67. Control is the Opposite of Trust

You’re catching me days after the Thanksgiving break here in the states. And not even 24 hours after my youngest fell and busted out most if not all of his front teeth. I’m a little shell shocked but learning a big lesson. The lesson being, I was never allowed to be messy. And so that’s why parenting feels so hard because IT’S ONLY MESS!  This is a heart felt, loving, accepting message to all the parents out there who are in the thick of the MESS. I hope you feel less alone, seen and supported after listening to this episode.  Sending you love from the depths of the mess.  FREE GUIDES! Make sure you grab my Free Guide to Managing Meltdowns: https://responseableparenting.ck.page/meltdown 4 steps to get you through your kid’s meltdown without snapping!  Do you find yourself yelling more often than you want? Does it feel like yelling is the ONLY way to get through to your kids? But it makes you feel awful? You absolutely need my Free Guide To Stop Yelling: https://responseableparenting.ck.page/yelling  This guide will walk you through the process of staying regulated and give you tools to use during high stress moments. COMMUNITY! The community is now OPEN!!! Inside the Community you’ll have access to me DAILY through DM’s and the Discussion board. Share your questions, ask me the tricky stuff and get the support YOU need. You’ll have WEEKLY Q&A opportunities to get personalized support where I can help you connect the dots and have a clear path forward in your parenting. You also have access to my entire workshop library, dozens of bite sized lessons, OH! And you have immediate access to my signature course “The Strong-Willed Language Series!” Here you get my BEST and most effective tips on how to stay regulated when triggered, how to understand your child more and speak their language so you can gain more cooperation, drastically reduce power struggles, feel more connected and more! Don’t forget to use code PODCAST for $10 off your first month! Join here: https://responseableparenting.kit.com/community  VIRTUAL MEETUP! Is there a challenge in your family that has NOT gotten any better? Are you stuck in constant power struggles, experiencing defiant behavior every day, just feeling so defeated that nothing has worked and you fear you’re losing the connection to your kids every day? Then this is for you. Join my monthly virtual meetup where you can share what's happening and get real, actionable and personalized solutions. This is the most affordable way to get 1:1 coaching so the plaguing problems go away and you can finally enjoy parenting again! Meetings are held the last Tuesday of every month (subject to holiday adjustments). Join here: https://responseableparenting.ck.page/meetup    BE A GUEST! If you would like to be a guest on the podcast and troubleshoot what's going on for you in real time, please fill out the podcast submission form. I look forward to connecting with you! Submit here: https://bit.ly/4c57Tx5  

I love the holidays, but let's be honest, they are filled with challenges. Tricky family dynamics, expectations not being met, routines being off, more sugar, alcohol, etc. It can leave us feeling drained, resentful and frustrated.  In this episode you’ll get a 4 step framework from Marshall Rosenberg, the father of Non-Violent Communication. It’s THE MOST effective strategy for those tricky situations. Plus you’ll know you’ve done everything you could! I can’t wait to hear how your holidays are. If you find yourself knee deep in the overwhelm - shoot me a message on Instagram @ responseableparenting or email me: [email protected] and I’ll be there for you!  FREE GUIDES! Make sure you grab my Free Guide to Managing Meltdowns: https://responseableparenting.ck.page/meltdown 4 steps to get you through your kid’s meltdown without snapping!  Do you find yourself yelling more often than you want? Does it feel like yelling is the ONLY way to get through to your kids? But it makes you feel awful? You absolutely need my Free Guide To Stop Yelling: https://responseableparenting.ck.page/yelling  This guide will walk you through the process of staying regulated and give you tools to use during high stress moments. COMMUNITY! The community is now OPEN!!! Inside the Community you’ll have access to me DAILY through DM’s and the Discussion board. Share your questions, ask me the tricky stuff and get the support YOU need. You’ll have WEEKLY Q&A opportunities to get personalized support where I can help you connect the dots and have a clear path forward in your parenting. You also have access to my entire workshop library, dozens of bite sized lessons, OH! And you have immediate access to my signature course “The Strong-Willed Language Series!” Here you get my BEST and most effective tips on how to stay regulated when triggered, how to understand your child more and speak their language so you can gain more cooperation, drastically reduce power struggles, feel more connected and more! Don’t forget to use code PODCAST for $10 off your first month! Join here: https://responseableparenting.kit.com/community  VIRTUAL MEETUP! Is there a challenge in your family that has NOT gotten any better? Are you stuck in constant power struggles, experiencing defiant behavior every day, just feeling so defeated that nothing has worked and you fear you’re losing the connection to your kids every day? Then this is for you. Join my monthly virtual meetup where you can share what's happening and get real, actionable and personalized solutions. This is the most affordable way to get 1:1 coaching so the plaguing problems go away and you can finally enjoy parenting again! Meetings are held the last Tuesday of every month (subject to holiday adjustments). Join here: https://responseableparenting.ck.page/meetup    BE A GUEST! If you would like to be a guest on the podcast and troubleshoot what's going on for you in real time, please fill out the podcast submission form. I look forward to connecting with you! Submit here: https://bit.ly/4c57Tx5  

Do you dread the holidays? Do you feel anxious about how you’re going to handle so much time together? Does it feel like gentle strategies never work with your strong-willed kid? This is the episode for you. I share 3 important mindset shifts to hold onto during the holidays as well as 4 active strategies to put in place to set your holidays up for the best possible outcome! Also, my community is still open! Doors close again for the rest of the year on Dec 6th. Use promo code BLACKFRIDAY to get 40% off your first month!  JOIN THE COMMUNITY! The community is now OPEN until December 6th! Inside the Community you’ll have access to me DAILY through DM’s and the Discussion board. Share your questions, ask me the tricky stuff and get the support YOU need. You’ll have WEEKLY Q&A opportunities to get personalized support where I can help you connect the dots and have a clear path forward in your parenting. You also have access to my entire workshop library, dozens of bite sized lessons, OH! And you have immediate access to my signature course “The Strong-Willed Language Series!” Here you get my BEST and most effective tips on how to stay regulated when triggered, how to understand your child more and speak their language so you can gain more cooperation, drastically reduce power struggles, feel more connected and more! Don’t forget to use code PODCAST for $10 off your first month! Join here: https://responseableparenting.kit.com/community  FREE GUIDES! Make sure you grab my Free Guide to Managing Meltdowns: https://responseableparenting.ck.page/meltdown 4 steps to get you through your kid’s meltdown without snapping!  Do you find yourself yelling more often than you want? Does it feel like yelling is the ONLY way to get through to your kids? But it makes you feel awful? You absolutely need my Free Guide To Stop Yelling: https://responseableparenting.ck.page/yelling  This guide will walk you through the process of staying regulated and give you tools to use during high stress moments. VIRTUAL MEETUP! Is there a challenge in your family that has NOT gotten any better? Are you stuck in constant power struggles, experiencing defiant behavior every day, just feeling so defeated that nothing has worked and you fear you’re losing the connection to your kids every day? Then this is for you. Join my monthly virtual meetup where you can share what's happening and get real, actionable and personalized solutions. This is the most affordable way to get 1:1 coaching so the plaguing problems go away and you can finally enjoy parenting again! Meetings are held the last Tuesday of every month (subject to holiday adjustments). Join here: https://responseableparenting.ck.page/meetup    BE A GUEST! If you would like to be a guest on the podcast and troubleshoot what's going on for you in real time, please fill out the podcast submission form. I look forward to connecting with you! Submit here: https://bit.ly/4c57Tx5

In this episode I answer a question off Instagram: “How to manage my emotions when establishing time boundaries?”  I talk about the difference between a boundary and an expectation. And how to clearly set both. I share 5 different steps to take in order to set both you and your child up for success. You’ll hear mindset shifts and you’ll get practical strategies on how to engage your child once the boundary has been crossed and the power struggle has begun (as the clock ticks away). If you would like further examples or want to be a guest on the podcast please submit your questions in the link below.  FREE GUIDES! Make sure you grab my Free Guide to Managing Meltdowns: https://responseableparenting.ck.page/meltdown 4 steps to get you through your kid’s meltdown without snapping!  Do you find yourself yelling more often than you want? Does it feel like yelling is the ONLY way to get through to your kids? But it makes you feel awful? You absolutely need my Free Guide To Stop Yelling: https://responseableparenting.ck.page/yelling  This guide will walk you through the process of staying regulated and give you tools to use during high stress moments. COMMUNITY! The community is CLOSED. Please join the waitlist and gain access to my weekly newsletter to be informed of when the community opens again.  https://responseableparenting.ck.page/newsletter BE A GUEST! If you would like to be a guest on the podcast and troubleshoot what's going on for you in real time, please fill out the podcast submission form. I look forward to connecting with you! Submit here: https://bit.ly/4c57Tx5  

In this episode I talk about the difference between control and trust. And how we have been so conditioned to control the process, control the outcome, control our children’s behavior. Because left to their own devices things haven’t gone well in the past. But the more we control, the less time they have to practice, to fill up their own control bucket, to show us through their actions how capable they truly are.  I offer a new way of thinking about control and some guidance on how to slowly release the reins and give your children the opportunity to show how much they care about this relationship as well.   FREE GUIDES! Make sure you grab my Free Guide to Managing Meltdowns: https://responseableparenting.ck.page/meltdown 4 steps to get you through your kid’s meltdown without snapping!  Do you find yourself yelling more often than you want? Does it feel like yelling is the ONLY way to get through to your kids? But it makes you feel awful? You absolutely need my Free Guide To Stop Yelling: https://responseableparenting.ck.page/yelling  This guide will walk you through the process of staying regulated and give you tools to use during high stress moments. COMMUNITY! The community is CLOSED. Please join the waitlist and gain access to my weekly newsletter to be informed of when the community opens again.  https://responseableparenting.ck.page/newsletter  VIRTUAL MEETUP! Is there a challenge in your family that has NOT gotten any better? Are you stuck in constant power struggles, experiencing defiant behavior every day, just feeling so defeated that nothing has worked and you fear you’re losing the connection to your kids every day? Then this is for you. Join my monthly virtual meetup where you can share what's happening and get real, actionable and personalized solutions. This is the most affordable way to get 1:1 coaching so the plaguing problems go away and you can finally enjoy parenting again! Meetings are held the last Tuesday of every month (subject to holiday adjustments). Join here: https://responseableparenting.ck.page/meetup    BE A GUEST!If you would like to be a guest on the podcast and troubleshoot what's going on for you in real time, please fill out the podcast submission form. I look forward to connecting with you! Submit here: https://bit.ly/4c57Tx5

Hear from the Founder of Good For You Girls (a toxic-free skincare line that supports kids through puberty and beyond). Our discussion ranges from the challenging food and product options for our tweens/teens as well as how to have empowered conversations about the hormonal changes they are experiencing. Kimberly shares wonderful ways to stay connected, alert, curious, and how to move through this delicate time without shame and feeling empowered. Tune into this very important conversation!  Kimberly has offered my listeners a promo code: RESPONSEABLE20 for 20% off her product line.  Head to GoodForYouGirls.com to check out her products and scoop some deals before the holidays!  FREE GUIDES! Make sure you grab my Free Guide to Managing Meltdowns: https://responseableparenting.ck.page/meltdown 4 steps to get you through your kid’s meltdown without snapping!  Do you find yourself yelling more often than you want? Does it feel like yelling is the ONLY way to get through to your kids? But it makes you feel awful? You absolutely need my Free Guide To Stop Yelling: https://responseableparenting.ck.page/yelling  This guide will walk you through the process of staying regulated and give you tools to use during high stress moments. COMMUNITY! The community is CLOSED. Please join the waitlist and gain access to my weekly newsletter to be informed of when the community opens again.  https://responseableparenting.ck.page/newsletter  VIRTUAL MEETUP! Is there a challenge in your family that has NOT gotten any better? Are you stuck in constant power struggles, experiencing defiant behavior every day, just feeling so defeated that nothing has worked and you fear you’re losing the connection to your kids every day? Then this is for you. Join my monthly virtual meetup where you can share what's happening and get real, actionable and personalized solutions. This is the most affordable way to get 1:1 coaching so the plaguing problems go away and you can finally enjoy parenting again! Meetings are held the last Tuesday of every month (subject to holiday adjustments). Join here: https://responseableparenting.ck.page/meetup    BE A GUEST! If you would like to be a guest on the podcast and troubleshoot what's going on for you in real time, please fill out the podcast submission form. I look forward to connecting with you! Submit here: https://bit.ly/4c57Tx5

*Trigger warning at minute marker 7:30 I share a story of my stillbirth.* In this episode I share a very vulnerable and tender moment I had with my strong willed kid. He did something impulsively that pushed on all my buttons. And instead of having a corrective conversation we ended up having one of the most honest and connective moments. I was able to recognize that my desire to control his behavior is rooted in a deep fear that I will lose him just like I lost his brother.  My control and perfectionism have morphed and are now showing up as protection. This was a beautiful moment between us and we were able to really see each other after this conversation.  I hope you feel seen as well and I look forward to connecting further with you.  FREE GUIDES! Make sure you grab my Free Guide to Managing Meltdowns: https://responseableparenting.ck.page/meltdown 4 steps to get you through your kid’s meltdown without snapping!  Do you find yourself yelling more often than you want? Does it feel like yelling is the ONLY way to get through to your kids? But it makes you feel awful? You absolutely need my Free Guide To Stop Yelling: https://responseableparenting.ck.page/yelling  This guide will walk you through the process of staying regulated and give you tools to use during high stress moments. COMMUNITY! The community is CLOSED. Please join the waitlist and gain access to my weekly newsletter to be informed of when the community opens again.  https://responseableparenting.ck.page/newsletter  VIRTUAL MEETUP! Is there a challenge in your family that has NOT gotten any better? Are you stuck in constant power struggles, experiencing defiant behavior every day, just feeling so defeated that nothing has worked and you fear you’re losing the connection to your kids every day? Then this is for you. Join my monthly virtual meetup where you can share what's happening and get real, actionable and personalized solutions. This is the most affordable way to get 1:1 coaching so the plaguing problems go away and you can finally enjoy parenting again! Meetings are held the last Tuesday of every month (subject to holiday adjustments). Join here: https://responseableparenting.ck.page/meetup    BE A GUEST! If you would like to be a guest on the podcast and troubleshoot what's going on for you in real time, please fill out the podcast submission form. I look forward to connecting with you! Submit here: https://bit.ly/4c57Tx5

The phrase “feel your feelings” has become this negative trope used to make parents, who are really trying to do things differently, feel weak and shameful about their choices.  I hear all the time “Oh you’re one of THOSE parents who allow feelings…” As if thats a BAD THING!?  In this week’s episode I talk about how allowing both yourself and your child to feel your feelings (yes even the “bad” ones) is a radical act. And why it should be the focus of all interpersonal relationships, not just parenting! If you are ready to dive into this process and want the guidance and support I share in this podcast please either DM me on Instagram @ ResponseABLEParenting or email me at [email protected]  FREE GUIDES! Make sure you grab my Free Guide to Managing Meltdowns: https://responseableparenting.ck.page/meltdown 4 steps to get you through your kid’s meltdown without snapping!  Do you find yourself yelling more often than you want? Does it feel like yelling is the ONLY way to get through to your kids? But it makes you feel awful? You absolutely need my Free Guide To Stop Yelling: https://responseableparenting.ck.page/yelling  This guide will walk you through the process of staying regulated and give you tools to use during high stress moments. COMMUNITY! The community is CLOSED. Please join the waitlist and gain access to my weekly newsletter to be informed of when the community opens again.  https://responseableparenting.ck.page/newsletter BE A GUEST! If you would like to be a guest on the podcast and troubleshoot what's going on for you in real time, please fill out the podcast submission form. I look forward to connecting with you! Submit here: https://bit.ly/4c57Tx5  

In this episode we explore a phrase my therapist told me back in 2020. “You need to change in order for ME to feel better.”  I feel like this phrase helped me see every situation differently. I began to understand my responsibility in each relationship. What I brought to the dynamic that was either healthy or not.  And I was able to really start a journey of self-discovery and accountability to show up the way I wanted to in each interaction. If this resonates with you and you’re looking to do this work alongside a coach I would be honored to talk with you. You can DM me on Instagram @ ResponseABLEParenting or email me at [email protected]  This work matters so much, not just to benefit your children. But to heal parts of you that have kept these relationships from reaching their full potential.  FREE GUIDES! Make sure you grab my Free Guide to Managing Meltdowns: https://responseableparenting.ck.page/meltdown 4 steps to get you through your kid’s meltdown without snapping!  Do you find yourself yelling more often than you want? Does it feel like yelling is the ONLY way to get through to your kids? But it makes you feel awful? You absolutely need my Free Guide To Stop Yelling: https://responseableparenting.ck.page/yelling  This guide will walk you through the process of staying regulated and give you tools to use during high stress moments. COMMUNITY! The community is CLOSED. Please join the waitlist and gain access to my weekly newsletter to be informed of when the community opens again.  https://responseableparenting.ck.page/newsletter  BE A GUEST! If you would like to be a guest on the podcast and troubleshoot what's going on for you in real time, please fill out the podcast submission form. I look forward to connecting with you! Submit here: https://bit.ly/4c57Tx5

In this episode I share 3 major reasons why yelling is so effective. I share why it works so well with our kids and why it’s likely a tool you’ve been using in your parenting. I also dive into the effects and why this habit of ours deserves to be reevaluated and overhauled.  I share 3 effective strategies to implement INSTEAD of yelling and how you can take baby steps in the direction of getting rid of yelling. Just remember, you are a good parent EVEN IF YOU YELL! This is a well worn habit and we are simply in the process of replacing our behavior with a new one that feels better for both us and our children. FREE GUIDES! Make sure you grab my Free Guide to Managing Meltdowns: https://responseableparenting.ck.page/meltdown 4 steps to get you through your kid’s meltdown without snapping!  Do you find yourself yelling more often than you want? Does it feel like yelling is the ONLY way to get through to your kids? But it makes you feel awful? You absolutely need my Free Guide To Stop Yelling: https://responseableparenting.ck.page/yelling  This guide will walk you through the process of staying regulated and give you tools to use during high stress moments. COMMUNITY! The community is CLOSED. Please join the waitlist and gain access to my weekly newsletter to be informed of when the community opens again.  https://responseableparenting.ck.page/newsletter BE A GUEST! If you would like to be a guest on the podcast and troubleshoot what's going on for you in real time, please fill out the podcast submission form. I look forward to connecting with you! Submit here: https://bit.ly/4c57Tx5