Building Resilience with Dr. Kate Lund

Some families are living on an emotional rollercoaster. One minute everyone seems fine. The next, it feels like the wheels are coming off. In this episode of Complicated Kids, I sit down with Dr. Kate Lund, a licensed clinical psychologist, resilience expert, and twin mom, to talk about resilience as a way of living rather than a trait you either have or do not have. Instead of seeing resilience as "you hit a challenge and bounce back," we explore what it looks like to build a steadier baseline so you can ride the waves of real life with a little more ease. Dr. Kate shares how she helps parents understand their own context first. That includes their nervous system, history, strengths, and the particular stressors they are carrying. From there, we talk about practical tools for modulating your stress response, including a simple daily relaxation practice that helps you learn what "regulated" actually feels like in your body so you can return to it more often. We also talk about timing. Kids of all ages need space to feel their feelings before they can look for possibilities or "what's next." We walk through real-life examples, including college rejections, tough games, and everyday disappointments, and how to sit with your child's emotions without rushing to fix them. A big part of this conversation focuses on perfectionism and comparison. Dr. Kate and I discuss why there is no resilience formula, why siblings in the same family can need completely different things, and how to move away from "perfect outcome" thinking and toward doing what is optimized within your own context. If you've ever wondered how to be a grounded leader in your family while still being a real human with your own feelings and limits, this episode will give you language, tools, and a more compassionate way to think about resilience for both you and your kids. Key Takeaways Resilience is a lifestyle, not a moment. Regulation becomes more accessible when tools are woven into daily life instead of saved for crises. Your nervous system sets the tone. When you are already stressed, even small challenges can overwhelm the whole family. A simple daily practice matters. A five-minute breathing practice paired with a calming word can teach your body what calm feels like. Self-awareness comes before strategy. Resilient parenting starts with being honest about your own strengths, limits, and stress patterns. Every child has their own context. Siblings can need completely different support based on their nervous systems. Validation comes before possibility. Kids need their feelings acknowledged before they can move forward. Sharing struggles builds connection. Age-appropriate honesty shows kids that resilience includes falling down and getting back up. Perfectionism blocks resilience. Growth happens when you work within your real life, not an imaginary ideal. There is no one-size-fits-all formula. Resilient families stay curious and adjust over time. Possibility lives on the other side of hard things. Holding a long view allows hope without minimizing today's challenges. About Dr. Kate Lund Dr. Kate Lund is a licensed clinical psychologist, resilience expert, author, and host of The Optimized Mind podcast. With specialized training from three Harvard Medical School–affiliated hospitals and more than two decades of clinical practice, she helps parents, athletes, students, and entrepreneurs thrive within their unique contexts. She is the author of Bounce: Help Your Child Build Resilience and Thrive in School, Sports, and Life and Step Away: The Keys to Resilient Parenting. Dr. Kate also volunteers at Seattle Children's Hospital with her dog, Wally, supporting young patients facing medical challenges. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet—toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links 🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call 📺 Subscribe on YouTube 👾 Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids) ➡️ Instagram ➡️ Facebook ➡️ LinkedIn 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist Enjoying the show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show—and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, reach out at [email protected]. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here. 💛

Some kids are labeled "autistic" when their bodies are actually screaming for help. In this episode of Complicated Kids, I sit down with Dr. Jodie Dashore, an internationally recognized integrative practitioner and clinical herbalist, to talk about the kids who don't fit neatly into "just autism." These are the kids with paralysis, bone pain, rashes, fevers, breathing issues, crushing anxiety, or terror—and all of it gets folded under one word: autism. Dr. Dashore shares her personal and professional story, including her son's terrifying descent into wheelchairs, tics, and "brain on fire" symptoms that were initially written off as "atypical autism." She walks us through how underlying conditions like Lyme disease, mold/biotoxin illness, PANS/PANDAS, immune dysfunction, and chronic inflammation can radically change how a child feels, behaves, and develops. We talk about why so many families are told to "accept the autism" while life-threatening medical problems go unrecognized, and why bioindividuality matters so much. Not every child responds the same way to the same exposure, and not every autistic child who is struggling is "just" autistic. Some of them are very sick, and they deserve better than a one-size-fits-all protocol. You'll hear how Dr. Dashore uses data-driven, plant-based protocols and targeted testing to figure out what a child's body is actually dealing with, from infections to toxins to immune and hormonal imbalances. We also talk about the emotional reality of being the parent who refuses to accept "this is the best we can do," and how exhausting, isolating, and necessary that can be. If you've ever felt like something is missing from your child's care, or like your concerns keep getting folded back into a single word (autism) without anyone asking what else might be going on, this episode will give you language, context, and a renewed sense that your intuition matters. Key Takeaways Autism and illness are not the same thing. A child can be autistic and medically unwell, and collapsing those realities under one label can be dangerous. Severe symptoms aren't "quirks." Paralysis, extreme pain, rashes, cyclical fevers, breathing problems, and failure to thrive are red flags. PANS/PANDAS, Lyme disease, and mold illness are real and well-documented, yet still frequently missed or dismissed. Bioindividuality changes everything. Two kids with the same exposure can have completely different responses. Nonverbal kids still feel everything. Pain and confusion often come out as "behavior." Autistic brains aren't "more fragile." Infections and toxins affect neurodivergent and neurotypical kids alike. Testing should be targeted, not random. Data helps reveal what's actually happening in a child's body. Plant-based protocols can be powerful when used thoughtfully as part of an integrative plan. Recovery is a long game. Real healing often takes years, not weeks. Parents are allowed to want more than "good enough." Advocacy matters. About Dr. Jodie Dashore Dr. Jodie A. Dashore is an internationally recognized practitioner, researcher, and pioneering clinical herbalist. She specializes in plant-based protocols for autism, Lyme disease, mold/biotoxin illness, and Chronic Inflammatory Response Syndrome (CIRS). Dr. Dashore holds a PhD in Integrative Medicine, a doctorate in occupational therapy with a focus on neurology, and completed post-doctoral work in immunology at Harvard Medical School. Through her clinic, BioNexus Health, she supports families around the world with deeply individualized, data-driven care. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet—toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links 🌎 www.gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call 📺 Subscribe on YouTube 👾 Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids) ➡️ Instagram ➡️ Facebook ➡️ LinkedIn 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist Enjoying the show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show—and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, reach out at [email protected]. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here. 💛

ADHD is not just about attention. It is about self-control, self-esteem, and what happens when the brain goes offline. Living with untreated ADHD is not just about missing assignments. It is about moving through the world without a reliable connection between what you know and what you do. In this conversation, I talk with Dr. Karin Varblow, a behavioral pediatrician, former teacher and social worker, neurodivergent adult, and mom to neurodivergent kids. We look closely at what untreated ADHD really costs over a lifetime, from self-esteem and identity to health, safety, relationships, and even life expectancy. Dr. Karin explains why ADHD is not simply a "school problem" and why kids who "know better" still cannot always do better in the moment. She shares her "know and go" model of the brain, which helps make sense of why lectures and bigger consequences do not lead to different behavior, and why kids so often feel confused and ashamed by their own actions. We also talk about sleep, airway, co-occurring conditions, and how things like anxiety, trauma, allergies, and disordered sleep can overlap with ADHD or even mask it. Dr. Karin breaks down what good treatment actually looks like in real life, including medication, parent training, behavior supports, and making daily life more stimulating and relevant for the ADHD brain. If you have ever wondered whether ADHD "really" needs treatment, or felt discouraged by mixed messages, this episode will help you see the bigger picture with more clarity and more compassion for you and your child. Key Takeaways Untreated ADHD is not just about school performance. It affects self-esteem, identity, health, safety, relationships, income, and even life expectancy over time. Research shows that people with untreated ADHD have higher rates of emergency room visits, poverty, incarceration, and an average life expectancy that is years shorter than their non-ADHD peers. Treatment meaningfully improves these outcomes. ADHD is both overdiagnosed and underdiagnosed, and it often shows up alongside other conditions like anxiety, depression, learning differences, sleep disorders, allergies, GI issues, and trauma. Sorting out "what's what" takes time and thoughtful evaluation. Effective ADHD treatment is not one thing. The strongest evidence supports a combination of medication and behavior modification, with behavior modification defined as training and support for parents, not "fixing the child" in a weekly session. Behavior plans that focus only on lectures and bigger consequences usually miss the mark. Most kids already know the rules. The problem is not a lack of knowledge, it is a lack of access to that knowledge in the moment. Dr. Karin's "know and go" model helps explain this: the "know" part of the brain holds rules, values, and experience; the "go" part drives behavior. In ADHD, especially around non-preferred tasks, the "go" can take off before the "know" ever gets a say. That disconnect is why kids so often say "I don't know why I did that" and mean it. They are not being manipulative. They are genuinely confused and often ashamed, because their behavior does not match what they actually believe or want. ADHD brains do have strong executive function in areas of high interest. A child who cannot organize themselves around homework may show incredible focus, planning, and follow-through when building Legos or diving into a favorite topic. Sleep, breathing, immune function, and overall health matter. Airway issues, disordered sleep, allergies, and inflammation can all worsen attention, regulation, and behavior, and sometimes even mimic ADHD. Addressing these pieces is part of good care. Supporting a child with ADHD means changing the story from "try harder" to "let's change how we're asking, what we're asking, and how we're supporting you." When adults focus on relevance, relationship, and realistic support, kids get more access to their best selves. About Karin Varblow Dr. Karin Varblow is a behavioral pediatrician and neurodivergence specialist who has built a career around coordinated, whole-family ADHD care. She earned her BA from Duke University and her MD from The George Washington University School of Medicine as a National Health Service Corps Scholar, and completed her Pediatrics residency at INOVA Fairfax Hospital for Children. Dr. Varblow's work is shaped by her unique path as a former educator and social worker, a former general pediatrician, a parent in a neurodiverse family, and an individual with ADHD herself. She supports families through medication management, parent support, behavior modification, care coordination, advocacy, and strategy development, with a focus on helping children thrive in real life, not just "meet expectations." About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links 🌎 gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: youtube.com/@complicatedkids 👾 Grab Tell the Story: gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story ➡️ Instagram: instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet ➡️ Facebook: facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet ➡️ LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up Enjoying the show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show—and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at [email protected]. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here. 💛

Autism content is not the same thing as autism science. In this episode, Dr. Theresa Lyons joins me to talk about what it really means to follow the science of autism, and why parents cannot rely on headlines, algorithms, or outdated assumptions when the stakes are this high. Theresa is a Yale trained scientist and autism parent, and she breaks down how peer reviewed research actually moves, how easily it gets distorted, and why it can take 20 to 30 years for scientific conclusions to become common medical practice. We talk about how misinformation spreads online, including research showing that 70% of the most viewed autism videos on TikTok were classified as wrong or over generalized. Theresa explains why credibility does not come from views, and why parents need to get closer to the source, or choose trusted interpreters who do. We also dig into the bigger picture that often gets missed when families are only offered behavioral therapies. Theresa shares how she thinks about risk, genetics, environment, and total load on the body, and why broad buckets like sleep, diet, hydration, and gut health matter when you are trying to support a child. This is a powerful reminder to trust your intuition, be willing to do the work, and stay curious. The goal is not to chase every rabbit hole. The goal is to build clarity, prioritize what matters, and change the trajectory one step at a time. Key Takeaways "Follow the science" should mean peer reviewed publications, not headlines. Theresa explains why going to sources like PubMed, or using trusted interpreters of that research, matters when mainstream summaries can be rushed, incomplete, or wrong. It can take 20 to 30 years for research to reach common practice. That lag matters when your child is five now, not thirty five later, and it is why parents often need to be proactive rather than waiting for systems to catch up. Mainstream media can sound credible while still being misinformation. Theresa shares how even well meaning articles can be based on shallow research done under deadline pressure, which can derail a family's decisions if they are not careful. Online engagement is not the same thing as accuracy. Research discussed in this episode found that 70% of top autism videos on TikTok were classified as wrong or over generalized, which is a wake up call about where many families are getting "education." Parents have to balance curiosity with discernment. The goal is not to chase everything. The goal is to build enough scientific literacy to ask better questions, recognize weak claims, and avoid fruitless rabbit holes. Autism is diagnosed through observation, which can hide the "why" underneath. Theresa explains how biology, chemistry, and health factors can be missed until developmental delays become obvious, and then families are left sorting out root contributors after the fact. Broad health buckets deserve attention alongside therapies. Sleep, hydration, digestion, and diet can meaningfully affect regulation and behavior, and Theresa points out that these basics are often dismissed as "just autism" when they deserve real investigation. Diet interventions require clarity about goals and consistency. Theresa discusses why families need to identify symptoms first, understand mechanisms like gut permeability and immune load, and avoid comparing "partial" changes to results from structured clinical trials. Risk is complex because genetics and environment interact. Theresa describes why research often speaks in terms of increased risk rather than simple causation, and why what is relevant depends on the individual child's context. Trust your intuition and commit to the long game. Theresa's closing message is that change is like turning a boat. It takes effort and time, but a parent's willingness to learn and keep going can meaningfully change a child's trajectory. About Theresa Lyons Dr. Theresa Lyons is an international autism educator, Ivy League scientist, and autism parent. She holds a PhD in computational chemistry from Yale University and previously worked in the pharmaceutical industry in research and development and as a medical strategist. After her daughter was diagnosed with autism, she applied her scientific training to understanding autism research and now teaches parents how to navigate the science with clarity and confidence. She is the founder of Navigating AWEtism, a platform designed to turn autism complexity into clarity by organizing scientific information and making it accessible and actionable for families. Through her work, she has supported parents in 21 plus countries and reaches a growing global audience through years of science backed education on YouTube and social media. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links 🌎 gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: youtube.com/@complicatedkids 👾 Grab Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids): gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story ➡️ Instagram: instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet ➡️ Facebook: facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet ➡️ LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up Enjoying the show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show—and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at [email protected]. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here. 💛

Play is where development lives, even when it looks simple, repetitive, or messy. In this conversation, Annamarie von Firley joins me to unpack why play is essential to early brain development and why children need hands-on experiences far more than screens, flashcards, or noisy battery powered toys. We talk about how babies learn to operate their bodies, how repetition builds neural connections, and why dumping, filling, banging, sorting, and mouthing objects are critical stages of growth. Annamarie explains how the brain develops most rapidly from birth to age three, why fine motor and sensory experiences support later skills like writing and speech, and how intrinsic motivation is built when children are allowed to explore without constant adult direction. We also discuss toy safety, developmental appropriateness, and how parents can use everyday items at home to support learning without spending more money. This episode is a grounding reminder that play is not indulgent, chaotic, or optional. It is the work of childhood. Key Takeaways Play is how children build their brains, not something they do after learning is finished. Movement, repetition, and exploration are the engines of development. Most brain development happens before age three, making early play experiences critical for later learning, regulation, and coordination. Children learn by using their bodies, not by watching others perform tasks for them. Passive screen time does not build the same neural connections. Fine motor play supports later skills like writing, feeding, and speech. Touching, grasping, pinching, and manipulating objects matters. Repetition is not boredom. It is mastery. Children repeat actions because their brains are wiring new connections. Intrinsic motivation grows when children are allowed to explore freely without constant instruction, correction, or performance pressure. Everyday household items can be powerful developmental tools. Pots, lids, spoons, containers, and boxes often support richer learning than complex toys. Noisy, battery operated toys are often overstimulating and unnecessary, especially for children under three. Play engages multiple senses at once, which strengthens memory, learning, and emotional regulation. When play is treated as essential rather than optional, children gain confidence, curiosity, and a stronger foundation for lifelong learning. About Annamarie von Firley Annamarie von Firley is the founder of Adventure Town Toy Emporium and Fledglings Flight, both rooted in the belief that play is essential to healthy child development. With a BA in Wooden Toy Design and Construction and a BFA in Furniture Design, she brings a unique combination of design expertise and deep knowledge of how children learn through movement, repetition, and sensory exploration. After more than 20 years owning and operating her fashion house, reVamp, Annamarie returned to her roots in toy design and child development. In 2016, she founded Adventure Town Toy Emporium to curate and create toys that support curiosity, creativity, and developmental growth. During the pandemic, recognizing the developmental risks facing babies and toddlers born during lockdowns, she launched Fledglings Flight. The platform combines a play based app, customized subscription boxes, and expert informed guidance developed alongside pediatric occupational therapists, speech therapists, and child neurologists to help parents support early development through simple, hands on play. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links 🌎 gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: youtube.com/@complicatedkids 👾 Grab Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids): gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story ➡️ Instagram: instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet ➡️ Facebook: facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet ➡️ LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up Enjoying the show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show—and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at [email protected]. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here. 💛

Trouble ensues when we avoid saying what we actually need and expect the people we love to just know. In this episode of Complicated Kids, I sit down with Kati Morton, a licensed marriage and family therapist and longtime mental health educator, to talk about why clear, direct communication is not just a nice-to-have, but a skill that can change relationships and, in some cases, save them. We dig into why so many of us avoid saying what we actually need, how resentment builds when we expect others to read our minds, and why discomfort is not something to run from, but something to move through. Kati breaks down what clear communication really looks like in adult relationships, including when not to communicate (no trauma dumping), how to ask for help without blame, and what to do when you have spoken up and nothing changes. We also explore the DEAR MAN framework, how people-pleasing and control sneak into everyday interactions, and why letting someone help the "wrong way" is often better than doing everything alone. This conversation is especially relevant for parents, particularly those raising complicated kids, because when our adult relationships are strained, unsupported, or full of unspoken expectations, that stress shows up everywhere. Clear communication does not make relationships perfect, but it does make them more honest, more resilient, and more human. If you have ever thought, "Why do I keep doing this?" or felt stuck between staying silent and saying too much, this episode will feel grounding, validating, and surprisingly practical. Key Takeaways Clear, direct communication reduces resentment and helps relationships function with more trust and stability over time. Unspoken expectations often lead to burnout because others cannot meet needs they do not know exist. Asking for support works best when it is specific, timely, and framed around your own experience rather than blame. Children should never be responsible for regulating or carrying adult emotional needs, even when transparency is important. Choosing the right moment to communicate matters just as much as the words being used. The DEAR MAN framework offers a practical structure for asking for change without escalating conflict or defensiveness. A single attempt at communication does not always change patterns. Consistency and clarity are often required. Accepting help means allowing others to do things differently and tolerating imperfection in the process. Discomfort is a necessary part of growth and often signals an opportunity to strengthen connection rather than avoid it. Difficult conversations, when handled with care, frequently deepen relationships instead of damaging them. About Kati Morton Kati Morton is a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in eating disorders and self-injury. She has been creating mental health education content since 2011 and is widely known for translating complex psychological concepts into practical, real-world tools. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links 🌎 gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: youtube.com/@complicatedkids 👾 Grab Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids): gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story ➡️ Instagram: instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet ➡️ Facebook: facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet ➡️ LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up Enjoying the show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show, and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at [email protected]. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here. 💛

"Listening is fixing: what anxious teens wish their parents knew." In this episode of Complicated Kids, I talk with therapist and author Sophia Galano about what teenage anxiety actually looks like, and why it is so easy for even the most caring parents to miss. Sophia explains that teens are not expert communicators. Their distress often shows up as irritability, withdrawal, "attitude," or "teen angst," and it can be brushed off as a phase when it is really a cry for help. We dig into the difference between everyday worry and clinically significant anxiety, and how to look at both how often anxiety shows up and how much it impacts daily life: school, sleep, friendships, appetite, and basic functioning. From there, we explore one of the core traps for parents: rushing in with solutions ("Have you tried meditating?" "Just go for a walk.") instead of sitting with their teen's feelings. Sophia offers a gentle but powerful reframe: active listening is not doing nothing. It is an intervention that helps teens feel seen instead of "fixed." We also talk about parents' distress tolerance, how hard it is to watch your child suffer, and how quickly that can push you into fix-it mode for your relief, not theirs. Sophia shares why parents need (and deserve) their own support, how to model boundaries ("I want to hear this, but I'm too fried right now. Can we talk at X time?"), and why that kind of honesty teaches teens to care for their own capacity too. Finally, Sophia walks through holistic supports, from sleep, movement, and time outside to different therapy modalities beyond traditional talk therapy, so families can build a web of support around their anxious teen. Key Takeaways Anxiety is a natural human emotion. It becomes a problem when it shows up frequently and starts to interfere with daily life (school, friendships, sleep, basic functioning). Teens are not expert communicators. Their anxiety often looks like irritability, withdrawal, "attitude," or "teen angst," and can easily be misunderstood or dismissed. When you are trying to figure out "Is this anxiety a problem?", look at both how often it happens and how much it affects their quality of life. Parents are often right that strategies like sleep, exercise, or meditation would help, but leading with solutions can make teens feel dismissed or unseen. "Listening is fixing." Validating and staying with your teen's feelings is not passive. It is an active intervention that reduces shame and builds trust. A lot of "I need to fix this now" energy comes from the parent's own distress. Your anxiety about their anxiety is real, and it deserves its own care and support. It is okay to set boundaries around capacity: "I really want to hear this, and I also need 30 minutes so I can be fully present with you." That models healthy self-respect for your teen. Not all therapy has to look like sitting in a room talking. Teens may connect more with art therapy, drama therapy, movement-based work, coaching, or body-based modalities. Beyond therapy, it is important to consider sleep, nutrition, movement, time outside, and screen habits as part of an anxious teen's support plan. Parents do not need to be perfect. Self-compassion, repair after hard moments, and willingness to keep showing up are more important than getting it "right" every time. About Sophia Galano Sophia Galano, LCSW, is a psychotherapist and author who has spent over a decade working with teens and adults across residential, inpatient, outpatient, medical, and educational settings. Now in private practice, she specializes in anxiety and supports both adolescents and the caregivers who love them. In addition to her clinical work and supervision of associate therapists, Sophia is a certified yoga instructor and Master Reiki Practitioner, bringing a holistic, mind-body perspective to healing. Her first book, Calming Teenage Anxiety: A Parent's Guide to Helping Your Teen Cope With Worry, was published October 7, 2025. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links 🌎 gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: youtube.com/@complicatedkids 👾 Grab Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids): gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story ➡️ Instagram: instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet ➡️ Facebook: facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet ➡️ LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up Enjoying the show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show, and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at [email protected]. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here. 💛

Could a common gene variant be quietly clogging the system for you or your child? In this episode of Complicated Kids, I sit down with holistic academic coach Elyse Dworin to talk about the MTHFR gene: what it is, what it does, and why it matters for neurodivergent kids and their parents. Elyse explains, in plain language, how this gene helps the body process folate, manage toxins, and regulate inflammation, and what can happen when a variant plus a modern "enriched" diet start to overload the system. We get into her personal story of brain fog, gut issues, anxiety, and years of "IBS" labels before testing finally revealed toxic levels of heavy metals, sky-high folic acid, and an MTHFR variant. From there, we talk about what families can actually do: shifting away from processed and fortified foods, choosing methylated vitamins, supporting detox with a knowledgeable provider, and paying attention to how our bodies respond. We also zoom out to the bigger picture: how food, sleep, movement, medications, environment, and nervous system sensitivity all weave together. And because this is Complicated Kids, we talk about what this looks like in real life with real kids: the Halloween candy, the Goldfish, the push-pull of autonomy, and how to work toward balance without turning food into a power struggle. Key Takeaways The MTHFR gene is involved in repairing DNA, managing homocysteine, recycling antioxidants, and helping the body process toxins and allergens. There are common MTHFR variants. When present, especially alongside high folic acid intake, they can contribute to issues like brain fog, anxiety, ADHD-like symptoms, and mood challenges. Folic acid (synthetic) is not the same as folate (naturally found in leafy greens), and people with MTHFR variants may not process folic acid well. "Enriched" or "fortified" on ingredient labels usually means folic acid has been added, common in many flours, cereals, and boxed foods. Over time, unprocessed folic acid and toxins can "clog the drain," leading to overload in the system rather than smooth detox and regulation. Testing with a holistic or functional provider can help identify MTHFR variants, heavy metal loads, and vitamin/mineral imbalances. Detox protocols should always be done under medical supervision, because releasing too many stored toxins at once can overwhelm the body. Practical support often includes shifting toward whole foods, adding leafy greens, and using methylated B vitamins instead of standard multivitamins. Behavior is communication, sometimes emotional, sometimes physical, and it can be a clue that something in the body is not working well. With kids, especially tweens and teens, education, moderation, and collaboration usually work better than restriction and force when it comes to food. Learning to tune into your own body (and helping kids tune into theirs) is a powerful lifelong skill that supports focus, mood, and resilience. About Elyse Dworin Elyse Dworin is the founder of Elevated Learning Solutions, a holistic academic support practice that helps students thrive by understanding not only how they learn best, but also what supports their bodies and brains to function at their best. Drawing on her strong background in math and dual degrees in Special Education and Exceptional Learners, she blends academic instruction with metacognition, executive functioning support, study skills, and social-emotional strategies. Elyse also coaches parents to better understand their child's learning profile and build realistic, compassionate supports at home. She lives in Germantown with her husband and two young children. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links 🌎 gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: youtube.com/@complicatedkids 👾 Grab Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids): gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story ➡️ Instagram: instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet ➡️ Facebook: facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet ➡️ LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up Enjoying the show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show, and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at [email protected]. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here. 💛

What happens when parenting doesn't end when your child turns 18? In this special episode of Complicated Kids, I sit down with my friend Dr. Sarah Wayland to talk about "forever parenting," those situations where parents remain deeply involved in their child's life and care well into adulthood, sometimes for the rest of their lives. Sarah shares three common paths into forever parenting: children whose developmental differences are clear early on; kids who look "on track" until they hit a wall in college or young adulthood; and those whose lives change suddenly through accident, illness, or serious mental health conditions. Across all three, there's a shared theme of uncertainty: is this forever, or just for now? And how do you plan a life around not knowing? We talk about grief, not as a one-time event, but as a companion on this journey. Sarah walks through the familiar stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance, and meaning-making, and how they show up for parents of disabled and neurodivergent adults. We explore why big feelings serve a purpose, what happens when we suppress them, and why letting yourself "wallow" for a bit can actually be healthy. We also dig into emotional regulation for both parents and adult children: the rumble-to-rage cycle, safety planning when meltdowns are intense or even dangerous, and why compliance-based approaches often crumble as kids grow. Instead, Sarah emphasizes relationship, co-regulation, and telling ourselves more truthful, less terrifying stories about what's happening. Finally, Sarah shares her vision for the Forever Parenting project and invites listeners into the process. She's actively gathering stories, hard-earned wisdom, and real-life questions from parents, professionals, and disabled adults themselves, so that families navigating lifelong care don't have to do it in the dark or alone. Key Takeaways "Forever parenting" describes parents who remain significantly involved in their child's life and care well into adulthood, sometimes for life. There are many paths into forever parenting, including early-identified developmental disabilities, late-identified neurodivergence with young-adult burnout, and sudden changes due to accident, illness, or serious mental health conditions. You often don't know whether a situation is "forever" or "for now," which means learning to live with ambiguity while still planning ahead. Grief in this context is ongoing and cyclical. Parents may move in and out of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance, and meaning-making over time. Big emotions like anger and sadness serve a purpose. Noticing and feeling them, instead of shoving them down, is part of staying emotionally well. Emotional regulation and the rumble-to-rage cycle matter for both parents and adult children, especially when safety is a concern. Compliance-focused approaches tend to break down over time. Relationship, co-regulation, and nervous system awareness are far more sustainable. Legal, financial, and practical planning (benefits, guardianship, housing, medical decision-making) are key parts of the forever parenting landscape. Parents need permission to tell the truth about how hard this can be, and support that doesn't judge their feelings. Sarah's Forever Parenting project aims to collect stories, strategies, and resources so families don't have to navigate lifelong parenting alone. About Sarah Wayland Dr. Sarah Wayland is a parenting coach, advocate, and founder of Guiding Exceptional Parents, where she supports families raising neurodivergent kids and young adults. She holds a Ph.D. in Cognitive Psychology from Brandeis University, is a certified RDI® consultant, and co-author of Is This Autism? Sarah also co-leads The Behavior Revolution's online programs for parents and is currently developing the Forever Parenting project to better support families who are providing lifelong care. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links 🌎 gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: youtube.com/@complicatedkids 👾 Grab Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids): gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story ➡️ Instagram: instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet ➡️ Facebook: facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet ➡️ LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up Enjoying the show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show, and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at [email protected]. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family. Thank you for being here. 💛

Have you ever wondered why your child's behavior feels so personal? Why does your child's behavior set off such a strong reaction, even when you understand what they're struggling with? In this powerful episode of Complicated Kids, I talk with clinical psychologist Dr. Debra Brause about what's really happening inside us during those intense parenting moments. We explore why kids trigger old wounds, how shame gets unconsciously passed around, and what it looks like to shift from reacting to responding. Debra offers a grounded, compassionate framework that helps parents understand their emotional experience without blame, so connection becomes easier, calmer, and more sustainable. If you've ever wondered why certain behaviors from your child hit you harder than others, this conversation will feel like a deep exhale. Key Takeaways Kids absorb our emotional signals, not just our words. Parental triggers often originate in old wounds or unmet needs. Shame gets passed around until someone notices they're holding it. Awareness, not perfection, is the beginning of breaking cycles. Your child's behavior is communication, not an evaluation of your parenting. "Junky" feelings are cues to look within, not at your child. Neurodivergent kids often stir up intense emotions because they challenge old patterns. Self-regulation is a precursor to co-regulation. Even small shifts in awareness change the parent-child dynamic. Connection, not control, is the pathway to healing. About Debra Brause Dr. Debra Brause is a clinical psychologist who works from a neuro-affirming perspective with parents raising neurodivergent children and autistic adults. She earned her Doctorate in Psychology from the California School of Professional Psychology and completed advanced training in psychoanalytic psychotherapy, diagnostic assessment at UCLA, and community mental health. She has taught Human Development at Alliant International University, supervised clinicians at multiple counseling centers, and regularly presents seminars on neurodiversity. Before becoming a psychologist, she spent a decade working in television and entertainment, experience that now informs her work helping clients move through emotional and creative blocks. About Your Host, Gabriele Nicolet I'm Gabriele Nicolet, toddler whisperer, speech therapist, parenting life coach, and host of Complicated Kids. Each week, I share practical, relationship-based strategies for raising kids with big feelings, big needs, and beautifully different brains. My goal is to help families move from surviving to thriving by building connection, confidence, and clarity at home. Complicated Kids Resources and Links 🌎 gabrielenicolet.com 📅 Schedule a free intro call: calendly.com/gabrielenicolet/free-15-minute-1-1-session 📺 Subscribe on YouTube: youtube.com/@complicatedkids 👾 Grab Tell the Story (anti-anxiety tool for kids): gabrielenicolet.com/tell-the-story ➡️ Instagram: instagram.com/gabriele_nicolet ➡️ Facebook: facebook.com/gabriele.nicolet ➡️ LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/gabrielenicolet 🌺 Free "Orchid Kid" Checklist: raisingorchidkids.com/orchid-kid-check-list-sign-up Enjoying the show? If Complicated Kids has been helpful, the best way to support the podcast is to follow, rate, and leave a quick review. It helps other parents find the show, and it means a lot. If there's a topic you'd love to hear covered on a future episode, you can always reach out at [email protected]. I love hearing what's on your mind and what would support your family best. Thank you so much for listening and for being part of this community. 💛