Not So Chic

For the girls who have somehow become the unpaid therapists, emotional support animals, and crisis management departments of everyone in their lives, this one's for you.This week, we're talking about emotional exhaustion, protecting your energy, and the very inconvenient realization that you cannot fix everyone's problems. From absorbing other people's bad moods to feeling guilty for having absolutely nothing left to give, we're unpacking the difference between having a big heart and having unlimited capacity.Because being a good friend doesn't mean being available 24/7, setting boundaries doesn't make you selfish, and sometimes the most emotionally mature thing you can do is mind your own damn business. Lovingly, of course.Plus, a little Guest Therapy on friendship breakups, pulling away, and learning that taking space for yourself doesn't have to mean disappearing from everyone else's life.You can care deeply without carrying everything. And frankly, I think that's incredibly chic.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Apparently, the reason I need 47 verbal affirmations that someone still likes me isn't because I'm a hopeless romantic. It's my attachment style. How chic!This week, we're unpacking the four attachment styles, why some of us chase people who pull away, why emotional availability can feel suspiciously boring, and the deeply humbling realization that sometimes we're the ones making dating complicated.I'm also putting my own attachment issues under a microscope, because nothing says personal growth quite like realizing you've been conducting psychological experiments on men who didn't consent to participate.Consider this your introduction to attachment theory, with a side of self-awareness, questionable dating habits, and a few uncomfortable truths.Xoxo, ElliSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

I have trust issues. With men, friendships, my own decisions, and quite frankly, the universe's ability to follow a schedule.This week on Not So Chic, we're discussing the deeply inconvenient reality that life does not come with a detailed itinerary, a return policy, or a customer service representative.From being the girl who was never quite in the group chat to convincing myself a man was my future husband when he couldn't even commit to dinner plans, I'm unpacking how disappointment, rejection, and a few questionable characters have turned me into someone who is constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop.We're talking about the difference between anxiety and intuition, why we confuse control with security, how past friendships affect new ones, and why trusting yourself doesn't actually mean making the right decision every time. Oh, and the rather devastating realization that sometimes the lesson isn't learning how to make someone love you. It's learning when to leave.Plus, in Guest Therapy, we're discussing the emotional hostage situation that is waiting to see if your ex texts you happy birthday.Because maybe trusting the process isn't about believing everything will work out. Maybe it's about knowing you'll be okay even when it doesn't.Love you, mean it. xxSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

I have spent an embarrassing amount of my life trying to become the kind of woman who walks into a room and commands attention. Meanwhile, I’m 23 years old, still occasionally forget how to operate my limbs in public, and somehow had more confidence at 13 with a mouth full of braces. Explain that one. This week, we're talking confidence. Not the kind that requires perfect hair, a fabulous body, or the approval of every man within a five-mile radius. The kind that comes from actually liking yourself, even when nobody else is around to validate it. We're discussing why 13-year-old me was absolutely convinced she was the cat's meow at her barn mitzvah, how to stop treating other people's opinions like performance reviews, and why putting on a sexy thong and dancing to Beyoncé alone in your kitchen might be a legitimate form of personal development. Plus, an Uber driver with questionable intentions, the art of being particular without being an asshole, and some big-sister advice on finding a therapist when you don't know where to start. Confidence may be an inside job, but fabulous underwear certainly helps. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Have you ever seen an Instagram Story of people hanging out without you and suddenly decided you have no friends, everyone secretly hates you, and you should probably move to a new city? Same! This week, we’re talking about being left out: the group chats you’re not in, the dinners you weren’t invited to, and the deeply humbling experience of zooming into the reflection of a martini glass to figure out who else was there. I’m also telling the story of the time my friends made an entirely new version of our group chat without me—and I was so delusional I searched my phone because I thought I had accidentally muted it. Spoiler: I had not. We’re getting into why being left out hurts so fucking badly, the difference between actually being excluded and your friends simply having lives that unfortunately do not revolve around you, and why sometimes you don’t even want to go—you just want the ceremonial invitation. LET ME reject YOU. Plus, in Guest Therapy: Hinge pen pals, men who will happily plan your hypothetical wedding but cannot plan drinks for Thursday, and why 72 hours of nonstop texting does not, in fact, make him your future husband. If you’ve ever conducted a psychological autopsy over an Instagram Story, this one’s for you. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

I've spent approximately 23 years being my own biggest hater, and I fear it's time for a rebrand. This week, we're talking about self-compassion, otherwise known as treating yourself with the same kindness you extend to literally everyone else. From accidentally dropping my baby cousin at nine years old to waking up half-naked with McDonald's chicken nuggets in my cleavage, we're unpacking the difference between holding yourself accountable and putting yourself on trial for every mistake you've ever made. I'm also reading a letter I wrote to myself at 19 during one of the hardest periods of my life, revisiting the little girl who desperately wanted to fit in, and discussing why you don't have to hate yourself into becoming a better person. Because you can regret your decisions without regretting who you are. And frankly, life is hard enough without living with a bully who knows all your insecurities. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Apparently, you don't need a boyfriend to go through a breakup. Who knew? This week, we're discussing the seven stages of heartbreak, the particular psychological warfare of ending a situationship, and the deeply humbling experience of grieving a future that existed entirely in your head. From convincing yourself that an Instagram story view means he's coming back to drafting your seventeenth final text, we're getting into all of it. I'm sharing what I've learned about choosing yourself when it's the last thing you want to do, why closure might be a scam, and how to move forward when you're not quite ready to move on. Because sometimes the hardest person to get over is the one you never actually dated. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

For most of my life, I thought everyone was counting their shampoo pumps, strategically positioning their bedroom door, Googling every bodily sensation and occasionally convincing themselves that if something wasn’t just right, they might die in their sleep. Apparently, we were not all doing that. This week, we’re talking about OCD: the intrusive thoughts, compulsions, reassurance seeking, rumination and desperate pursuit of certainty that I didn’t even realize were running my life until I was 19. I’m sharing some of my strangest childhood rituals, the moment I finally understood my own brain, what ERP taught me, and the deeply annoying phrase that changed everything: maybe, maybe not. Because recovery isn’t learning how to guarantee that nothing bad will happen. It’s learning that you don’t need the guarantee. Plus, Guest Therapy tackles the post-grad panic of not knowing what the hell you’re doing with your life—and why maybe you don’t need all your ducks in a row. You just need to know which duck you’re dealing with today. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Being single is not a problem I’m currently trying to solve. This week, we’re talking about how to actually enjoy being single without swearing off love, pretending you never get lonely, or treating every man you meet like a potential husband. From awful Hinge dates and imaginary perfect boyfriends to protecting your friendships, romanticizing your own life, and realizing that being chosen was never really the goal. Maybe I’ll fall madly in love one day. I hope I do. But I’m not spending the years before that happens waiting for my life to start. He can join when he gets here. We’ll get him a wine glass too. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Shame is the voice that turns “I embarrassed myself” into “I’m embarrassing,” “they didn’t text me back” into “I’m unlovable,” and one slightly questionable social interaction into a seven-year recurring thought before bed. This week, we’re talking about shame: where it comes from, why it thrives in secrecy, the difference between shame and guilt, perfectionism as shame management, vulnerability hangovers, people-pleasing, body image, and the exhausting experience of constantly imagining yourself through everyone else’s eyes. I’m also sharing some of my own greatest hits in shame—including accidentally lying to my dentist about my entire life, my complicated relationship with calling myself an influencer, and the occasional decision to say fuck it and choose fun over being perceived perfectly. Because the goal isn’t to become completely shameless. It’s to stop letting shame decide who you’re allowed to be. And maybe the things you’ve spent your entire life trying to hide aren’t the things making you unlovable. Maybe they’re just the things making you human. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.