"Shame Dissolves In Safe Spaces" with Dabaco Sunset

This week, Abbey and Liam unpack the difference between jealousy and envy — and how those feelings show up even in the most secure relationships. What starts as a story about a paddle boarding invitation turns into an honest look at FOMO, friendship, and the desire to keep creating “firsts” together after more than a decade of marriage.Evolving Love Links:Website | Instagram | Substack This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit evolvingloveproject.substack.com/subscribe

Dabaco Sunset is a queer-affirming psychotherapist and embodiment facilitator in Sydney, specializing in Gestalt Therapy, Emotionally Focused Therapy, and Embodied Counselling to help LGBTQ+ individuals and clients with alternative relating styles like ethical non-monogamy.Dabaco practices In the inner-west in Sydney at Sunset Psychotherapy.In this episode Dabaco opens up about growing up bisexual and pansexual, his time in Berlin’s queer scene, and the journey from infidelity and secrecy to radical self-acceptance.Dabaco Sunset LinksWebsite | Instagram | Naked ManEvolving Love Links:Website | Instagram | Substack This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit evolvingloveproject.substack.com/subscribe

“Why do you need a female friend if you’re married?” In this episode, Abbey and Liam unpack the space where friendship, attraction, romantic relationships and trust collide.From jealousy to risk-taking they explore whether cross-gender friendships are threats to marriage, what happens when you forbid them, and how non-monogamous couples navigate these dynamics differently.Do female friendships always pose a risk? Or are they an essential part of a balanced life?Evolving Love Links:Website | Instagram | Substack | Retreat This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit evolvingloveproject.substack.com/subscribe

In todays episode we play Devil’s Advocate. Can you argue a position you don’t truly believe in? Does switching sides test our own beliefs and sharpen our perspectives?We go head-to-head on:* Should happy couples risk opening their relationship?* Is non-monogamy a solution for struggling couples?* The infamous One Penis Policy — protection or possession?* Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell vs Kitchen Table Polyamory* Growing older: does monogamy or non-monogamy serve us better?Evolving Love Links:Website | Instagram | Substack | Retreat This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit evolvingloveproject.substack.com/subscribe

Abbey and Liam are joined by evolutionary biologist Dr. Rob Brooks to explore the rise of AI companions, sex robots, and whether love with machines can ever be “real.” They discuss jealousy over chatbots, the naturalist fallacy, and the deep question of whether humans are naturally monogamous or non-monogamous.Drawing from Rob’s book Artificial Intimacy, the conversation dives into the future of intimacy, the regulation of AI, and what it means for relationships when machines can replicate (and even challenge) human connection.Rob Brooks LinksWebsite | SubstackWatch this episode on YoutubeEvolving Love Links:Website | Instagram | Substack | RetreatLive Podcast Tickets LinkFriday 10th October, NFSA, Canberra This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit evolvingloveproject.substack.com/subscribe

In this episode of Evolving Love 2.0, Abbey and Liam explore where they sit on the spectrum between swinging and polyamory. From loud neighbours and exhibitionist fantasies to navigating crushes, labels, and compersion, they dive into the playful, messy, and honest realities of non-monogamy after more than a decade together.They also share why “relationship by design” is central to their lives, and how fantasy and reality often intersect in surprising ways.Watch on YoutubeEvolving Love Links:Website | Instagram | Substack | RetreatLive Podcast Tickets LinkFriday 10th October, NFSA, Canberra This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit evolvingloveproject.substack.com/subscribe

In today’s episode we bounce from pickleball courts to cold plunges, breathwork breakthroughs, and even DIY sex swings. We discuss our experiences with therapy, and Liam’s recent experience in a men’s breathwork circle.🧵 Topics Covered🎾 Pickleball Obsession: Why Liam has pivoted from bouldering to pickleball, and how it's becoming the new social sport for connection (and maybe even pickup).🧊 Cold Plunge Confessions: Their first experience with a 3°C plunge at a retreat.🌬️ Breathwork Journeys: Liam’s powerful experience in a men’s breathwork circle and how it compares to traditional talk therapy.🧠 Therapy, Flow & Healing: From EFT tapping to crafting gnomes, the many ways we process emotion and find peace.🧵 Crafting as Inner Child Work: Abbey’s deep dive into fairy swings, and the joy of imperfection.🛠️ DIY Erotica: Reddit’s BDSM DIY, ceramic dildos, and the dream of a podcast room sex swing.🔥 Saunas, Sex & Sensory Play: Why temperature matters in intimacy and the allure of hardpoints in the home.Upcoming EventsConversation Night:Sydney | Monday, 18th August 2025Social Event:Canberra | Sunday, 31st August 2025Women’s Retreat:Yass, NSW | October 17–19, 2025 This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit evolvingloveproject.substack.com/subscribe

In today’s episode we dive into the spectacle of public affairs—from the viral Coldplay KissCam scandal to the infamous Clinton-Lewinsky saga. We explore the cultural obsession with infidelity, the ethics of public shaming, and the complex dynamics of relationships under scrutiny.Topics Covered* Coldplaygate: The viral moment that exposed Astronomer CEO Andy Byron and HR head Kristin Cabot on KissCam.* Public vs. Private Affairs: Why some affairs explode into the public eye and what that means for those involved.* Workplace Infidelity: Why so many affairs begin at work and the psychology behind it.* The Clinton-Lewinsky Affair: A deep dive into the scandal, power dynamics, betrayal, and media frenzy.* Esther Perel’s “State of Affairs”: How this book reframes infidelity and offers a path to healing.* The Ethics of Enjoying Scandal: Grappling with the guilty pleasure of watching public drama unfold.* Security Clearances & Infidelity: Can cheating disqualify you from high-level government roles?Evolving Love Links:Website | Instagram | Substack | Retreat🌿 Upcoming EventWomen's Retreat – October 17–19, 2025 This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit evolvingloveproject.substack.com/subscribe

In today’s Evolving Love Podcast we discuss boundaries, limits, and unpack my recent Substack article.Evolving Love Links:Website | Instagram | Substack | Retreat🌿 Upcoming EventWomen's Retreat – October 17–19, 2025 This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit evolvingloveproject.substack.com/subscribe

Today we are having a difficult conversation on Evolving Love. A conversation that puts the safety of our children in the spotlight.To help us navigate this conversation, we have invited on child safety expert - Kristi McVee. Kristy was a Specialist Child Interviewer and Detective Senior Constable for 10 years in the Western Australian Police force.Since leaving the police force, she has worked to provide parents, caregivers, and guardians with the education, tools and strategies they need to protect children from child sexual abuse and work towards a safer future for all kids.Kristi has written a book entitled “Operation Kidsafe”, and hosts the podcast – “Conversations with Kristi”.Kristi McVee Links:Website | Instagram | Facebook | Tik Tok | PodcastACMS Study ResearchImportant Resources:If you feel affected by this episode and the themes discussed, please do not hesitate to reach out to these great resources:United States:* Childhelp USA:* Provides a national hotline, crisis intervention, information, and referrals.* Hotline: 1-800-422-4453* Website: childhelp.org* The National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN):* Offers confidential support for survivors of sexual violence.* Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE* Website: rainn.orgAustralia:* Bravehearts:* Focuses on preventing child sexual assault and supporting survivors.* Helpline: 1800 272 831* Website: bravehearts.org.au* Kids Helpline:* A free, confidential 24/7 online and phone counseling service for young people aged 5 to 25.* Helpline: 1800 55 1800* Website: kidshelpline.com.auEngland:* NSPCC (National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children):* Provides a helpline, online resources, and support services for children and adults concerned about child abuse.* Helpline: 0808 800 5000* Website: nspcc.org.uk* Childline:* A free, confidential helpline for children and young people.* Helpline: 0800 1111* Website: childline.org.uk This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit evolvingloveproject.substack.com/subscribe