Episode 370: Notes from a Client Session: What's Making It Hard for You to Defuse Situations

When our kids melt down, snap back, or seem resistant, it's easy to think, "This is bad. I need to make this stop." But when we see our child's behavior as a threat, our nervous system gets pulled into the struggle too, and everyone stays stuck longer. The real shift that shortens hard moments doesn't come from controlling behavior. It comes from changing the meaning we give it. In this episode, you'll hear: Why your child's negativity or resistance is a sign of discomfort, not defiance How the story you tell yourself about your child's behavior determines whether situations escalate or resolve What you need in order to help kids' behavior improve more quickly --  Free resources to support you as you're raising children with big emotions Work with Rachel

When our kids aren't listening, we often default to talking more in an attempt to be more clear...more firm...more persuasive. But as we know, our EXTRA words often don't lead to better results. Fortunately, the solution to motivating more responsibility in our kids takes less energy, not more. In this episode, you'll hear: Why a child's "not listening" may not be a listening problem What to say and do so that your child is more likely to do things they don't feel like doing What YOU likely need in order to implement this strategy --  LIVE PLANNING SESSION: When Emotions Control Your Home: Build Your Plan to Calm Emotional Storms (When Nothing Seems to Work) Free resources to support you as you're raising children with big emotions Work with Rachel

As parents, we want to be a steady, positive influence...someone our child trusts, listens to, and feels safe with. But in the hardest moments, that influence often slips away, not because we don't care or aren't trying, but because our child's reactions pull us into doubt, urgency, or over-accommodation. In this episode, I explain why influence breaks down under pressure, and how rebuilding it starts with balancing confidence and connection. In this episode, you'll hear: Why confidence without connection can lead to shame, power struggles, and self-doubt in kids How connection without confidence can actually increase anxiety and resistance What it sounds like in real life to hold firm limits and care about your child's experience so both of you feel safer and more capable -- LIVE PLANNING SESSION: When Emotions Control Your Home: Build Your Plan to Calm Emotional Storms (When Nothing Seems to Work) Free resources to support you as you're raising children with big emotions Work with Rachel  

Most parents don't realize that the hardest moments aren't hard because you don't know what to do... They're hard because your child's behavior is directly impacting your energy, your time, or your sanity. In this episode, I'll break down why that matters more than you think, and how to reclaim your sense of control without needing your child to change first. In this episode, you'll hear: The hidden ways your child's behavior affects your ability to stay regulated Why struggling in these moments doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong The simple 3-step process that helps you feel more grounded and effective How to support your child's needs and your own so things start to shift more quickly -- Live Planning Session: When Emotions Control Your Home: Build Your Plan That Finally Brings Peace Free resources to support you as you're raising children with big emotions Work with Rachel  

YOU rarely get acknowledged for the emotional load you carry, especially when raising kids with big feelings. In this episode, I'm going to point out some of the things you likely do — even if you don't notice them, and even if you don't do them perfectly! In this episode, you'll hear:  A piece of the invisible emotional load you carry that rarely gets noticed How your imperfect effort strengthens your child's confidence and safety What your child would thank you for if they had the words A simple way to finally give yourself credit for the things you do that truly matter -- The checklist: Notice what you're doing Free resources to support you as you're raising children with big emotions Work with Rachel

https://rachel-bailey.com/365It's incredibly exhausting to feel like a broken record, constantly reminding your kids to get ready, start homework, or get off of their device. And these constant reminders, or "micronags," can reduce your influence and impact your relationship. Fortunately, there is another way to motivate more responsible behavior. In this episode, you'll learn:  Why micronagging becomes the default, even when we don't want to do it The real reason kids don't follow through the first time, and why it isn't defiance Three practical steps to replace reminders with systems that actually work -- Free resources to support you as you're raising children with big emotions Work with Rachel

When your child rolls their eyes, snaps "You're so annoying," or yells "Whatever!", it's natural to jump in with, "Don't talk to me that way!" or "That's unacceptable." You want to teach them to be respectful... but those reactions usually only make situations worse. In fact, the best thing to do when your child is disrespectful is to do less.  In this episode, you'll learn:  Why doing less is not "letting them get away with it" and not the same as being weak, passive or permissive How to stay grounded and model regulation instead of reacting to your child's Yuck with your own When and how to address disrespect so that your child learns that it's not acceptable... and so they can actually respond differently in the future --  Free resources to support you as you're raising children with big emotions Work with Rachel

As parents, so many of our decisions in the moment are focused on keeping the peace, calming the meltdown, protecting our nerves. But while that might reduce drama in the short term, it often prevents our children from developing the confidence and resilience they need for long-term success. In this episode, you'll learn why discomfort is essential for growth and how to respond in those hard moments without rescuing, over-explaining, or giving in. In this episode, you'll learn: The hidden ways we unintentionally block our child's resilience by avoiding discomfort Why discomfort is not dangerous, but necessary, for developing confidence and emotional strength A new way to respond when your child is upset, frustrated, or overwhelmed so they learn "I can handle hard things" -- Free resources to support you as you're raising children with big emotions Work with Rachel

Have you ever wondered how your child can spend hours building a virtual world… yet when you ask them to do any daily task, they act like it's torture? In this episode, I explain the REAL reason your child resists everyday tasks and why it has nothing to do with laziness, disrespect, or lack of motivation. Once you understand how the brain responds to stimulation and Yuck, you'll be able to shift from fighting your child's resistance… to understanding it and leading them through it. In this episode, you'll learn: Why your child's brain sees boring tasks as "dangerous" and actively avoids them The difference between motivation strategies and activation strategies and why one works while the other backfires What you can start doing immediately to help your child cooperate more easily (and build confidence at the same time) --  Free cheat sheet: Helping Kids With Daily Tasks Free quiz: The "Everyday Routines" Quiz: What's Your Style? Other free resources to support you as you're raising a child with big emotions Work with Rachel  

http://rachel-bailey.com/361When our kids resist, melt down, or push back, our instinct is to get them to calm down or cooperate...fast. We talk more, repeat rules, and try to convince them to "get it together." But the more urgent we become, the more our kids resist and the harder everything feels. Fortunately, there a quick shift can help you respond more effectively, and in a way that you don't regret.  In this episode, you'll learn: Why urgency fuels kids' resistance (and why it's so hard to stop being urgent in the moment) How to recognize when your own fight-or-flight response is taking over A simple shift that helps you slow down so that you can regain influence and your child can calm down more quickly -- FREE RESOURCE: Understanding the Yuck Curve Other free resources to support you as you're raising a child with big emotions Join Rachel's Facebook group Work with Rachel