Practical tools include Eve Rodsky’s Fair Play cards and a step-by-step worksheet for sorting out who carries the mental load. The conversation closes on a few self-checks: “Would I want to date me?”, the one-up/one-down trap of shame and blame, and the question “What don’t I understand about this fight we’ve had a hundred times?”Connect with PanelMelissa Ryan:Substack: https://counselormelissa.substack.com/ Silvan Summers:Website: naturalmovementpsychotherapy.com Riley Zwaig:Website: blackbeartherapy.com Resources MentionedIndividual Therapy:https://menstherapy.online/?utm_source=Podcast&utm_medium=Service&utm_campaign=Individual_TherapyMen’s grouphttps://menstherapy.online/mens-groups/?utm_source=Podcast&utm_medium=Service&utm_campaign=Mens_GroupsMTO Slackhttps://menstherapy.online/slack/?utm_source=Podcast&utm_medium=Slack_CTA&utm_campaign=MTO_SlackWebsite:https://menstherapy.online/

Visit: menstherapy.online/start Sameera Sullivan, a matchmaker, joins Marc Azoulay to unpack why dating feels so hard for men right now. Learn what it takes to find and keep a real relationship. Drawing on her experience vetting and coaching clients, Sameera explains how app fatigue, endless options, and approach anxiety leave many good men stuck. They discuss how attachment styles, love languages, and personality types shape compatibility, why some men keep choosing the wrong partner, and how divorced men can re-enter dating with confidence. The conversation also covers handling conflict once the honeymoon phase fades, the “70–80% compatible” rule, texting and first-date etiquette, reading social cues, and why giving a connection a few dates can change everything.Connect with Sameera:Website: https://sameerasullivan.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sameera_sullivan LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sameera-sullivan-20773820 Individual Therapy:https://menstherapy.online/?utm_source=Podcast&utm_medium=Service&utm_campaign=Individual_TherapyMen’s grouphttps://menstherapy.online/mens-groups/?utm_source=Podcast&utm_medium=Service&utm_campaign=Mens_GroupsMTO Slackhttps://menstherapy.online/slack/?utm_source=Podcast&utm_medium=Slack_CTA&utm_campaign=MTO_SlackWebsite:https://menstherapy.online/

Visit: menstherapy.online/startDr. Jessica Gold joins Marc Azoulay to explore the surprising connection between chemistry and romantic relationships. Drawing on her background in organic chemistry, systems theory, and relationship science, Jessica explains why relationships are dynamic systems. She highlights why simply “trying harder” often doesn’t create meaningful change. They discuss high-leverage relationship shifts, learning your partner’s “operating manual,” effective repair after conflict, moving beyond right-versus-wrong thinking, and understanding the emotional patterns beneath disagreements. The conversation also explores appreciation, desire, intimacy, and how couples can create healthier feedback loops that strengthen their connection.Connect with Jessica:Bliss Science: https://www.bliss-science.com/LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/dr-jessica-gold Resources MentionedIndividual Therapy:https://menstherapy.online/?utm_source=Podcast&utm_medium=Service&utm_campaign=Individual_TherapyMen’s grouphttps://menstherapy.online/mens-groups/?utm_source=Podcast&utm_medium=Service&utm_campaign=Mens_GroupsMTO Slackhttps://menstherapy.online/slack/?utm_source=Podcast&utm_medium=Slack_CTA&utm_campaign=MTO_SlackWebsite:https://menstherapy.online/

Visit: menstherapy.online/startThe midlife crisis has a stock image problem: sports car, affair, motorcycle, a man trying to be twenty-two again. On this Men's Therapy Podcast roundtable, host Marc Azoulay brings together three voices who work with men at exactly this turning point. Brooks, a therapist and retreat leader based in Central Iowa with a telehealth practice in Colorado; Desmond Cohen, a counsellor and longtime Man Kind Project facilitator based in Oregon; and Mark Platten, who has spent over two decades in men's work, now focused specifically on midlife, andropause, and the men whose partners are moving through perimenopause.The conversation moves well past the cliché, tracing the midlife crisis back to an older idea: a reckoning with the ladder you've spent your whole life climbing, and whether you ever leaned against the right wall. The panel debates whether this is a modern phenomenon or a timeless one (Brooks points to Dante and The Odyssey), why the timeline seems to be shifting a decade later than it used to, and why roughly two-thirds of midlife divorces in the U.S. are initiated by women rather than men. From there, it gets personal: Robert Bly's image of the shame men shove into an invisible bag starting in childhood; a real case study of a marriage rebuilt after a hidden affair came to light; and the pattern of "being right" as a childhood survival strategy that quietly wrecks adult relationships. The episode closes on spirituality and altered states, ayahuasca, psilocybin, vision quests, and why Joseph Campbell wouldn't take a student under 40.Connect with PanelBrooks Witter:Website: https://vidapsychotherapy.com/ Desmond Cohen:Website: https://desmondcohencounseling.com/ Mark J. Platten:Website: http://markjplatten.com/ Resources MentionedIndividual Therapyhttps://menstherapy.online/?utm_source=Podcast&utm_medium=Service&utm_campaign=Individual_TherapyMen’s grouphttps://menstherapy.online/mens-groups/?utm_source=Podcast&utm_medium=Service&utm_campaign=Mens_GroupsMTO Slackhttps://menstherapy.online/slack/?utm_source=Podcast&utm_medium=Slack_CTA&utm_campaign=MTO_SlackWebsite:https://menstherapy.online/

Visit: menstherapy.online/startWhat happens when the habits men use to cope with life start creating problems of their own? From relying on marijuana every night to struggling to say no, feeling emotionally numb, or carrying grief through the holidays, many men learn to manage difficult emotions by pushing them aside rather than dealing with what is underneath.In this episode of the Men's Therapy Podcast, Marc Azoulay answers four listener questions covering marijuana dependence, nice guy syndrome, emotional numbness, and grief. The conversation explores how daily marijuana use can become something a person depends on to relax, why withdrawal can make stopping difficult, and how substances can sometimes act as a “smokescreen” over the deeper issues preventing someone from feeling comfortable in their own life.The episode also examines the problem of constantly saying yes to other people. Being dependable can be a valuable quality, but trying to be everything for everyone can eventually lead to resentment and burnout. Learning to establish boundaries requires practice and may initially feel uncomfortable.Another listener asks why he feels almost nothing during experiences that would normally produce strong emotions, such as death and grief. The discussion explores how men can become conditioned to suppress emotional experiences and why creating safe environments can make it easier to reconnect with feelings.Finally, the episode looks at grief around the holidays and the importance of creating new family traditions while continuing to honour the person who has died.Ultimately, the episode emphasizes a common theme: removing an unhealthy coping mechanism is only part of the process. The deeper work involves understanding what is underneath, creating new experiences, and building a life that does not require constant avoidance.For more podcasts, blogs, and to get involved in the Men's Therapy Online Community, visit www.menstherapy.online.Follow us on social media: https://mtr.bio/mens-therapy-online.

Visit: menstherapy.online/startWhy do so many men who look like they have it all together secretly feel like they're about to be found out? Imposter syndrome in men rarely looks like self-doubt from the outside. More often it looks like a packed calendar, a growing résumé, and a constant sense that none of it counts.In this episode of the Men's Therapy Podcast, host Mark Azoulay talks with Kealy Spring, a Bay Area therapist who specializes in working with high achievers. Kealy has felt imposter syndrome herself, which is a big part of why she works with this population today.Together they trace how pressure, perfectionism, and the fear of being exposed push men into overworking, procrastination, and emotional suppression. They also cover what it costs them at work, in leadership, and at home, and what it takes to step off the treadmill.Connect with Kealy:Website: https://www.kealyspring.com/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kealyspring Resources MentionedHer Podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@therapeuticallyalignedIndividual Therapy:https://menstherapy.online/?utm_source=Podcast&utm_medium=Service&utm_campaign=Individual_TherapyMen’s grouphttps://menstherapy.online/mens-groups/?utm_source=Podcast&utm_medium=Service&utm_campaign=Mens_GroupsMTO Slackhttps://menstherapy.online/slack/?utm_source=Podcast&utm_medium=Slack_CTA&utm_campaign=MTO_SlackWebsite:https://menstherapy.online/

Why do so many men bounce off traditional therapy? What would therapy look like if it were actually built for them?In this episode of the Men's Therapy Podcast, host Mark Azoulay talks with Dr. Andrew Smiler, psychologist and author of the brand-new Clinical Work with Men: Understanding Masculinity in Psychotherapy, as well as The Masculine Self, the widely used men's studies textbook now in its seventh edition. Andrew has spent decades researching masculinity and training clinicians on how to actually work with male clients, not just adapt techniques built for someone else.The centrepiece of the conversation is Andrew's "multifaceted masculinity framework," a way of breaking masculinity down into four connected pieces so therapists (and men themselves) have something concrete to work with instead of vague, one-size-fits-all questions. From there, Mark and Andrew get into why gender training in grad school rarely actually includes men, why problem-solving therapy tends to land better with male clients than coping and validation, and why respect, not just safety, might be the missing ingredient in how men experience therapy.Connect with Dr. AndrewWebsite: https://jasonconnell.co/ Resources MentionedGet His Books: Clinical Work with Men: Understanding Masculinity in Psychotherapy, The Masculine Self (now in its seventh edition): https://www.amazon.com/dp/1597381721?lv=shuf&language=zh_TW&channelId=510&plpRedirect=mhFallbackIndividual Therapy:https://menstherapy.online/?utm_source=Podcast&utm_medium=Service&utm_campaign=Individual_TherapyMen’s grouphttps://menstherapy.online/mens-groups/?utm_source=Podcast&utm_medium=Service&utm_campaign=Mens_GroupsMTO Slackhttps://menstherapy.online/slack/?utm_source=Podcast&utm_medium=Slack_CTA&utm_campaign=MTO_SlackWebsite:https://menstherapy.online/