Beyond the Battle: Why High Conflict Divorce Coaching is Missing the Mark

Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)Endings matter as much as beginnings in coaching relationships. Yet how many of us have let client relationships simply fade away without proper closure? In this deeply personal conversation, Tracy and Debra explore how thoughtfully designed "exit sessions" can transform the conclusion of coaching relationships from awkward goodbyes into powerful graduations that honor client growth.Tracy shares her proven "Five R's" framework—Reflection, Recognition, Resources, Road Ahead, and Relationship—which provides a structured approach to celebrating progress, acknowledging challenges overcome, and equipping clients for continued success. Through heartfelt examples, the hosts reveal why these sessions often trigger emotional responses from both clients and coaches alike. As Tracy explains, "I have absolutely gotten emotional during exit sessions... not because I'm sad it's ending, but because I am truly proud of what my client has accomplished."Beyond the emotional benefits, the hosts discuss the practical advantages of offering exit sessions as complimentary services that demonstrate a commitment to client transformation rather than ongoing dependency. This approach reinforces the coaching philosophy of empowering clients to become their own best advocates while simultaneously creating powerful referral sources.Whether you're a seasoned divorce coach or just beginning your practice, this episode offers actionable strategies for implementing meaningful closure in your client relationships. Start small with reflective questions or adopt the complete framework—either way, your clients will remember how you made them feel in that final conversation. Ready to transform your practice with intentional endings? Listen now and discover how to help your clients truly "graduate" from coaching with dignity, confidence, and the tools they need for their journey ahead. Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.comInstagram: @divorcecoachesacademyLinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academyEmail: [email protected]

Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)Facing divorce and wondering what happens to your home? The decision to keep or sell the marital residence could be the most significant financial choice you make during your divorce—and getting it wrong might haunt you for years.Tami Wollensak, a divorce mortgage specialist with over 25 years of experience and certified divorce coach, pulls back the curtain on what really happens with mortgages during divorce. She reveals why so many people make catastrophic financial mistakes when it comes to the family home, often because they receive guidance from well-meaning professionals who lack specialized mortgage knowledge.Throughout our conversation, Tami breaks down complex concepts into practical insights: the true definition of home equity, how support payments affect mortgage qualification, and why your current mortgage payment bears little resemblance to what you might pay after divorce. She shares her own post-divorce homeownership struggles and offers a refreshingly honest take on why renting might be the smarter option for many.Most crucially, Tami explains the specific timing requirements for using support income to qualify for mortgages—information that even many attorneys don't understand. Did you know child support payments must be court-ordered, received consistently for six months, AND have at least 36 months remaining to count toward mortgage qualification? This single detail could make or break your ability to keep your home.Whether you're a divorce professional helping clients navigate this terrain or someone personally facing these decisions, this episode provides the mortgage literacy needed to avoid costly mistakes. Discover why consulting a divorce mortgage specialist early in the process could be the difference between post-divorce financial stability and distress.Ready to make informed decisions about your biggest asset? Tami is licensed in 32 states and has a team that can help with mortgage lending in all 50 states. She would be happy to chat.You can find Tami:Website: takeorleavethehouse.comInstagram: tami_wollensak Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.comInstagram: @divorcecoachesacademyLinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academyEmail: [email protected]

Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)Divorce isn't just about legal paperwork and court proceedings—it's a deeply human journey that transforms families forever. What's often missing from traditional divorce approaches is acknowledgment of the emotional landscape, communication challenges, and the complex human dynamics that determine whether a family heals or fractures during separation.The "modern divorce ecosystem" is evolving rapidly as families seek alternatives to adversarial proceedings that often leave lasting damage. Today's divorcing couples want more than just legal settlements; they're looking for guidance on effective communication, co-parenting strategies, and paths toward emotional healing. This shift reflects broader societal changes and recognition that while conflict in divorce is inevitable, destructive conflict is optional.Divorce coaches occupy a unique position in this evolving landscape. Unlike attorneys or therapists, coaches focus specifically on developing practical skills that help clients navigate both the emotional and logistical challenges of divorce. They serve as objective thinking partners who help clients manage overwhelming emotions, prepare for difficult conversations, and build the communication skills necessary for productive conflict resolution. These skills prove especially crucial for parents who must transform their relationship from intimate partners to effective co-parents—a transition that impacts not just minor children but adult children and extended family as well.Professional collaboration represents another significant trend, with family law attorneys, mediators, and mental health professionals increasingly recognizing the value divorce coaches bring to the process. Some law firms now employ in-house coaches, while many professionals are adding coaching skills to their own toolkit, finding that this approach not only better serves clients but also reduces the burnout rates common in family law practice.Ready to learn more about how divorce coaching can transform family transitions or enhance your professional practice? Our next certification programs begin July 6th for Australia/New Zealand and July 20th for the US. Connect with us at divorcecoachesacademy.com to join a growing movement that's changing how families experience divorce. Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.comInstagram: @divorcecoachesacademyLinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academyEmail: [email protected]

Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)What truly sets one divorce coach training program apart from others? If you're exploring divorce coaching as a new career or looking to expand your professional toolkit, this crucial question deserves a thoughtful answer. Divorce Coaches Academy stands out because our curriculum is built by active practitioners, not theorists. As working divorce coaches and mediators, we've designed training that directly reflects what actually works with real clients facing real challenges. We know what it's like to sit across from someone in crisis, to navigate high-conflict co-parenting situations, and to help clients overwhelmed by legal complexities—because we do it every day.We've created a program that combines the best of both worlds: flexible self-paced learning with structured live discussions and unparalleled mentorship. Our nine-week professional mentorship program pairs students with successful, experienced divorce coaches who provide direct feedback, guidance, and confidence-building support. This supervised practice is what transforms theoretical knowledge into true professional competence.Recognizing that divorce processes differ worldwide, we've developed customized regional training tracks for the US, Australia, New Zealand, Canada, the Arabian Gulf, and soon France. Each track is adapted by local professionals who understand the specific legal frameworks and cultural contexts of their regions. Whether you're a family law attorney looking to transform your practice, a therapist expanding your services, or someone passionate about supporting families through transition, our training provides the foundation for meaningful, successful work. The community you'll join is equally valuable—dedicated professionals committed to raising standards in the field who continue to support each other long after certification.Ready to learn more? Visit divorcecoachesacademy.com/divorcecoach or schedule a personal call with our program directors to discuss how DCA can support your professional journey. Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.comInstagram: @divorcecoachesacademyLinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academyEmail: [email protected]

Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)The irreplaceable human element of divorce coaching remains vital in an increasingly AI-driven world, with experienced coaches providing emotional intelligence and authentic connection that technology cannot replicate. We explore why artificial intelligence tools can supplement but never substitute the nuanced support, personalized guidance, and trauma-informed approaches that human coaches offer during life's most challenging transitions.• AI tools can help with administrative tasks but cannot read subtle emotional cues or provide genuine human connection• Experienced coaches draw from personal and professional knowledge to offer nuanced advice tailored to individual values and situations• "Compassionate boundaries" balance validation with accountability when emotions cloud judgment• Real-time adaptation allows coaches to pivot instantly when clients face unexpected developments• Trauma-informed approaches help coaches recognize signs of abuse that AI might miss• The coaching relationship itself models healthy communication and boundary-setting for future relationships• Technology works best as a supplement rather than a replacement for human coachingJoin us on July 23rd when Anne Wintemute from AmieeSays will join us to explore AI-driven tools for those in unhealthy relationships. Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.comInstagram: @divorcecoachesacademyLinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academyEmail: [email protected]

Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)Divorce has a reputation for bringing out surprising behaviors in otherwise composed, reasonable people. Even the most patient parent might find themselves sending aggressive texts at 2 AM. The kindest spouse might suddenly become fixated on revenge. The most logical professional might make financially devastating decisions based purely on emotion.Why does this happen? In this episode, we explore the psychological underpinnings of why good people often behave badly during divorce. We unpack the popular saying that "criminal courts see bad people on their best day, while divorce courts see good people on their worst day" - a profound truth that helps us understand the perfect storm of emotional, practical, and identity challenges divorce creates.When someone faces the end of their marriage, they're not just untangling a relationship - they're grieving the life they expected to have. This grief, combined with practical pressures like custody arrangements and financial concerns, pushes many into survival mode. And when we're in survival mode, our capacity for rational thinking diminishes dramatically.As divorce coaches, we've developed specific approaches for working with clients caught in reactive emotional states. We share practical techniques for creating judgment-free spaces where clients can explore what's really happening beneath their anger, fear, or revenge fantasies. Through powerful questions that invite self-awareness, we help clients align their behavior with their true values and long-term goals.Whether you're a helping professional working with divorcing clients or someone navigating your own divorce journey, this conversation offers compassionate insights into the emotional complexity of ending a marriage. Remember, reacting emotionally doesn't make someone a bad person - it makes them human. With the right support, these challenging moments can become opportunities for profound growth and self-discovery. Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.comInstagram: @divorcecoachesacademyLinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academyEmail: [email protected]

Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)The power struggle of "who goes first" in divorce negotiations costs couples thousands in unnecessary legal fees and months of emotional turmoil. Tracy and Debra dive deep into why this hesitation happens and how divorce professionals can effectively guide clients past this common roadblock.At the heart of settlement hesitation lies a fascinating cocktail of psychological factors. Many clients fear anchoring too low, worried that their first offer becomes the ceiling rather than the floor for negotiations. Others simply aren't emotionally ready to take steps that make their divorce feel more real and final. Information gaps create legitimate concerns about making uninformed decisions, while strategic positioning—the belief that making the first move reveals weakness—can transform negotiations into costly standoffs where the refusal to engage becomes more important than resolution itself.What makes this episode particularly valuable is the practical framework Tracy and Debra provide for helping clients reframe their thinking. Rather than viewing the first offer as vulnerability, they demonstrate how it represents an opportunity to control the narrative and set the agenda. Through visualization exercises, core value identification, and distinguishing between sufficient versus perfect information, coaches can transform client paralysis into empowered decision-making.Whether you're working with clients who fear appearing desperate, those waiting for external validation, or individuals paralyzed by potential regret, this episode offers tailored strategies to break the settlement standoff and move the divorce process forward.What approaches have you found effective in helping clients overcome their hesitation to make settlement offers? Share your experiences with us! Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.comInstagram: @divorcecoachesacademyLinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academyEmail: [email protected]

Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)The divorce coaching industry harbors a dangerous trend that's causing unnecessary harm to families across the country. In this eye-opening episode, Debra and Tracy tackle the phenomenon of "high-conflict divorce coaching" – an approach that frames every challenging divorce as a battle requiring warfare tactics rather than resolution strategies.We pull back the curtain on what legitimate professional divorce coaching actually is and contrast it with the predatory marketing of high-conflict approaches that capitalize on fear. These programs effectively encourage clients to spend more money on their divorce, complicate the process, extend timelines, and create lasting damage – all while promising to help them "win" against their ex.Through real-life examples, we reveal the staggering financial and emotional costs of choosing the high-conflict route. One client spent $80,000 on legal fees and was two years into her divorce without even reaching a temporary agreement – not because of complex assets or genuine safety concerns, but because both parties had adopted a battle mindset. We discuss how this approach operates on flawed assumptions: that you can change your spouse's behavior, that every difficult divorce involves a personality-disordered individual, and that being in constant "defense mode" is necessary.As an alternative, we outline what to look for in a divorce coach or training program: someone focused on resolution rather than winning, who emphasizes communication strategies, emotional regulation, and clear decision-making. The truth is that the outcomes are typically the same whether you take the high-conflict route or a more measured approach – the only difference is you haven't spent years in litigation or hundreds of thousands of dollars unnecessarily.Whether you're navigating divorce yourself, supporting someone who is, or considering becoming a divorce coach, this conversation provides crucial guidance for making choices that truly serve your long-term goals and your well being. Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.comInstagram: @divorcecoachesacademyLinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academyEmail: [email protected]

Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)Afraid you need to be a financial expert to help divorce clients navigate money concerns? Think again! Tracy and Debra dismantle this common fear among divorce coaches by showing how you can effectively support clients through financial challenges without overstepping your role.Financial uncertainty triggers our most basic survival fears—that's why money is almost always at the center of divorce conflict. According to government research, men's household income falls about 23% after divorce, while women experience a staggering 41% drop. No wonder financial anxiety runs so high! When clients worry about their ability to pay bills or put food on the table, their capacity to make sound decisions, negotiate fairly, or co-parent effectively becomes severely compromised.The podcast reveals how coaches can guide clients through creating monthly budgets—arguably the most powerful financial tool during divorce. This simple exercise answers the burning question: "Can I support myself?" Through relatable client stories like Martha (who discovered her post-divorce budget was actually half what she feared) and Mary (who reconsidered keeping the family home after seeing the long-term financial impact), Tracy and Debra demonstrate how helping clients gain financial clarity transforms fear into knowledge and powerlessness into control.They explore practical approaches to addressing income concerns, understanding the marital estate, and preparing clients for productive attorney consultations. Most importantly, they emphasize that coaches don't need calculators or financial certifications to make a difference—they just need to ask the right questions, guide clients through basic exercises, and connect them with specialists when needed.Ready to feel confident helping your divorce clients with financial foundations? Listen now to discover how you can support clients in making informed, intentional decisions that align with their values and set them up for post-divorce success. Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.comInstagram: @divorcecoachesacademyLinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academyEmail: [email protected]

Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)When children become pawns in their parents' divorce battles, the emotional damage can last a lifetime. Triangulation—the process where children are drawn into parental conflict—affects over 80% of high-conflict divorces and significantly increases children's risk for anxiety, depression, and relationship difficulties well into adulthood.In this compelling deep dive, Debra and Tracy unpack the three distinct forms of triangulation that plague divorcing families. They explore how children become direct participants in conflict when used as messengers or interrogated about the other parent's home. They reveal the subtle yet equally harmful pattern where children feel caught in the middle even when parents believe they're shielding them from tension. And they examine the most damaging form—when parents deliberately draw children into coalitions against the other parent through criticism, loyalty tests, and false narratives.What makes this conversation particularly valuable is the practical coaching framework offered for helping parents recognize and break these destructive patterns. Through awareness-building questions, perspective-shifting exercises, and concrete strategies—from establishing direct adult communication to creating emotional safety zones—listeners gain tools to guide families toward healthier dynamics. The powerful question at the heart of this work resonates throughout: "Do you want to give your children a child-centered divorce or a divorce-centered childhood?"Whether you're a divorce professional working with high-conflict families or a parent navigating co-parenting challenges, this episode provides insight into transforming harmful patterns into opportunities for healing. Because when parents take accountability and keep children out of adult conflicts, they're not just breaking a cycle—they're building resilience that will serve their children for years to come. Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.comInstagram: @divorcecoachesacademyLinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academyEmail: [email protected]