Episode 1, Wrong Voicemail

Onto the 5th Wrong Voicemail from Boston, MA! This one is from Chief of Staff Shanny once again. We discuss the most vital & pressing points: Let's define what a "phonebook" is for all the pretty babies listening to this podcast. We love you, pretty babies! In this voicemail, Shanny suspects he might NOT be dialing the right number, so he asks the Chief to call him back to confirm. Does he? (No. Because we got this voicemail, not the Chief. ) How can Shanny be so grateful for the Chief's help but also wonder if he has the wrong number? The universe is so weird, right? Also we wonder: Can numbers be gay? Should Maria dig out those weirdly boring old love letters left behind by ex-tenants that she found in the house they used to live in?  Email to let us know if you're interested and she'll open all the boxes in storage just for you.  Justin wonders if you've ever sent a wrong letter, because he's basically your Grandpa. Also he wants to know if you've sent a "wrong love letter". That's just a silly question if you ask Maria, but that doesn't mean it shouldn't be asked.  Send your wrong voicemail, text, facetime, and/or email stories & files to us at [email protected] ! We'd love to chat about 'em. 

Back to business as usual, and onto the 4th Wrong Voicemail from Boston, MA! This one is from Fitzy's trusty Chief of Staff, Shanny. We discuss the most vital & pressing points: What exactly is a Chief of Staff and would you like to be one?  Hey, what the heck is a standpipe anyway? Maybe these guys would be more efficient in their speech if they took at Toastmasters class or an Improv class. Justin proves it can be done with a very boring & concise improvised speech.  Maria created an audio montage of all the "ums", "aahs", & "pleases" we've heard so far in these voicemails, and we invite you to enjoy that.  Also we discuss: How Maria USED TO BE attractive to Justin. Used to be.  Is a cat o nine tails known mainly as a medival torture device or a kinky device? No really, we don't know. Please email us at [email protected] if you know. And most importantly… Do podcasts "drop" or "slap"? What does it mean when the kids say that something "slaps"? We don't understand. We do our best to change with the times, but not really. Actually we don't try at all. 

Another surprise twist! Stand up comedian Myq Kaplan joins Maria this week, and shares his own very funny "wrong voicemail" musings. Maria thought best to use this time of social distancing to chat with an old friend who happens to have a new album coming out on May 8, 2020.  And that was the right thought, because wow is Myq hilarious. Myq's newest comedy album, AKA, is available for pre-order through apple music right now!  Myq has been on Tonight Show, Conan, Late Show with David Letterman, Late Nite with Seth Meyers. You can see his one hour special on Netflix and Amazon - it's called Small, Dork, and Handsome. His debut album Vegan Mind Meld was one of iTunes' top 10 comedy albums of the year.  You can find him on all social media at @myqkaplan, and his website is myqkaplan.com.  Maria and Justin will pick up with the regular wrong voicemails next time. Enjoy!

Twist! Comedian Bethany Van Delft joins Maria this week, and share her own "wrong voicemail" stories. In 2019 Van Delft was named Boston Magazine "Best Comic", and her debut comedy album "I'm Not a Llama" dropped in December 2019. Maria listened to it in her earbuds at a Trader Joe's in Los Angeles, and it made her snort-laugh. People gave her side-eye so she started to explain it was because of Bethany's jokes, but no one listened.  Maria and Justin will pick up with the regular wrong voicemails next time. Enjoy!

Onto the 3rd Wrong Voicemail from Boston, MA! This one is from Fitzy himself, who is in fact the politician who runs this office. We discuss the most vital & pressing points: What is Fitzy getting out of his desk when he leaves this voicemail? Justin thinks it's alcohol, and Maria thinks it's a payday candy bar. Proof that men and women are different! Do these guys BOTH have self esteem issues? Because they keep apologizing for just existing, and it's worrisome.  Is Maria sexist, or is the BFD in fact probably made up of a bunch of white guys? Also we discuss: Justin's physical health vs. Maria's - hint: Maria enjoys moving fridges and Justin has several screws in his spinal column. Also, is Justin in fact a ghost who needs thyroid level testing? Is there a way to call someone and have it go direct to voicemail? No really, Maria and Justin want to know. Please email us at [email protected] if you know. And most importantly… How Justin calls out Maria's comedic genius, which cements their marriage for at least another decade or 3.  Send your wrong voicemail, text, facetime, and/or email stories & files to us at [email protected] ! We'd love to chat about 'em. 

Onto the 2nd Wrong Voicemail from Boston, MA! This one is from Fitzy's "Chief of Staff", who we named "Brian Shanahan", aka "Shanny" (names changed to protect the innocent mis-dialers). Of course, we discuss the most vital & pressing points: Why is Shanny so apologetic for calling the "Chief" (aka "Us")? Does he have self esteem issues? Is the Chief a diabolical tyrant that he fears greatly? What does BFD stand for? BIG REVEAL HERE, GUYS. How is it that both guys in this Politician's office have the wrong number for the Chief? Is it an old rolodex, perhaps? Maria and Justin surmise as much. Also we discuss: Maria and Justin's menthol-smoking ex-neighbor in Winthrop, MA who used to get really mad at the weather and yell that them about it How many times Maria and Justin got married. What in the world was that priest talking about when he said his dream wedding would be Baroque Rococo? AND….. An extra special BONUS voicemail here! Maria's Mom warns her about exploding manholes in the North End.  Send your wrong voicemail, text, facetime, and/or email stories & files to us at [email protected] ! We'd love to chat about 'em. 

Let's take a listen to the FIRST EVER wrong voicemail we got - from Boston politician "Mark Fitzpatrick" (names changed to protect the innocent mis-dialers), intended for the "Chief". THEN let's discuss the most vital & pressing questions: What IS this "situation in the North End" that Fitzy's talkin' 'bout? What exactly is Fitzy asking of the "Chief"?  Is Fitzy offering the mighty "Chief" Bruins or Celtics tickets, or simply shooting the breeze? Also we discuss: Co-host Justin Carr's post-surgery, drug-addled response to this mysterious wrong voicemail.  That time host Maria Ciampa was clotheslined! and most importantly… What was Fitzy EATING when he left this voicemail? Send your wrong voicemail, text, facetime, and/or email stories & files to us at [email protected] ! We'd love to chat about 'em.

Comedian Maria Ciampa and her longtime husband and co-host Justin Carr investigate (laugh at) several voicemails they got from Boston politicians they don't even know.