Why Toddlers Say "No"... #53

In this episode, Jon unpacks why toddlers seem to say “no” to everything—even the things they want—and why this phase isn’t defiance or manipulation, but their earliest tool for agency. Framed as a selfhood struggle, not a power struggle, the conversation reframes constant refusal as a sign of healthy development. Parents will leave with clarity, reassurance, and simple ways to reduce battles while protecting connection and supporting their child’s growing sense of self.Send us a textSupport the showLinks to help you and me: To support the Podcast, Subscribe on Substack Get Jon’s Top Five Emotional Regulation Games Get Jon’s Book Punishment-Free Parenting Preorder Jon’s Children’s Book Set My Feelings Free Follow Whole Parent on Instagram, Tiktok, Facebook, Youtube

Get your Downloadable Christmas Scavenger Hunt HEREIn this short Christmas episode, Jon shares the five grounding practices his family turns to every year—small rituals that help kids feel anchored and connected when the excitement, overstimulation, and big feelings of the holiday season hit. Centered on the idea that “kids need something predictable to hold onto when everything else feels big,” this episode offers simple traditions you can use today to bring more calm, closeness, and delight into your home.Links to help you and me:To support the Podcast, Subscribe on SubstackGet Jon’s Top Five Emotional Regulation GamesGet Jon’s Book Punishment-Free Parenting Preorder Jon’s Children’s Book Set My Feelings FreeFollow Whole Parent on Instagram, Tiktok, Facebook, YoutubeSend us a textSupport the show

In this episode, Jon answers three real parent questions about clinginess — those “Velcro moments” when a child won’t let you leave the room and panic replaces logic. Through stories, brain science, and attachment research, he explores why clinginess is not a sign of overdependence, but a child’s way of saying “you are my safe person.”Parents will walk away with a clearer understanding of what clinginess really communicates, how to respond without reinforcing fear, and practical rituals that build connection, confidence, and emotional resilience.Send us a textSupport the showLinks to help you and me: To support the Podcast, Subscribe on Substack Get Jon’s Top Five Emotional Regulation Games Get Jon’s Book Punishment-Free Parenting Preorder Jon’s Children’s Book Set My Feelings Free Follow Whole Parent on Instagram, Tiktok, Facebook, Youtube

In this episode, Jon digs into the real reason transitions feel so “impossible” for kids — not because they’re being dramatic, but because shifting out of a moment they love can feel like a genuine shock to their system. Through stories, neuroscience, and deeply relatable parent questions, he explores why task-switching is so hard for developing brains and how a “satisfying end” can change everything. Listeners walk away with clarity, compassion, and concrete ways to support their child through the chaotic in-between moments without power struggles or guilt.Send us a textSupport the showLinks to help you and me: To support the Podcast, Subscribe on Substack Get Jon’s Top Five Emotional Regulation Games Get Jon’s Book Punishment-Free Parenting Preorder Jon’s Children’s Book Set My Feelings Free Follow Whole Parent on Instagram, Tiktok, Facebook, Youtube

In this episode, Jon unpacks why kids interrupt, especially in those moments when it “starts to feel disrespectful and chaotic” and you’re thinking, they’re old enough, they should know better. He breaks down what’s really happening in the developing brain around time, impulse control, and attachment, and why so many “rude” behaviors are actually bids for connection. Listeners walk away with a clearer understanding of what their child’s interruptions are telling them, plus practical, shame-free ways to set limits, protect conversations, and still help kids feel seen and important.Send us a textSupport the showLinks to help you and me: To support the Podcast, Subscribe on Substack Get Jon’s Top Five Emotional Regulation Games Get Jon’s Book Punishment-Free Parenting Preorder Jon’s Children’s Book Set My Feelings Free Follow Whole Parent on Instagram, Tiktok, Facebook, Youtube

In this episode, Jon answers three real parent questions about kids who shut down, melt down, or avoid trying altogether — the moments when, as one child put it, “I’d rather not try than be bad at it.” Through stories, neuroscience, and relatable examples, Jon offers a grounded way to understand the gap between a child’s stress limit and their skill limit, and why “new things are hard” becomes a life-changing mantra for both parent and child. Listeners walk away with clarity, compassion, and a more connected path forward for supporting kids in those tender I-can’t moments.Send us a textSupport the showLinks to help you and me: To support the Podcast, Subscribe on Substack Get Jon’s Top Five Emotional Regulation Games Get Jon’s Book Punishment-Free Parenting Preorder Jon’s Children’s Book Set My Feelings Free Follow Whole Parent on Instagram, Tiktok, Facebook, Youtube

Episode Summary Jon unpacks why kids often look “ungrateful” or overwhelmed during gift-heavy holidays—and why it has nothing to do with entitlement and everything to do with biology, routine disruption, and emotional overload. Through real parent questions, he explores what’s happening underneath the behavior, why forced gratitude backfires, and how parents can set expectations, model appreciation, and protect connection without trying to manufacture a perfect holiday moment. Listeners walk away with clarity, self-compassion, and grounded tools for approaching gift-giving in a healthier way. Send us a textSupport the showLinks to help you and me: To support the Podcast, Subscribe on Substack Get Jon’s Top Five Emotional Regulation Games Get Jon’s Book Punishment-Free Parenting Preorder Jon’s Children’s Book Set My Feelings Free Follow Whole Parent on Instagram, Tiktok, Facebook, Youtube

To support the podcast, head over to Substack and become a monthly or annual paid subscriber. It's the only way Jon gets paid for this. In this episode, Jon answers a parent’s question about neurodivergence and walks through how to think about kids who are more intense, more sensitive, or more easily overwhelmed. He breaks down what neurodivergence actually means, why some kids struggle more with regulation, and what parents can do to support them.Key Topics Covered• Why Some Kids Are More IntenseHe breaks down how sensitive nervous systems work, why some kids go from calm to meltdown quickly, and why this isn’t a discipline issue.• The Role of Executive FunctioningJon describes how executive functioning skills (flexibility, organization, handling transitions) often lag behind in neurodivergent kids — and why inconsistency is normal.• What Parents Can Actually DoPractical suggestions from the episode, including:Lowering stimulationCreating predictable routinesGiving kids more processing timeStaying regulated yourself so you can co-regulate with them• When to Consider an EvaluationJon briefly discusses how to know when an assessment might be helpful, and when it’s simply a matter of understanding your child’s wiring. Episode TakeawaySome kids aren’t trying to be difficult — their brain is working harder to manage everyday challenges. When parents understand this, they can respond with support instead of frustration.Send us a textSupport the showLinks to help you and me: To support the Podcast, Subscribe on Substack Get Jon’s Top Five Emotional Regulation Games Get Jon’s Book Punishment-Free Parenting Preorder Jon’s Children’s Book Set My Feelings Free Follow Whole Parent on Instagram, Tiktok, Facebook, Youtube

Subscribe on Substack to support the show!Buy Punishment-Free Parenting (Jon's book) nowIn today’s episode, Jon returns to the show’s original format—raw, unscripted, brain-based parenting questions—this time focused entirely on sibling dynamics. If you have more than one child (or plan to), this might be one of the most clarifying episodes you ever listen to.Inside this episode: Why kids compete… why they fight over nothing… why your nervous system spirals in the cross-fire… and the realistic brain-based tools parents can use to survive those hot-cold sibling dynamics without losing themselves.What We Cover1. Why Sibling Rivalry Is NormalKids don’t choose their siblings. They don’t choose their living arrangement. And unlike adult relationships, they can’t leave or create space.Jon unpacks why built-in competition, developmental limitations, and underdeveloped emotional regulation make conflict inevitable—and why none of this means anything is “wrong” with your family.2. Regulating Your Nervous System FirstListener Question: “How do I stay calm when their chaos instantly spikes my anxiety?” Jon explains:Why your body responds like it’s an emergencyWhy entering the conflict dysregulated makes the conflict worseThe power of taking 30–40 seconds before jumping inQuick grounding tools (breathing, sensory checks, tapping, internal scripts like “I’m safe, they’re safe, this is not an emergency”)How your energy sets the emotional temperature of the room This is one of those “if you remember nothing else, remember this” moments.3. Opposite Temperaments & Constant ClashingListener Question: “One kid is sensitive, one is impulsive—they constantly trigger each other. How do I help them get along?”Jon dives into:The difference between describing temperament vs prescribing itWhy comparison creates competitionWhy kids don’t need fewer shared moments—they need more positive momentsHow to create “positive association loops” in the sibling relationshipWhat it means to aim for 51% positive interactionsThis is less about fixing fights and more about building a foundation for lifelong friendship.4. Sharing Without MeltdownsListener Question: “Both of my kids fight over everything—even stuff they didn’t care about five minutes ago.”Jon covers:Why sharing is developmentally unnaturalSend us a textSupport the showLinks to help you and me: To support the Podcast, Subscribe on Substack Get Jon’s Top Five Emotional Regulation Games Get Jon’s Book Punishment-Free Parenting Preorder Jon’s Children’s Book Set My Feelings Free Follow Whole Parent on Instagram, Tiktok, Facebook, Youtube

If your mornings feel like a daily emotional avalanche, lost shoes, floppy limbs, scratchy socks, MELTDOWNS, you’re not alone. In this episode, Jon goes back to the original Whole Parent format and answers real listener questions about morning routines, meltdowns, and the brain science behind why kids fall apart at the exact same time every day.Instead of asking “What am I doing wrong?”, we flip the script: What if the problem isn’t you… it’s the lack of brutal predictability?Jon breaks down how kids’ underdeveloped executive function makes mornings uniquely hard—and how a simple, boring, repeatable routine can take the mental load off their brains and yours.In this episode, we cover:Why mornings are so hard for kids’ brains How an underdeveloped prefrontal cortex, weak time sense, and limited executive function make “getting out the door” way more complex for kids than it is for adults.The power of “brutally predictable” routines Why turning mornings into the same simple sequence every day (with visual aids, checklists, or songs) actually reduces meltdowns and resistance.How long it should really take to get out the house Jon’s 20-minute rule for shoes/coats/backpacks—and why building in buffer time makes you less likely to snap, rush, or bark orders.Connecting before correcting What to do in the first 3–5 minutes after kids wake up, and why a few minutes of cuddle + connection can change the whole morning.When your kid’s “routine” includes a meltdown How kids unconsciously bake the meltdown into the pattern—and how to replace that step with connection, play, or a job instead of power struggles.Brain-based hacks that actually feel doable Including:Turning the morning into a game instead of a battleGiving kids simple “jobs” that channel their energyThe “put the shoes to bed” trick to end the Great Shoe Hunt every morningListener questions in this episode:Nancy: “My 6-year-old wakes up slow and my 3-year-old wakes up fiery. No matter how early I start, we’re either late or someone is screaming. What am I doing wrong in our morning routine?”Dave: “Every morning falls apart at the exact same spot: shoes and coats. My 4-year-old goes floppy, my toddler zigzags half-dressed, and I feel my patience evaporate. How do I break this pattern without becoming the drill sergeant I swore I’d never be?”Anonymous (aka The Great Shoe Hunt): “Every single morning turns into a shoe hunt. One shoe is in the pantry, the other in the bathtub. Is there a brain hack for kiSend us a textSupport the showLinks to help you and me: To support the Podcast, Subscribe on Substack Get Jon’s Top Five Emotional Regulation Games Get Jon’s Book Punishment-Free Parenting Preorder Jon’s Children’s Book Set My Feelings Free Follow Whole Parent on Instagram, Tiktok, Facebook, Youtube