Success as a spiritual practice

Join me high in the Italian Dolomites, bunking off a workshop - I’ll share an unexpectedly liberating experience from a contact improvisation retreat. Through touch, trust and clear yeses and nos, I meet the part of our humanity that’s strong, instinctive, pleasure-seeking and tired of being kept on a leash.I explore the bodily experience of perfectionism: the tightening, self-monitoring and habit of going along with others while overlooking what we want. There’s pushing back here. Asking for more. Knowing when we’ve had enough. And discovering how consent and boundaries can give us room to express ourselves.We’ll explore what “getting better by getting worse” looks like in everyday life. Perhaps risking an awkward conversation, breaking the rules, or letting ourselves want something without putting that desire on trial.This is an exploration of power, play and giving our aliveness a little more room to breathe. Also, I get very excited. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chriskenworthy.substack.com

Ever started something for pleasure, then somehow turned it into another thing to be good at?Walking through autumn woodland in the Dolomites, I share how a contact improvisation retreat brought me face-to-face with a familiar habit: trying so hard to do it properly that I stopped enjoying myself.I explore what I’m calling the three R’s: getting it right, restricting myself as the pressure builds, and referencing everyone else for answers. What began as an invitation to play soon felt like being back at school - bracing for criticism and not enjoying the experience.Then something shifted. A pause, some familiar company, and pretending to be seaweed helped me find a little more ease.This is an exploration of noticing perfectionism taking over, meeting that familiar pattern with kindness, and letting yourself return to pleasure, connection and messy humanness. Even if we need reminding again tomorrow. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chriskenworthy.substack.com

Do you ever crave risk and adventure, throw yourself into something intense, then retreat home needing a week to recover? And before long, you’re itching to escape again?Or have you lived out of a suitcase for months, and longed to put some roots down? Join me beneath a cherry tree, exploring life’s familiar dance between freedom and safety. I reflect on my own swings between comfortable routines and fuse-blowing adventures, and wonder what it might mean to have enough room to explore - and enough support to feel held.Through stories from my improv workshops and a playful encounter on the contact dance floor, I explore how trust, boundaries and a little friction can help us come alive. There’s something here, too, about perfectionism’s search for the “right way”, lurching between polarities of right and wrong, and learning to notice what we need as those needs change - moment to moment.What would it look like to feel safe enough to play, push back, take risks and express ourselves - and free enough to rest when we’ve had enough? This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chriskenworthy.substack.com

What happens when the life you’ve built feels safe and familiar, but something in you is aching for adventure?In this pretty personal episode, I share something that feels exciting, inconvenient and a little bit naughty: I think I want to sell my house, leave Leeds and explore life in Europe, without knowing exactly what comes next.Thinking aloud from my bedroom floor, I explore the call to adventure, the grief of leaving a familiar life behind, and choosing change on my own terms. Along the way, I connect the dots between improvisation, intuition, self-trust and learning to take risks while giving yourself the care and support you need.What if you don’t need a whole journey mapped out - just enough light to see the next step? And what if adventure isn’t all challenge, trauma and growth, but pleasure, play and a bit of a laugh too? This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chriskenworthy.substack.com

If you’re anything like me, pleasure comes later. After the work is done. Once everything’s sorted. When you’ve been productive, useful or good enough to deserve it.In this episode, I explore this complicated relationship with pleasure - and the rather perfectionist habit of turning even fun, play and enjoyment into another project to understand, optimise and get right.What happens if we stopped needing everything we do to be useful? If we could climb, dance, eat, walk, listen or play without having to improve ourselves, or master a skill in the process?Along the way, I explore solo, one-to-one and group pleasure; the qualities of serenity, brilliance and aliveness; and a tiny question that’s been helping me find more enjoyment in ordinary life:What would make this 1% more enjoyable?An invitation to take yourself - and perhaps life itself - a little less seriously. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chriskenworthy.substack.com

What happens when life starts to feel like it’s happening to you- and no amount of effort seems to change anything?In this episode, I explore the slippery, surprisingly seductive experience of victimhood: the collapse, helplessness and quiet belief that nothing will ever go your way. How to spot it and its impact.I also look at how it can show up in perfectionism, relationships and work; why trapped anger often becomes resentment and bitterness; and how the cycle between relentless pushing and exhausted collapse keeps us stuck.This isn’t about blaming or shaming ourselves for feeling powerless. Victimhood is a deeply human place to visit - especially when life genuinely overwhelms us. I just wonder if the path through this is to not build a permanent home there.We’ll explore what helps us move towards self-authority, agency and hope, while still accepting that not everything is ours to control or fix. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chriskenworthy.substack.com

What if success isn’t about money, status or finally getting everything right? What if it’s something you can experience today?In this episode, I explore a very different definition of success one rooted in self-trust, self-leadership and staying true to yourself. We look at why so many of us abandon ourselves in pursuit of approval, how perfectionism keeps moving the finish line, and what it means to reclaim the throne of your own life.If you’ve ever felt like success is always somewhere in the future, this conversation is an invitation to discover the quieter, more grounded success that’s already available, here and now. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chriskenworthy.substack.com

Come explore what can happen after we make a vulnerable move - tell the truth, share something we’ve created, perform, speak-up, or allow ourselves to be properly seen. Sometimes the brave part isn’t the moment itself. It’s what comes afterwards, when the inner critic rushes in to tell us it wasn’t good enough.In this episode, I share the internal mechanics of what happens when I felt vulnerable, imperfect and merely “good enough.”Almost immediately, the inner critic arrived with its familiar charge sheet: what was wrong, what I had missed, and how I needed to improve. Beneath that criticism was a much younger, more playful and sensitive part of me that simply felt exposed and told-off.Instead of pushing harder or spiralling into shame, I tried a new move: grounding, compassion, perspective and grace. I reminded myself that I had done something new and difficult - and that one good-enough attempt was enough for the day.This is a reflection on perfectionism, visibility, reparenting, creative courage and the surprising freedom that can appear when we stop treating every imperfect attempt as evidence that something is wrong with us. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chriskenworthy.substack.com

In this episode, I explore our relationship with uncertainty, not knowing, and what it really means to move through life like a grown-up when, underneath it all, we’re all still making it up as we go along.Starting with an important life lesson about bullsh*t, I reflect on the strange truth that confidence often isn’t about having the answers - it’s about how we carry ourselves while we look for them. I connect this to improvisation, embodied self-trust, and the difference between panicked overthinking and grounded forward movement.This is an episode about dignity, humility, confidence, and the practice of taking one step at a time - even when you have no idea where it’s all leading. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chriskenworthy.substack.com

On holiday in Austria, I found myself unexpectedly face-to-face with a familiar lesson: choosing self-trust over self-abandonment.In this episode, I share what happened while rock climbing a via ferrata route in the Alps - the moment when the fun stopped feeling fun and started feeling wrong, and why tuning in and turning back became a quiet but meaningful act of listening to oneself.I explore the difference between stretch and overwhelm, fear and misalignment, excitement and self-abandonment. I talk about group pressure, perfectionism, nervous system dysregulation, and the old habit of going along with things to look capable, good, or brave. And I reflect on what it means to give yourself a clean no, without shame or judgement.This is an episode about boundaries, attunement, and those small, brave moments where change really begins. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit chriskenworthy.substack.com