Ep 186: The “Let Them” Theory... But Make It Shadow Work

I got introduced to a new phrase (but not a new idea) by a recent Chappell Roan interview: Walk Away Energy. When asked how she stays so chill despite all her success, Chappell Roan said it was because she has “walk away energy.” And I absolutely had to sit down and talk about that. “Walk away energy”  is similar to the detachment idea we were talking about here recently. It’s the idea that you are never, ever willing to stay in something that is past its expiration date; it’s the concept that you trust yourself enough to walk away from something when it’s over, or when someone isn’t treating you the way you deserve. It’s taking all those thoughts of “But what if this is the best I can get?” and throwing them the f*ck away.  If someone isn’t meeting your standards, you don’t have to stick around and tell them that you deserve to be treated better.  When you have walk away energy, you don’t waste your time begging for the bare minimum. You just walk away. It sounds easier than it is…but once you master it, you’ll find it’s your most powerful tool for attracting the kind of relationship you ACTUALLY deserve.   WORK WITH MICHELLE:  Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a shadow work course for the woman who is ready to break free from the anxious/avoidant dance in relationships and step into unfuckwithable confidence, security, and self-worth: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience   CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com

It is truly so exciting to watch one of your clients blossom…and my guest this week, Abigail, is a perfect example. Just a short while ago, she was living in her spare bedroom, trying to “fix” herself for the sake of other people…and now, I've witnessed this woman blossom and come into her own as she embodies what it means to be a high-value woman. Too many of you think that these kinds of transformations aren’t possible for you…which is why it’s important to hear these stories from people who have actually DONE the thing.  This work, this change…it’s for everyone. For me, for Abigail…and for you.   WORK WITH ABIGAIL: Arrange a boudoir photography session with Abigail: www.gingerephotography.com Get one month FREE working with Abigail in exchange for an honest review! Use coupon code “michellepanning” now:  www.abigailknows.com   CONNECT WITH ABIGAIL:  Listen to my guest episode on Abigail’s podcast: https://open.spotify.com/episode/7l69B9CLs9KeY6zCytd5s1?si=t1WOYUQfQX-_S7L8Kgdr2Q  Abigail’s Instagram: @kaizenlearninglabs, @gingerephotography Abigail’s TikTok: @kaizenlearninglabs, @bosscamp101 The Kaizen Learning Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/64pxVLoQM8DjmjGtK2YgWF?si=_Mo_sEAmSvqAGthC1DqZEg    WORK WITH MICHELLE:  Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a shadow work course for the woman who is ready to break free from the anxious/avoidant dance in relationships and step into unfuckwithable confidence, security, and self-worth: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience   CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com

Here’s what to do if you feel someone pulling away from you. Ready? Let them. I’m serious as f*ck. If someone starts to pull away from you, if someone wants to break up, if someone refuses to meet your standards, if someone won’t pick their shit up off the floor even when you’ve asked a hundred times… Just let them. The “Let Them” theory, coined by Mel Robbins, is literally that simple. People are going to do what they’re going to do whether you try to change it or not…so just let them. You’ll be amazed how much weight lifts off your shoulders. However, as amazing as this framework is, I think there’s a piece missing—and that piece is shadow work.    WORK WITH MICHELLE:  Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a shadow work course for the woman who is ready to break free from the anxious/avoidant dance in relationships and step into unfuckwithable confidence, security, and self-worth: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience   CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com

When you hear “detachment,” what do you think it means? If your mind went straight to the idea of apathy, not caring what happens or what you’re doing, etcetera…you’re not the only one.  But you’re also wrong.  Detachment isn’t apathy. Detachment is power. And when you master detachment…it’s going to transform your whole motherf*cking life. Here are some of the things you need to detach from—and how to begin to let it all go.   WORK WITH MICHELLE:  Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a shadow work course for the woman who is ready to break free from the anxious/avoidant dance in relationships and step into unfuckwithable confidence, security, and self-worth: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience Want to experience a profound transformation that lasts a lifetime? Sign up for the Retreats BUNDLE: https://michellepanning.thrivecart.com/alchemy-retreat-bundle-2026/   CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com

Well. We broke up. You probably got that from the title. But in case you were wondering…no, it’s not clickbait.  My partner Drew and I have decided to split up. It’s sad. And right. And so, so hard.  I’m grieving. I’m excited. I’m struggling. I’m hopeful. There is such duality in breakups, no matter how healthy or unhealthy the relationship might have been…and navigating them in a regulated, healthy way is a fucking BEAST. So it’s a good thing I’m here to give you the play-by-play, yeah? Snap those headphones on and get ready to listen. Let’s talk about my breakup…and everything that’s changing behind the scenes.   WORK WITH MICHELLE:  Join THE CONNECTED WOMAN, a shadow work course for the woman who is ready to break free from the anxious/avoidant dance in relationships and step into unfuckwithable confidence, security, and self-worth: https://michellepanning.com/the-connected-woman Sign up for THE EXPERIENCE, an exclusive 12-month mentorship experience where you go all in on YOU (aka, you get direct access to me as a mentor, access to every offer I run over your year, and MORE): https://michellepanning.com/the-experience Want to experience a profound transformation that lasts a lifetime?  The Retreats: https://michellepanning.thrivecart.com/alchemy-retreat-bundle-2026/   CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com

Two words: Pretty. Privilege. It’s thrown in the faces of people who happen to be conventionally attractive to imply that they have no right to complain about their struggles, particularly if they struggle with confidence. “Well, you have the perfect body, so you can’t be insecure.” “Well, you’re pretty, so what do you have to feel bad about?” You know what’s really not cute? Invalidating the experiences of other people based on their external reality. I’ve got my bestie Caitlin back on the podcast today, and we’re going over all things CONFIDENCE: our own struggles with insecurity, why your external reality actually has fuck-all to do with how confident you are, our absolute cringiest moments (yeah, we’re getting fucking real today), and ways to actually start boosting your confidence that have nothing to do with dieting, skincare, or anything else. Because it doesn’t matter if you’ve got “pretty privilege” or not…insecurity can still eat you alive if you don’t do the work.   WORK WITH CAITLIN: Website: https://completebycaitlin.com/    CONNECT WITH CAITLIN: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/complete_bycaitlin?igsh=eDVwdGx0a3h5c3Vr   WORK WITH MICHELLE:  This is not your average confidence course. Join MAIN CHARACTER ENERGY: https://michellepanning.com/main-character-energy  Join The EXPERIENCE, a year-long mentorship for the woman who wants to play in the frequency of big love, epic sex and mind-blowing relationships with men…and herself: https://michellepanning.com/the-experience    CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com

Trying to be the perfect woman is killing your love life. I mean it—this little perfectionism thing you’ve got going on? It’s not protecting you from anything, babe—it’s actually keeping you stuck in the same patterns you’ve been playing out for your whole dating life. Perfectionism is not a protector—it’s a prison. And until you get up the courage to show up as the person you actually are, not whatever kind of woman would be the perfect match for the guy you’re seeing this month, you’re not going to find that secure, healthy relationship you want so badly. So how do you clock this, own it, and clean it up? Here’s what you need to watch out for…and what you need to do to quit the perfection game.   WORK WITH MICHELLE:  This is not your average confidence course. Join MAIN CHARACTER ENERGY: https://michellepanning.com/main-character-energy  Join The EXPERIENCE, a year-long mentorship for the woman who wants to play in the frequency of big love, epic sex and mind-blowing relationships with men…and herself: https://michellepanning.com/the-experience    CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com

Here’s an exciting little secret for you… Did you know that you’ve been cast as the MAIN CHARACTER in your love life? In fact, you’re not just the main character. You’re the screenwriter. The casting director. The costume designer. The credits have YOUR name all over them, babe… So why are you still acting like the f*cking side character? Too many of you are out here acting like you have to apologize for wanting the spotlight + taking up space on the stage…when you OWN THE F*CKING STAGE. This is YOUR life. YOU are the writer, the actor, the EVERYTHING. And if you don’t like how this little play is going for you… Maybe it’s time to rewrite the script.   WORK WITH MICHELLE:  Join MAIN CHARACTER ENERGY: https://michellepanning.thrivecart.com/mce-feb-25/  Join The EXPERIENCE, a year-long mentorship for the woman who wants to play in the frequency of big love, epic sex and mind-blowing relationships with men…and herself: https://michellepanning.com/the-experience    CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com

It’s 2025.  I don’t know about you, but I’m so fucking excited it’s a new year—and I don’t plan to finish it as the same person I was when it started. I want to be UNRECOGNIZABLE by 2026…and I want to help you get there, too. I want this year to be your ultimate fucking glow-up. But first, we need to go over some pretty crucial perspective shifts. You CAN become the most confident, iconic, badass version of yourself. But not if you keep doing life the way you’ve been doing it…and not if you sit around refusing to take action to actually create some fucking change. Let’s get to work.   WORK WITH MICHELLE:  Join MAIN CHARACTER ENERGY: https://michellepanning.thrivecart.com/mce-jan-25/  Join The EXPERIENCE, a year-long mentorship for the woman who wants to play in the frequency of big love, epic sex and mind-blowing relationships with men…and herself: https://michellepanning.com/the-experience    CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com

This one’s for the anxiously attached girlies…and everyone, honestly, because there’s some fucking gems in here. But if you have an anxious attachment style, these lessons go double for you, mmkay? Anxious attachment can feel like a life sentence. But the truth is, your attachment style IS something you can heal…but you have to start taking steps toward security. In today’s episode, we’re going to go over 24 lessons I want you to take out of 2024 and into 2025. And once you learn these lessons and put them into practice, you’ll be shocked how quickly things can change for you. Like I always say…when it comes to changing our patterns, we have to learn to clock them, own them, and clean them up. And these lessons are a great way to start. Here’s to 2025, bitches. Let’s get you on your way to a secure relationship.   WORK WITH MICHELLE:  Join The EXPERIENCE, a year-long mentorship for the woman who wants to play in the frequency of big love, epic sex and mind-blowing relationships with men…and herself: https://michellepanning.com/the-experience  Ready to finally take action to transform your life in 2025? Apply for one-to-one mentorship with me: https://form.jotform.com/230497122673457   CONNECT WITH MICHELLE: Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/michellepanning Website: http://www.michellepanning.com