When Faith Becomes a Performance | Monica Ritchie

What happens when the theology you were taught keeps you in a marriage that's destroying you? For Kendra Koontz, known online as **Kendra Leanne**, the journey toward healing meant questioning some of the very things she had been taught about God. In Episode 108 of *What the Hell Do I Know with JB*, Kendra shares her deeply personal story of growing up in purity culture, entering an abusive marriage, becoming a single mother, and discovering a kind of grace that changed everything. She was taught that divorce was never an option. She believed that being a good Christian meant staying, enduring, and somehow making it work. Until she began asking a different question. **What if the God she had been taught to fear was actually fighting for her freedom?** We talk about: • How purity culture shaped Kendra's sense of worth and identity   • The warning signs of emotional abuse and love bombing   • Why some Christian teachings about divorce can keep women in dangerous relationships   • The remarkable ways her church stepped in to protect and support her   • The challenges of single motherhood and accepting help without shame   • How trauma therapy helped her rediscover her worth   • Deconstructing religious teachings without abandoning Jesus   • Why grace, protection, and restoration matter more than rigid religious formulas One of the most beautiful parts of this conversation is that Kendra's church actually got it right. They believed her, helped her find legal representation, provided practical assistance, and connected her with professional trauma counseling. That's what the church can look like when it chooses compassion over control. And Kendra's story doesn't end with divorce. It continues through healing, a restored family, and a deeper understanding of the Jesus she never stopped loving. **If you've ever questioned what you were taught about God, felt trapped by religious expectations, or wondered whether your faith could survive being rebuilt, this conversation is for you.** If you're a believer, I hope I can stretch your definition of grace. If you're not a believer, I hope I can help you start doubting your unbelief. **CONNECT WITH US** Guest: Kendra Leanne   Instagram: @kendraleeanne Host: Jason Becker   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/_jason_becker/   Website: https://vintagewisdom.org Podcast: What the Hell Do I Know with JB   Available wherever you listen to podcasts. Subscribe for honest conversations about faith, doubt, grace, church hurt, and rediscovering Jesus beyond the religious systems we've inherited. **CONTENT NOTE:** This episode includes discussion of domestic abuse, sexual assault, mental health struggles, and suicide. If you or someone you love is experiencing domestic abuse in the United States, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE (7233) or visit thehotline.org. #KendraLeanne #FaithDeconstruction #ChurchHurt #WhatTheHellDoIKnow

What happens when following Jesus puts you at odds with the Christianity around you? In Episode 107 of What the Hell Do I Know with JB, I sit down with Adam Bowles, a pastor from Connecticut, former journalist, and founder of Castle Church in Norwich, Connecticut. Adam grew up in a high control religious environment where spiritual abuse, fear, and condemnation were often confused with faith. Yet somehow, in the middle of all that, he found Jesus. As Adam puts it, “I was baptized in dirty water.” Today, Adam is speaking out about Christian nationalism, the treatment of immigrants, the silence of the American church, and what happens when political power becomes more important than the teachings of Jesus. But this conversation isn't just about what's wrong with Christianity. It's about what might be possible when we rediscover grace, humility, compassion, and a faith big enough to welcome difficult questions. We talk about: • Growing up in spiritually abusive Christianity • Why Adam believes the church has a crisis of humility • How Christian nationalism distorts the message of Jesus • Why defending immigrants and vulnerable people isn't simply politics • Deconstruction, reconstruction, and the freedom to question inherited theology • Finding Jesus in places the church told us not to look • Why walking away from harmful religion doesn't necessarily mean walking away from Jesus • What to do when you're questioning your faith but don't know where to turn One of my favorite moments comes when Adam says he'd rather find God in the wilderness than sit with the devil in a pew. That's a challenging statement. And it's one worth sitting with. Adam is a humble, thoughtful, compassionate brother whose work reminds me why I still hold on to Jesus. If you've been hurt by the church, if you're questioning what you inherited, or if you're struggling to reconcile the Jesus of the Gospels with the Christianity you see around you, I hope this conversation encourages you. You are not alone in asking questions. And maybe your faith isn't falling apart. Maybe it's stretching. CONNECT WITH ADAM BOWLES Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/adambowles/ Castle Church: https://castle.church CONNECT WITH JB Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/_jason_becker/ Website: https://vintagewisdom.org Subscribe for conversations about faith, doubt, grace, deconstruction, and rediscovering Jesus. If you're a believer, I hope I can stretch your definition of grace. If you're not a believer, I hope I can help you start doubting your unbelief. WHAT THE HELL DO I KNOW WITH JB Episode 107 | Adam Bowles #AdamBowles #ChristianNationalism #FaithDeconstruction

What happens when following Jesus starts feeling more like a performance than a relationship? In Episode 106 of *What the Hell Do I Know with JB*, I sit down with Monica Ritchie, author of *Fashioned by Faith*, to talk about spiritual formation, deconstruction, doubt, and the freedom to pursue Jesus without pretending we have everything figured out. For many of us, Christianity was handed down as a checklist. Pray more. Read more. Believe the right things. Don't ask too many questions. But what if becoming more like Jesus isn't about checking the right boxes? Monica and I explore what it means to move beyond performative Christianity and discover spiritual practices that actually shape how we live, love, and see others. We talk about: • Why God isn't surprised by our doubts, questions, or humanity   • Deconstructing harmful expectations without abandoning Jesus   • The difference between performing faith and embodying it   • How to read difficult passages of Scripture with humility   • Spiritual disciplines that create space for grace instead of guilt   • Why every person deserves dignity as someone made in God's image   • How to recognize God's goodness without denying real suffering   • Why calling out harmful church practices can be an act of love   One of my favorite reminders from this conversation is that we don't have to agree on every theological question to treat one another with dignity, kindness, and respect. If you're questioning the faith you inherited, struggling with religious expectations, or simply trying to become more like Jesus, I hope this conversation encourages you. 📖 **Monica's book: Fashioned by Faith**   Find Monica's book wherever books are sold. 🎙️ **What the Hell Do I Know with JB**   New conversations every Tuesday. Subscribe for honest conversations about faith, doubt, deconstruction, grace, and what it means to follow Jesus in a complicated world. Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/_jason_becker/   YouTube: @whatthehelldoiknowjb   Website: https://www.vintagewisdom.org/ If you're a believer, I hope I can stretch your definition of grace. If you're an unbeliever, I hope I can help you start doubting your unbelief. #FaithDeconstruction #MonicaRitchie #ChristianPodcast

What happens when the faith you were taught to trust becomes the very thing keeping you trapped? In Episode 105 of *What the Hell Do I Know with JB*, I sit down with Jubilee Dawn, creator and host of the **Healed-Ish** podcast, for an honest and sometimes heartbreaking conversation about religious trauma, spiritual manipulation, purity culture, abusive relationships, and the freedom to question everything you were taught. Jubilee grew up in evangelical Christianity, attended ministry school connected to Bethel, and eventually married a man she believed God had chosen for her through a prophetic word. But that marriage became abusive. And the theology she had inherited made leaving feel like disobeying God. We talk about what happens when forgiveness becomes an obligation, when fear of hell replaces love, and when religious certainty makes it almost impossible to recognize abuse. We also explore: • The influence of Bethel and charismatic Christianity   • Purity culture and the shame it creates   • How spiritual authority can enable manipulation   • Why leaving an abusive marriage felt like sin   • The fear of hell and the freedom to question it   • LGBTQ+ inclusion and the harm of exclusionary theology   • Deconstruction without pressure to arrive at someone else's conclusions   • What churches can learn by actually listening to survivors   One of my favorite parts of this conversation is Jubilee's reminder that healing doesn't have to happen on anyone else's timeline. You don't have to have all the answers. You don't have to know exactly what you believe tomorrow. And you certainly don't have to remain somewhere harmful to prove your faithfulness. Sometimes freedom begins with permission to ask a question. **CONNECT WITH JUBILEE DAWN** Instagram: @jublieedawns   Podcast: Healed-Ish **CONNECT WITH JB** Instagram: @_jason_becker   Website: https://www.vintagewisdom.org Subscribe to *What the Hell Do I Know with JB* for honest conversations about faith, doubt, deconstruction, grace, and following Jesus beyond the boundaries of institutional religion. **CONTENT NOTE:** This episode includes discussions of domestic violence, strangulation, childhood abuse, religious trauma, and spiritual manipulation. #ReligiousTrauma #JubileeDawn #FaithDeconstruction

This conversation was recorded several months before the passing of Jim Bakker on October 5, 2026. At the time, I had no idea that my conversation with his son, Jay Bakker, would carry this kind of weight when it was released. We talked about his father. His mother, Tammy Faye. The scandals, the pain, the complicated family relationships, and the kind of grace that doesn't require us to pretend those things never happened. One moment in particular has stayed with me. Jay recalled a conversation with his father about discovering a grace so radical that it almost seemed impossible to believe. His father's response? "We kind of thought it was too good to be true as well." In this episode of What the Hell Do I Know with JB, Jay and I explore what happens when grace becomes bigger than the religious systems we've built around it. As Jay puts it, "Grace is anarchy." We talk about growing up in one of America's most recognizable Christian families, the cost of affirming LGBTQ people, religious certainty, deconstruction, biblical interpretation, and what it means to keep following Jesus when so much of what you've inherited no longer makes sense. And we talk about forgiveness. Not the kind that erases harm or pretends everything was okay. But the kind that makes room for complicated people, complicated relationships, and the possibility of hope. With the recent passing of Jim Bakker, I want to be especially mindful that Jay and his family are grieving. This conversation was recorded long before his father's death, and Jay's reflections should be heard in that context. I'm grateful Jay trusted me with this conversation, and I'm grateful for his willingness to keep asking difficult questions while holding onto grace. **IN THIS EPISODE:** • Growing up as the son of Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker   • Jay's relationship with his father and their different understandings of faith   • A remarkable conversation between Jay and Jim about grace   • Why Jay says "Grace is anarchy"   • The personal cost of LGBTQ inclusion   • Why defending Christianity isn't always the same as following Jesus   • Faith, doubt, deconstruction, and biblical interpretation   • Forgiveness without denying the past   • What it means to remain a prisoner of hope   **CONNECT WITH JAY BAKKER** Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jaybakker/ Revolution Church: https://revolutionchurch.com **CONNECT WITH JB** Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/_jason_becker/ Website: https://vintagewisdom.org If you're questioning faith but aren't ready to quit Jesus, this conversation is for you. Subscribe to What the Hell Do I Know with JB for honest conversations about faith, doubt, grace, church hurt, and finding our way forward. If you're a believer, I hope I can stretch your definition of grace. And if you're an unbeliever, I hope I can help you start doubting your unbelief. #JayBakker #JimBakker #RadicalGrace #FaithDeconstruction #WhatTheHellDoIKnow

What happens when following Jesus starts costing you the version of Christianity you were handed? In Episode 103 of *What the Hell Do I Know?*, I sit down with Jeremy Jernigan, author of *The Edge of the Inside*, for a conversation about deconstruction, church hurt, certainty, Christian nationalism, LGBTQ+ inclusion, and what it actually means to follow the way of Jesus. Jeremy once had what he describes as his dream job—leading a multi-campus megachurch in Oregon with thousands of people attending each weekend. Then 2020 happened. George Floyd was murdered, the country erupted, and Jeremy felt the church needed to lean into the pain and conversations happening in its community. He was told, essentially: just preach Jesus. That moment changed everything. We talk about what happens when the institution of Christianity and the way of Jesus no longer seem to be pointing in the same direction. Jeremy says something in this conversation that stopped me: “Certainty is the idol of the church right now.” We also get into why deconstruction can feel terrifying, how church systems can become influenced by money and power, creating genuinely safe spaces for LGBTQ+ people, the difference between evangelism and discipleship, and why neither of us believes following Jesus requires having all the answers. And after everything Jeremy has lost and questioned, I ask him one final question: Why would anyone still want to follow Jesus? His answer is worth hearing. Jeremy Jernigan   Instagram: @jeremy.jernigan   Website: jeremyjernigan.com   Book: *The Edge of the Inside* — available wherever books are sold. Jason Becker   Instagram: @_jason_becker   Website: vintagewisdom.org 🎙️ *What the Hell Do I Know? with JB*   Episode 103 If you’re questioning your faith, rebuilding it, holding onto Jesus, or simply trying to figure out what you believe—you’re welcome here. #Deconstruction #Jesus #ChurchHurt #FaithAndDoubt #JeremyJernigan #ChristianPodcast #Exvangelical #FollowingJesus

What if deconstruction doesn’t have to mean destroying your faith? Mattie Mae Motl is a Bible scholar and PhD candidate studying gender, sexuality, and masculinity in the New Testament. Raised Southern Baptist as a pastor’s daughter, Mattie grew up loving Scripture. But the deeper she studied it, the more questions she began to ask. Today, her faith looks radically different, but she hasn’t walked away from Jesus. In Episode 102, Mattie and I talk about deconstruction, biblical interpretation, LGBTQ+ inclusion, patriarchy, what Scripture actually is, and whether the church can become a place where people on the margins are not merely tolerated but celebrated. Mattie says something during our conversation that I absolutely love: When I ask how she continues holding onto Jesus, she answers, “I think he holds on to me. He won’t let me go.” We also talk about why she doesn’t see deconstruction as demolition. For her, it looks more like renovating something we inherited and asking what is worth keeping, what needs to change, and what Jesus might actually be inviting us into. We don’t have to agree on every theological question to stay curious, keep learning, and love people well. Follow Mattie Mae Motl: Instagram: @mattiemaemotl Follow me: Instagram: @_jason_becker WHAT THE HELL DO I KNOW WITH JB SPONSORS: TruNorth Pest Control @trunorthpest trunorthpest.com Floorzz @floorzz floorzz.com #Deconstruction #ProgressiveChristianity #Faith #Christianity

What happens when a pastor spends nine years trying to hold onto Jesus…and eventually realizes he no longer believes? Dr. Todd Phillips spent more than two decades as a Christian and pastor, serving in some of the largest evangelical churches in America. But after years of questioning, studying, wrestling and searching for reasons to stay, Todd eventually landed somewhere he never expected: he now describes himself as a “non-resistant nonbeliever.” And he didn’t get there easily. In this conversation, Todd and I sit down for an honest discussion about deconstruction, doubt, biblical inerrancy, hell, salvation, suffering, the resurrection, certainty, and what happens when the faith that once gave your entire life meaning begins to unravel. Todd and I don’t land in the same place. I’m still holding onto Jesus. But I understand the questions he’s asking, because I’m wrestling with plenty of my own. This isn’t a debate. It’s two former pastors sitting across from each other, talking honestly about belief, unbelief, and what it costs to question something that once defined your entire life. We talk about: • Why Todd spent nine years trying to remain a Christian • The questions that began his deconstruction • Why he believes belief itself isn’t a choice • Biblical inerrancy and learning to think critically about Scripture • Original sin, hell and the problem of suffering • Losing the certainty of heaven • Finding meaning and hope after Christianity • Why deconstruction can feel incredibly isolating • Todd’s new Deacon Recon community • Whether believers and nonbelievers can create safe spaces for honest questions • Why critical thinking matters more than ever Wherever you are in your faith journey, I hope this conversation gives you permission to ask the questions honestly. You don’t have to land where Todd landed. You don’t have to land where I landed. But I think we should be able to sit across the table from one another and talk about it. FOLLOW DR. TODD PHILLIPS Decon Recon: Don’t deconstruct alone. https://www.skool.com/deconrecon/about YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@drtoddphillips Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drtoddphillips/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Drtoddphillips/ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@UCKQtyeCvV8pBONewR_WjKBg  FOLLOW JB Instagram: @_jason_becker SPONSORS TruNorth Pest Control @trunorthpest trunorthpest.com Floorzz @floorzz on Instagram floorzz.com Thanks to TruNorth Pest Control and Floorzz for supporting What the Hell Do I Know with JB. Subscribe for more conversations about faith, deconstruction, grace, doubt, church, and what it looks like to keep asking honest questions. #Deconstruction #Faith #Christianity #ExPastor

What if challenging the Church’s treatment of women isn’t walking away from Jesus—but an attempt to follow him more faithfully? For the landmark 100th episode of What the Hell Do I Know with JB, Jason sits down with Meghan Tschanz—author of Women Rising: Learning to Listen, Reclaiming Our Voice and host of the Faith and Feminism podcast. Raised in conservative evangelical Christianity, Meghan was taught that women should not preach, teach or lead and that their primary role was to submit to and serve their husbands. She tried to accept those teachings because she loved God. Then her ministry experiences forced her to ask whether those ideas actually reflected Jesus. While traveling through 11 countries in 11 months, Meghan encountered women and girls facing female genital mutilation, sex trafficking, educational inequality, sexual violence and systems that treated them as less valuable than men. In Kenya, girls quietly asked whether female circumcision also happened in America. Meghan eventually learned that each of them had experienced it. In the Philippines, she confronted an American man purchasing access to trafficked women and girls. He told her women were created to serve men and that Western women no longer knew their proper place. The language sounded disturbingly familiar. It echoed teachings Meghan had heard in church. That encounter triggered a crisis of faith and began a deeper examination of patriarchy, biblical womanhood, sexual violence, church power and the life of Jesus. Jason and Meghan discuss: • Growing up in conservative evangelical Christianity • Being taught that women should not preach, teach or lead • The connection between male dominance and abuse • Female genital mutilation and sex trafficking • Why sexual violence is often rooted in dominance and control • Whether biblical womanhood is actually biblical • Women in Scripture who resisted patriarchal expectations • How Jesus empowered women and defended marginalized people • Why feminism does not mean hating men • What men can do to become better allies • Why women often remain silent when they feel unsafe • Purity culture and the burden it places on girls • Why men need to confront other men • The Church’s responsibility to protect survivors • Sex trafficking, wealth, power and exploitation • Why charity cannot replace systemic change • Why transparency is essential for churches • How patriarchy also harms boys and men • Masculinity, emotional repression and mental health • Jesus as a model of non-dominating masculinity • Deconstruction as an act of faithfulness rather than rebellion Meghan argues that the women of Scripture do not resemble the passive, silent version of biblical womanhood many Christians have been taught. Women such as Tamar, Esther, Deborah, Shiphrah and Puah resisted unjust systems, acted courageously and were honored for it. She also challenges men to begin by listening. Ask the women in your life whether they have ever felt unsafe, harassed, objectified or dismissed. Do not minimize their experiences. Learn to recognize situations you may never have noticed because you have not lived inside a woman’s body. When men witness harassment or degradation, Meghan encourages them to intervene. Men who refuse to respect a woman’s boundaries may listen when another man speaks. This is not simply a conversation about politics or labels. It is a conversation about power. It is about whether Christian communities will protect institutions or protect people. It is about whether worship, church attendance and religious language mean anything when justice, mercy and care for the marginalized are absent. Most importantly, it is about Jesus. Meghan did not begin questioning patriarchy because she stopped loving Christ. She began questioning it because the systems she witnessed did not resemble him. Learn more about Meghan, her work and the Faith and Feminism podcast: https://meghantschanz.com Learn more about the Equal Rights Amendment and why Meghan believes it still matters: https://meghantschanz.com/equal-rights-amendment-now/ Follow Meghan: Instagram: @meghantschanz Book: Women Rising: Learning to Listen, Reclaiming Our Voice Follow Jason Becker: Instagram: @_jason_becker Learn more: [www.vintagewisdom.org](http://www.vintagewisdom.org) Special thanks to our sponsors: Floorzz [www.floorzz.com](http://www.floorzz.com) TruNorth Pest Control [www.trunorthpest.com](http://www.trunorthpest.com) Subscribe, leave a comment and share Episode 100 with someone willing to reconsider what they have always been taught. What teaching about women, power or faith have you had to examine more closely? #MeghanTschanz #WomanRising #FaithAndFeminism #BiblicalWomanhood #ChristianFeminism #WomenInTheChurch #Patriarchy #ChurchHurt #ChristianDeconstruction #WomenInMinistry #FaithAndJustice #ChristianPodcast #WhatTheHellDoIKnow #JasonBecker #Episode100

What happens when professional success cannot heal the pain you have carried since childhood? In Episode 99 of What the Hell Do I Know with JB, Jason sits down with Neko Parham—actor, writer, producer, director, acting coach, youth mentor and creative director whose career has included projects such as The Wire, Ant-Man, NYPD Blue, Sleepy Hollow, Mr. Mercedes, Bessie and Sabotage. But this conversation goes far beyond Hollywood. Neko opens up about growing up in Decatur, Georgia, being raised in a home filled with strong women and watching his father struggle with cocaine addiction. He remembers seeing the pain it caused his mother, discovering drugs being prepared inside their home and eventually reaching a moment when his anger became so overwhelming that he planned to kill his father. Then a Stevie Wonder song interrupted that moment. Neko describes it as the Holy Spirit reminding him that another life was still possible—a life beyond rage, violence and the pain of his childhood. Years later, after leaving home, pursuing acting and building a successful career, Neko realized the people closest to him did not even know his father was alive. That realization forced him to confront the resentment, grief and emotional distance he had buried. He eventually wrote his father a four-page letter explaining what their relationship had been—and what he still hoped it could become. When his father did not immediately respond, Neko made the call himself. What followed was an emotional two-hour conversation filled with anger, tears, laughter, honesty and reconciliation. In the middle of that conversation, Neko told his father: “Dude, I just want you.” That moment changed their relationship. This episode explores: • Neko’s career in acting, writing and filmmaking • Working on Ant-Man and other major Hollywood productions • Discovering acting as a teenager • How theater helped him express buried trauma • Growing up surrounded by strong Black women • His father’s cocaine addiction and return to the church • Church hurt, shame and relapse • Witnessing the emotional pain in his parents’ marriage • The night Neko planned to kill his father • How music interrupted a moment of violence • Leaving home and emotionally separating from his family • The father wound many men carry silently • The difference between saying “I forgive you” and actually healing • Writing his father a vulnerable four-page letter • Learning to wrestle without losing reverence • Understanding his father’s own childhood trauma • Reframing the stories we tell about our parents • Therapy, emotional language and generational healing • Becoming the father he needed as a child • Why transparency builds trust between parents and children • Mentoring young actors and helping them discover purpose • Creating stories that make young people feel seen • Birth Mob Media and storytelling with purpose • Why healing must begin with the person in the mirror Neko’s story is not about pretending the damage never happened. It is about recognizing that what happened is true—but asking what else might also be true. His father hurt him. His father also carried wounds of his own. Their lost years cannot be recovered, but today they have a relationship built through honesty, compassion, boundaries and the decision not to surrender to the past. Neko’s final challenge is simple: Start the healing journey today. Do not wait for the person who hurt you to change first. Love yourself enough to address your own wounds, clean up your side of the street and release some of the weight you have been carrying. Follow Neko at BirthMobMedia.com Follow Neko Parham: Instagram: @m.nekoparham Follow Jason Becker: Instagram: @_jason_becker Learn more about Jason and Vintage Wisdom: [www.vintagewisdom.org](http://www.vintagewisdom.org) Special thanks to the sponsors who make these conversations possible: Floorzz [www.floorzz.com](http://www.floorzz.com) TruNorth Pest Control [www.trunorthpest.com](http://www.trunorthpest.com) Subscribe, leave a comment and share this episode with someone navigating a difficult relationship with a parent. What would you say to your father or mother if you knew they would truly listen? #NekoParham #FatherWound #FatherSonRelationship #AddictionRecovery #Forgiveness #GenerationalTrauma #HealingJourney #MensMentalHealth #ChildhoodTrauma #FaithAndHealing #ChristianPodcast #HollywoodActor #WhatTheHellDoIKnow #JasonBecker #Episode99