Ep. 299 | Creating Boundaries That Feel Like You

For so many women, control isn't about power — it's about feeling safe. We cling to plans, checklists, timelines, and certainty like emotional life rafts. And listen… I get it. I love a good system as much as the next high-functioning human. But here's the truth nobody puts on a vision board: Control is exhausting. Because underneath it all, it's usually rooted in fear. It keeps you disconnected from trust, especially trust in yourself. It can look like stability, but inside your body? Your nervous system is on high alert, quietly bracing for impact. In this episode, I'm talking about what happens when you stop gripping so tightly. Not surrender as giving up, surrender as choosing peace. Letting go as an act of strength. Presence over pressure. Trust over tension. I share why control feels so seductive, how it sneaks in disguised as productivity and "being responsible," and what it actually takes to soften your grip without falling apart. Because surrender isn't weakness. It's where freedom lives. It's where clarity returns. It's where you finally exhale. If you've been holding everything together with white knuckles and good intentions… this one's for you. ✨ Press play. Your nervous system will thank you.

Boundaries aren't about being mean, they're about being honest with yourself. In this episode, I talk about how boundaries protect your energy, your growth, and your future. If you've spent your life people-pleasing, helping, or keeping the peace, setting boundaries can feel scary (and sometimes lonely). But every no creates space for the yes that actually matters. You'll learn why boundaries lead to better relationships, how resentment quietly builds when you ignore your needs, and what it really looks like to stay in integrity with yourself. If you're ready to stop tolerating what drains you and start protecting your peace, this one's for you.

In this episode, Coach Jenn and I talk about the quiet grief that comes with becoming someone new, the part nobody warns you about. The mourning of old identities. The soft ache of outgrowing relationships. The strange in-between where who you were doesn't fit anymore… but who you're becoming hasn't fully landed yet. You'll hear why everything you've lived through wasn't random, it was preparation. Preparation for this season. This version of you. This next chapter that requires a different nervous system, different boundaries, and a deeper level of self-trust. We'll unpack: Why letting go can feel heavier than staying stuck How past versions of you served their purpose (even the messy ones) What it actually means to release identities and relationships that no longer align Why grief is often the doorway to your next level, not a sign you're doing it wrong You're not breaking apart. You're shedding skin. Press play and meet yourself where you are, not where you used to be, and not where you think you should already be.

What if fun isn't a reward you earn… but fuel you run on? In this episode, we're reframing fun entirely, not as a bonus at the end of productivity, not as a luxury you squeeze in when everything else is done, and not even as a "self-care strategy." Fun is a nervous system reset. A return to the present moment. A soul-aligning, joy-raising, spirit-lifting necessity. You can't create a joyful life if joy isn't part of your daily equation. And no, you don't have to earn it, justify it, or be productive enough to deserve it. Fun brings you back into your body. Out of survival mode. Back into aliveness. Fun is fuel. Joy is medicine. Let's talk about why play, pleasure, and presence aren't optional, and how letting yourself have fun might be the most regulating, life-giving thing you do all week.

What if movement wasn't about fixing your body… but meeting yourself inside it? This week's episode is a reframe you didn't know you needed. Your emotions don't live in your brain — they live in your body. In your muscles. In your posture. In the way you hold your breath without even realizing it. Your body isn't just a vehicle for weight loss goals or aesthetics. It's a living record of your experiences, your stress, your joy, your grief, and your power. In this episode, I talk about: Why emotions are stored physically, not mentally How movement becomes a way to listen instead of punish Letting go of the calorie-burn, earn-your-food mindset Reclaiming movement as a love letter, not a sentence Why movement creates momentum — in your body and your life Wherever you're at today… meet yourself there. No forcing. No fixing. No earning. Just movement as a return to power, presence, and forward motion.

We've been taught that slowing down means falling behind. That if you pause, you're quitting. That momentum only counts if you're constantly doing. This episode gently dismantles that lie. In Stillness as a Strategy, we talk about how stillness isn't stopping your life—it's letting your life catch up to you. How slowing down isn't a failure of discipline, but often a sign of wisdom. And how listening to yourself might be the most strategic move you can make when everything feels loud, heavy, or rushed. This conversation is for the ones who are tired of pushing, forcing, and powering through—yet don't want to give up on growth. It's about learning the difference between stagnation and intentional pause… and trusting that sometimes the most powerful progress happens when you stop running long enough to hear yourself again. You're not behind. You're not lazy. You might just be overdue for stillness.

This episode is all about what Becoming Her is and what it definitely is not. It's not a glow-up montage or a perfect morning routine. It's the quiet, relentless choice to show up as the truest version of you in the middle of real life. I share how identity isn't built in big moments, but in thousands of small decisions, and why turning down your inner critic and turning up your inner coach changes everything. This isn't self-help, it's identity work: you stop seeing yourself as something to fix and start seeing yourself as someone who is becoming. Reflect as you listen: What version of you are you ready to leave behind? Who are you becoming? What's one small choice today that lets her lead? And remember—you're not behind. You're just becoming.    

In this episode, I'm pulling back the curtain on my 2025 transformation. The behind-the-scenes shifts and quiet decisions that changed everything. This was the year I stopped charging forward with force and started walking forward with clarity. The year I realized I don't want a business, relationships, or a life that feel out of synch with me, I want ones that grow with me. Because the truth is, we're always becoming… the question is whether we're doing it consciously or by default. As I walk into 2026, these are the non-negotiables I'm carrying with me: Alignment over approval Energy over obligation Rest over rushing Joy and fun over justifying Creativity over comparison I'm also sharing details about my next master class series, Becoming Her: a 6-month journey built from everything 2025 taught me. This experience is designed to gently uncover what's been keeping you stuck and guide you into the version of yourself you've been wanting… and waiting for. This episode kicks off a 12-episode series all about Becoming Her, with the second episode dropping soon. Plus, by popular listener request, the podcast is officially back to weekly episodes. If you've felt the pull to slow down, realign, and become more you, this episode is your invitation.

This episode explores the conversations women avoid, the boundaries left unspoken, and the truths swallowed in the name of keeping the peace. Midlife marks a shift where honesty becomes self-care, communication becomes real connection, and silence begins to cost more than it protects. Most women do not struggle with what they feel; they struggle with giving themselves permission to say it out loud. Conditioned to be agreeable and to hold everything together, many women trade inner peace for outward harmony. The episode breaks down three critical conversations: admitting you need more support without equating it to weakness, understanding boundaries as clarity rather than punishment, and telling the truth instead of shrinking, smoothing, or staying silent to avoid discomfort. You are not too old to speak honestly, to change, or to have the conversations that set you free. Ready to Take This Work Deeper?: Go to bflycoaching.com/coaching to schedule your free 30-minute consultation with one of our BFLY Coaches today! Visit bflycoaching.com and learn more about how to work with me! Follow me on social media: Facebook: @bflycoaching Instagram: @shannanchristiansen

This episode dismantles the version of you built for approval and drags your real identity back into the light. It forces the quiet questions you've avoided: what actually energizes you, what you would want if guilt wasn't running the show, what you stopped doing that you still crave. It challenges the conditioned life you inherited, the roles, expectations, and performances that no longer fit, and examines the moment when those identities fall silent and you're left with the truth underneath. You'll hear a breakdown of how identity evolves, why phases of life expose what's real, and how letting yourself change opens doors you couldn't see while you were busy trying to be acceptable. Feeling lost becomes a signal, not a failure. That disorientation is often the doorway to what you value, what you want, and who you are when the noise stops. Ready to Take This Work Deeper?: Are you ready to stop living on autopilot and start creating the life you actually want? The Life Upgrade Masterclass Series is your monthly blueprint for real change. 12-months of live Masterclass workshops (with replays available) designed to help you break old patterns, build momentum, and create lasting transformation. With a focused downloadable workbook monthly, you'll get the tools, strategies, and structure to take charge of your growth and stay aligned with your goals. No more drifting. No more stuck. Just intentional action, one month at a time. CLICK HERE TO REGISTER NOW! Interested in 1:1 Coaching? Go to bflycoaching.com/coaching to schedule your free 30-minute consultation with one of our BFLY Coaches today! Visit bflycoaching.com and learn more about how to work with me! Follow me on social media: Facebook: @bflycoaching Instagram: @shannanchristiansen