87. How to be a better communicator

In the season four finale of Thirsty, we're talking to special guests Kelsey Banyan and Hollie Conroy about their experiences coming out late(r) in life. They're talking about their journey to self realization, including the changes they experienced in their lives, their marriages, and of course, dating and relationships. Becoming who you are is the privilege of a lifetime, and these stories show the beauty that can happen when we break free. If there's one thing we know for sure, life is best lived in full color. ABOUT KELSEY AND HOLLIE Kelsey is a Chicago-area writer and enthusiastic crier who can be found quilting, planning complicated hypothetical vacations on points, or publicly breaking out in song, much to the dismay of her two kids. Find her watching TikToks months after they go viral on IG @kaymeibee. Hollie is a Chicago-area writer and content creator. You can connect with her on Instagram at @holliecats or TikTok at @stephandhollie. She also leads a MeetUp group for self-described Lesbian and Queer Late Bloomers.

Society tries to tell us that life is better when you're partnered up. Maybe that's true for some people, but not everyone. What if life is pretty great on your own, and you have no plans to change that fact? Meet Sarah R, who got a divorce, created a life as a single mom, and couldn't be happier. When it comes down to it, we all get to carve out the life of our dreams, and that looks like different things to different people. She's sharing the up's, the down's (and everything inbetween) about being single by choice.

Divorce pushes us to rethink everything we thought we knew about ourselves, including our sexuality. In this transformative conversation, Vanessa and Xander Marin share a deeper look at the decisions we make about sex; and, you may be surprised at the results. Whether you're in a longterm relationship, or fresh out on the dating scene, there's something here for everyone. Discussed in this episode: Walking away from the "f*cking fairy tale". The one sentence that will change your entire sex life. How to talk about sex with a partner. The science behind libido, and what drives us. Managing ED and other challenges. About Vanessa and Xander Marin: Meet New York Times Best Selling authors Vanessa and Xander Marin. She’s a sex therapist with 20 years of experience, he’s a regular dude, and together they wrote Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life. They’re the shockingly open, slightly nerdy, and seriously funny couple you’ll be calling your new besties in no time. They share the ups and downs in their relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours. Follow them on Instagram @vanessaandxander, and tune in to their podcast, Pillow Talks, for totally do-able sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors, and so much more. It’s the sex education you WISH you’d had!

These days, self care has become synonymous with candles, bubble baths, and glasses of wine. What if it's about something deeper? Firstly, do you know where the term "self care" originated? Spoiler alert: it's not what you may think. Today, Heather and Laura are proposing a reframe on self care, and sharing lessons learned along the way. They're talking about habit stacking, nurturing self esteem, and what taking care of yourself can look like in real life. FEATURED IN THIS EPISODE: The Loveland Foundation is an organization committed to showing up for communities of color in unique and powerful ways, with a particular focus on Black women and girls. With the barriers affecting access to treatment by members of diverse ethnic and racial groups, the Loveland Therapy Fund provides financial assistance to Black women and girls seeking therapy nationally. Learn more HERE.

Today, Tracey Tee, founder of Moms on Mushrooms, is dropping by the Thirsty recording studio to chat all things microdosing, and, it's not what you may think. Tracey experienced her own spiritual awakening through microdosing, and she's here to share her journey, as well as the many lessons she learned along the way. The first thing to know? Tracey says it's all about waking up, not numbing out, and she's passionate about helping other moms create their happiest, healthiest selves. ABOUT TRACEY TEE Tracey is the creator and steward of Moms on Mushrooms, a community devoted to moms and microdosing. MOM seeks to destigmatize and promote the safe use of psychedelics, remain in humble service to others, and promote reciprocity, responsibility, and respect. Learn more at momsonmushrooms.com or on social platforms at @momsonmushroomsofficial.

Today, Heather and Laura are going solo, and they're talking about a subject that's near and dear to their hearts: communication. You may think you're a great communicator, but turns out that being a quick texter doesn't mean a thing. They're covering strategies for partnership, authenticity, and how to stop the passive aggressive cycle. They're also hitting what it means to grow up in fundamentalist evangelical culture, why "Cornhole" is the worst name for "Bags", and the hidden surprises that Omaha served up to Laura this summer.

Today, Thirsty is hosting Carla Romo and Sherry Gaba from The Love Fix to talk all things codependency. Firstly, what is codependency? Why does it matter? And how can we make better dating and relationship choices? This team is covering anxious attachment, self esteem, and what you can do to make your love life better starting right this second. They're also talking about how you may be a master manipulator (and not even realize it), the difference between interdependence and codependence, as well as why being a "fixer" may be your very own version of a red flag. Red alert! The love life of your dreams starts by working on yourself. ABOUT CARLA AND SHERRY Carla Romo (a certified life, dating, and relationship coach) and Sherry Gaba (LCSW) say love doesn’t have to suck. They know this from overcoming their own dating and relationship horror stories, which led them to becoming experts in healing from codependency, dating, and toxic relationships. Their 30 year age difference brings an array of perspectives from any stage in life to the table. If you’re dating, in a relationship, or divorced, they’ve got your back. As hosts of the podcast The Love Fix, they're serving the latest tools on how to navigate dating, as well as how to thrive in a successful relationship. You can find more from Carla and Sherry using @thelovefixpodcast or listen to The Love Fix wherever you get your podcasts.

Sometimes we need to hear from the experts, and who knows more about finding a good match than a professional matchmaker? Daphney Poyser is here to share what she knows about matching, dating, and finding the love that is right for you. She founded Fern Connections, a matchmaking agency that centers LGBTQIA+ clients. Daphney is talking about dating after divorce, healing, choosing your priorities, and being open to the possibilities. Then, stick around for a Date Report with Thirsty field correspondent Kit Ratliff, who's talking about their experience navigating dating apps while being a young divorcee, lover of library science, and newly out trans nonbinary. ABOUT DAPHNEY POYSER: Daphney Poyser is the founder and CEO of Fern Connections, a LGBTQIA+ matchmaking and coaching company. After noticing a lack of diversity within the world of dating services, Poyser sought out to create her own company founded on the principles of greater gender, sexual, and romantic inclusivity. Fern Connections was started in 2020 and now has headquarters in Texas and Georgia. The company serves individuals nationwide within the United States. You can find more from Daphney at FernConnections.com or @fernconnections across social media. ABOUT KIT RATLIFF: Kit is a nonbinary monarch in their own right, but also a complete Disaster Bisexual™. They can be sometimes found hanging out with their ex-husband, cracking divorce jokes that make everyone uncomfortable, or just reading a good fantasy book. Connect with Kit at @kitratliff.

ABOUT THIS EPISODE: They're the essential tool we love to hate: dating apps. But, what if the apps aren't the problem... you're just using them wrong. Dating experts Julie Krafchick and Yue Xu are here to talk to us about how we can leverage dating apps to their highest power and (perhaps) find the love of a lifetime. From how to write a profile to how to screen for your best match, they're showing us what we can do to make great connections that may actually go somewhere. They're also covering how better dates may actually result from dating less, and how to attract the matches you want. Then, stay tuned for our first "Date Report" with Thirsty field correspondent Kathryn Mio, a fresh face in the city who's here to tell us what she's learned from dating, living, and loving after a breakup. ABOUT JULIE KRAFCHICK AND YUE XU: Julie and Yue are active daters turned dating sociologists on a mission to understand why we date the way we do. Through talking to thousands of daters and world- renowned experts, they're here to help you create the love life you've always wanted. Swipe right on their podcast Dateable wherever you get your podcasts, or match with them on Instagram with @dateablepodcast. ABOUT KATHERYN MIO Consultant by day, comedienne by night, and newly minted Chicagoan. She’s not a divorcee (yet) but she is working on becoming the most emotionally unavailable woman in the Chicagoland area. You can find her at @KathrynMio on Instagram.

When it comes to relationships, there's this pervasive idea that monogamy is the gold standard. However, most of us don't fit into that [very small] box. Divorced? That's not monogamy. Dated multiple people? That's not monogamy. Serial monogamist? That's not monogamy either. So, let's throw out the fantasy and get real instead. Over *one in five Americans have practiced some form of ethical nonmonogamy at some point in their lifetime, so this is not a niche practice. If you've ever found yourself wanting to know more about nonmonogamy, polyamory (and any other kinds of amory!) today's episode is for you. Dedeker Winston, a relationship coach, author, and co-host of The Multiamory Podcast, is here to dispel myths, offer guidance, and say the quiet part out loud. And, she's totally delightful as well. Join us as we learn more about nonmonogamy — and perhaps — more about ourselves, as well. ABOUT DEDEKER WINSTON Dedeker Winston is an educator, relationship coach, and co-host of the Multiamory podcast, a research-backed relationship advice show that centers non-traditional relationships. She is the author of The Smart Girl's Guide to Polyamory and Multamory: Essential Tools for Modern Relationships. Dedeker Winston The Multiamory Podcast