Understanding Overfunctioning: Why Delegating Doesn’t Mean Letting Go

What do you do when someone still needs you and you have to make a tough decision? Kristen walks through a hypothetical legal aid lawyer who has to leave a frightened client to finish a filing due that afternoon, while the unfinished feeling follows her to the next file. If you're a woman expected to make the hard call and keep everyone comfortable with it, the practice here helps you move on without arguing yourself out of the feeling, even when you need it now.Some takeaways:She feels pulled to call back, but the follow-up is already arranged.Believing a decision was right doesn't mean it feels comfortable.Act on the first thought without arguing yourself out of the second.Too upset for accurate work? Ask for the afternoon to change.Ask what is happening in you and what helps next.Your own needs go in the room next to everyone else's.Still carrying the work home after every hard call? Join the priority list for Women Under Pressure Coaching to work with Kristen one-on-one.Connect with Kristen:🌐 Frontline Wellness Group📋 Free High Pressure Leadership Assessment🎙️ Work with Kristen📱 InstagramChapters:00:00 Introduction00:45 A Legal Aid Lawyer and a Client01:39 What Happens After the Decision?03:02 The Moral Conflict04:19 Reading the Same Paragraph Twice05:38 What Is Happening in Me Right Now?06:58 This Week's Practice and Next Episode08:11 Coaching and Leadership Assessment Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

When you make a defensible decision under pressure but still carry guilt, you might be dealing with moral injury. Kristen examines how female professionals process difficult workplace choices, using the story of Claire during a wildfire emergency response. She clarifies the distinction between moral distress and moral injury so you can evaluate what happened without taking on unearned blame.Some takeaways:Moral conflict leaves you questioning whether your work conditions were acceptable.Wishing you prevented an outcome does not mean you could have.Living with a hard decision differs from doing something wrong.Get support if work experiences affect your sleep, relationships, or performance.Write a sentence starting with what felt wrong to me.Still replaying a hard decision and feeling you let someone down? Join the priority list for Women Under Pressure Coaching to work through it one-on-one with Kristen.Connect with Kristen: 🌐 Frontline Wellness Group📋 Free High Pressure Leadership Assessment↗️ Women Under Pressure Coaching🎙️ Work with Kristen📱 InstagramChapters:00:00 Running On Empty01:07 Claire's Wildfire Emergency Response02:20 Moral Distress and Moral Injury04:38 When Something Prevents You05:59 The Lasting Impact of Moral Injury07:34 Understand the Distinction09:01 Wishing You Could Prevent an Outcome11:40 Working Through Guilt and Grace12:49 What Felt Wrong to Me14:09 Coaching and Leadership Assessment Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How do you learn to value yourself when your workday requires holding space for everyone else's emotional burden? Kristen Plake speaks with hospice social worker Brenda Humphreys about counter-transference and what happens when a patient's story hits too close to home. Together, they unpack how internal emotional awareness and firm boundaries help you stay present without carrying work weight into your personal life.Some takeaways:Assess emotional dynamics first to adjust your response to others.Prioritize internal emotional awareness over focusing only on external demands.Compartmentalize emotions intentionally to build strength instead of creating internal fog.Avoid betraying your own needs while trying to support everyone else.Ask yourself what unfinished weight you are still carrying after work.Still carrying work home long after your day ends? Join the priority list for Women Under Pressure Coaching, where the first five spots go to listeners.Connect with Kristen: 🌐 Frontline Wellness Group📋 Free High Pressure Leadership Assessment🎙️ Work with Kristen↗️ Join Women Under Pressure Coaching📱 InstagramChapters:00:00 Introduction00:31 Meet Brenda Humphreys03:14 Reading Emotional Cues in High Pressure Situations05:20 When a Patient’s Story Mirrors Your Own Life08:27 Recognizing When Personal Emotions Affect Your Work10:25 Understanding Countertransference in Helping Professions12:05 Processing Emotions You Cannot Address in the Moment15:44 A Three Minute Practice for Emotional Awareness17:47 Why Self Worth Must Come Before Self Sacrifice20:17 Setting Boundaries Without Taking Away Others’ Independence23:31 Learning to Decompress and Restore Your Emotional Energy25:50 Working Through Pressure Without Losing Yourself​ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Too tired to relax after work, and too depleted to even know what you need? Kristen answers a listener's question with the recovery paradox: the harder the day, the more recovery you need, and the less capacity you have left to get it. She comes back to last week's hospice social worker and looks at what happens when you leave a job where people depend on you and walk straight into a home where they depend on you again.Some takeaways:The harder the day, the harder it is to decompressEven decompressing asks for energy you may not have leftMost rest advice assumes an after-work you with energy to spareJudge the whole day, not the last five minutes at homeSigns a better transition after work isn't enough on its ownDecide ahead of time how your first few minutes home goTell Kristen on Instagram: what's the hardest part of coming home after a high-pressure day?Connect with Kristen:🌐 Frontline Wellness Group📋 Free High Pressure Leadership Assessment🎙️ Work with Kristen📱 InstagramChapters:00:00 Running on Empty and Can't Switch Off01:05 The Driveway After a Long Shift02:09 The Recovery Paradox03:13 More Rest, Less Capacity Left04:56 When Rest Advice Stops Being Useful05:53 Working Mothers Study and Scrolling07:22 10 Minutes in the Car09:00 Three Questions to Ask Yourself09:45 Clinical Note, Assessment, Next Episode Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode unpacks psychological detachment, the ability to mentally leave work once the day is over, and why getting home doesn't always mean you're off duty. Kristen uses a hospice social worker's story to show how caring about someone can look the same as still feeling responsible for them. She keeps the research on work-related rumination separate from her own clinical read, then asks a question worth sitting with: are you still feeling something about what happened, or still trying to take care of it?Some takeaways:What work-related rumination is and why work can keep running in your mind after you've physically left itWhy psychological detachment, not just being physically home, is linked to better recovery after high-pressure workHow grief and lingering responsibility can feel the same even though they are different thingsWhy your mind doesn't just flip a switch when the workday endsA reflection practice to try this week: ask yourself whether you are still feeling something about what happened or still trying to take care of something about it, and if something keeps coming back, ask what you are still trying to do hereConnect with Kristen:🌐 Frontline Wellness Group📋 Free High Pressure Leadership Assessment🎙️ Work with Kristen📱 InstagramChapters:00:00 Introduction00:38 The Quiet Pressure01:18 The Switch You Make04:21 The Unspoken Rules at Work04:58 Surface Acting vs. Deep Acting07:26 Suppression and the Body’s Stress Response09:36 Gendered Expectations at Work12:55 A Weekly Reflection Practice13:51 A Clinical Note and Next Steps15:06 Outro and Free Leadership Assessment Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode is about emotional labor and the gap between what you feel and what you actually show when a job requires composure. Kristen looks at why staying steady for others has a cost, even when you look calm on the outside. She separates the research on display rules, surface acting and expressive suppression from her own clinical view, then asks a simple question: did you calm down, or did you just look calm?Some takeaways:What display rules are and how they shape which emotions feel acceptable to show at workThe difference between surface acting and deep acting, and why surface acting is more consistently linked to exhaustionWhy hiding your feelings can increase physiological strain even when you appear calmWhy generic advice to just feel your feelings misses what composure actually costsHow gendered expectations add pressure, including research on how women's anger gets judged differently depending on whether a reason is givenA reflection practice to try this week: pick one moment you had to pull yourself together, then ask what you actually felt versus what you showed, and whether you calmed down or just looked calmConnect with Kristen:🌐 Frontline Wellness Group📋 Free High Pressure Leadership Assessment🎙️ Work with Kristen📱 InstagramChapters:00:00 Introduction00:38 The Quiet Pressure01:18 The Switch You Make04:21 The Unspoken Rules at Work04:58 Surface Acting vs. Deep Acting07:26 Suppression and the Body’s Stress Response09:36 Gendered Expectations at Work12:55 A Weekly Reflection Practice13:51 A Clinical Note and Next Steps15:06 Outro and Free Leadership Assessment Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Kristen talks with Chelsea Ryckis, a business owner, wife, and first-time mom of a one-year-old. She shares how she learned to stay accountable as a leader by deciding where her involvement is necessary.Some takeaways:How becoming the woman who handles everything lead to a physical and mental declineThe burnout moment that pushed her to a 360 life change that operationalized accountability in her teamOperating in survival mode and how motherhood impacts mindsetHow to pursue ambition with more deliberate choices about your time and involvement.A practical exercise that will help you pause and reflectConnect with Kristen🌐 Frontline Wellness Group 🌐 Free High Pressure Leadership Assessment🎙️ Work with Kristen📱 InstagramConect with Chelsea📱Instagram🌐EthoBenefits Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode unpacks why even in the moments when you choose to delegate, you still can't stop yourself from taking the work back. Kristen shares the story of Danielle, an emergency management director who is over-functioning and why this pattern is damaging.Some takeaways:The difference between being accountable for an outcome and personally carrying every actionHow family systems of over-functioning and under-functioning create this patternWhy the body feels relieved when you take over and trains the brain to repeat itWhat inflated responsibility isA reflection question to ask yourself before stepping inConnect with Kristen:🌐Frontline Wellness Group📋Free High Pressure Leadership Assessment🎙️Work with Kristen📱Instagram Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode unpacks what you need to know about high performance burnout, a pattern in high-achieving women who are quietly running on empty. Kristen introduces the podcast’s focus: the type of burnout women experience that hides in plain sight because they still handle everything. As a licensed clinical social worker, founder of Frontline Wellness Group, and someone who grew up around frontline work as the daughter of a police officer, she is all too familiar with it. Kristen looks at why the body doesn't always get the memo that a crisis is over and why women in high-stakes roles carry a unique type of load.Some takeaways:What the clear signs of high performance burnout areHow competence can conceal distressWhat the difference between a busy schedule and repeated exposure to crisis, grief, or high-stakes decisions isHow to identify data that will help in your recoveryA two-question check-in for the transition between work and homeConnect with Kristen:🌐 Frontline Wellness Group📋Free High Pressure Leadership Assessment🎙️ Work with Kristen📱 Instagram Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode unpacks everything you need to know about functional freeze, or what happens when women keep performing at a high level while feeling depleted, numb, or disconnected internally. Kristen looks at why this happens, why it can feel so confusing, and why “just resting” or "trying harder" doesn't fix it.Some takeaways:Why functional freeze is a pattern rather than a diagnosisHow under pressure the body prioritizes what you need to do over what you need to feelWhat happens when you postpone physical and emotional red flagsWhat the difference between functional freeze and burnout isHow the nervous system is trained to deprioritize your needsA mindfulness exercise for reconnecting with yourselfConnect with Kristen:🌐 Frontline Wellness Group🎙️ Work with Kristen📋 Free High Pressure Leadership Assessment📱 Instagram Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.