395: What if your son murdered your daughter?

When a family sailing journey ends in capture by child soldiers during Mozambique’s civil war, a man must protect his children while confronting the unsettling truth that his captors are both perpetrators of violence and children shaped by it. Today’s episode featured Dave Muller. Dave has written about his experiences in a book entitled, “Not Child’s Play”, available where books are sold or at https://notchildsplay.co.uk/ You can email Dave at [email protected] Dave is on Instagram @davenotchildsplay, on Facebook @Dave Muller and on YouTube @DaveMuller-NotChildsPlayIn the 1960s and 1970s, both South Africa and Mozambique were part of the larger decolonization of Africa, with South Africa gaining full independence from Britain in 1961 and Mozambique gaining independence from Portugal in 1975. However, in the decolonization process, both were thrown into proxy battles, between old structures clinging to power and the larger global cold war between communist and capitalist superpowers. South Africa, even after independence, was still ruled by a white minority government, under the National Party. The National Party was populated mostly by the white ethnic group known as Afrikaners who spoke a language called Afrikaans. The National Party instituted apartheid, a brutally oppressive system of institutionalized racial segregation and white supremacy enforced in South Africa from 1948 to the early 1990s. South Africa shares a northeastern border with Mozambique. When Mozambique gained independence in 1975, they were ruled by the Communist party known as FRELIMO. FRELIMO became a major force opposing apartheid in neighboring South Africa. The South African apartheid government, in response to FRELIMO’s opposition, actively destabilized Mozambique from the inside by propping up a rebel group known as RENAMO. This led to a violent 15-year civil war in Mozambique, between the ruling, communist-backed FRELIMO party and the South African-backed RENAMO rebel group. In the first part of today's episode, you'll hear our storyteller speak about growing up in South Africa during apartheid as a white man, but he was not an Afrikaner, and grew up in a family that was opposed to apartheid. The second part of the story takes place in Mozambique, where he and his family are held by the RENAMO rebel group and caught in the chaos and fighting between FRELIMO and RENAMO, the two warring factions in the civil war there. Of course there is much more to say about all of this, and Dave will speak to some of these issues as he experienced them. I encourage you all to read more about the brutal and complex history of decolonization and apartheid in Africa. And one final note, you’ll hear Dave talking about “Arwen” several times. In case it isn’t clear right away, he is referring to his boat that he built. Producers: Whit Missildine, Andrew Waits, Aviva Lipkowitz Content/Trigger Warnings: War and armed conflict, Child soldiers, Kidnapping / hostage situation, Graphic violence, Murder (including stabbing / bayoneting), Violence against the elderly, Exposure to blood, Threats of execution, Weapons (guns, rockets, mortar fire), Terrorism / militant groups, Civil war, Psychological trauma, PTSD, Panic attacks / emotional breakdown, Spiritual distress, Political violence, Forced recruitment of children, Coercion and intimidation, explicit language Social Media:Instagram: @actuallyhappeningTwitter/X: @TIAHPodcastFacebook: This Is Actually Happening Discussion Group Website: thisisactuallyhappening.com Website for Andrew Waits: andrdewwaits.comWebsite for Aviva Lipkowitz: avivalipkowitz.com Support the Show: Support The Show on Patreon: patreon.com/happeningAudible subscribers can listen to all episodes of THIS IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING ad-free right now. Join Audible today by downloading the Audible app or visit Audible.com. Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Transcripts: Full transcripts of each episode are now available on the website, thisisactuallyhappening.com Intro Music: “Sleep Paralysis” - Scott VelasquezMusic Bed: Sparse_Reflections__a__APM ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources: National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: Text or Call 988 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

After overcoming addiction and rebuilding her life around motherhood, a woman's world is shattered when her son kills her daughter, forcing her to grieve one child while fighting to protect the other and learning how to survive an unbearable moral and emotional divide. Today’s episode featured Charity Lee. If you’d like to email Charity, you can reach her at [email protected]. You can also find her on Facebook @IAmCharityLee Charity has authored a book entitled, How Now, Butterfly? A Memoir of Murder, Survival, and Transformation, available where books are sold.  Producers: Whit Missildine, Andrew Waits Content/Trigger Warnings: Child abuse and neglect, Domestic violence, Substance abuse and addiction, Suicide and suicide attempts, Self-harm, Child homicide, Graphic violence, Intrafamilial violence, Mental illness, Incarceration and juvenile detention, Grief and traumatic loss, Emotional abuse, Parental abandonment, Trauma and PTSD, Near-death experience / overdose, Religious and spiritual distress, explicit language Social Media:Instagram: @actuallyhappeningTwitter: @TIAHPodcast Website: thisisactuallyhappening.com Website for Andrew Waits: andrdewwaits.com Support the Show: Support The Show on Patreon: patreon.com/happening Wondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at wondery.com/plus Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Transcripts: Full transcripts of each episode are now available on the website, thisisactuallyhappening.com Intro Music: “Sleep Paralysis” - Scott VelasquezMusic Bed: Salib (SAL) - Tension Underscore 33 A ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources: National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: Text or Call 988 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

After the sudden death of his father leaves him drowning in guilt, a man unknowingly spirals into a manic break that strips him of his freedom, his relationships, and his grip on reality, forcing him to confront bipolar disorder and rebuild his life from the ground up. Today’s storyteller wishes to remain Anonymous. However, you can reach out to him at [email protected].  Producers: Whit Missildine, Andrew Waits, Jason Blalock Content/Trigger Warnings: Suicide and suicide by cop, Parental death, Alcoholism, Bipolar disorder, Manic episode and psychosis, Self-harm, Arrest and incarceration, Homelessness, Police confrontation involving firearms, Mental health crisis, explicit language Social Media:Instagram: @actuallyhappeningTwitter: @TIAHPodcast Website: thisisactuallyhappening.com Website for Andrew Waits: andrdewwaits.comWebsite for Jason Blalock: jasonblalock.com Support the Show: Support The Show on Patreon: patreon.com/happening Wondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at wondery.com/plus Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Transcripts: Full transcripts of each episode are now available on the website, thisisactuallyhappening.com Intro Music: “Sleep Paralysis” - Scott VelasquezMusic Bed: Pure_Ambience_APM ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources: National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: Text or Call 988 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

After a lifetime of striving for control, a woman is thrust into unimaginable loss when a potentially catastrophic twin pregnancy collides with restrictive laws, forcing her to rebuild her life from the ground up. Today’s episode featured Helen. Helen and her husband, Zach, began The Marigold Foundation, whose mission is to lead the way in providing financial aid to families that are facing a complex medical diagnosis or the loss of an infant or neonate. To learn more or to donate, please visit themarigoldfoundation.org. The Marigold Foundation’s Instagram @marigoldfoundation  Producers: Whit Missildine, Andrew Waits, Sara Marinelli Content/Trigger Warnings: Pregnancy loss, Infant loss / neonatal death, Stillbirth / miscarriage, Complicated / high-risk pregnancy, Prolonged labor and medical distress, Medical trauma, Restrictive abortion laws / lack of medical intervention, Hemorrhage, Eating disorder, Grief and bereavement, Religious / spiritual distress, Mental health treatment and therapy, Traumatic medical procedures, Discussions of death and mortality, explicit language Social Media:Instagram: @actuallyhappeningTwitter: @TIAHPodcast Website: thisisactuallyhappening.com Website for Andrew Waits: andrdewwaits.comWebsite for Sara Marinelli: saramarinelli.com Support the Show: Support The Show on Patreon: patreon.com/happening Wondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at wondery.com/plus Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Transcripts: Full transcripts of each episode are now available on the website, thisisactuallyhappening.com Intro Music: “Sleep Paralysis” - Scott VelasquezMusic Bed: Uncertain Outcomes ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources: National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: Text or Call 988 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

When a son discovers that the man who raised him is capable of unimaginable harm, he is forced to become a whistleblower against his own father, risking his family, his identity, and everything he once believed to be true. Today’s episode featured Kai Zen Bickle. To find out more about the legislation drafted with Child USA to close jurisdictional loopholes, specifically to ensure that evidence of sexual crimes committed against children on foreign soil can be brought back and used in U.S. courts, preventing perpetrators from escaping accountability by abusing international boundaries, please visit: https://childusa.org/law/ Producers: Whit Missildine, Andrew Waits, Jason Blalock Content/Trigger Warnings: Child sexual abuse, Sexual assault, Rape, Statutory rape, Grooming, Drug-facilitated sexual assault, Incest (sexual exploitation by a parent), Emotional abuse, Gaslighting, Psychological manipulation, Sexual exploitation, Coercion, Trauma, Dissociation, Moral injury, Whistleblower retaliation, Family betrayal, explicit language Social Media:Instagram: @actuallyhappeningTwitter: @TIAHPodcast Website: thisisactuallyhappening.com Website for Andrew Waits: andrdewwaits.comWebsite for Jason Blalock: jasonblalock.com  Support the Show: Support The Show on Patreon: patreon.com/happening Wondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at wondery.com/plus Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Transcripts: Full transcripts of each episode are now available on the website, thisisactuallyhappening.com Intro Music: “Sleep Paralysis” - Scott VelasquezMusic Bed: Music To Air (MTA) - Houses ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources: National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: Text or Call 988 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

After a white supremecist killed his father at a Sikh temple outside of Milwaukee, Pardeep Singh Kaleka pairs up with a former neo-Nazi to teach students about overcoming hate and finding forgiveness.  Today’s episode was produced in collaboration with Pauline Bartolone, and was funded in part by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, as part of its "Spreading Love Through the Media" initiative, supported by the John Templeton Foundation. Pauline can be reached at paulinebartolone.org and on Instagram @pmbartolone Today’s episode featured Pardeep Singh Kaleka. If you’d like to reach out to Pardeep, you can email him at [email protected]. Pardeep is on Instagram, Facebook and LinkedIn @pardeepsinghkalekaPardeep is the Clinical Director at Mental Health America–Wisconsin, a senior anti-hate advocate, and co-author of The Gift of Our Wounds. After losing his father in the 2012 Oak Creek Sikh Temple attack, he became a leading voice for community healing, resilience, and faith. With over 25 years of experience in law enforcement, education, mental health, and supporting hate-crime survivors, Pardeep has served with the U.S. Department of Justice–CRS and led the Interfaith Conference. He specializes in communal trauma and helps public health professionals, educators, and law enforcement develop community-oriented strategies to address conflict, hate, and rising targeted violence.Producers: Whit Missildine, Andrew Waits, Pauline Bartolone Content/Trigger Warnings: Mass shooting / gun violence, Murder / death, Hate crime / domestic terrorism, White supremacy / neo-Nazi ideology, Racism / religious persecution (anti-Sikh bias; Islamophobia mentioned), PTSD / trauma responses, Suicidal ideation (students mention feeling suicidal), Bullying, Addiction / substance abuse, Graphic violence / execution-style killing details. Police shooting / officer shot, explicit language Social Media:Instagram: @actuallyhappeningTwitter: @TIAHPodcast Website: thisisactuallyhappening.com Website for Andrew Waits: andrdewwaits.comWebsite for Pauline Bartolone: pmbartolone.org Support the Show: Support The Show on Patreon: patreon.com/happening Wondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at wondery.com/plus Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Transcripts: Full transcripts of each episode are now available on the website, thisisactuallyhappening.com Intro Music: “Sleep Paralysis” - Scott VelasquezMusic Bed: KPM Main Series (KPM) - Barely There ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources: National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: Text or Call 988 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

After killing a cyclist while driving drunk, a woman confronts the consequences of her actions and begins the long, painful work of rebuilding a life shaped by guilt and accountability. Today’s storyteller wishes to remain Anonymous.  Producers: Whit Missildine, Andrew Waits, Sara Marinelli Content/Trigger Warnings: Drunk driving, Fatal accident, Death, Manslaughter, Substance abuse / alcoholism, Emotional abuse, Psychological trauma, Moral injury, Guilt and shame, Suicidal ideation, Incarceration / jail, Grief, Anxiety, Depression, Public shaming / social stigma, explicit language Social Media:Instagram: @actuallyhappeningTwitter: @TIAHPodcast Website: thisisactuallyhappening.com Website for Andrew Waits: andrdewwaits.comWebsite for Sara Marinelli: saramarinelli.com Support the Show: Support The Show on Patreon: patreon.com/happening Wondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at wondery.com/plus Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Transcripts: Full transcripts of each episode are now available on the website, thisisactuallyhappening.com Intro Music: “Sleep Paralysis” - Scott VelasquezMusic Bed: Discovery Studios Tracks (DST) - Dark Oasis ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources: National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: Text or Call 988 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

After surviving a stranger’s shove into the path of a subway train, a man confronts his mortality and viral fame, and finds himself transformed by community, clarity, and the everyday poignancy of being alive. Today’s episode featured Joe Lynskey. You can email Joe at [email protected]. Joe is on Instagram @lynskey.joe. You can find news articles about Joe and his DJ career at his link tree: https://linktr.ee/lynskey.joe.  Producers: Whit Missildine, Andrew Waits Content/Trigger Warnings: Violence, Attempted murder, Graphic injury, PTSD, Death of a parent, Childhood bullying, Homophobia, Alcoholism, Drug addiction, Self-harm risk behaviors, Family dysfunction, Medical trauma, Viral exposure / public scrutiny, Crime and criminal justice system, explicit language Social Media:Instagram: @actuallyhappeningTwitter: @TIAHPodcast Website: thisisactuallyhappening.com Website for Andrew Waits: andrdewwaits.com Support the Show: Support The Show on Patreon: patreon.com/happening Wondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at wondery.com/plus Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Transcripts: Full transcripts of each episode are now available on the website, thisisactuallyhappening.com Intro Music: “Sleep Paralysis” - Scott VelasquezMusic Bed: Ambient Themes ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources: National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: Text or Call 988 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Growing up Black and queer in the South, a man finds an identity for himself through the arts and establishes a wonderful marriage with children, until one day, when his husband is late coming home, there’s a ring at the door and his entire life unravels. Today’s storyteller chose to remain Anonymous. Producers: Whit Missildine, Sara Marinelli Content/Trigger Warnings: use of a derogatory racial slur, use of a derogatory homophobic slur, mention of gun violence, mention of suicide, mental illness, drug use, drug overdose, explicit language Social Media:Instagram: @actuallyhappeningTwitter: @TIAHPodcast Website: thisisactuallyhappening.com Website for Andrew Waits: andrdewwaits.comWebsite for Sara Marinelli: saramarinelli.com Support the Show: Support The Show on Patreon: patreon.com/happening Wondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at wondery.com/plus Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Transcripts: Full transcripts of each episode are now available on the website, thisisactuallyhappening.com Intro Music: “Sleep Paralysis” - Scott VelasquezMusic Bed: Ambient Themes by Nigel Coutinho ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources: National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: Text or Call 988 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From an idyllic childhood in communist Yugoslavia, as a teenager, Mirsad’s world becomes a living nightmare as the Bosnian War brings shelling, torture, murder and ethnic cleansing to his village, leaving deep scars that haunt and transform his life.  Today's episode featured Mirsad Solakovic. If you would like to contribute to help the Solak Gym (a charitable organization) that Mirsad helped create, you can donate through PayPal at [email protected]. You can see and find out more about the gym on Instagram @solakgym. You can also find out more about Mirsad on Instagram @mickey_solak and on Twitter @MirsadSolakovic, there you can find links to his memoir "The Boy Who Said Nothing" Producers: Whit Missildine Content/Trigger Warnings: war, murder, ethnic cleansing, graphic violence, torture of a minor, graphic bodily injury, rape, suicidal ideation, explicit language Social Media:Instagram: @actuallyhappeningTwitter: @TIAHPodcast Website: thisisactuallyhappening.com Website for Andrew Waits: andrdewwaits.com Support the Show: Support The Show on Patreon: patreon.com/happening Wondery Plus: All episodes of the show prior to episode #130 are now part of the Wondery Plus premium service. To access the full catalog of episodes, and get all episodes ad free, sign up for Wondery Plus at wondery.com/plus Shop at the Store: The This Is Actually Happening online store is now officially open. Follow this link: thisisactuallyhappening.com/shop to access branded t-shirts, posters, stickers and more from the shop.  Transcripts: Full transcripts of each episode are now available on the website, thisisactuallyhappening.com Intro Music: “Sleep Paralysis” - Scott VelasquezMusic Bed: "Union Flow" - Spuntic ServicesIf you or someone you know is struggling with the effects of trauma or mental illness, please refer to the following resources: National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: Text or Call 988 National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264National Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.