Penny: Letting Go of the Shame I Carried

Krysta met her ex-husband when she was 15 and married him at 17 as he joined the military. Over eight years together, frequent moves and long absences left her isolated, and the relationship became emotionally, verbally and sexually abusive. In this episode she talks about the red flags she later recognised, how isolation and control crept in, and how a family advocacy program and a victim advocate helped her leave and fly with her children to her sibling’s home. She explains why sexual assault within a marriage is still assault, and why she shares her story to give hope to others in military relationships, after her ex-husband was held accountable. Krysta’s mantra through healing has been to feel your feelings but not live in them. She urges anyone in an abusive relationship to forgive themselves and make a safety plan, and reminds survivors that healthy, loving relationships are possible after abuse.

Amy met her ex-husband at a time when she was heartbroken and low in self-worth, and he swept her off her feet. After he moved the family interstate, away from her family and friends, the abuse began, and over five years it grew worse, especially once she became pregnant. In this episode she talks about the moment a psychologist told her that what she was experiencing was domestic violence, how she left, and how the abuse continued for years after separation through stalking, harassment and drawn-out family court proceedings, until a lifelong intervention order was put in place. She shares how inner child work and self-development transformed her healing, leading her to become a domestic violence survivor mentor, write her book My Life on Eggshells and speak about coercive control. Amy’s advice is to trust your intuition, talk to someone or seek professional help, and look for the green flags of a healthy relationship, not just the red ones. If you'd like to learn more about the work that Amy has been doing or to see if you might like to work together, you can follow her on her Instagram account @thefreedommentorah

Georgia was in her early twenties when she met her ex-partner on a dating app. Within months the relationship became controlling and violent, and much of it played out during Australia’s strict COVID-19 lockdowns, which made getting away even harder. In this episode she talks about the constant contact that wore her down, being cut off from her family and friends, and talking her way through a lockdown checkpoint to get away, only to be drawn back in. She explains how police involvement and an intervention order finally put a wedge between them, and why she went ahead with charges so another woman might be protected. Georgia also shares how she has healed by taking responsibility only for what was hers, asks partners of survivors to be patient and not blame themselves, and reminds anyone in an abusive relationship that no one hates you, and that involving the authorities can help break the cycle.

Penny was a headstrong 17-year-old, just back from an exchange year overseas, when she met a charming boy at a party. Over almost seven years, his jealousy and mind games turned into physical violence, and she became, in her words, a shell of herself. In this episode she talks about how subtle the abuse was at first, the gaslighting that left her doubting herself, and the night her family witnessed the violence and she knew she could no longer keep it a secret. She shares how volunteering in Nepal, friends, meditation and psychological support helped her slowly put herself back together, and how she now has a loving husband, two children and a life she describes as calm and stable. Penny’s message for anyone in an abusive relationship is to trust your instincts, know that life can get better, and let go of the shame: it didn’t happen because you were stupid or naive.

Michaela grew up in a loving, religious home and was working full-time as an EMT when she met her ex-husband. What began as jealousy and constant calls while she was at work escalated after their marriage into isolation, threats and physical violence. In this episode she talks about the warning signs she chose to ignore, how fear for her animals and her unborn child pushed her to leave when she was 13 weeks pregnant, and the night her parents dropped everything to help her get out. She shares what healing has looked like since, including therapy, living with PTSD and attending domestic violence calls in her work. Michaela asks partners of survivors to be patient and kind, and urges anyone in an abusive relationship to tell someone they trust before they leave. She closes with words from a late friend: in the relationship you are a victim, the day you leave you become a survivor, and when you share your story you become a warrior.

Marni grew up wanting the stable family she never had, and for 27 years she overlooked the red flags in her marriage while raising her children and working as a teacher. It wasn’t until the abuse turned physical at the very end that her light bulb went on. In this episode she talks about the subtle forms of abuse that outsiders rarely see, including gaslighting, isolation, smear campaigns, financial abuse and parental alienation, and about a high-conflict divorce and court proceedings that have continued for almost a decade. She shares how she rebuilt after losing her home and working several jobs at once, and how writing became her greatest healing tool, from her award-winning spiritual novel God Came to My Garage Sale to her four-book series True Deceit, False Love. Marni’s advice for anyone in an abusive relationship is to plan your exit carefully, look after yourself, rediscover your passions and handle life’s challenges with love. To find out more Marni and the work she is doing, you can check out her website: https://godcametomygaragesale.com

Barbara reconnected with a high school summer romance in her twenties. Over 11 years together, the relationship moved from financial control and isolation to verbal, physical and sexual abuse, much of it excused at the time as alcohol or PTSD. In this episode she talks about the night a police officer refused to leave until she understood how to file a restraining order, the advocate who sat with her while she waited, and the long divorce that followed. She shares how therapy, volunteering with her local domestic violence agency and the support of her church community have helped her heal, why she created resources for survivors going through divorce, and her hope of one day providing housing for survivors. Barbara also reminds listeners that abuse is not just physical, that children are affected even when we think they aren’t, and that it can take several attempts to leave, but it is never too late. If you would like to learn more about the domestic violence resources that Barbara has put together, you can visit her website https://www.divorcedomesticviolence.com

Angela met her ex-partner on a night out with a friend, and within days he had moved into her home. Over almost eight years he took control of her money, isolated her from friends and family, and made her feel she always came second. In this episode she talks about the red flags she overlooked, the moment she began learning about narcissism, and how she made a plan to leave and escaped for good. She shares what healing has looked like since, from counselling and a women’s support group to journaling, music, nature and her dogs, and the turning point of realising she had been in love with a lie and that she is enough. Angela also offers advice for anyone dating a survivor, to be patient, kind and understanding, and for anyone in an abusive relationship today: you are enough, you’re not crazy, and it’s not your fault.

Amanda is a survivor of gender-based violence and complex trauma, and was diagnosed with PTSD in 2018 when the effects of past trauma surfaced as flashbacks and panic attacks. Today she is a trauma recovery coach, a yoga teacher and the founder of Rituals for Recovery, a nonprofit organisation in Canada. In this episode she talks about why so many of us struggle to make room for joy, how numbing painful feelings also numbs the good ones, and why healing is never linear. She shares the daily rituals that support her recovery, from journaling and mantras to restorative yoga, and why caring for the body matters as much as the mind. She is honest about being a recovering perfectionist and workaholic, and shares her goal of helping a million people over the next decade. She also talks about the Help Her Recover book project, which is gathering real stories of hope and healing from women who have survived gender-based violence. Her message: out of our vulnerabilities comes our strength. If you'd like more information about Amanda's work and book project, please visit her website, Rituals For Recovery.

Karleigh’s childhood was shaped by trauma she kept to herself and by her father returning from war with severe PTSD. Believing she was worthless, she went from one abusive relationship to the next between the ages of 12 and 23, including a violent relationship at 17. In this episode she talks about the red flags she justified, from backhanded compliments to jealousy she once mistook for romance, and why ignoring your gut is a sign something is wrong. She describes how that relationship continued as online harassment and stalking after she ended it, and how, years later, wanting to be there for her son set her on a healing journey. She shares why healing means grieving the person you might have been, and her work as an abusive relationship recovery coach and host of The Worthy Of Show. Her advice for anyone in an abusive relationship: you are not broken, it is not your fault, and you deserve more. If you can’t leave yet, begin quietly making a plan, and know there are people ready to support you without judgement. If you were inspired by Karleigh's story and would like to reach out to her, just head over to https://karleighlynne.com