Using the 5 Levels of Communication & Avoiding Communication Breakdowns | Ep. 647

  Obedience to the ways of Jesus can sound closed-minded or restrictive, but in today’s episode we’re breaking down that myth for good.   We’re delighted to have pastor Rich Villodas join us today to talk about what it looks like to live on the Narrow Path Jesus taught about, and why it creates the most expansive life you could have. Learn what cultural Christianity gets wrong about the way of Jesus and how to walk the narrow way for a more joy filled life and marriage.    We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.    Episode highlights include:  Signs you’re not living out the Narrow Path Jesus taught about  Learn the damaging beliefs of cultural Christianity that don’t align with Jesus’ teaching  Ways that shallow faith shows up in marriage - and what to do about it  Internal shifts to help you value what matters to your spouse    Sign up for Dr. Kim’s Marriage Multiplier email for quick weekly marriage tips!   *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!    Couples Conversation Guide:    Main takeaway:  Dying to self to live in Christ is the path to a full and expansive life. What would it look like to live this out in your marriage today?    Questions to Discuss:  How are you doing with each of the cultural values of successism, moralism, and hyperindividualism in your marriage?  What growth step would help you follow the narrow way of Jesus more closely with each of those?  QUOTES  “It seems restrictive on the outside, but ultimately following Jesus leads to greater spaciousness in our lives.” - Rich Villodas   “Is it possible for Christians to be on the ‘broad path’? Absolutely. Which is why the Sermon on the Mount is a wake up call to the kind of discipleship that Jesus is calling us to live into.” -  Rich Villodas   “Jesus is saying, ‘the kind of life you were designed for is found in my teachings.’” -  Rich Villodas  “We might be on the broad path if we are organizing our lives according to worldly notions of what success is.” -  Rich Villodas “The paradox of the Christian life is that to die in Christ is to actually come alive and truly live.” - Rich Villodas MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:   Rich’s new book The Narrow Path: How the Subversive Way of Jesus Satisfies Our Souls Find more from Rich on his website, on Instagram,   and learn more about his church, NewLife.nyc  Ready to break free from negative thought patterns? Use these 11 Prayers to get you on the right path!  Grab the beloved House Prayer Cards and make praying over your home a regular part of your day!  Our ministry is made possibly ONLY through our generous donors. Plus, they get each month’s new marriage resource automatically, as well as some other exclusive perks! Learn more about Marriage Changers Membership here.  Sign up for Dr. Kim’s Marriage Multiplier email for quick weekly marriage tips!

Conflict in marriage is inevitable: it’s how you handle it that matters most. But what about couples who really never fight? What happens to conflict that is never addressed and only stays under the surface? Does it ever really go away?  Listen today to learn better ways to handle the issues you don’t know how to deal with.   We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.  Episode highlights include:  Tips to initiate a hard conversation you’ve been avoiding How to stay grounded when you want to shut down  How conflict can actually lead to better intimacy and connection Helpful nonconfrontational ways to broach difficult topics    Sign up for Dr. Kim’s Marriage Multiplier email for quick weekly marriage tips!   *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!    Couples Conversation Guide:  Main takeaway: Dealing with the important issues together paves the way for true peace, and learning effective conflict solving skills is a win for your marriage.  Questions to Discuss:  Some skills mentioned are: Intentionality - set up a good time to talk, use “I” statements, do not blame your spouse, focus on what you would like to achieve together through the conversation. Pick the one that would help you the most.  What is one easy issue you can tackle together to practice better resolution skills? Focus on using your chosen skill.  QUOTES  If a couple said they never had conflict, I would think they’re not being completely honest with each other. - Dr. Kim Kimberling  I think the more you fear conflict, the less you’re able to resolve it. - Lindsay Few  We want to equip couples to handle it in a healthy way. - Lindsay Few  Conflict is not bad in itself. It’s how we handle conflict. - Dr. Kim Kimberling  Yes, we want peace in our homes. But you can’t have it if you ignore things that need to be dealt with.  - Dr. Kim Kimberling  It’s ok if you get stuck, just don’t stay stuck. - Dr. Kim Kimberling    MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:   Do you want a better friendship with your spouse? Build your friendship with the 5 Day Friendship Challenge.   Have you lost the connection you once had? Rebuild friendship with your spouse using the 5 Day Rebuilding Friendship Challenge.  Our ministry is made possibly ONLY through our generous donors. Plus, they get each month’s new marriage resource automatically, as well as some other exclusive perks! Learn more about Marriage Changers Membership here.  Sign up for Dr. Kim’s Marriage Multiplier email for quick weekly marriage tips!    

Marriage conflict is hard, but you know what makes it even harder? Trying to WIN. Because if you win, that means your spouse loses. And that’s not great for your marriage connection. Break out of the “my way” versus “your way” myth and learn what it means to work together to have a win for your marriage.  Today we’re unpacking the process of how to win TOGETHER. We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.  Sign up for Dr. Kim’s Marriage Multiplier email for quick weekly marriage tips!   Episode highlights include:  Why taking divorce off the table changes the dynamics of conflict. What does it mean for the marriage to “win” and how can you do it?  Key steps for healthy conflict resolution The importance of empathy and proactive communication to prevent arguments. *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!    Couples Conversation Guide Main takeaway:  Marriage conflict is hard. When you try to win, you make it even harder. Questions to Discuss:  Are there any issues that have you stuck in a “win/lose” cycle?  Have you considered any creative “third” options (options that aren’t “your way” or “their way”) that could solve the issue?  Brainstorm possible options. During brainstorming, no idea is too out there! Just get lots of other options on the table to help you start looking for marriage wins instead of fighting over your individual preference.  QUOTES   "If you’re trying to win, that means your spouse loses." - Dr. Kim Kimberling  "A marriage win creates two winners." - Dr. Kim Kimberling  "Ask: What's going to make our marriage win?" - Dr. Kim Kimberling  MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:   Get the Love Making Survey 2.0! Now expanded with 20 new questions PLUS the 7-day Love Making Challenge, it’s our Giving Tuesday gift to you, as a thank you for your donation to the ministry of Awesome Marriage!   Shop Honoring Intimates for lingerie, lubricants and more with NO lewd images, and use our discount code AWESOMEMARRIAGE for 20% off!    Sign up for Dr. Kim’s Marriage Multiplier email for quick weekly marriage tips!  

Couples often enter marriage with high expectations, and are then dismayed to learn that marriage is not a fairy tale after all. What do you do when marriage doesn't make you happy? How can we break out of our selfish hopes and become the spouse God intends us to be? Listen to learn practical ways to reconcile your marriage dreams with your married reality.   We all have hopes and dreams for marriage, and the reality of life is that they don’t always play out the way we expected. We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.   Sign up for Dr. Kim’s Marriage Multiplier email for quick weekly marriage tips! Episode highlights include:  How your expectations before marriage impact your relationship The hidden role of selfishness in marital issues and conflicts How to cultivating humility helps to understand your spouse better Recognizing the redemptive nature of marriage can lead to deeper connections. Steps to finding a true and deeper joy in marriage   *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!  Couples Conversation Guide:   Main takeaway:  Unrealistic expectations of marriage are pretty common, but they can take away from enjoying the marriage you’re actually living. If marriage isn’t making you happy, then that’s your cue to start sowing into it.   Questions to Discuss:  What expectations did you bring into marriage that you later realized were unrealistic?  What are some things you’d love to see more of in your marriage, and how can you work together to make that happen?  Do you have friends who will give you hard feedback when needed? What step can you take to build a friendship like that?    QUOTES  “A lot of people getting married have high hopes for marriage, then a few years into it they realize it’s not going to be their source of identity, hope and happiness. That realization kind of turns their world upside down.” - Chelsea Damon “What does God say about me? I had to do some soul searching to see what God has to say about me without trying to find that sense of security in my spouse.”  - Chelsea Damon “Marriage does a good of showing you who you are, and all of your faults. It’s a good wake up call for who you are as a person.”  - Chelsea Damon “One of the things couples find surprising are the expectations they don’t even know they’re bringing into marriage.”  - Chelsea Damon “I realized so much of my sense of security was not in the right place. I decided to put that back on Christ and find my identity in Him.” - Chelsea Damon “You need someone who’s willing to speak into your life.”  - Chelsea Damon   MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:   Find Chelsea on her website, Instagram,   Grab a copy of Chelsea’s book, I Thought This Would Make Me Happy Shop Honoring Intimates for lingerie, lubricants and more with NO lewd images, and use our discount code AWESOMEMARRIAGE for 20% off!   Sign up for Dr. Kim’s Marriage Multiplier email for quick weekly marriage tips!    

Today we’re answering listener questions about how to handle the pain of a spouse’s porn use.  Unfortunately, this is a pretty common issue we hear about from couples, but the good news is that you CAN heal and move forward. So today we’re answering listener questions about healing and recovery from pornography in marriage. We’ll talk about the process for forgiveness, what to do if you just cannot forgive and move on, how to rebuild trust, and practical strategies to combat intrusive thoughts.  Listen for practical ways to heal and recover your heart and your marriage. We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.  Episode highlights include:  How to forgive and move forward when it feels impossible  Changing your view if you can’t separate your spouse from the hurtful behavior  The balance of feeling safe and willingness to be vulnerable  Boundary setting to allow for healing Getting out of the comparison trap and starting to feel beautiful and desirable again  *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!    Couples Conversation Guide:  Main takeaway:  When your marriage is recovering from porn use, repentance is the first step. Forgiveness allows you to heal, and boundaries help facilitate marriage healing. You can rebuild your marriage even better than before.  Questions to Discuss:  What does your spouse do that helps you trust them? Are there any areas where you need to build or repair trust with your spouse?  What can you do together to help that process?  QUOTES  “Until you forgive, you’re still giving a lot of power to what happened.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling  “One of the best prayers is asking God to help you see your spouse through His eyes.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling  “We want assurance that nothing will ever hurt us again, but that’s not possible.” Lindsay Few   “Look for Jesus in your spouse. When you see that, things are probably going to be pretty good.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling  This is not a hurdle to get through: this is a lifestyle change.   - Dr. Kim Kimberling There’s nothing wrong with being accountable, not because you ‘have to,’ but because you love your spouse.   - Dr. Kim Kimberling “You’ve got to be completely open and transparent with each other. You can’t have trust without that.”   - Dr. Kim Kimberling MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:   Sign up for the Free 5 Steps to Healing After Porn Betrayal to learn the steps you need to take to live a marriage undefiled and experience closeness and intimacy again Past podcast episodes on healing your marriage after porn:  How to Regain Trust With Your Spouse After Porn | Ep. 561 How to Rebuild Intimacy With Your Spouse After Porn | Ep. 562 Has your marriage been damaged by the effects of porn? Not sure what’s next? Download the 8 Steps To Heal Your Marriage After Porn to learn your next steps to healing.

Are your kids protected from p*rn? Do they know how to fight back? What if they’ve already been exposed to it?  So many parents do not know how to protect their kids from porn, or how to equip them with what to do if they are exposed to it. We are so pleased to hear from Kristen Jenson today on the podcast with the answers to your questions. Equip yourself so that you can equip kids well.  We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.    Episode highlights include:  The hidden mental health dangers of p*rn  The scripts parents need to discuss p*rn with their kids’ Tips for digital safety in today's technology-driven world. When should you start talking to your kids about p*rn? Which phones are safer for kids?  Resources that will help you guide your kids or grandchildren  The need for open conversations that can protect children's innocence.   *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!    Couples Conversation Guide:  Main takeaway:  Your kids & grandkids need a plan in place to protect them from the danger of porn exposure and addiction. Today’s episode will equip you to make that plan.  Questions to Discuss:  Have you taken the time to equip your kids with what to do if they are exposed to porn?  Do you have a plan to resist the temptation of porn or explicit materials?  If not, use the resources below to develop a plan today.    QUOTES   “If you’re worried about what to do with your kids about p*rn, this podcast is for you.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling  “P*rnography is fueling a huge rise in child-on-child harmful sexual behavior.” - Kristen Jenson  “How do you talk to kids about it in a way that doesn’t scare them, doesn’t scare the parents and gives them a real plan?”  - Kristen Jenson  “We all need scripts for certain life situations. There are no scripts passed down for this problem.” - Kristen Jenson  “We live in a world awash with addiction. We need to teach our kids how to protect their brains from addiction.” - Kristen Jenson  “P*rnography is the tool of choice. If kids know what to do, they’re going to be that much safer.”  - Kristen Jenson  “We have an opportunity to say, no this isn’t normal. No, this isn’t healthy.”  - Kristen Jenson    MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:   Purchase Kristen’s books: Good Pictures Bad Pictures: Porn-Proofing Today's Young Kids, Good Pictures Bad Pictures Jr., and the Guidebook for Counseling Kids Learn about our the brand new curriculum Brain Defense: Digital Safety Keep current with empowering articles From Defend Young Minds  Use the instantly-downloadable guides to help you teach your child  Follow Defend Young Minds on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, & LinkedIn  

If porn has damaged your marriage, healing is possible. And you are not alone…This is unfortunately a common issue we hear from couples about. So today on the podcast, we’re answering listener questions about healing and recovery from pornography in marriage. We’ll talk about the need for forgiveness, what to do when a spouse cannot forgive and move on, how to rebuild trust, and practical strategies to combat temptation.  Listen for practical ways to engage in healing and recovery for you and your marriage. We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.    Episode highlights include:  What to do if a spouse can’t forgive past porn use  How to make a plan for dealing with temptation. Necessary steps in the trust-rebuilding process  Help to understand the impact on a wife’s self-image  How shame and isolation impact recovery   *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!    Couples Conversation Guide:  Main takeaway:  Porn use can really damage the trust in marriage, but recovery is possible. Learn how and do what it takes to rebuild trust and does not    Questions to Discuss:  What are the areas of vulnerability in your marriage?  How can you make a plan to protect your marriage where you need it most?  Is there anything you need to come clean about with your spouse? Do it today.    QUOTES  “The things a spouse needs to do for recovery are good for them AND good for the marriage. It really works together.” Lindsay Few  “Most men I talk to have no idea how devastating their p*rn use was for their wife.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling  “It’s so important to have a plan in place.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling  “Remember that temptation itself is not sin. It’s what you do once you are tempted.”  - Dr. Kim Kimberling  “You can use temptation as a red flag to drive you toward things that are good for you.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling   “God doesn’t want us stuck in shame, but the enemy sure does.” - Lindsay Few    MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:   Podcast episode:  We mentioned this episode with Matt Cline  Other helpful episodes: How to Regain Trust With Your Spouse After Porn | Ep. 561 How to Rebuild Intimacy With Your Spouse After Porn | Ep. 562 Sign up for the Free 5 Steps to Healing After Porn Betrayal to learn the steps you need to take to live a marriage undefiled and experience closeness and intimacy again

How is the emotional intimacy in your marriage? Do you feel safe telling your spouse anything? Do you feel loved, heard, and understood?  Marriage is meant to be a refuge…a place where you each feel safe sharing deep personal feelings and confident you will be graciously received by your spouse. The problem is that many of us don’t talk about or even understand our own emotions. And if we can’t properly process our emotions, it will be very hard to build true emotional closeness in marriage.  Tune in today to learn the Do’s and Don’t of emotional intimacy. We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.    Episode highlights include:  Surprising behaviors that may shut our spouses down emotionally What wives tend to get wrong about emotional intimacy  What husbands often get wrong about emotional intimacy  What we miss out on when emotional intimacy is missing in marriage  *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!    Couples Conversation Guide:  Main takeaway:  Emotional intimacy is being able to share your thoughts, feelings, hopes, fears, and more with your spouse and be loved and accepted. It is a building block of great connection in marriage.  Questions to Discuss:  How safe do you feel sharing anything you need to with your spouse?  What could you do to better accept your spouse as they are?   What helps you feel emotionally close and connected?    QUOTES  Wives may experience more of the feeling of the lack of emotional intimacy. - Lindsay Few  I promise you, after 54 years of marriage, that your spouse cannot read your mind. -  Dr. Kim Kimberling  A lot of times we think our spouse thinks like we think. Dr. Kim Kimberling  Our assumptions really get us in trouble. - Lindsay Few  Instead of thinking your spouse is a terrible person, realize they’re just different. They don’t see things the same way you do. - Lindsay Few  God didn’t give feelings and emotions to women that He didn’t give to men. He gave us the same feelings and emotions. It changes your life when you get in touch with that. - Dr. Kim Kimberling  We’re all emotional. We’re just not all in touch with them. - Lindsay Few  MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:   Take the 5 Days to Deeper Emotional Intimacy challenge to learn practical steps to growing emotional intimacy with your spouse.  FREE Awesome Marriage Feelings Chart Printable FREE Married couples card game  Heart-to-Heart is a game designed to deepen emotional intimacy and connection between you two.   

 We’re so happy to have David and Meg Robbins from FamilyLife joining us on the podcast today. The Robbins have been in ministry for many years and have learned so many important truths about what it takes to create a marriage strong enough to stand strong through the years.  Today they share their wisdom and experience. You don’t want to miss this conversation, full of wisdom and practical application that will benefit you and your marriage.  We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.  Episode highlights include:  The unique strengths of Gen Z when it comes to pursuing marriage  The 3 threats every marriage faces The power of the Holy Spirit to stand strong  Daily habits to fight the drift that busyness creates in marriage Scheduling habits to keep your marriage connected  How to find an encouraging community of support - and why it matters    *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!    Couples Conversation Guide:  Main takeaway: Don’t neglect the health of your marriage: Keep short accounts when things need to be addressed between you, and cultivate supportive community.  Questions to Discuss:  Are you aware of the spiritual battle for your marriage?  Are there any ways you’re viewing your spouse as your enemy, and neglecting to protect your mind and heart against the real enemy?  Where would your life and marriage benefit from community? What step can you take today to nurture your friendships, mentorship and fellowship?  QUOTES  Younger generations are doing a lot of deep story work. - Meg Robbins  We all have ingrained sin patterns that we bring into marriage. - David Robbins  Vulnerability does involve risk. It’s not status quo. Yet vulnerability is the pathway to deeper intimacy. - David Robbins  You have to take risky steps to take down the walls around your heart. - Meg Robbins  With little things, we can be hard on ourselves. But when you spend time with other people, you realize these are normal things. - Meg Robbins  Most people want to talk about their marriage, it just requires someone else to start the conversation. Anyone of us can crack open the conversation.  - David Robbins  A healthy marriage is one that’s repenting often. - David Robbins  No marriage is going to naturally drift towards awesome oneness.  - Meg Robbins MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:   Find marriage-building resources and events at www.FamilyLife.com  Find and follow FamilyLife on YouTube Utilize FamilyLife’s The Art of Marriage small group course Nurture your marriage with our FREE 15 Better Assumptions to Make About Your Spouse printable.  

Are you familiar with the 5 levels of communication and where they fit in your marriage? Do you use all 5 levels in your marriage? The basics of communication sound simple on paper, yet most couples are struggling to communicate effectively. And when communication falls short, your connection suffers, conflict ramps up, and marriage isn’t the partnership you hoped for.    Today Dr. Kim shares these levels and how to use them, so you can access all 5 types of communication your marriage needs and avoid common communication breakdowns with your spouse. Tune in to learn more!    We pray this episode is helpful for you and your marriage.    Episode highlights include:  5 communication levels you and your spouse need Simple tips for avoiding common communication breakdowns  Getting to deep communication with a less talkative spouse  Common mistakes husbands and wives make with deeper communication How to respect your spouse’s personal communication style   *Music for this podcast is created by Noah Copeland. Check him out here!    Couples Conversation Guide:    Main takeaway:  When you talk, be mindful of communicating in ways that your spouse will be able to really hear you. When your spouse talks, listen well, and don’t neglect any of the 5 communication levels.   Questions to Discuss:  Which levels of communication come more naturally in your marriage?  Which levels are harder to use?  What is one thing you can do today to make sure you communicate in a way your spouse will be able to receive well?    QUOTES  “Communication is so essential. I don’t know if there's ever a couple that comes in for counseling and it’s not an issue.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling   “It sounds simple enough, but at the same time most couples are struggling with communication.” - Lindsay Few  “It’s important that you pay attention to each other. That you value it and listen to each other.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling  “There are so many distractions in life. It’s important to tune in.” - Dr. Kim Kimberling   “Instead of blaming our spouse because they’re not listening well, ask how well am I communicating with them?”  - Dr. Kim Kimberling   “We have a responsibility to grow in self awareness, and marriage is a beautiful way to do that.“ Lindsay Few      MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:   Turn to God and ask him to renew your mind with our NEW resource, 11 Prayers To Stop Thinking Negatively About Your Spouse 15 Better Assumptions To Make About Your Spouse is a free printable to help you set your mind on what is true, right and good. Learn more here!  Follow Awesome Marriage on Instagram for more marriage tips!