Not Surprised Anymore: Collective Trauma, Recognition, and the Body

Friendship gets tested in crisis, and sometimes the hardest grief isn’t just what happened, it’s what gets revealed about who can actually stay with you. In this episode, Vanessa Bennett, LMFT sits down with her friend Lena to talk about friendship through trauma after both of them lost their homes in the LA fires, and what real support looks like when your life falls apart. We unpack the difference between being witnessed and being fixed, why small practical help matters more than perfect words, and how adult friendships change when roles, distance, and capacity shift. If you’ve been grieving friendships, struggling to receive, or trying to rebuild community after a rupture, this conversation is for you.Additional ResourcesExplore: VanessaBennett.comBook: The Motherhood MythCommunity: Inner Compass CollectiveTraining: Inner Compass AcademyConnect with Inner CompassFollow on InstagramConnect with Vanessa Bennett:Follow on InstagramFollow on TikTokLearn more on SubstackConnect with Vanessa Bennett on LinkedInSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

We’re carrying a lot of emotion right now, but not much surprise, and that matters because surprise is what you feel when your system expects safety, predictability, and repair. In this episode, Vanessa Bennett, LMFT explores the difference between shock and recognition, how collective and generational trauma live in the body, and why so many women experience harm as familiarity rather than disbelief. We also name why “not all men” is so activating, how the “good guy” archetype can turn defensiveness into avoidance, and why allyship isn’t enough anymore. The invitation now is intervention: choosing repair over exemption, and being willing to risk comfort and privilege to protect women and children.Additional ResourcesExplore: VanessaBennett.comBook: The Motherhood MythCommunity: Inner Compass CollectiveTraining: Inner Compass AcademyConnect with Inner CompassFollow on InstagramConnect with Vanessa Bennett:Follow on InstagramFollow on TikTokLearn more on SubstackConnect with Vanessa Bennett on LinkedInSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

We’re in a radical shift in how we understand relationships, and it’s bigger than romance: the same reflex lives everywhere we attach, the hope that if you do it right, someone will keep you safe, approve of you, choose you, or tell you who to be. In this episode, Vanessa explores how we outsource our center to partners, groups, institutions, and algorithms, and why certainty becomes addictive when the world feels chaotic. This new model of intimacy isn’t rescue, it’s witness, and it asks for personal responsibility, self-regulation, and the capacity to stay in truth even when you’re afraid. Take this question with you: What do you want someone else to provide for you right now that you’re avoiding providing for yourself?Additional ResourcesExplore: VanessaBennett.comBook: The Motherhood MythCommunity: Inner Compass CollectiveTraining: Inner Compass AcademyConnect with Inner CompassFollow on InstagramConnect with Vanessa Bennett:Follow on InstagramFollow on TikTokLearn more on SubstackConnect with Vanessa Bennett on LinkedInSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

When the world feels like it’s on fire, codependency can look like “staying informed,” “staying useful,” and carrying everyone else’s feelings, but it’s often just overfunctioning in the face of chaos. And collapsing doesn’t make you more compassionate.In Episode 3, Vanessa Bennett, LMFT offers a grounding reset for anxious times: you are not required to carry the whole world to prove your goodness, your compassion, or your worth. You’re allowed to pause, breathe, hydrate, sleep, laugh, and step away from doomscrolling long enough to come back intact. Recovery isn’t disengagement. It’s learning how to hold yourself in the storm so you can act from integrity instead of urgency, and show up for others from a rooted place.If this landed, follow the show, share it, and leave a rating or review.Additional ResourcesExplore: VanessaBennett.comBook: The Motherhood MythCommunity: Inner Compass CollectiveTraining: Inner Compass AcademyConnect with Inner CompassFollow on InstagramConnect with Vanessa Bennett:Follow on InstagramFollow on TikTokLearn more on SubstackConnect with Vanessa Bennett on LinkedInSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

There’s a version of love many of us were trained into: the kind you earn. Be agreeable, be impressive, don’t need too much, don’t make waves. When belonging becomes conditional, love becomes performance, and shame becomes the inner enforcer that keeps you “good,” useful, and exhausted.In Episode 2, Vanessa Bennett, LMFT explores how conditional belonging turns intimacy into obedience and management, why being “low maintenance” is often a survival strategy, and how over-attunement (often mislabeled as being an “empath”) can be a trauma response rooted in vigilance. You’ll learn the difference between healthy empathy vs trauma empathy, how to spot the somatic signs you’re performing safety, and two experiments to move from performance to presence: the pause and one honest sentence.If this landed, follow the show, share it, and leave a rating or review.Additional ResourcesExplore: VanessaBennett.comBook: The Motherhood MythCommunity: Inner Compass CollectiveTraining: Inner Compass AcademyConnect with Inner CompassFollow on InstagramConnect with Vanessa Bennett:Follow on InstagramFollow on TikTokLearn more on SubstackConnect with Vanessa Bennett on LinkedInSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Most of us were raised inside an invisible contract: if you try hard enough, improve yourself enough, and play your role well enough, you’ll be loved, safe, and chosen. So we become diligent students of “better.” Better habits. Better productivity. Better mindset. Better communication.But when that contract stops working, it’s not a personal failure. It’s often the psyche refusing to keep participating. In Episode 1, Vanessa Bennett, LMFT explores the difference between growth and self-optimization as a survival strategy, how people-pleasing and overfunctioning once kept you attached, and why your anxiety, burnout, or identity unraveling may be a threshold into something more honest. You’ll leave with prompts and one “micro-moment” practice to start rebuilding an inner compass you can trust.If this landed, follow the show, share it, and leave a rating or review.Additional ResourcesExplore: VanessaBennett.comBook: The Motherhood MythCommunity: Inner Compass CollectiveTraining: Inner Compass AcademyConnect with Inner CompassFollow on InstagramConnect with Vanessa Bennett:Follow on InstagramFollow on TikTokSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Inner Compass is a depth psychology and relationships podcast with Vanessa Bennett, LMFT, for people who are tired of self-improvement that leaves their lives unchanged.Each episode explores codependency, attachment, boundaries, intimacy, shame, desire, resentment, and nervous system patterns - alongside the cultural myths shaping love, worth, womanhood, and power.Grounded, direct, and reflective, Inner Compass bridges depth psychology, lived experience, and cultural analysis without reducing healing to “tools and tips.” This is a space for honest inquiry, not performance - and for rebuilding an inner compass you can actually trust.Follow the show to receive new episodes weekly.For educational purposes only. This podcast is not therapy.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this episode of the podcast, Vanessa and Dené talk about the ways in which we are all being challenged to stay with ourselves through the discomfort of releasing the things we have been holding as certain. we talk about:why it becomes necessary to be in acceptance of loss for us to show up authentically in relationships how our culture conditions us to be in a constant space of preoccupation- often in an attempt to defend against the fear of endings how we are collectively being invited to come into an acceptance of the nature of impermanence the very human desire to cling to the known when we are about to step into the next phase of our development ..and so much more! Don’t forget to follow and subscribe so you never miss an episode. You can also follow along with the show on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube! Connect with Vanessa:Instagram: @vanessasbennettWebsite: vanessabennett.comTikTok: @itsvanessabennettConnect with Dené:Instagram: @dene.loganWebsite: denelogan.comTikTok: @deneloganAgain, don't forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode! If you're interested in being one of our live anonymous coaching episodes, you can apply at the link in the show notes.And follow or subscribe to our IG, TT or YouTube.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In this week’s episode, Vanessa and Dené talk about the energy that is being felt by so many of us as we move through what many astrologers are calling a ‘turning point’ eclipse season.  we talk about:the immense amount of shadow work we’ve been asked to dive into in the midst of the current eclipse seasonthe dehumanization that starts to come up when we place people on pedestals how we are being asked to look at where we’ve outsourced our sense of security to other people how our disappointment in others often reflect where we’ve left expectations unexpressed ..and so much more! Don’t forget to follow and subscribe so you never miss an episode. You can also follow along with the show on Instagram, TikTok, and YouTube! This podcast is, for sure, Cheaper Than Therapy. Follow Cheaper Than TherapyInstagram: @cheaperthantherapypodcastTikTok: @cheaperthantherapypodYouTube: @cheaperthantherapypodcastConnect with Vanessa:Instagram: @vanessasbennettTikTok: @thecodayodaYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@vanessabennettlmft5631 Connect with Dené:Instagram: @dene.loganTikTok: @deneloganSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

..the growth that comes from them is optional. In this week’s episode, Vanessa and Dené  talk about the extent to which 2025 has felt like - to many - one enormous ego death, what that means, and why this is a crucial aspect of our collective healing process. we talk about:how life is changing pushing us to separate our essence from our adapted survival strategies or what we’ve been calling our personality why it becomes important to honor other people’s process - even if we experience them as bypassing the ‘truth’ of where we believe they should be how we can start to view life’s difficult moments and relationships as an invitation to expand through what might actually be an initiatory cycle or ego death the extent to which we are experiencing an collective ego death as human race ..and so much more! Don’t forget to follow and subscribe so you never miss an episode. You can also follow along on Instagram and YouTube!Connect with Vanessa:Instagram: @vanessasbennettWebsite: vanessabennett.comTikTok: @itsvanessabennettConnect with Dené:Instagram: @dene.loganWebsite: denelogan.comTikTok: @deneloganAgain, don't forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode! If you're interested in being one of our live anonymous coaching episodes, you can apply at the link in the show notes.And follow or subscribe to our IG, TT or YouTube.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.