#16 - Live at Lightning in a Bottle: Power Dynamics for Couples

Recorded live on a blazing Saturday afternoon at the Lightning in a Bottle Festival in California, this episode is part workshop, part love story, and all about partnership. Eamon, Madeline, and a special guest bring their full chemistry to a crowd of curious festival-goers ready to learn something they can actually take home.The conversation zeroes in on what makes bringing power dynamics into a romantic relationship uniquely challenging and uniquely rewarding. Eamon and Madeline cover how to define kink, BDSM, and power play; the neuroscience of dominance and submission; containment theory and why safety is not a box to tick but the whole architecture of the experience; the stoplight safe word system; and a framework of seven qualities that make for a genuinely good kink dynamic in partnership. A surprise guest joins mid-show for a live demonstration of role reversal that brings the theory into vivid focus.Timestamps(01:00) Defining kink, BDSM, and power play from the ground up (08:00) Why bringing kink into partnership is uniquely hard (13:00) Real-time power dynamics: Eamon names his inner bratty sub (21:00) Surprise guest Alexandra joins the stage (30:00) Containment theory, safe words, and the stoplight system (40:00) Seven qualities of a great kink dynamic (communication through creativity) (51:00) Live eye gazing demo and embodiment exercise

Kicking off Season 2 of You Like It, Eamon and Madeline join Tim Chang at The Portal in Marin for a wide-open conversation on the meaning of conscious kink.They why shame is erotic rocket fuel, how unconscious desire loops run your life, what pop culture keeps getting wrong about kink, and what it was like to sit down with IFS founder Dick Schwartz for the first time the field formally engaged kink.Enter the Portal is the podcast of The Portal, an urban sanctuary for transformational growth and community in Mill Valley, CA, hosted by Tim Chang. Links:The PortalThe Portal (@theportal_house)Timestamps:(09:00) Origin stories: how each of them arrived at this work(13:00) Born in Japan(18:00) Power dynamics as a live practice(25:00) Shame as erotic rocket fuel(32:00) Existential Kink, Carl Jung, and the loops you eroticize without knowing it(38:00) Shamanic shadow hunting(44:00) The nice-guy tightrope, accountability, and moving at the speed of trust(57:00) Baby Girl, pop culture kink, and the modeling problem

How do you show up well at a play party? In this episode, kink educator and erotic facilitator Yossef Sagi joins Eamon and Madeline to break down everything from first-time etiquette to advanced group dynamics, all through the lens of conscious kink.They begin with the Erotic Blueprints, then move into polarity-building, the art of conscious dominance, and how to harmonize desire in couples where one partner is kinky and the other isn't. Yossef shares how he coaches new doms, the psychological value of kink containers, and the difference between boundaries and agreements. They dive into tips for play party beginners and advanced etiquette for group play, including the difference between MFM and MMF, unicorn best practices, and how to co-create scenes rooted in attunement and trust. Yossef offers a masterclass in ethical eroticism, and one that just might change how you relate, in and out of the bedroom.Yossef Sagi is a professional kink educator, coach, and the founder of Mystery Temple, a sober, ritual-infused personal development workshop disguised as a play party. He works with individuals and couples to build erotic fluency, create conscious power dynamics, and embody more expansive intimacy through kink-informed frameworks and practical tools.Timestamps(02:40) – The Erotic Blueprints (06:43) – Challenges of mismatched desires in couples(13:52) – Conscious kink as a tool for revealing unconscious power dynamics(20:28) – How coaches act as “meta-doms” to train couples in real-time(25:09) – Polarity in long-term relationships and evolving power roles(31:47) – Containment vs. penetration: the two poles of good Dom work(35:20) – Play parties as advanced mode: introduction to Mystery Temple(43:57) – How to prep for a play party as a couple: agreements, boundaries, aftercare(52:01) – Etiquette for single guests and playing with couples(58:48) – MFM vs MMF and unicorn dynamics: how to honor group play configurationsLinksYossef Sagi (@yossefsagi)

What if your kink is a key to your healing? In this episode, Eamon sits down with Chloe Macintosh, founder of Kama, to explore how kink and somatic awareness can be used to understand early imprints, work through shame, and build more honest relationships.They discuss Chloe’s personal journey into conscious sexuality, the link between formative memories and erotic wiring, and how containment and co-regulation support deeper intimacy. Chloe shares the story of a pivotal roleplay experience, reflects on working with male clients, and challenges the idea that kink is something separate from everyday life or healing work.Chloe Macintosh is the founder of Kama, a sex and wellness platform offering guided practices and tools to help people connect with their erotic intelligence. She previously worked in design and tech before turning her attention to intimacy, embodiment, and pleasure-based personal development.LinksChloe Macintosh (@chloe_macintosh)Pleasure is health | Kama

Can you train dominance or is it who you are? Today Eamon and Madeline sit down with Orpheus Black, Eamon’s teacher and one of the most respected voices in conscious BDSM, to explore dominance, archetypes, power.This conversation dives  into energetic dominance, BDSM as an embodied art form, and how archetypes like Daddy, King, and Magician can shape, (or distort) erotic power dynamics. Orpheus shares his journey from Baptist rebel to Buddhist kink educator, explains why most men get stuck in “daddy” mode, and outlines the difference between topping, dominance, and true mastery. They explore responsibility, mentorship, and how our deepest wounds often fuel our fantasies.Orpheus Black is a Los Angeles-based teacher, certified “Behavioral Health Support Specialist,” and thought leader at the intersection of kink, polyamory, and spirituality. Known for his sexcraft demonstrations, martial arts-informed techniques, and mythopoetic approach to masculinity, Orpheus helps people reclaim power, desire, and shadow integration through conscious BDSM.Timestamps(04:00) The Origin of the Name Orpheus Black and Leading with Shadow(08:00) Breathplay, Angel Lust, and Erotic Energy Loops(12:00) Flogging as Energetic Transmission and the Art of Impact Play(19:00) The Four Erotic Archetypes: Father, Teacher, Director, King(24:00) Mentorship, Liminal Space, and the Path to Masculine Power(28:00) Why Dominants Often Give What They Most Desire to Receive(33:00) Power, Desire, and Claiming Leadership in Relationships(42:00) Can You Train Dominance, or Is It Who You Are?(47:00) Switching Dynamics, Tops vs. Dominants, and Responsibility(52:00) Mentorship Loss, Betrayal, and the Cost of Power(56:00) Daddy Doms, Abandonment, and Playing with Archetypes(01:02:00) Littles, Brats, and Healing Through Archetypal Roles(01:06:00) Casual Play vs. Deep Archetypal Commitment(01:09:00) Erotic Fantasy, Devotion, and Lowering the Bar to Succeed(01:12:00) Mistress Energy, Feminine Power, and Closing ReflectionsLinksGuru Orpheus BlackGuru Orpheus Black - Instagram

In this episode of You Like It, Eamon and Madeline slip behind the velvet curtain of New York’s erotic underground with Daniel D’Ottavio and Inka Nevala of SNCTM. Lovers, collaborators, and curators of kink, this couple blurs the line between fine art and sensual play.Together they explore the role of aesthetic in erotic space, how to show up to play parties with grace and integrity, and what it takes to create magnetic performance art. The conversation moves through artistic ritual, the origins of SNCTM's theatricality, and how the couple navigates intimacy, power, and pleasure in their personal and professional lives.Daniel D’Ottavio is a photographer, performance host, and artist affiliated with SNCTM. Inka Nevala, also known as LouLou D'vil, is a world-renowned burlesque performer, multiple-time winner at the Burlesque Hall of Fame, and the creative director behind SNCTM’s stage shows. SNCTM is a members-only erotic society known for hosting immersive, upscale play parties and artistic performances in New York, Los Angeles, and Miami.Timestamps(04:00) – Designing an Erotic Home(06:30) – What Is Art? And What Is Erotic Art?(13:00) – Magical Spaces in NYC: The Box, the Chelsea Hotel and Beyond(22:00) – Inka and Daniel Join SNCTM: The Muse and the Host(34:00) – Burlesque as Expression and Competition(42:45) – Tips for Play Party Navigation(47:00) – Brotherhood in Erotic Space(49:00) – What is SNCTM? Membership, Community, and Philosophy(55:00) – Erotic Collaboration and Relationship GrowthLinksSnctm - A Private Members ClubSNCTM Boudoir PhotographySNCTM (@snctmsociety) • Instagram photos and videosLouLou D'vilLouLou D'vil a.k.a Inka 💋 (@loulou_dvil)Daniel D'Ottavio PhotographyDaniel D'Ottavio (@dottavio77) Contact: [email protected]

You don’t need to impress to dominate. You need to attune, surrender, and show up human. In this raw, funny, and soulful conversation, kink educator Kimi Inch joins Eamon and Madeline in bed (literally) to unravel the heart of ethical domination.Together, they explore the evolution from performative Dom to embodied erotic leader, how to work with fantasy as soul medicine, and why surrender is a skill for Doms too. Kimi shares her framework of “power with, not power over,” how to avoid harm in professional kink work, and why even the most badass Doms need aftercare. Along the way, you’ll hear real talk about attunement, humiliation, theater kid kink, and the healing power of endings done right.Kimi Inch is a Pro Domme, a trauma-informed somatic therapist,, an author, a  kink educator, and a motivational spanker with over 20 years of experience. Known for her playful rigor and soul-deep approach, she helps clients and erotic leaders explore power, surrender, and transformation through conscious kink, fantasy work, and embodied presence.Timestamps(06:00) – Humor, safety, and perverting everything(12:00) – Letting go of scripts to access deeper play(18:00) – Baby Doms, ego traps, and why presence > performance(21:00) – Attunement, consent, and power with (not over)(28:00) – Erotic leadership: co-creation vs. control(30:00) – Fantasy as sacred message, not compulsive script(36:00) – The ethics of FinDom and capitalist kink culture(42:00) – Why great Doms learn to sub(45:00) – Dom drop, aftercare, and the sacredness of endingsLinksKimi Inch (@kimiinch) · Instagram photos and videos&More - Your Pleasure Is Our Passion

In sex-positive communities, how do we hold each other with care when things go wrong? In this vital episode, Eamon and Madeline dive deep with educator and consent specialist Misha Bonaventura to unpack the risks, responsibilities, and real talk behind conscious kink.In this episode, Eamon and Madeline talk with Misha about how to navigate harm in sex-positive spaces with clarity, care, and community. They cover how to respond when you’ve caused harm, and why most trauma comes from how we react, not what happens. They dive into consent as an art form, kinky communication that stays hot while staying safe, and how to educate communities before cleanup is needed. You'll also hear about the Bonobo Network’s approach to party protocols, the limitations of pod processes, and the emerging role of accountability coaching. Whether you're a Dom, sub, party host, or just playing with power, this one’s essential.Misha Bonaventura is a sex-positive coach, conflict educator, and social change agent at SoulPlay Festival. Formerly a co-leader of San Francisco’s Bonobo Network, Misha brings years of experience developing consent protocols, facilitating community repair, and supporting those impacted by harm through trauma-informed, heart-forward processes.Links:Misha Bonaventura: www.mishabonaventura.comBonobo Network: BonoboNetwork.comSoulPlay Festivals: SoulPlay.coBonobo policy docs: http://bit.ly/bonobodocumentsMischa Byruck Evolve Men: https://www.evolve.men/Timestamps:(05:00) – Misha’s journey into sex-positive community and personal power(11:00) – The Bonobo Network origin story & creating safer sexual spaces(16:00) – Consent education as culture-building(20:00) – The art of sexy, poetic, ongoing consent(28:00) – Risk awareness in kink and navigating edgy play(31:00) – What to do when a scene goes wrong: Whoopsies vs harm(36:00) – How to respond if you’ve caused harm (templates & nervous system tips)(49:00) – When should a community intervene?(53:00) – The limits of pod processes and emerging best practices(56:00) – Spiritual resilience after being harmed & the slow arc of healing(01:01:00) – Leading community with care: carrots, values, and clear boundaries(01:06:00) – Best-in-class resources and next steps

Why are we drawn to dark role play, and how can these games provide lasting healing? Today on the show, Eamon and Madeline sit down with legendary author and therapist Dossie Easton, whose work has broadly shaped kink, ethical non-monogamy, and Western sexuality.The conversation begins with the roots of kink culture, exploring Dossie’s formative experiences with psychedelics and her journey into early Bay Area BDSM communities. Dossie shares some of her most important personal fantasies, and they discuss how engaging in intense role-play scenarios—especially those involving darker themes—became sources of profound healing and personal evolution.Dossie Easton is the co-author of influential books including "The Ethical Slut," "The New Topping Book," and "The New Bottoming Book." Since the early 1970s, she has been an essential figure in San Francisco’s leather and polyamory communities, continuously inspiring others through workshops, writings, and her unapologetically adventurous life.Links:Dossie EastonThe Ethical SlutThe New Topping BookThe New Bottoming BookNavigating Consent - Dossie EastonShadowplay: Journeys to Our Abandoned SelvesTimestamps:(05:14) Psychedelics and Sexuality(06:27) Exploring BDSM and Polyamory(12:22) Early BDSM Community and Cultural Impact(23:10) Role Play and Intimacy(39:08) Therapy vs. Kink: A Distinction(43:52) Exploring Inner Child and Shadow Work(55:11) Kink in Mainstream Culture(01:01:19) Navigating Consent and Power Dynamics

Today Eamon  and Madeline  welcome a true legend in the world of kink: the illustrious Domina and educatrix, Colette Pervette. Known for her signature blend of softness and strength, Colette embodies the kind of dominance that disrupts expectations—sensual, grounded, and spiritually attuned. On the show, Eamon, Madeline, and Colette explore kink archetypes, the artistry of dominance, and the transformative power of shadow work. Colette opens up about her pedagogical journey—from training professional mistresses around the world to launching her groundbreaking new offering, The Shadow Series. The conversation also dives into the delicate dance of power and integrity and the necessity of reclaiming softness in powerful spaces.Colette Pervette is a San Francisco–based dominatrix, educator, and visionary creator. Colette fuses academic rigor with the erotic arts, developing immersive experiences and courses that guide individuals through personal transformation using kink as a sacred tool. She’s trained hundreds of women in the art of domination and continues to shift the cultural narrative around power, healing, and sexuality.Timestamps(08:26) Writing in Bed and Creative Expression(12:50) Living for the Plot(25:30) Exploring the Shadow Self Through Kink(30:02) The Therapeutic Power of Kink(35:00) The Joy and Playfulness in Kink(37:59) Diverse Styles of Domination(47:39) The Importance of Safety and Communication(58:44) The Cultural Impact of KinkLinksColette Pervette, PhD (@colettepervette)Colette PervetteColette Pervette on Life is a Festival