Long COVID and Identity: Who Am I Beyond My Chronic Illness?

After years of living with long Covid, we still catch ourselves wondering: am I doing enough to get better? Am I doing too much? Has someone on the internet found the one supplement I haven’t tried?In this episode of Bounded Energy, we give four familiar long Covid claims a bullshit rating. Is it psychosomatic? Can you cure it with positive thinking, enough rest, or the right diet and supplements? Are the 3Ps keeping us sick? We get into why some of these ideas are so tempting, what we’ve found helpful ourselves, and how easy it is to blame yourself when you’re still ill.We also catch up on where we are now, from Katya going back to work after maternity leave to Hannah getting back to cooking and taking short walks on good days. Plus, a brief case for counting a night out as a recovery milestone.Contains swearing, as advertised.Read the transcript hereLeave us a review! It really helps others to find us :)Check out our websiteWant to get in touch? (We'd love to hear from you!) Email us at [email protected] Song: Harry GouldArtwork: Ellie Atkinson

Can you have a baby with long COVID? And more importantly, how do you look after one when you've barely got enough energy to look after yourself?Katya's had a baby! After a rather lengthy hiatus, she's back to tell Hannah all about pregnancy, childbirth and the first few months of motherhood with long COVID.From worrying about whether she'd have the stamina to push a baby out (quite a reasonable concern, really) to discovering that postpartum recovery is essentially an extreme exercise in pacing, Katya shares the highs and lows of bringing a small human into the world.Katya and Hannah also discuss how chronic illness influences the decision to have children, the realities of parenting with limited energy, post-exertional malaise (PEM) and crashes, and the frankly ridiculous expectations placed on new mothers.Can you be a good mum without baby gymnastics, sensory classes and an elaborate nap schedule? Katya certainly hopes so.An honest, funny and ultimately hopeful conversation about motherhood, chronic illness and learning to do things your own way.A note for listeners: This episode includes a positive personal account of pregnancy and childbirth, as well as discussions of infertility and the difficult decisions surrounding parenthood with chronic illness.Read the transcript hereLeave us a review! It really helps others to find us :)Check out our websiteWant to get in touch? (We'd love to hear from you!) Email us at [email protected] Song: Harry GouldArtwork: Ellie Atkinson

What does recovering from long COVID actually look like? And how do you know if you're getting better when progress is anything but straightforward?In this episode of Bounded Energy, Hannah gives Katya an update on her recovery after a major long COVID crash forced her to leave work.Six months on, things are looking up. Hannah's chronic pain and fatigue have improved, she's managing more activity, and she even made it through her sister's wedding — with a few strategically timed rests and some enthusiastic chair dancing.But recovery is hardly a straight line. Katya and Hannah discuss pacing, post-exertional crashes, the challenges of rebuilding stamina and more.Hannah also shares her experience with the Optimum Health Clinic's recovery programme. They discuss nervous system regulation, psychological support and the difficulty of navigating an endless sea of potential chronic illness treatments.An honest, funny and hopeful conversation about long COVID recovery, learning to recognise progress and finding ways to enjoy life without completely exhausting yourself.A note for listeners: This episode discusses personal experiences of long COVID recovery and approaches to managing chronic illness. These are individual experiences, not medical recommendations.Resources mentioned:The Optimum Health Clinic: https://www.theoptimumhealthclinic.com/begin-your-journey The Waking Up Meditation App: https://www.wakingup.comMe + app: https://enerjoy.life/me-plus/I Haven't Been Entirely Honest With You - Miranda HartDecode Your Fatigue - Alex HowardRead the transcript hereLeave us a review! It really helps others to find us :)Check out our websiteWant to get in touch? (We'd love to hear from you!) Email us at [email protected] Song: Harry GouldArtwork: Ellie Atkinson

What happens when you get pregnant after years of living with long COVID? Is it safe? Will your symptoms get worse? And does anyone in the medical profession actually know?In this episode of Bounded Energy, Katya shares some rather big news: she's pregnant! After three and a half years of long COVID, she's expecting her first baby, and while she's absolutely delighted, she's also got quite a few questions about what pregnancy might mean for her health and her baby's.Katya talks Hannah through her decision to try for a baby, the anxieties that came with it, the emotional rollercoaster of trying to conceive, and the surprising changes she's experienced during pregnancy — including a dramatic improvement in her long COVID symptoms during the second trimester.Meanwhile, Hannah has been doing what Hannah does best: reading an enormous number of scientific papers so Katya doesn't have to.Together, they explore what the research tells us about long COVID and pregnancy, including possible risks, monitoring during pregnancy, labour and delivery, and why there are still so many unanswered questions.It's an honest, occasionally funny and vulnerable conversation about pregnancy with chronic illness, the limits of medical knowledge and what happens when your body — which has spent years being spectacularly uncooperative — suddenly decides it can grow an entire human.A note for listeners: This episode includes discussion of fertility, trying to conceive and pregnancy-related health risks. The research discussed reflects the evidence available at the time of recording and should not be taken as individual medical advice. Links to the studies discussed are included below.Research discussed:https://www.spandidos-publications.com/10.3892/br.2024.1893 https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11059432/Read the transcript hereLeave us a review! It really helps others to find us :)Check out our websiteWant to get in touch? (We'd love to hear from you!) Email us at [email protected] Song: Harry GouldArtwork: Ellie Atkinson

Five years into long COVID, are we any closer to understanding what causes it — or finding a treatment that actually works?In this episode of Bounded Energy, Katya and Hannah welcome back Gez Medinger, filmmaker, long COVID advocate and co-author of The Long Covid Handbook, for a long-overdue catch-up.Two years after their first conversation, Gez shares how his health has changed, what he's been experimenting with recently, and whether he's feeling any more optimistic about his recovery.Together, they discuss the latest developments in long COVID research, the frustratingly slow progress towards effective treatments, and why stories of miraculous recoveries deserve a healthy dose of scepticism.They also tackle some of the bigger questions: Has public awareness of long COVID improved? How do you stay hopeful when you've been ill for five years? And what can you actually do when you're tired of waiting for medical science to catch up?An honest, funny and occasionally sweary conversation about long COVID, recovery, scientific uncertainty and finding ways to keep living your life.A note for listeners: This episode discusses experimental approaches to long COVID, including prolonged fasting and the Lightning Process. These are personal experiences and opinions, not established treatments or medical recommendations. Prolonged fasting carries significant health risks and should not be attempted without appropriate medical guidance.Read the transcript hereLeave us a review! It really helps others to find us :)Check out our websiteWant to get in touch? (We'd love to hear from you!) Email us at [email protected] Song: Harry GouldArtwork: Ellie Atkinson

What happens when you've spent years pushing through long COVID, only to discover that your body has finally had enough?After an eight-month podcasting hiatus, Katya and Hannah are back with a rather significant life update.For almost five years, Hannah has continued working full-time despite living with long COVID and fibromyalgia. But after months of increasing exhaustion, a frightening crash at work left her struggling to walk, think clearly or manage even the simplest everyday tasks.In this episode, Hannah shares what happened, why she's made the enormous decision to leave her job, and what it feels like to step away from a career that's always been such a big part of her identity.Katya and Hannah discuss the dangers of constantly pushing through fatigue, the difficulty of recognising your own limits, and the complicated relationship between chronic illness, ambition and self-worth.They also talk about the impact of illness on relationships, the guilt that can come with prioritising rest, and Hannah's plans for a year focused on recovery — including some rather more achievable goals than another professional qualification.Plus, a brief detour into married names, the questionable merits of their podcast jingle, and an unexpected appearance from Hannah's cat.An honest, funny and sometimes emotional conversation about long COVID, burnout, learning to rest and discovering that there's more to life than being good at your job.A note for listeners: This episode discusses a significant deterioration in chronic illness symptoms, disability and leaving employment for health reasons. It reflects Hannah's personal experience rather than medical or employment advice.Read the transcript hereLeave us a review! It really helps others to find us :)Check out our websiteWant to get in touch? (We'd love to hear from you!) Email us at [email protected] Song: Harry GouldArtwork: Ellie Atkinson

When you live with long COVID, how much of your identity becomes wrapped up in being ill? And is it possible to accept your limitations without letting them define you?In this episode of Bounded Energy, Katya and Hannah explore how living with chronic illness has changed their sense of who they are — and the surprising freedom that can come from discovering there's still plenty more to them than their symptoms.Katya has been feeling a little guilty. After spending so long coming to terms with having long COVID (and starting an entire podcast about it), she's discovered that she's actually much happier when she isn't thinking about her illness all the time. Meanwhile, Hannah reflects on the parts of herself she's had to let go of, the interests she's embraced instead, and why she's become increasingly comfortable identifying as disabled.Together, they discuss invisible disabilities, the loss of old hobbies and ambitions, how chronic illness can change your plans for parenthood, and whether becoming ill fundamentally changes who you are — or simply turns down the volume on certain parts of your personality.There's also a detour into terrible PMS, university crushes, nineteenth-century literature and the rather wonderful wisdom of a Namibian safari guide.An honest, funny and thoughtful conversation about long COVID, disability, identity and making space for all the other things that make you, well, you.A note for listeners: This episode includes personal reflections on disability, mental health, fertility and decisions about having children. These are individual experiences rather than advice about how anyone should approach chronic illness.Read the transcript hereLeave us a review! It really helps others to find us :)Check out our websiteWant to get in touch? (We'd love to hear from you!) Email us at [email protected] Song: Harry GouldArtwork: Ellie Atkinson

What happens when your long COVID recovery is going rather well, and then your body decides it's time for another crash?In this short solo episode of Bounded Energy, Katya shares a personal update after experiencing a significant flare-up of her long COVID symptoms following three travel vaccinations in one day.After months of steady improvement, she's suddenly back to dealing with crushing fatigue, nausea, anxiety and very limited energy. Not quite the preparation she'd hoped for ahead of a much-anticipated holiday to Namibia.Katya reflects on the frustration of a long COVID relapse, but also on something rather encouraging: although her physical symptoms feel horribly familiar, she's handling this crash very differently from the ones she experienced when she first became ill.She also shares two tools she's been finding particularly helpful: the Visible wearable for pacing and tracking exertion, and a breathwork app for managing stress and heart rate during the working day.Along the way, there's some reflection on the ridiculous difficulty of pacing, the unexpected exertion involved in sitting through work meetings, and why vaccines, unlike ice cream, are probably not something Katya should order three of at once.A short, honest and occasionally funny update about long COVID setbacks, learning to manage crashes and remembering that a bad month doesn't necessarily mean losing all the progress you've made.A note for listeners: This episode describes Katya's personal experience of a symptom flare following travel vaccinations. The timing does not establish that the vaccines caused the flare, and this experience should not be taken as evidence against vaccination. Katya remains supportive of vaccination. Please seek individual medical advice about vaccinations and managing long COVID.Visible band & app:https://www.makevisible.com/Breathwrks app:https://www.breathwrk.com/Leave us a review! It really helps others to find us :)Check out our websiteWant to get in touch? (We'd love to hear from you!) Email us at [email protected] Song: Harry GouldArtwork: Ellie Atkinson

What does long COVID do to your mental health? And how do you find your way back to feeling like yourself when chronic illness has turned your life upside down?In this episode of Bounded Energy, Katya and Hannah finally tackle a subject they've been talking about privately for years: mental health.Katya shares her experience of depression and what she and Hannah call 'black hole thinking' — those moments when hopelessness takes over and it becomes almost impossible to imagine ever feeling better. Hannah, meanwhile, talks about living with anxiety, the constant sense that something terrible is about to happen, and how long COVID and fibromyalgia have added to feelings she experienced long before becoming ill.Together, they discuss the grief of losing abilities they once took for granted, the dangers of comparing yourself to healthy friends (or your former self), and the enormous amount of work involved in rebuilding a life around chronic illness.They also explore the relationship between post-exertional malaise (PEM), physical crashes and mental health, including Katya's experience of sudden, frightening changes in mood when her symptoms flare.But it's not all doom and gloom. There's plenty of reflection on what's helped them find happiness again, from therapy and changing their expectations to learning to recognise unhelpful thought patterns. Plus, some excellent listener wisdom about developing a finely tuned bullshit filter when you've only got so much energy to spare.An honest, funny and sometimes vulnerable conversation about long COVID, anxiety, depression, grief and the possibility of building a happy, meaningful life alongside chronic illness.A note for listeners: This episode includes frank discussions of depression, anxiety, hopelessness and suicidal thoughts. Please take care when listening. These are personal experiences, not medical or psychological advice. If you're struggling with your mental health, consider reaching out to a healthcare professional or someone you trust.Read the transcript hereLeave us a review! It really helps others to find us :)Check out our websiteWant to get in touch? (We'd love to hear from you!) Email us at [email protected] Song: Harry GouldArtwork: Ellie Atkinson

Christmas with long COVID isn't always the most wonderful time of the year. Between the social engagements, the expectations and the rather inconvenient need to conserve energy, the festive season can be a bit of a minefield when you're chronically ill.So, in this short Christmas special of Bounded Energy, Katya has decided to bring some festive cheer to the long COVID community. By writing jokes.Are they funny? Well, Hannah has very kindly agreed to be the judge.From spoon theory and long haulers to silent nights and some truly questionable Christmas cracker punchlines, Katya attempts to prove that even chronic illness can provide material for a festive comedy routine. Whether she succeeds is another matter entirely.But there's a more thoughtful side to this episode too. Katya shares an exercise from therapy that challenged her to think about what, if anything, she's gained from living with long COVID.She reflects on becoming more compassionate towards other people's struggles, rediscovering her love of books and audiobooks, and developing a very different relationship with her body.It's a short, silly and heartfelt episode about finding humour in difficult circumstances, appreciating the things that remain possible and recognising that even a pretty rotten illness can sometimes teach us something valuable.We'd love to hear from you! Have you got a terrible long COVID joke? Or has chronic illness taught you something unexpected? Email us at [email protected] Christmas from Bounded Energy!Leave us a review! It really helps others to find us :)Check out our websiteWant to get in touch? (We'd love to hear from you!) Email us at [email protected] Song: Harry GouldArtwork: Ellie Atkinson