Making Things Before You Know Why

In this episode I reflect on the frustrating gap that often exists between the painting we imagine and the one that actually appears on the surface. I talk about how imagination has no physical limitations, while painting is always a negotiation with materials, decisions, drying times, colour, texture and process. I explore how this gap isn’t necessarily evidence of failure, but proof that our eye is developing and reaching toward something more nuanced. The goal isn’t to force a painting to become the exact image or feeling we first imagined. Instead, it’s about staying responsive to what begins emerging through the process itself.

I recently started a couple of paintings with the intention that they might become part of a collection I’d sell, and almost immediately I felt a shift. Nothing about my tools or process had changed, but the way I was painting had. My marks became tighter, I hesitated more, and I started second guessing decisions I would usually make instinctively. It made me realise how subtle the moment is when you stop painting with the work and start painting for an outcome, and how that shift can take the freedom and energy out of a painting.In this episode I explore the difference between direction and pressure, and how trying to make a painting “work” can lead to control rather than discovery. I talk about noticing when intention becomes restrictive. and finding small ways back to instinct and helping the work feel alive again.If you’re drawn to expressive, intuitive painting, come join me inside Abstract Horizons, my creative community for artists who want to paint with more freedom and emotion. You can take a look here:👉 https://www.skool.com/beyond-the-horizon-1551

In this episode I talk about what happened when I recently went bigger with my painting, working on a 60 x 90 cm piece in my very small studio (which, at one point, literally fell on my head). But beyond the practical challenges what really struck me was the difference between how the painting felt to make and how it felt afterwards. During the process I felt freer, looser, more instinctive. But when I stepped back, something didn’t quite sit right. The work didn’t fully feel like mine.That led me to reflect on what’s really happening when we change scale. I started to realise that my style isn’t just about what I paint, it’s tied to how I move, the rhythm I work in, and the pace of decisions I’ve internalised over time. Painting bigger disrupted that rhythm, and suddenly I was working in a language I don’t yet feel fluent in. But instead of seeing this as something going wrong, I’m choosing to see it as a process of learning, understanding how my voice translates at a different scale. In this episode, I explore that shift, and what it might mean if your work ever feels both better and less like you at the same time.

In this episode I talk honestly about something that doesn’t get said enough, painting isn’t always relaxing. While art can be a powerful release and a way to quiet the mind, especially for me when my OCD is busy, there are also days when everything feels stiff, resistant and frustrating. I share a recent studio session where nothing seemed to work, from struggling with oil and cold wax medium on paper, to scraping everything off, to forcing a quick piece just to feel productive. It led me to question why I felt the need to “get something done” at all, and how easily that pressure can creep into creative work.I reflect on how much of that pressure comes from being used to output-driven environments, and how painting doesn’t always follow that logic. What shifted things for me wasn’t pushing harder, but changing the conditions, simplifying my palette, switching surfaces, and allowing curiosity back into the process. This episode is a reminder that difficult sessions are part of the practice, not a sign that something’s gone wrong. Sometimes the best work comes not from forcing a result, but from loosening your grip and approaching things differently.

In this episode I reflect on what it really means for a painting to be finished. After moving away from the faces I’d been exploring and returning to looser, more expressive abstract landscapes, I’ve been thinking a lot about the rhythm of making. I’ve been sharing some of these pieces online and noticing how easily the act of posting can make a painting feel like it has to be complete. I explore the difference between sharing a moment in a painting’s life and declaring it finished, and how those two things don’t have to be the same. This episode is really about giving paintings the time they need, even when we’re sharing the process publicly.

In this episode I reflect on what happens when your work stops being “beautiful” in the way people expect. After years of creating abstract landscapes that offered calm, atmosphere and refuge, I’ve found myself pulled toward faces that feel closer, more direct and sometimes unsettling. This shift has led me to question the difference between beautiful and true, between work that soothes and work that activates. I talk about the tension every creative eventually faces: do we continue making what’s liked, or do we follow what feels urgent? This episode isn’t about rejecting beauty, but about expanding what art is allowed to be. If your work is changing and it no longer fits neatly into expectations, this is a reminder that you haven’t lost your way. You may be moving closer to something more alive.

In this episode I talk openly about a phase I’m currently in as an artist where the work is arriving before the explanation. After years of being known for abstract landscapes, I’ve found myself increasingly pulled toward faces and figures, work that feels more direct, more confronting, and harder to immediately explain. Rather than rushing to define or justify this shift, I’m deliberately allowing myself to stay in the not-knowing, trusting the instinct that something important is forming even if I don’t yet have the language for it.I reflect on the pressure many creatives feel to stay legible, consistent, and publicly articulate at all times, especially once an audience exists. This episode is a defence of private experimentation, creative uncertainty and protecting the phases of work that need time, privacy and patience. If you’re making work that doesn’t fit your usual patterns, isn’t ready to be shared, or doesn’t make sense yet, this is a reminder that you’re not lost. You’re early. And sometimes the bravest thing you can do is trust the work before you trust the explanation.

This episode was prompted by Facebook memories resurfacing artwork I shared three or four years ago, work I once felt proud of, but now look at with a mix of embarrassment and judgement. I talk about how unsettling that feeling can be, not just because it makes you question old work, but because it makes you doubt your ability to judge your current work at all. What shifted things for me was realising that the confidence I had back then mattered as much as the work itself, it was the fuel that kept me making, sharing, and improving. Growth doesn’t come from waiting to feel “good enough,” it comes from staying in the process long enough for your eye to change. I share why I’m choosing to keep putting new, exploratory work into the world now, even knowing it might one day make me cringe, and why that discomfort is often the clearest sign that you’re still moving forward.

In this episode I talk honestly about being blocked, frustrated, and doubting yourself as an artist, that horrible headspace where nothing works and your inner critic starts building a case against you. I share a story about a recent failed painting, how it spiralled into self-doubt, and the simple shift that helped me step out of it by changing direction rather than forcing my way through.This isn’t about fixing a painting or pushing harder. It’s about recognising frustration as information, not proof that you’re failing. I explore how harsh self-talk, perfectionism and fear tighten everything up, and why changing scale, tools, subject, or energy can give you breathing room again.If you’re stuck, questioning yourself, or wondering whether you’ve “lost it,” this episode is a reminder that you haven’t. You’re just in the messy middle of the cycle. And learning how to meet yourself there, with curiosity instead of blame, is one of the most important tools an expressive artist can have.

This week I’m talking about something that surprised me in my own practice: how returning to Procreate, a tool I haven’t touched properly in years, helped me break out of my old habits and finally start moving away from the horizon line. I share the unexpected guilt that came with using digital tools again, how the undo button can actually teach us more about our instincts than we think, and why digital play can open doors that feel stuck in traditional media.I also talk about the two digital pieces I created this week, how different they felt, and what they revealed about freedom, looseness and expression. If you’re feeling stuck or wrestling with a “default move” in your work, this episode is an invitation to revisit the tools you’ve abandoned and allow yourself the permission to explore again, in whatever medium helps you breathe.And if you’re drawn to expressive, intuitive painting, come join me inside Abstract Horizons, my creative community for artists who want to paint with more freedom and emotion. You can take a look here:👉 https://www.skool.com/beyond-the-horizon-1551