Fault Lines: The Return of Divorce Blame

Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)When it comes to buying real estate, the saying is location, location, location. When it comes to negotiating a divorce settlement or parenting plan, we say strategy, strategy, strategy. And whether you’re negotiating at the kitchen table, participating in mediation, or working through attorneys, the same principles apply.In Getting to YES: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In, William Ury tells us that “standard strategies for negotiation often leave people dissatisfied, worn out, or alienated - and frequently all three”. That’s because most of us have only learned how to negotiate using a style called positional bargaining.In positional bargaining, parties simply try to outwait, overpower, or out argue each other until someone finally gives enough. They may reach agreement, but it isn’t satisfying for either one of them. Principled negotiation, on the other hand, allows for mutual satisfying solutions and wise agreements.Listen in as Tracy and Debra review the elements of principled negotiation and discuss the reasons working with a DCA certified divorce coach is the best way to become informed, develop skills and create a strategy so you can negotiate in a way that both aligns with your desired outcomes and minimizes conflict. Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.comInstagram: @divorcecoachesacademyLinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academyEmail: [email protected]

Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)Who among us wouldn’t like to be a better problem solver? Well, that’s the topic of our conversation today. We discuss the 4 general types of problems most of us face, offer some help for identifying the type of solution that’s right for each, and apply these tips to divorce and co-parenting.  When it comes to solving problems and making tough decisions, people love plans, so they tend to make a lot of checklists, to-do lists, and timelines. And because they want the perfect plan, they often want more and more data to help them create a plan that will give them a sense of certainty. We see this so often when clients get stuck preparing to divorce. Why all the planning? Because uncertainty feels uncomfortable. Our tendency is to think that more information and a rock solid plan will give us control over future events. But the truth is, the ‘perfect plan’ doesn’t exist.When faced with a problem or a decision, experts tell us that any action is better than no action; it doesn’t matter what you do, it just matters that you do, in order to learn and move forward.Instead, having a decision making framework can give you the confidence that a solution will arise. And with the support of a certified divorce coach, you can gain insight and skills to handle difficult situations with less fear, less stress, and less conflict. Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.comInstagram: @divorcecoachesacademyLinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academyEmail: [email protected]

Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)These days we seem to be living in a society defined by us versus them, black and white thinking, intolerance, fixed mindsets, and lack of curiosity. Not only is conflict remaining unresolved, but our interactions (especially online) seem to pour more gasoline on the fire rather than cooling it off. We see conflict spiraling and escalating at an alarming rate and there seems to be less interest in trying to find common ground or solutions. It’s almost like people are itching for a fight.We’ve seen family members stop speaking to each other, long time friendships disintegrate and workplaces become minefields.The question is…where can we go from here? Are we just destined to continue down a path of divisiveness or is there a way to move toward relationship and restoration? We believe that whether it’s politics or divorce and co-parenting, we can apply the same aspects of conflict resolution to both politics and divorce.Listen in as we explore 6 lessons grounded in the electoral process's emphasis on structure, fairness, and engagement, and how we can adapt them to personal and professional conflict resolution scenarios as well. Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.comInstagram: @divorcecoachesacademyLinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academyEmail: [email protected]

Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)In this episode, we dive into the significant, but often unrecognized role of ego in divorce conflict. In William Ury’s book "Possible", he identifies how ego plays a significant role in escalating conflicts.But this really shouldn’t come as much of a surprise. When we focus on being "right" or protecting our pride, we may very well lose sight of the larger goals. This is what we refer to as an inner conflict and there is a critical connection between resolving inner conflict and addressing external conflict. Part of working to resolve inner conflict often involves setting aside ego-driven impulses to prioritize constructive solutions.We know that divorce can be one of the most challenging experiences in life, and understanding how ego plays into the dynamics can be a game-changer. So, whether you’re going through a divorce yourself or supporting someone who is, listen in as we explore some insights and strategies to help navigate this emotional minefield. Divorce is never easy, but understanding the role of ego in the process can help you navigate it with more clarity and grace. By recognizing when ego is driving reactions, one can choose healthier responses that prioritize resolution and well-being over pride and resentment.Divorce coaching can offer clients support to identify when ego is creating obstacles to conflict resolution. Learn more about training to become a certified divorce coach or find a divorce coach at divorcecoachesacademy.com Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.comInstagram: @divorcecoachesacademyLinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academyEmail: [email protected]

Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)Tracy and Debra are taking the week off to enjoy holiday time with family so we’re taking this opportunity to share an episode from the back catalog about the importance of working on a divorce exit strategy. Since many people begin thinking about divorce during the holiday season but wait util January to take any action, we thought it might be helpful to review the steps that clients can take in advance to set themselves up for a better divorce process. In this episode we share that most of our clients would say their top priorities are:minimize impact on the childrenfeel confident that the settlement they’re agreeing to is fairkeep divorce costs downget through the process without losing their mindsWe hope you were able to spend some time with friends and family over Thanksgiving and we hope you enjoy this episode where we discuss about the 5 ways working on an exit strategy can pave the way for a good divorce if things go well and protect clients in the event that things go poorly. Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.comInstagram: @divorcecoachesacademyLinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academyEmail: [email protected]

Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)November and December are historically slower months for divorce professionals. Even though they’ve made the decision to divorce, many people choose to wait until after the holidays to take any action. They worry about starting something that could instigate conflict during what should be the happiest time of the year for their kids.That means there is a lot of pent up demand and so divorce professionals historically see an uptick in requests for their services in January. So much so that January is recognized as Divorce Month. And even more specifically, the first business day in January is usually referred to as National Divorce Day as family lawyers report that their phones ring off the hook. We’ve also talked about the efforts to begin repealing no-fault divorce laws and we would expect that anyone who’s been holding off may choose to move ahead now before any legislation could affect their ability to get divorced. So as a divorce coach, now is the perfect opportunity to position yourself as the go-to expert for those in need.In today’s episode, we share some essential tips on how you can prepare for Divorce Month, optimize your marketing, and make sure your practice is ready to meet the demand.  Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.comInstagram: @divorcecoachesacademyLinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academyEmail: [email protected]

Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)At DCA, we share a vision that couples would have the ability to rearrange and restructure their relationships and their families in a way that leads to wholeness and happiness. Divorce is often seen as an end—an ending to a marriage, an ending to a chapter of life. But what if it didn’t have to be a painful, adversarial process? What if divorce could be approached with intention, healing, and collaboration, with the goal of not just separating, but rebuilding lives in a healthy, sustainable way?In today’s episode, we explore the idea of restorative divorce—an approach that focuses on healing, mutual respect, and long-term well-being for both partners. We’ll dive into how this process works, how it differs from adversarial divorce, and why we believe it’s a better way forward.We wrestle with the concept that divorce creates a broken home, discuss the recent addition of CAPRD (Child Affected by Parental Relationship Disorder) to the DSM IV, and outline the six elements of a restorative divorce process. As opposed to traditional divorce that focuses on winning, a restorative divorce process is an alternative that can reduce harm, encourage positive outcomes, and support healthier post-divorce relationships for everyone involved. Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.comInstagram: @divorcecoachesacademyLinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academyEmail: [email protected]

Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)We’re taking a detour from our planned topic today because we think it's time critical to talk about the implications of eliminating no-fault divorce. Based on this week's election results, as divorce professionals we need to be thinking about, discussing, and preparing for another potential shift in the landscape of divorce.No-fault divorce has been around for decades, but there's been a growing push in some places to repeal it. But what would happen if we eliminated no-fault divorce? How would it change the dynamics of marriages, families, and even the legal system? Well, that's what we're exploring today.Tracy and Debra talk through the potential implications of reinstating fault divorce including the impact on conflict, cost, our court systems and children.The debate is complex, and there are no easy answers. But it’s important to keep discussing it and to think critically about the consequences—for the individuals and families involved, for you as a divorce professional, and for society as a whole. Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.comInstagram: @divorcecoachesacademyLinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academyEmail: [email protected]

Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)We've talked previously about the problem cycle (see episode #69), but recently learned about the 3 poisons in Buddhism and they seem particularly applicable to some of the issues we see in divorce and co-parenting. In his early teachings, the Buddha identified “three poisons” or three negative qualities of the mind that cause most of our problems—and most of the problems in the world. Attachment: we want to attract and hold on to what is good for us (also called greed or lust).Aversion: we want to repel what is bad for us (also called aggression or anger).Ignorance: we are indifferent to what doesn’t affect us personally (also called delusion).  So in this week's episode, Tracy and Debra are going to see if we can’t use some of this ancient wisdom to gain insight into shifting clients out of the problem cycle or suffering, into a mindset more grounded in acceptance and action. Listen in as we discuss how these 3 poisons show up in divorce and ways to apply the antidotes. Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.comInstagram: @divorcecoachesacademyLinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academyEmail: [email protected]

Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)One of the most emotional and difficult parts of divorce can be negotiating parenting plans - especially for co-parents who are experiencing a high degree of conflict. We shared a statistic last week that 80% of the family court calendar is taken up by custody matters and frankly that breaks our hearts. Because we know that parental conflict is the #1 reason children are negatively impacted in the divorce process.Today, we discuss why we believe a thorough and detailed parenting plan is the most effective way to help conflicted co-parents prevent future disagreements and future litigation.An effective parenting plan goes well beyond just parenting time schedules and expense sharing, but encourages parents to discuss the many details of raising children together. Regardless of how parents feel about each other, the fact is that they will be family for life. As anyone with adult children knows, parenting doesn’t stop when a child turns 18.We often hear that attorneys push back on discussing or documenting any agreements that aren’t supported by the legal statutes. The typical response is “That’s not enforceable”.  And we get it - lawyers are focused on the legal aspects of a divorce case. But as divorce coaches, we take a more holistic approach and are interested in helping families transition so they are able to co-parent effectively. Listen in as we chat about why we believe that changing the experience of divorce for families means moving beyond the legal minimum requirements and developing a comprehensive plan that works for each family. Conflicted Co-Parenting Training Begins Nov 4 --> Learn More and Enroll Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.comInstagram: @divorcecoachesacademyLinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academyEmail: [email protected]