454: From Ghosted to Empowered: How to Heal When Someone Disappears

Join host Dr. Debi as she sits down with Gretta Perlmutter, a certified PBT® coach who specializes in helping people heal from ghosting. Gretta shares her personal journey from being ghosted multiple times to becoming an expert in understanding this painful form of betrayal and helping others move forward with confidence.    Key Topics Covered  Gretta's Personal Story  Being ghosted multiple times in business, friendships, and dating  The shocking experience of being ghosted after a multi-day trip invitation  The mental health toll and unhealthy coping mechanisms  The journey from self-blame to self-empowerment  Turning pain into purpose through coaching and content creation  Understanding Ghosting  Why People Ghost:  Avoidance - Unwilling to experience the emotional labor of difficult conversations  Malicious Intent - Using silence to hurt and control others  Accidental - Truly unable to reach out (medical emergencies, lost contact info, tech glitches)  Warning Signs Someone Might Ghost You:  History of ghosting others  Regular use of the silent treatment  Consistent avoidance of conflict and emotional conversations  The "slow ghost" - gradually fading from your life  Actions that don't align with their words  The Emotional Impact  Feelings of unworthiness and invisibility  Grief over the loss of the relationship and imagined future  Anxiety, sadness, and confusion  Physical symptoms like inability to eat or sleep  The shock of going from feeling seen and heard to feeling deleted  The Healing Journey  Key Realizations:  Ghosting says nothing about you and everything about the ghost  You're not responsible for other people's behaviors  Your worth doesn't depend on anyone else's approval or actions  Not everyone shows up in the world with the same level of kindness and respect  Practical Steps to Heal:  Take care of your mind, body, and heart  Honor your emotions without judgment  Focus on people who are actively choosing you  Reach out to understanding friends, family, or specialized coaches  Stop analyzing the ghost and focus on your own healing  Give yourself what you wanted from them  If You Think You're Being Ghosted:  Reach out casually 2-3 times maximum  Give them the benefit of the doubt initially  Don't keep messaging into an echo chamber  End the relationship on your terms with a clear, dignified message  Example: "I haven't heard from you in a while, and I'm not sure why. I'm disappointed that you haven't communicated with me. This dynamic isn't working for me, so I'm ending this relationship. Take care of yourself."  If the Ghost Returns:  Take your time deciding how to proceed  Remember: You don't owe them anything  People can change, but they often don't  If you choose to reconnect, do it slowly after investing in your recovery  They need to show they've changed and are trustworthy  Build an entirely new relationship with clear boundaries  The Power of PBT® Coaching  How the five stages of betrayal recovery framework applies to ghosting  The importance of not ghosting yourself during the healing process  Moving from analyzing the betrayer to focusing on personal healing  The transformation from stage three (learning about the betrayal) to stage four (focusing on self)    Memorable Quotes  "Ghosting says nothing about you, and it speaks volumes about the ghost. This is their behavior issue."  "Your worth doesn't depend on anyone else's approval, feelings or actions. Never put your worth in a ghost's hands."  "Not everyone is showing up in the world like I am, not everyone has the same level of kindness and dignity and respect."  "Stop analyzing the people who have ghosted me, and start focusing on myself. How can I heal? What do I need? How can I not ghost myself?"  "When you take that healing seriously, you become a version of you you didn't have access to."    Resources  Connect with Gretta Perlmutter:  Website: https://www.copingwithghosting.com/  Podcast: Coping with Ghosting  Social Media: @copingwithghosting (TikTok, Instagram)  Facebook Group: Coping with Ghosting (free and private)  Upcoming Book: "Coping with Ghosting in Love and Dating"  Connect with Dr. Debi  The PBT Institute  The PBT Coach Certification Program  Recommended Episode:  "What to Do When the Person Who Ghosted You Returns" (Coping with Ghosting podcast) 

After 450 episodes, the podcast takes a new direction as host Dr. Debi shares the deeply personal story behind the Post Betrayal Transformation® (PBT®) Certification Program—the only research-based program for healing from betrayal using the Five Stages from Betrayal to Breakthrough.  What You'll Learn  The Personal Journey  How childhood betrayal and later spousal betrayal led to a transformative healing journey  The decision to pursue a PhD in Transpersonal Psychology while barely functioning  Discovering the Five Stages of Betrayal Recovery through rigorous research and personal implementation  The vulnerable choice to share this private story to help others heal  The Research Behind PBT  Why there was no deep-dive study on the lived experience of betrayal  How the "Fab 14" women contributed to groundbreaking research  The moment a study chair recognized a documented process in the findings  Moving from theory to proven methodology through personal experience  Physical and Emotional Healing  Understanding Post Betrayal Syndrome®  symptoms and their impact  How healing affects sleep, immune system, weight, and overall wellbeing  Why traditional therapy often keeps people stuck in the same patterns  The difference between staying in Stage 3 (quicksand) versus moving to Stages 4 and 5  The Certification Program  Why teaching coaches and practitioners creates exponential healing  How the certification includes personal healing work before teaching others  Real transformations: new businesses, restored health, rebuilt relationships  The vision of reaching thousands through trained practitioners rather than one-on-one work  Impact on Different Professions  Life Coaches: Helping clients who can't focus or move forward  Business Coaches: Supporting entrepreneurs who can't sell or promote themselves  Health Coaches: Understanding why clients sabotage healthy protocols  Leadership Coaches: Addressing trust issues that lead to micromanaging  Parents: Becoming role models of resilience for their children  Key Takeaways  Betrayal is uniquely traumatic—it shatters trust and creates physical symptoms  Healing is possible through a structured, research-based approach  The Five Stages can shorten decades of pain into a manageable healing journey  Transformation creates access to a version of yourself you didn't have before  Sharing your story, despite vulnerability, can create mass healing  Memorable Quotes  "Get out of the way. Your ego and pride are preventing people from healing."  "This work can shorten someone's pain by decades."  "Stage 3 is quicksand—it's where most people get stuck."  "Nothing was as painful for me as betrayal, and nothing feels better than transforming from it."  Resources Mentioned  PBT®  (Post Betrayal Transformation®) Certification Program  The PBT®  Institute  Previous TEDx talks: "Stop Sabotaging Yourself" and "Do You Have Post Betrayal Syndrome?"  Book: Trust Again  About Post Betrayal Syndrome®  Post Betrayal Syndrome includes symptoms such as:  Sleep disruption and fatigue  Weakened immune system  Weight gain (especially around midsection)  Inability to focus or concentrate  Emotional overwhelm and triggers  Who This Episode Is For  Anyone who has experienced betrayal (family, partner, friend, coworker)  Coaches, therapists, counselors, and practitioners wanting to help betrayal survivors  Health and wellness professionals whose clients are stuck or self-sabotaging  Anyone interested in trauma recovery and transformation  People seeking to turn their pain into purpose  Next Steps  If you're interested in the PBT®  Certification Program or want to learn more about the Five Stages from Betrayal to Breakthrough, visit the PBT®  Institute or reach out with questions and comments. 

Guest  Dr. Rosenna Bakari - Psychologist, Entrepreneur, and Transformational Guide  Episode Overview  In this powerful conversation, Dr. Rosina BaKari shares her wisdom on letting go of what no longer serves us and stepping into our next best chapters. As a psychologist and entrepreneur, Dr. BaKari brings both professional expertise and personal experience to guide listeners through the challenging but essential process of transformation after betrayal and life's hardest moments.  Key Topics Discussed  The Journey to Entrepreneurship  How becoming an entrepreneur forced Dr. BaKari to stop hiding  The challenge of working alone and the fear that kept her isolated  Recognizing when "personality traits" are actually fear-based responses  Understanding and Navigating Fear  Why action is the only way through fear  How fear gnaws at us when we avoid what needs to be done  Taking baby steps instead of giant leaps  The Art of Letting Go  Why "just let it go" doesn't work  The 7X Framework: Seven areas that prevent us from moving forward  Betrayal and silence  Emotional dependency  Stagnant relationships  Complacency  Indoctrination  Loss of passion and purpose  Ego and identity  Forgiveness vs. Acceptance  Why you shouldn't rush to forgive  Letting forgiveness arise naturally from healing  Striving for acceptance before forgiveness  Meeting yourself where you are instead of where you think you should be  Radical Self-Centeredness  What it really means to be radically self-centered  Why serving from an empty cup doesn't work  Centering yourself in your own healing journey  The importance of self-preservation over people-pleasing  Seeds of Disempowerment  How childhood conditioning shapes our adult responses  The concept of "disempowerment by 1,000 cuts"  Recognizing subtle experiences of emotional disempowerment  Why we acquiesce in adulthood based on childhood patterns  The Morning Practice  Starting your day with five minutes of intentional self-reflection  Deciding who you want to be before your day begins  Creating self-awareness throughout the day  Noticing when you drift from your intentions  Rebuilding After the Crash  Why betrayal can be a catalyst for transformation  The opportunity to create something radically different  Not wasting trauma by just trying to get back to "normal"  Building a life that's bigger and more beautiful than before  Key Quotes & Insights  "If it were that easy, we'd all do it right? It's the processes that matter."  "Don't rush forgiveness. Let forgiveness arise from the healing."  "Be where you are. So often we don't allow ourselves to just be in the present moment."  "You can't pour from an empty cup. The more full you are, the better for everybody."  "Why would you rebuild what you had? Give it everything the old house didn't have."  "There's a gap between what we want and what we really want. Spend time digging into what really brings you joy."  Actionable Takeaways  Practice the Morning Five Minutes: Before getting out of bed, spend five minutes deciding who you want to be that day  Identify Your X Factor: Determine which of the seven areas is blocking your progress  Take Baby Steps: Don't try to transform overnight; take the next closest step in the right direction  Center Yourself: Practice radical self-centeredness in your healing journey  Question Your Conditioning: Examine which behaviors are truly you versus learned responses from childhood  Create Space for Clarity: Ask yourself what you really want, not what you think you should want  Resources  Connect with Dr. Rosina BaKari:  Website: RosinaBaKari.com  Instagram: @RosinaBaKari  Perfect For Listeners Who:  Are recovering from betrayal or major life disruptions  Struggle with letting go of past hurts  Feel stuck in patterns that no longer serve them  Want to create meaningful transformation in their lives  Are ready to step into their next chapter with intention    Want to dive deeper into transformation after betrayal? Subscribe to the podcast and leave a review to help others find these conversations. 

The holiday season can be especially challenging for those who've experienced betrayal. This episode explores how coaches and practitioners can help clients navigate the pain that surfaces during this time and introduces the strategic framework of the five stages from betrayal to breakthrough.  Key Topics Covered  The Holiday Challenge  The holidays bring up complex emotions for those who've been betrayed:  Memories of past celebrations become painful  Questions arise about what the betrayer was thinking during previous happy moments  The season amplifies unresolved trauma  How Unhealed Betrayal Shows Up  Betrayal affects clients across all coaching specialties:  Health Coaches: Clients may struggle with emotional eating, binging, or sabotaging healthy protocols due to underlying betrayal trauma.  Digestive Health Practitioners: 45% of betrayed individuals develop gut issues (Crohn's, IBS, diverticulitis, constipation, diarrhea). Even excellent protocols may fail without addressing the root betrayal.  Business Coaches: Clients may sabotage success, struggle with confidence, avoid promoting themselves, or have difficulty delegating due to shattered trust.  Life Coaches: Clients appear stuck, unable to find clarity or purpose because they're trapped in betrayal trauma.  The Five Stages Framework  Understanding where clients are stuck is crucial:  Stage 2: Nervous system dysregulation prevents clients from hearing suggestions  Stage 3: The most common stuck point where clients settle for "solid ground" rather than pursuing growth  Stages 4 & 5: Where transformation happens—new health levels, passion projects, businesses, and relationships become possible  Signs Your Protocols Aren't Working  Client demonstrates patterns of self-sabotage  Excellent strategies fail to produce results  Client seems unable to move forward despite wanting to  Symptoms persist despite proper treatment  The Transformation Process  When betrayal is addressed:  Health protocols begin working effectively  Confidence returns for business pursuits  Trust rebuilds systematically  Physical symptoms of Post Betrayal Syndrome disappear  Clients look years younger as chronic stress reduces  Common Pitfalls to Avoid  Therapy Without Betrayal Expertise: Well-meaning therapists may keep clients feeling heard but stuck in Stage 3  Couples Counseling Issues: Often minimizes betrayal, lacks accountability, and frustrates the betrayed partner  Support Groups: Can inadvertently encourage people to sabotage healing to maintain their community  Numbing Behaviors: Medication, substances, work, or scrolling prevent actual healing  Why People Stay Stuck  Fear of outgrowing their support system  Fear of outgrowing their betrayer  Settling seems safer than risking more pain  Not knowing there's a roadmap forward  The Power of PBT Coaching  Certified coaches use the five-stage roadmap while bringing their unique strengths:  Some work with couples, others with individuals  Specializations include military families, faith-based approaches, empaths, men, women  All share the strategic framework while applying personal gifts  Results of Moving Through the Stages  New levels of physical health and vitality  Transformed or new relationships  Passion projects and new businesses  Access to opportunities not visible while stuck  Deep sense of fulfillment and purpose  Upcoming Opportunity  Free Masterclass: Becoming a Certified PBT Coach or Practitioner  Date: December 11 at 11am Pacific  For: Coaches, practitioners, HR professionals, therapists, doctors, counselors  Special Offer: Holiday bonus gifts available (details revealed in masterclass)  Register: ThePBTinstitute.com/certification-masterclass  Note: Replay available to all registrants  Key Takeaway  Whether you're struggling with betrayal during the holidays or you're a professional who wants to help others heal, there's a proven roadmap that shortens years of pain. The goal isn't just to return to the old life—it's to create something richer, healthier, and more fulfilling.    "The more coaches certified with their own spin, talents, and strengths, the more people get the help they need to move through something they never saw coming." 

In this transformative episode, I sit down with my own teacher and mentor, Dr. Karen Parker, to explore the fascinating world of Quantum Human Design and how our stories literally shape our biology. Dr. Parker is a pioneer who studied with the founder of traditional Human Design and has taken the system to its next evolution—helping people not just understand who they're not, but consciously create who they want to become.  What You'll Discover  Understanding Quantum Human Design  The difference between traditional Human Design and Quantum Human Design  How Human Design synthesizes Eastern and Western astrology, the Chinese I Ching, Hindu chakra system, and Judaic Kabbalah  Why getting back into your body is essential for authentic decision-making  The evolution from learning "who you're not" to consciously creating "who you choose to become"  The Biology of Our Stories  How victim-based narratives actually lower immune response (IgA levels)  The physiological changes that occur when you reframe your story  Why optimists live longer and have longer telomeres  The connection between storytelling and post-traumatic growth  Moving Beyond Survival  Why defining ourselves as "survivors" keeps us stuck at a minimal baseline  The danger of stopping your story at the cliffhanger  How to move from surviving to thriving through the redemption arc  The Stage 3 trap: how repeating our betrayal story keeps us stuck  The Story Lab Process  A creative, fun approach to rewriting your narrative (yes, it can be enjoyable!)  Using creative writing to bypass logic and reasoning patterns  Why taking your story "out of time" creates powerful shifts  Real-life example: How one woman transformed from victim to empowered protector  Key Takeaways  Your story creates your identity, and your identity calls in experiences that validate it. Breaking this cycle requires conscious narrative reframing.  Healing doesn't have to be a crisis. The Story Lab process proves that transformation can actually be creative, playful, and fun.  Check in with your body. After sharing your betrayal story, does your body feel light, open, and expansive? Or heavy and contracted? Your body knows the truth.  The power of the redemption arc. Your story doesn't end at the betrayal—that's just the catalyst. The real story is what happens next and who you become.  Powerful Exercise to Try  Draw a horizontal line across a piece of paper. The left represents your birth, the right represents where you are now. Mark all the significant experiences in your life along this timeline. Then ask yourself: "Did I stop my story at the cliffhanger, or have I defined myself by what happened next?"  If you're still hanging at the cliffhanger, you deserve better than that.  About Dr. Karen Parker  Dr. Karen Parker holds a PhD in transpersonal psychology and is the creator of Quantum Human Design. She studied directly with the founder of traditional Human Design and spent three years in a Sound Lab testing the frequency of vocabulary to create an entirely new system that helps people consciously write their sovereign story. She's also the author of multiple books, including Quantum Wellness, which walks readers through the Story Lab process.  Connect with Dr. Karen Parker  Website: QuantumHumanDesign.com  Instagram & Facebook: @DrKarenParker22  Book: Quantum Wellness (available at major online retailers)  Stay in Touch  The PBT Institute: https://thepbtinstitute.com   My Personal Connection  As a 4/6 Manifesting Generator (Time Bender) myself, studying with Dr. Karen was life-changing. Learning about the triphasic life cycle of the 4/6 profile helped me understand why my life crashed and burned at exactly age 50—and why that was actually the beginning of my true purpose work. The concept of "finding shortcuts" as a Manifesting Generator perfectly explains why the five stages of Post Betrayal Transformation showed up in my research—it was THE shortcut to healing! 

Dr. Debi Silber, founder of the PBT® Institute, shares groundbreaking research on betrayal recovery and introduces the #1 betrayal recovery certification program specifically designed to help coaches, practitioners, and healthcare professionals guide clients through healing from betrayal.  Key Topics Covered  The Hidden Impact of Unhealed Betrayal  How unhealed betrayal shows up in relationships through repeat patterns or emotional walls  The connection between betrayal and stress-related health conditions  Impact on workplace performance, confidence, and decision-making  Three Groundbreaking Discoveries  Discovery #1: Betrayal is Different  Unlike other traumas, betrayal shatters the sense of self  Affects trust, confidence, worthiness, and belonging in unique ways  Requires a specialized healing approach  Discovery #2: PBS® Post Betrayal Syndrome®  A documented collection of physical, mental, and emotional symptoms  Based on over 100,000 data points  Time alone doesn't heal these symptoms  Discovery #3: Five Proven Stages from Betrayal to Breakthrough  Predictable pathway from pain to transformation  Clear markers at each stage  Specific strategies to progress through healing  Statistics on How Betrayal Affects Work Performance  84% struggle with trust (impacts collaboration and teamwork)  88% experience extreme sadness (reduces motivation and creativity)  68% cannot focus or concentrate (decreases productivity)  78% feel overwhelmed (increases mistakes and burnout risk)  83% carry significant anger (creates workplace conflict)  47% develop weight and digestive issues  These symptoms persist regardless of when the betrayal occurred  The Transformation Model  Using the house metaphor: betrayal isn't about restoring what was (resilience), it's about rebuilding something entirely new (transformation)  Who This Certification Serves  Life, health, business, and leadership coaches  Therapists, counselors, and psychologists  HR professionals and organizational leaders  Healers and practitioners  Anyone working with clients affected by broken trust  The Certification Program  Self-paced training on the Five Stages  Includes the signature "Betrayal to Breakthrough" program  Case study work and practical coaching tools  Provides coach or practitioner designation  ICF continuing education credits available  Additional Growth Opportunity: PBT Pro  Monthly membership offering:  Live business-building sessions with Dr. Debi  Legal support and protections  Marketing and scaling strategies  Client scenario coaching  Guidance on podcasting, speaking, publishing, and more  Resources Mentioned  PBT® Institute Certification: thepbtinstitute.com/get-certified  From Betrayal to Breakthrough Podcast (top 1.5% globally)  National Forgiveness Day (September 1st annually)  Key Takeaways  Betrayal creates unique symptoms that persist until deliberately healed  Most people stay stuck in Stage 3 without proper guidance  Healing is predictable and achievable with the right framework  Specializing in betrayal recovery creates opportunities to serve an underserved population  This work complements existing coaching practices rather than replacing them  Special Bonuses Mentioned  Featured listing in coaching directory  Guest appearance on From Betrayal to Breakthrough podcast  In-person retreat ticket ($1,800 value for PBT® Pro members)  Five ready-to-use client assessments  Legal disclaimer templates  For more information about becoming certified in Post Betrayal Transformation, visit thepbtinstitute.com/get-certified  

In this transformative episode, host Dr. Debi Silber sits down with spiritual guide Panache Desai to challenge everything we've been taught about success, fulfillment, and self-worth. If you've achieved success by traditional standards but still feel unfulfilled, this conversation will completely shift your perspective.  Key Topics Covered:  Redefining Success  Why material success often leads to depression, addiction, and unfulfillment  The true meaning of success: being at peace with yourself  How we've been sold a false bill of goods about where fulfillment comes from  The Inside-Out Approach  Why looking outside ourselves for love, security, and happiness never works  The illusion of external authority and how it betrays us from birth  Why you are already the source of everything you're seeking  The Betrayal Experience  How betrayal serves as a catalyst for redirecting attention back to ourselves  Why we've only ever betrayed ourselves by making others the source of our fulfillment  Understanding that betrayal is the ultimate initiation into self-discovery  Acceptance as the Key  Why "working on yourself" keeps you distanced from your truth  The revolutionary practice of accepting your emotions, thoughts, and humanity  How acceptance is the entry point into genuine self-love  The Conditioning Crisis  How women are especially programmed to sacrifice themselves for others  Why the framework of living for everyone else is the ultimate betrayal  Breaking free from the martyrdom archetype  Parenting and Authenticity  Teaching children that their uniqueness is their superpower  Why conformity in education dulls our natural gifts  The parenting-as-gardening approach: nurturing without controlling outcomes  Moving Beyond Victim Consciousness  Accepting powerlessness over the past as the path to infinite power in the present  Why everything that happened was actually perfect for your evolution  The importance of commitment, consistency, and repetition in transformation  The Golden Buddha Within  Removing the layers of others' projections and interpretations  Recognizing you're not broken, flawed, or in need of fixing  Living from the truth of who you really are  Powerful Quotes:  "Success means to be at peace. If you're at peace with yourself, then you're successful."  "We've only ever betrayed ourselves, and that betrayal began in the moment that we made someone else the source of the love, the source of the security, the source of the safety."  "You're adorable, you're loved. There's nothing wrong with you. You're not broken. You don't have to be fixed or changed or improved."  "The only way to be done with the trauma of the past is to accept it, to embrace the fact that it happened—it's not good, it's not bad, it's not right, it's not wrong, it just happened."  Resources:  Visit panachedesai.com to join Panache's free daily meditation "Call to Calm" - now 1570+ days running since the pandemic began.   The PBT Institute — programs, coaches, community: https://thepbtinstitute.com/  Corporate/HR offerings & talks: https://thepbtinstitute.com/corporate  Work with Dr. Debi and her amazing PBT Coaches: https://thepbtinstitute.com/transform/

In this powerful episode, we welcome Dr. Alman, co-creator of the groundbreaking ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) study, to discuss trauma, betrayal, and the path to healing. Dr. Alman shares insights from decades of work with Kaiser Permanente and explains why all trauma contains elements of betrayal.  Key Topics Discussed  The Origins of the ACE Study  How the study began through Kaiser Permanente's weight loss program  Dr. Alman's work with patients trying to lose 50-200+ pounds  The surprising discovery that successful weight loss patients were gaining weight back  Collaboration with Dr. Felitti and Dr. Robert Anda to develop the 10 core questions  Understanding Trauma and Betrayal  Core principle: All trauma is betrayal - it involves people we trusted who didn't have our backs  Trauma comes from family members, partners, friends, grandparents, or anyone we depended on  The weight-protection mechanism: How people use weight to protect themselves from harm  The 10 Core ACE Questions (and Beyond)  The original 10 questions identify the most common childhood traumas  Sexual abuse: Found in close to 60% of women in the weight loss program  Neglect: Particularly common among men whose fathers were absent or overworked  The list is not exhaustive - many other traumas exist  The 11th and 12th Questions-important inclusions to access additional information  The Inner Critic Problem  The perfectionist inner judge that becomes a "lifetime member" of your psyche  How childhood conditioning creates an inner critic that fights with our emotions  The futility of trying to eliminate the inner critic  Why therapy alone often isn't enough to resolve this internal conflict  Coping Mechanisms and Addiction  The dosage principle: Like aspirin, coping mechanisms are about dosage - some is helpful, too much is harmful  Common coping strategies: food, work, exercise, drugs, alcohol  High achievers and entrepreneurs often use success as a distraction  The driven CEO who feels "empty and betrayed on the inside"  How seemingly "healthy" distractions like work and exercise can mask deeper issues  The Path to Healing  The Three-Step Process:  Awareness - Answer the 12 ACE questions  Bridge-building - Awareness alone isn't enough; you must build bridges, not walls  Root cause healing - Access your inner wisdom beneath the trauma  Key Principles:  Your emotions are bridges, not obstacles  Your inner critic can be worked with, not eliminated  Everyone has inner wisdom - "the gold underneath all that lead"  Healing requires going deeper than emotions, judgment, and childhood conditioning  The goal is to utilize your trauma and betrayal as tools for growth  Featured Resource  Enlight App - Developed by Dr. Alman and Dr. Felitti to help people connect with their inner wisdom daily, utilizing emotions, judgments, and childhood experiences as tools for healing rather than obstacles to overcome.  Key Takeaways  The ACE study has reached 100 countries and millions of people worldwide  20% of people use 80% of healthcare services, often due to unresolved trauma  Trauma manifests in physical symptoms: stomach aches, back pain, weight issues, autoimmune illnesses, migraines, depression, and anxiety  Everyone's trauma experience is unique, even when ACE scores are similar  Healing isn't about getting rid of parts of yourself - it's about integration and working with all aspects of who you are  You can't "get rid" of your inner critic any more than you can remove the rings from a tree  The path forward involves accepting, reassuring, and connecting with all parts of yourself  Notable Quotes  "All trauma is betrayal, because it's people we trusted, people we hoped would have our back, would take care of us."  "Awareness is great. It's a bridge, but it's not enough."  "The inner critic has a lifetime membership - you might as well learn how to work with it."  "Everybody has inner wisdom. It's probably real deep, deeper than you've ever gone, deeper than your emotions, deeper than your judge, deeper than your perfectionist."  "Two aspirin will help you, 100 will kill you. Same thing with coping mechanisms - it's all about dosage."  Connect with Dr. Alman  Download the Enlightn app for support (you can also go to enlightn.me) and for more information about the ACE Study and access to the assessment questions, visit https://drbrianalman.com.  To learn more about healing from betrayal trauma, visit https://thepbtinstitute.com.  Discover the groundbreaking ACE Study with co-creator Dr. Alman. Learn why all trauma is betrayal, the 11th and 12th ACE questions, how to work with your inner critic, and the proven path to healing childhood trauma and adverse experiences.    ACE study, adverse childhood experiences, childhood trauma, betrayal trauma, Dr. Alman, trauma healing, inner critic, emotional healing, Kaiser Permanente, sexual abuse recovery, weight loss and trauma, coping mechanisms, root cause healing, PTSD, childhood neglect, inner wisdom, trauma awareness, perfectionism, self-healing, Enlightn app 

In this deeply insightful episode, Dr. Debi Silber sits down with addiction expert Amber Hollingsworth to explore the complex intersection between betrayal and addiction—and the impact it has on partners, families, and loved ones.  Amber, who grew up in a family affected by addiction and went on to dedicate her career to helping families heal, shares raw and eye-opening truths about how addiction patterns form, why partners often become "the villain" in the addicted person's story, and how to strategically navigate the balance between compassion and boundaries without losing yourself in the process.  Together, Debi and Amber unpack how betrayal shows up through addiction—whether it's substances, behaviors, or emotional disconnection—and what it takes to stop enabling, break the cycle, and create the conditions for real recovery.  🧩 Key Topics Covered:  Amber's personal story of growing up in an addicted family and how it shaped her life's work.  The hidden connection between betrayal trauma and addiction—and why family members often carry the deepest wounds.  Why partners of addicts often become "the villain" in the story and how to reverse that dynamic.  The psychology of enabling—and how to stop protecting your loved one from the consequences they need to face.  The painful balance between love and accountability: how to let them fall without losing yourself.  What it really means to "hit bottom" (and why you don't have to wait for it).  How empathy, not anger, activates the brain's learning center and creates the possibility of change.  How to stay grounded, maintain your boundaries, and heal your own betrayal trauma—even while someone you love is still struggling.  The difference between fast-track addictions (like cocaine) and slow-burn addictions (like alcohol or marijuana), and how each impacts relationships differently.  How "trickle truths" and hidden addictions re-traumatize betrayed partners over time.  Why self-care and detachment aren't selfish—they're essential for clarity, health, and long-term healing.  🧠 Key Insights:  "When you grow up around addiction, rebellion sometimes looks like choosing to live differently."  "You're not powerless. You can't control your loved one, but you can influence the system they're in."  "When you stop being the villain in their story, the world becomes the mirror that shows them the truth."  "Empathy activates learning. Anger activates defense."  "Every time you protect someone from their consequences, you're protecting them from their transformation."  💬 Memorable Quotes:  "Self-pity and resentment are how addiction lives. Until that dynamic changes, recovery can't begin." — Amber Hollingsworth  "We can't build anything stable on a cracked foundation of deception. Every 'trickle truth' is another trauma." — Dr. Debi Silber  "You don't have to wait until someone hits bottom. They can put the shovel down at any time." — Amber Hollingsworth  🔧 Practical Takeaways:  Stop enabling — Let natural consequences teach what words cannot.  Stay in your lane — You're responsible for your peace, not their choices.  Lead with empathy — It's the only tone that keeps the door open for change.  Don't hide behind "helping" — Over-functioning feeds denial.  Focus on your stage of healing — Take care of yourself before you decide what's next.  🌿 About Amber Hollingsworth:  Amber Hollingsworth is a master addiction counselor, family recovery specialist, and founder of the YouTube channel Put the Shovel Down, where she educates families on how to break the patterns of enabling and codependency that keep addiction alive. Drawing from her own lived experience in an addicted family and decades of clinical practice, Amber brings clarity, compassion, and concrete strategies for real change.  👉 Watch Amber's videos: Put the Shovel Down on YouTube  🎧 Listen to This Episode If…  You've been betrayed by someone struggling with addiction.  You're trying to help a loved one but feel stuck, angry, or powerless.  You're tired of living in cycles of hope and disappointment.  You want to understand how to support someone in recovery without losing yourself.   Resources & links The PBT Institute — programs, coaches, community: https://thepbtinstitute.com/ Corporate/HR offerings & talks: https://thepbtinstitute.com/corporate  Work with Dr. Debi and her amazing PBT Coaches: https://thepbtinstitute.com/transform/ 

In this solo episode, Dr. Debi shares 11 anonymized, real-world scenarios showing how unhealed betrayal quietly derails performance, leadership, health, and culture at work. From weight changes and gut issues to micromanagement, perfectionism, disengagement, and self-betrayal, you'll see how a personal rupture (even years old) can surface on the job—and what to do about it. You'll also hear research-backed prevalence stats (weight, gut, sleep) and a clear invitation to move from Stages 2–3 (shock and survival) into Stages 4–5 (healing and growth).    Who this episode is for  Professionals, leaders, and founders who feel "off" at work and can't trace why  HR/people leaders noticing unexplained dips in performance, morale, or collaboration  Anyone who suspects an earlier betrayal might still be shaping today's choices, health, and capacity    Key concepts & signals  Betrayal shows up at work physically (weight, gut, sleep), mentally (focus, overthinking), emotionally (hypervigilance, distrust).  Nervous system hijack: After broken trust, people often swing to micromanagement, second-guessing, isolation, or over-preparation.  Stages matter: Creativity, confidence, and connection typically reliably return as you move into Stages 4–5 of the 5-Stage model.  Research snapshots (from Debi's community data):  Weight/eating struggles: ~47%  Gut issues (IBS/Crohn's/constipation/diarrhea): ~45%  Sleep problems: ~68%    Case snapshots (anonymized)  Sarah — Weight & confidence spiral Discovery of husband + best friend affair → stress eating → +40 lbs, pre-diabetes, energy crash. Missed two promotions; client-facing confidence plummeted.  Marcus — Gut & career derailment Brother's $50k "investment" betrayal (borrowed from 401k) → nausea → IBS, 30 missed days in 6 months, $12k out-of-pocket care → transfer to lower-paying support role.  Jennifer — From empowering to micromanaging Daughter's addiction/deceit eroded trust → hypervigilance, excessive approvals, morale drop → $30k demotion.  David — Cultural catalyst to clock-watcher Father covertly rewrote will for estranged sister → emotional numbness → stopped mentoring/initiatives → ~25% drop in departmental satisfaction.  Lisa — Anxiety, over-prep, stalled growth Fiancé + maid of honor affair weeks before wedding → panic in meetings, medical leave, therapy costs → over-preparation and hesitation → lost Senior Manager promotion.  Tom — Creativity collapse Close friend's emotional affair with his partner during family caregiving → withdrew creative risk-taking → lost edge in pitches → 3 major accounts (~$2M) missed.  Rachel — Sleepless CEO Sister's manipulation of elderly mother & finances → insomnia, ruminations → poorer board-level decisions, investor strain, performance dip; sleep meds added side-effects.  Kevin — Isolation after double betrayal Wife left for best friend → withdrew from people, closed-door leadership → cross-functional effectiveness down ~40%; silos and delays multiplied.  Maria — Paralysis by over-analysis Business + romantic partner embezzled to fund secret life → hyper-checking, documentation glut → missed time-sensitive opportunities; costly lost trading advantage.  Robert — Purpose lost, pipeline thins Adult son (aided by brother) sued him for "emotional damages" → quit mentoring/junior development → leadership pipeline weakened; burnout → early retirement.  Andrea (self-betrayal) — Successful but misaligned Pressured away from teaching into law → chronic fatigue, migraines, disengagement, ~30% billable drop, ~$800k lost potential revenue → leave of absence. The cost wasn't only professional—it was existential.    How to spot it (self-check)  "I don't recognize how I lead or work anymore." (micromanaging, over-prepping, perfectionism)  "My body is louder than my calendar." (gut flares, migraines, insomnia before big decisions)  "I'm here but not really here." (numbness, disengagement, loss of initiative/mentoring)  "I don't trust my read on people." (multiple confirmations for simple tasks, second-guessing)  "I'm productive—but always late." (hyper-vigilant thoroughness that kills timeliness)  "I'm successful—and empty." (self-betrayal: achievement without meaning)    Try this: 6 reflection prompts  Which case felt uncomfortably familiar—and why?  Where does betrayal show up most for you: body, mind, or relationships at work?  What do you over-do (control, analyze, isolate) to feel safer—and what does it cost?  Which responsibility did you stop (mentoring, initiating, pitching) after the rupture?  What would "Stage 4–5 me" do differently this week?  If self-betrayal is the theme, what small act of alignment could you take in 72 hours?    If you lead a team (HR, managers, execs)  Watch for sudden style flips (empowering → micromanaging; creative → conventional).  Replace "performance policing" with support + boundaries (clear priorities, fewer approvals, flexible micro-rest).  Offer psychological safety + access to evidence-based healing resources; normalize PTO for real recovery.  Protect culture carriers (your "Davids")—and rebuild when they dim.    Practical next steps  Name it: If you recognized yourself, that's progress.  Assess: Take the Post Betrayal Syndrome® indicators seriously (weight, gut, sleep).  Stabilize the body: Basic routines (sleep hygiene, hydration, movement) reduce reactivity.  Skill up: Learn boundaries, rebuild self-trust, and pace decisions during healing.  Advance stages: If you're in Stages 2–3, get guided support to move into 4–5, where creativity, confidence, and connection reliably return.  Share back: Tell Dr. Debi which story resonated most; it helps tailor future episodes.  Memorable lines  "We can try to leave betrayal at the door—but our body and leadership bring it to work."  "Micromanagement is often a trust injury in disguise."  "Success that betrays you is still betrayal."  Resources & links  The PBT Institute — programs, coaches, community: https://thepbtinstitute.com/  Corporate/HR offerings & talks: https://thepbtinstitute.com/corporate/  Tell Dr. Debi which scenario hit home for you, and what you'll try this week. See you next time.