CBT vs. DBT: Which Type Of Therapy Is Better For Lawyers?

Maybe you're thinking about leaving the law, but you aren't quite sure you're ready to start working through the process. You're thinking, "I really think this isn't for me, I definitely want to get out eventually, but maybe not at this exact moment." If that sounds like you, there's something you can do.This is going to be the most unsurprising recommendation, but one of the things that's really important for lawyers who are going through the process of figuring out what they want to do that isn't practicing law is therapy.See show notes at formerlawyer.com/293

When lawyers start thinking about leaving, they focus on the practical steps. What career should I pursue? How do I update my resume? What skills do I need? Those things matter, but Sarah consistently hears from lawyers that they underestimated something else. They didn't realize how much they needed to know they weren't alone.The legal profession can be deeply isolating, especially for people who are unhappy. In a field focused on prestige, lawyers often feel like they have to maintain a professional persona just to be taken seriously. It becomes hard to admit that the work doesn't fit, even to yourself. Lawyers who want out often believe they're the only ones who feel that way. They look around at colleagues who seem fine and wonder what's wrong with them for struggling.In this episode Sarah shares why finding even just one or two other people also going through this process can make leaving the law so much easier. See show notes at formerlawyer.com/292

Most people who are thinking about leaving the law spend a long time in a familiar place. They know their job feels awful, they say it to themselves and to other people, and they imagine how much better things could be somewhere else. But imagining you'd like to leave is not the same thing as deciding that you want to. That shift sounds simple, but it's tied up in identity, prestige, sunk costs, and everything you've been taught about what it means to be successful. It's the first real hurdle for a lot of lawyers, and one that's easy to avoid.See show notes at formerlawyer.com/291

There comes a point where the math you’ve been doing in your head stops adding up. You spent years in school. You passed the bar. You took on the loans. You built the career you were told would make it all worth it. Now you’re tired, anxious, or checked out, but the idea of leaving makes your stomach drop. It feels like walking away means none of it mattered.That’s how the sunk cost trap works. It convinces smart people that the only respectable choice is to stick with a decision that’s hurting them. It tells you that if you bail now, everything you put into becoming a lawyer disappears.If you’re stuck in the “I can’t throw this away” spiral and need help figuring out your next step you need to listen to this. See show notes at formerlawyer.com/249

Zi Lin did everything “right.” Philosophy major, law school, great grades, OCI, Biglaw offer, six-figure salary. From the outside, the path looked impressive. From the inside, it felt like being processed through a conveyor belt. No one asked whether the career actually fit. It was just the obvious next step. Parents approved. Professors approved. Colleagues approved. When everyone around you nods along, it’s easy to assume there’s nothing to think about.The problem came later, once Zi was actually practicing. The culture inside the firm didn’t match what was promised. “Bring your whole self to work” sounds supportive until you realize it only applies if your whole self fits the mold. Zi found herself performing a version of “acceptable lawyer,” constantly adjusting how she acted, talked, socialized, even reacted. When your value comes from churning out work and avoiding the wrong reactions, there’s no space to be a person. There’s only survival.In this episode Zi Lin joins Sarah to talk about her experience leaving Biglaw and what she's doing now.Website & PortfolioZori Nori Instagram (@zori_nori)Personal Art Instagram (@garbage_collector_s)Linktree (for all other links, shops, etc.)

A lot of lawyers assume that making more money will make leaving easier. In reality, the opposite often happens. Once you are in a high-paying legal job, it can feel like there is no other path that will work. People outside the profession are usually surprised by this. They assume lawyers have endless options, but many lawyers feel they have to hang on to what they have because there may not be anything else that fits.See show notes at formerlawyer.com/289

A lot of lawyers believe they shouldn’t feel burned out because they haven’t been practicing very long. But burnout isn’t measured by years in the profession. For many lawyers, it started long before their first legal job. Sarah hears from people who have only been in practice a few years and are already exhausted, overwhelmed, or checked out. They feel embarrassed or confused because they can point to colleagues who have been doing it longer. But measuring burnout by the calendar misses the reality of how it develops—especially for high-achieving perfectionists who have been pushing themselves for years before they ever set foot in a law firm.See show notes at formerlawyer.com/288

For years, the idea of leaving the law can sit quietly in the back of your mind. You tell yourself you’ll figure it out eventually, that one day you’ll know it’s time. But months turn into years, and the only thing that changes is how tired you feel saying, “I don’t want to do this forever.” The biggest mistake most lawyers make when they want to leave is assuming it will just happen on its own.See show notes at formerlawyer.com/287

Lawyers often describe feeling like they can never fully turn their brains off. Even during downtime, there’s a sense of waiting for the next email, the next call, or the next fire to put out. It’s not simply overthinking. It’s the body staying on alert, a nervous system trained to expect that something could go wrong at any time.Sarah explains why this constant state of vigilance makes sense, why it’s not a personal failing, and what it means for lawyers trying to find relief from the pressure.Anchored: How to Befriend Your Nervous System Using Polyvagal Theory by Deb DanaSee show notes at formerlawyer.com/286

The first year after leaving law is a strange mix of freedom and fatigue. There is relief in stepping away from billable hours, but the exhaustion runs deeper than expected. Sarah Cottrell hears it constantly from clients. They imagined a clean break. Instead, it feels like living in a body still bracing for impact.At first there’s quiet. The noise of practice fades, and breathing feels easier. Then comes the question no one expects. What now? For years the answer was always clear. Get through the case. Close the deal. Survive the week. Outside that system, there’s no obvious next step, only space that feels both exciting and uncertain.Sarah describes the first year as less about reinvention and more about recovery. It’s about realizing how much the profession shaped your sense of worth and how long it takes to stop living like every moment has to be optimized.See show notes at formerlawyer.com/285