WRONG DOOR, RIGHT HOLE

Are you looking for advice? Do you have a saucy story from travelling the globe? Leave us a voicemail and we might never get back to you...Titty is transiting through Hong Kong airport on her way to California, Georgie is shivering in a cabin in the middle of the Caribbean with aircon she can't switch off, and somehow every road leads back to Dean's Blue Hole. Plus: grey water, black water and the brand-new douche water.In What Are You Wearing, Georgie has gone green, with a look made entirely from things found around the ship: a chopstick bodice, an origami burger-paper frog and stripper heels with sushi inside. Titty is celebrating Bonfire Night in a spinning Catherine wheel headpiece, fifty treacle bonfire lollies and two buckets of water, safety first.In Excess Baggage, Georgie declares it the era of the pop girlies (sorry, boys, Troye Sivan excepted). Titty has finally watched Beef, three years after Georgie told her to, and explains why the emergency exit row is never worth the legroom.Then a podcast first: our very first listener voicemail! Ed from London wants to know how to squeeze the wallet less in the cost-of-living crisis, and drag queens are nothing if not frugal. In Message in a Bottle, Darren from the Isle of Man has catfished his own mum, and his fake boyfriend is turning up at his cousin's wedding this weekend. With his cousin.THIS EPISODE IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY MANTRA MATCHASuper premium ceremonial matcha and six superfood-infused flavours. Get 15% off any product with code UPTHEAFT at https://promocode.to/mantra-matcha-blends-with-benefits/uptheaft-be7🎙️ Got a dilemma, a saucy story or a burning question? Leave us a voicemail and we might play it on the show: https://rss.com/podcasts/uptheaft/voicemail/ (or DM us on Instagram @uptheaft).Follow us:Up The Aft: @uptheaftTitty Kaka: @titty_kakaGeorgie Porgie: @babesitsgeorgieporgieWatch us on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@uptheaftSupport the show: https://buymeacoffee.com/uptheaftUntil next time, stay salty (and save those pennies)!

Are you looking for advice? Do you have a saucy story from travelling the globe? Leave us a voicemail and we might never get back to you...Happy Halloween, darlings! It's our ooky, spooky, scary, glamorous Halloween episode. Titty is sipping goji-berry matcha in Bali, Georgie is back in Miami for another ship, and we still can't introduce each other without it sounding like a kids' book.In What Are You Wearing, Titty has gone for the most terrifying costume she could think of: Miss Georgie Porgie. A grown-out ginger beard, a tatty hard-front wig and a sweaty leopard catsuit screaming at the seams, in stripper platforms three sizes too small. Georgie fires back by going as the scariest day in history: Titty's birthday, 1981.Georgie runs through this year's most predicted Halloween costumes, explains why coffee beans glued to your face look like something else entirely, and hosts a very educational game of spooky bedroom role play (mummification, incubus fantasies and the occult), where Titty gets every single answer horribly wrong. Then Titty has discovered Priority Pass and become an airport lounge princess.In Message in a Bottle, Gary from Grimthorpe's boyfriend only gets in the mood at funerals. Fourteen funerals later, Gary is stuck between a corpse and a hard place. Should he keep it up?THIS EPISODE IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY MANTRA MATCHASuper premium ceremonial matcha and six superfood-infused flavours. Get 15% off any product with code UPTHEAFT at https://promocode.to/mantra-matcha-blends-with-benefits/uptheaft-be7Send us your dilemmas in a message in a bottle: DM us on Instagram @uptheaft or leave us a voicemail: https://rss.com/podcasts/uptheaft/voicemail/Follow us:Up The Aft: @uptheaftTitty Kaka: @titty_kakaGeorgie Porgie: @babesitsgeorgieporgieWatch us on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@uptheaftSupport the show: https://buymeacoffee.com/uptheaftUntil next time, stay salty (and spooky)!

Are you looking for advice? Do you have a saucy story from travelling the globe? Leave us a voicemail and we might never get back to you...Titty's waking up at 10am in New York sounding like Barry White, Georgie's cracking open a full-fat Coke, and we're already arguing about who got the bigger round of applause last week. (It was the live studio audience. Obviously.)Georgie's checked in with a passport stamp from Tenerife and is about to do eight sea days on a crossing, as a cross-dresser. In What Are You Wearing she's made a sari out of the cabin curtains and the duvet cover, so she can cocoon herself for a nap at any time, and Titty's in a floor-length gown of bodega sandwich foils, pressed by the bodega cat himself, with a neon balaclava and toenails grown into the shape of a LaDuca boot.In Excess Baggage, Titty makes her aerial straps debut as a rhinestoned can of Baja Blast, Georgie tells us about the iron fanny, the hula hoop and the furry schlong, and the crew group chat delivers the stinkiest poo ever. Plus: why men in Halloween costumes give Georgie the ick, the renaissance of the wired headphone, and Titty's run-in with Donna at the Apple Store.In Message in a Bottle, Brandy from Battersea can't stop falling for men who look like they've just been released from prison. Does she kick the habit, or keep taking the 781 bus up to visiting hours?THIS EPISODE IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY MANTRA MATCHASuper premium ceremonial matcha and six superfood-infused flavours. Get 15% off any product with code UPTHEAFT at https://promocode.to/mantra-matcha-blends-with-benefits/uptheaft-be7Send us your dilemmas in a message in a bottle: DM us on Instagram @uptheaft or leave us a voicemail: https://rss.com/podcasts/uptheaft/voicemail/Follow us:Up The Aft: @uptheaftTitty Kaka: @titty_kakaGeorgie Porgie: @babesitsgeorgieporgieWatch us on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@uptheaftSupport the show (Diane from Kentucky did, be more like Diane): https://buymeacoffee.com/uptheaftUntil next time, stay salty!

Are you looking for advice? Do you have a saucy story from travelling the globe? Leave us a voicemail and we might never get back to you...Second week back and we've already forgotten how to start a podcast. Titty is hot and bothered in Brooklyn, Georgie is nine hours ahead in Berlin, and somehow we've both had an email from Maria in The Sound of Music.In Excess Baggage, Titty learns the hard way not to drink the water in Guatemala, Georgie reveals she's the only person alive to GAIN weight on Mounjaro, and a honeymoon in Bali goes very wrong in a glass bathroom. Send us your dilemmas in a message in a bottle: DM us on Instagram @uptheaft or leave us a voicemail: https://rss.com/podcasts/uptheaft/voicemail/Follow us on Instagram:@uptheaft@titty_kaka@babesitsgeorgieporgieSupport the show (and buy us name badges): https://buymeacoffee.com/uptheaftLeave us a five-star review… or a one-star one, and we'll read it out on the show.

Are you looking for advice? Do you have a saucy story from travelling the globe? Leave us a voicemail and we might never get back to you...WE'RE BACK, BABES! After a two-year hiatus (and a mysterious $1.24 PayPal payment), Titty Kaka and Miss Georgie Porgie are rebooting Up The Aft, and the wheels are well and truly greased.Georgie's recovering from a Wendy's-chilli-induced coma, Titty is house-sitting (and pussy-sitting) in New York, and nobody can agree on what a dandelion is. We say hello to our brand-new segment, Passport Control, and find out how Titty ended up legally classified as a woman by the Bahamas.Send us your dilemmas in a message in a bottle: DM us on Instagram @uptheaft or leave us a voicemail: https://rss.com/podcasts/uptheaft/voicemail/Follow us on Instagram:@uptheaft@titty_kaka@babesitsgeorgieporgieSupport the show (and buy us name badges): https://buymeacoffee.com/uptheaftLeave us a five-star review… or a one-star one, and we'll read it out on the show.

Are you looking for advice? Do you have a saucy story from travelling the globe? Leave us a voicemail and we might never get back to you...Miss Georgie is back in the UK so these two salty showgirls couldn't be further apart. There's a new artisan cafe open on the Isle of Wight and Georgie is obsessed. Titty can't stand tuna on a Jacket Potato... what would be your topping Diane?

Are you looking for advice? Do you have a saucy story from travelling the globe? Leave us a voicemail and we might never get back to you...An event over the weekend in Glasgow has swept the globe and the girls simply HAD to come back out the woodwork to talk about it! Miss Georgie brings some erotic updates from National Geographic and Titty gives her best advice about getting out of a sticky situation!

Are you looking for advice? Do you have a saucy story from travelling the globe? Leave us a voicemail and we might never get back to you...The girls are bouncing around the globe but pull together for the one year anniversary special of the podcast sweeping the seven seas. Miss Georgie talks about her time in Gran Canaria and Miss Titty reveals her upcoming travel plans over the holidays!

Are you looking for advice? Do you have a saucy story from travelling the globe? Leave us a voicemail and we might never get back to you...HAPPY HALLOWEEN GHOULISH GIRLIES... It's Halloween in the studio and the girls talk through some of the best, and worst treats to hand out at the door. They talk about walking through fabric shops and Miss Georgie surprises Titty with a last minute trick or trivia...

Are you looking for advice? Do you have a saucy story from travelling the globe? Leave us a voicemail and we might never get back to you...Your new favourite bi-weekly treat is back. These salty showgirls fill you in on all things onboard. Georgie is preparing for a holiday, and Titty lets us know of a secret make-up hack that has people raising their eyebrows!