Staying Together for the Kids- Are We Asking the Wrong Question

Should parents stay together for the kids, or are we asking the wrong question?In this episode, Tracy Callahan explores what children need when a marriage is struggling. Drawing on comments from Real Housewives of New York City star Sai de Silva and a Census Bureau working paper examining children’s long-term outcomes after divorce, Tracy considers the financial, emotional, and practical consequences of family change—and why population averages cannot determine what one family should do.The conversation examines how financial strain, relocation, parental distance, and ongoing conflict can shape children’s experiences. It also explores how divorce coaches can help parents anticipate challenges, prepare for difficult decisions, and protect children from becoming caught in adult conflict.Whether parents remain married or separate, the central question is: What will they do to create a safer, steadier, and more supportive environment for their children?Interested in learning more about the professional practice of divorce coaching and helping clients navigate these complex questions? Explore Divorce Coaches Academy® and discover how our training can help you support clients through conflict, decision-making, and family change.

In this episode, Tracy Callahan explores the growing use of AI in divorce and co-parenting communication and asks an important question: Are we simply improving the communication, or are we developing the communicator? AI can help clients draft better responses, reduce escalation and think through difficult interactions, but it can also become a substitute for developing the skills needed to navigate conflict independently. Tracy examines what this means for divorce coaches and how AI can be used to support—not replace—the development of conflict competency, decision-making and client capacity.TakeawaysAI as a communication toolDeveloping conflict competencyChapters00:00 The Role of AI in Communication03:23 Bandage vs. Treatment10:45 Communication and Conflict Management19:37 The Value of Divorce Coaching25:06 AI as a Tool for Conflict Competency31:51 Developing Capacity for Conflict NavigationLearn more about Divorce Coaches Academy®, explore professional training programs, and discover resources for advancing your divorce coaching practice at https://divorcecoachesacademy.com.

In this episode, Tracy Callahan explores the growing use of AI in divorce and co-parenting communication and asks an important question: Are we simply improving the communication, or are we developing the communicator? AI can help clients draft better responses, reduce escalation and think through difficult interactions, but it can also become a substitute for developing the skills needed to navigate conflict independently. Tracy examines what this means for divorce coaches and how AI can be used to support—not replace—the development of conflict competency, decision-making and client capacity.TakeawaysAI as a communication toolDeveloping conflict competencyChapters00:00 The Role of AI in Communication03:23 Bandage vs. Treatment10:45 Communication and Conflict Management19:37 The Value of Divorce Coaching25:06 AI as a Tool for Conflict Competency31:51 Developing Capacity for Conflict Navigation

Knowing what you want before divorce mediation may sound like good preparation. But when a client enters mediation committed to one specific outcome, with no ability to explore alternatives, that certainty can make negotiation more difficult.In this episode of the Divorce Coaches Academy® Podcast, Tracy Callahan explores “the proposal problem” and why being ready to attend mediation is not the same as being ready to negotiate. Effective mediation preparation requires more than identifying and defending a preferred outcome. Clients must also understand why that outcome matters, what problem they are trying to solve, where flexibility may exist, what information is missing, and whether other possibilities could address the same priorities.Tracy explains how divorce, uncertainty, financial concerns, parenting decisions, and prolonged conflict can narrow a person’s thinking. A house, parenting schedule, support amount, or retirement asset can become the individual “tree” that prevents someone from seeing the larger landscape. By exploring the proposal behind the proposal, clients can better understand the needs, fears, values, and interests influencing their decisions.This episode also examines the specialized role of a pre-mediation divorce coach. Divorce coaches do not provide legal advice, evaluate settlement offers, recommend what clients should propose, or tell them what to accept. Instead, they help clients build conflict competency, ask better questions, recognize reactions, clarify priorities, consider possibilities, and identify when guidance is needed from an attorney, mediator, CPA, CDFA, or other professional.You will learn:• Why knowing what you want is not enough for effective divorce mediation• The difference between positions, interests, proposals, and possibilities• How to identify the problem behind a preferred outcome• Why understanding the other person’s interests does not mean agreeing with them• How pre-mediation divorce coaching supports informed decision making• Why scope of practice and professional role clarity matter• How better preparation can improve the work of attorneys, mediators, and financial professionalsThe next Pre-Mediation Divorce Coach Training at Divorce Coaches Academy® begins September 16. This six-week specialized program is open to certified divorce coaches and mediators who want to help clients prepare more effectively for negotiation, decision making, and participation in mediation.Learn more about the Pre-Mediation Divorce Coach Training with Divorce Coaches Academy® at: https://divorce-coaches-academy1.thinkific.com/courses/dca-pre-mediation-divorce-coach-training-intensive-sept-2026www.divo

Financial decisions made during divorce can affect your life for decades. Yet many people enter the process without fully understanding their assets, expenses, retirement accounts, tax considerations, or what their financial life may look like after the divorce is final.In this episode of the Divorce Coaches Academy® Podcast, host Debra Doak is joined by Alyssa Miller, CFP®, CDFA®, CDC®, CLTC®, a private wealth advisor with Feldmeyer Financial Group and co-founder and managing director of Alternative Divorce Solutions.Debra and Alyssa discuss why financial literacy is essential during divorce and how gaining even a basic understanding of your financial picture can improve confidence, strengthen decision making, and help you evaluate settlement options more effectively.Many couples divide financial responsibilities during marriage. One spouse may manage household expenses while the other oversees investments, retirement accounts, taxes, or long-term planning. When divorce begins, that division of responsibility can leave one person feeling overwhelmed, embarrassed, or unprepared to participate in important financial conversations.Alyssa explains why there is no shame in not knowing what you have not yet had the opportunity to learn. The goal is not to become a financial expert overnight. It is to understand enough to ask informed questions, recognize the long-term impact of different options, and know when additional professional support is needed.Debra and Alyssa explore:• Why equal and fair do not always mean the same thing in a divorce settlement• How to gather bank statements, credit card records, tax returns, investment information, and other financial documents• Why understanding monthly income and expenses is critical before evaluating settlement options• How budgeting can help clients prepare for life after divorce• What to consider before deciding to keep the marital home• How refinancing, interest rates, maintenance, taxes, insurance, and repairs affect affordability• Why keeping the home may require giving up retirement funds, investments, or accessible cash• How traditional retirement accounts and Roth accounts may have different tax consequences• Why pensions, military benefits, federal retirement plans, 401(k)s, and other accounts may require specialized guidance• What individuals can do during the first 90 days after divorce to begin building financial stability• Why asking for qualified help can increase confidence and reduce costly mistakesA settlement may appear reasonable on paper but still fail to support the life a client needs to live. Financial literacy helps clients look beyond what they are dividing today and consider whether their decisions will remain practical and sustainable tomorrow.The most important takeaway is simple: Do not be afraid to ask for help. Divorce involves too many consequential financial decisions to navigate with your eyes closed. Education, preparation, and the right professional team can help you understand your options, regain a sense of control, and make decisions that support your future.Learn more about Alyssa Miller and Alternative Divorce Solutions:https://alternativedivorcesolutions.com/about/alyssa-miller/Learn more about Divorce Coaches Academy®:https://www.divorcecoachesacademy.comFind a DCA® Certified ADR Divorce Coach:https://www.divorcecoachesacademy.com/coach-locator

Should I get a divorce? It’s a simple question that can carry months—or even years—of uncertainty, fear, grief, guilt, frustration, and competing priorities. In this episode of the Divorce Coaches Academy® Podcast, host Tracy Callahan explores the internal conflict that often begins long before a divorce petition is filed, a parenting plan is created, or a couple enters mediation.For conflict-informed divorce coaches, the goal is not to tell clients whether they should stay married or get divorced. The goal is to help them understand the decision they are facing. Tracy explains how coaches can explore the interests beneath fixed positions, recognize ambivalence as valuable information, and help clients distinguish facts from fears, assumptions, interpretations, and predictions.This episode examines the powerful narratives people may attach to divorce, including beliefs about failure, finances, parenting, identity, and the effect of separation on children. Tracy also discusses the importance of listening for absolute language such as “always,” “never,” “can’t,” and “I have no choice,” while asking thoughtful questions that expand a client’s perspective without minimizing legitimate concerns.Listeners will learn how emotional urgency can narrow thinking, why preparation supports better decision-making, and how missing information can make an already difficult choice feel impossible. Tracy also addresses professional boundaries, appropriate referrals, client self-determination, and the divorce coach’s responsibility to remain curious, supportive, and non-directive.Whether you are a divorce coach, mediator, attorney, mental health professional, financial professional, or someone contemplating separation or divorce, this conversation offers a thoughtful framework for understanding the conflict beneath the question. The objective is not to make decisions for clients—it is to create the conditions in which informed, intentional, and self-directed decisions become possible.Divorce Coaches Academy® provides professional divorce coach training, advanced skill development, practical tools, and conflict-informed frameworks designed to help coaches support clients responsibly and effectively before, during, and after divorce.Learn more about Divorce Coaches Academy®, explore professional training programs, and discover resources for advancing your divorce coaching practice at https://divorcecoachesacademy.com.

In divorce, “fair” can feel like the finish line but an agreement that looks balanced on paper can still create financial strain, parenting stress, and ongoing conflict in real life.On this week's podcast, Debra Doak explores why fairness alone isn’t enough and introduces the FAIR model, a practical coaching framework for evaluating whether a divorce agreement is truly sustainable:F — Feasible: Can you realistically live with it?A — Adaptable: Can it accommodate life’s inevitable changes?I — Intentional: Does it reflect your values and future goals?R — Repeatable: Can you maintain it over time without resentment or extraordinary effort?Through relatable examples involving the marital home, parenting schedules, financial support, and settlement decisions, Debra shares powerful questions divorce coaches can use to help clients move beyond emotional reactions and make clear, informed choices.Because the best divorce agreement isn’t simply one that feels fair today—it’s one that still works tomorrow.Learn more about divorce coaching and professional certification at divorcecoachesacademy.com.

In this thought provoking episode of the Divorce Coaches Academy® Podcast, Tracy Callahan is joined by Nikki Bould, Director of Education and Development for Divorce Coaches Academy New Zealand, to explore a simple but powerful question:What if we designed the family dispute resolution system today instead of inheriting the one we have?Together, they challenge traditional assumptions about divorce and examine what could change if families were prepared for decision making before being asked to choose a legal process.Drawing on conflict resolution, neuroscience, child development, and interdisciplinary practice, they discuss why capacity, education, and readiness may be the missing pieces in creating healthier outcomes for families.This conversation explores redefining success in divorce, the role of divorce coaching as an early dispute resolution resource, and why building better decision makers may be just as important as reaching an agreement.If you work with families or are interested in the future of divorce coaching, mediation, family law, or conflict resolution, this episode offers a fresh perspective on what meaningful innovation could look like.To learn more about Nikki Bould and her dispute resolution work in New Zealand, please see https://www.adsi.org.nz/coach-nikki-bould and to learn more about Divorce Coach Certification training in New Zealand, you can contact Nikki directly at [email protected]

Why do clients keep reacting in ways they regret, even when they know better?In this episode of the Divorce Coaches Academy® Podcast, Tracy Callahan speaks with conflict expert, mediator, DCA® Certified ADR Divorce Coach, and author Masha Rusanov about the unconscious patterns that keep people trapped in recurring divorce and co-parenting conflict.Masha introduces the Exhale, Explore, Engage® framework from her book, Repatterned: How to Transform Your Conflict Defaults and Reclaim Your Life. Together, they explore why familiar reactions become automatic under stress, how nervous system activation limits access to communication skills, and why waiting for the other person to change gives away personal agency.They also discuss how divorce coaches can help clients recognize their contribution to a conflict dynamic without assigning blame or stepping outside the scope of coaching. High conflict does not mean a resolution-focused approach will not work. It means clients may first need the awareness and capacity to interrupt old patterns and choose a different response.Lasting change does not begin when conflict disappears. It begins when we recognize the pattern and realize we have another choice.Learn more about Masha:Masha Rusanov is a conflict expert, DCA® Certified ADR Divorce Coach, ICF Certified Coach, and a mediator with a Master's in Negotiation, Conflict Resolution, and Peacebuilding. She works with individuals and organizations navigating conflict and high-stakes relationship dynamics. Before building her divorce coaching and conflict resolution practice, she spent over two decades in tech at companies like Google and Intuit. "Repatterned" is her latest book. She lives in the San Francisco Bay Area, California, with her blended family.https://www.masharusanov.com/Purchase Repatterned:https://www.amazon.com/dp/1957917911

What if reducing co-parenting conflict does not require both parents to cooperate?In this episode of the Divorce Coaches Academy® Podcast, Tracy Callahan welcomes Crystal Fisher, founder and executive director of Parenting with Grace, author of Protected and Connected, parenting educator, and DCA® Certified ADR Divorce Coach.Together, they challenge the belief that successful co-parenting requires constant communication, mutual cooperation, or a friendly relationship between former spouses. Crystal explains how one parent can begin changing entrenched conflict patterns by communicating with greater intention, creating emotional stability, and focusing on what they can control.The conversation also explores why less communication may be healthier in some situations, how parallel parenting can protect families from ongoing conflict, and why children should never be expected to carry the emotional burden of their parents’ divorce. Crystal shares practical ways parents can pause, examine their responses, and measure progress by the peace and stability they create for themselves and their children.Learn more about Crystal’s work at Parenting with Grace:https://parentingwithgrace.orgPurchase Protected and Connected on Amazon:https://a.co/d/0bJyMCw0