Learning to Life Without Training Wheels: Exploring Faith, Identity, and Emotional Maturity

Have you ever found yourself wondering, How can someone possibly believe that? Or maybe you've questioned your own beliefs after bumping up against someone else's certainty? You're not alone. In this episode, Tony Overbay, LMFT, dives into the complexities of perception, truth, and emotional maturity. He explores how individuals often encounter differing viewpoints—especially in today’s social media-driven world—and how those experiences can lead to frustration, confusion, and even self-doubt. Using concepts like Umwelt and the importance of distinguishing between objective facts and subjective experiences, Tony offers insight into how each person’s unique background and personal history shape the way they see and move through the world. Through personal stories and reflections, he emphasizes the power of curiosity, empathy, and openness in building real, meaningful connections. Tony also shares parts of his own professional and spiritual journey, including the impact of his faith crisis, and how discomfort can often become a catalyst for deep personal growth. He reflects on the therapist-client relationship, unpacking the balance between professional boundaries and genuine emotional connection. And as always, Tony encourages listeners to embrace curiosity, hold healthy boundaries, and continue showing up as their most authentic selves. 00:00 Introduction: The Frustration of Misunderstanding 02:11 Exploring the Concept of 'Truth' 03:08 Host Introduction and Social Media Presence 04:21 Personal Story: Spinal Surgery Experience 05:26 Diving into the Topic of 'Truth' and Perception 07:15 The German Concept of Umwelt 12:22 Faith Journeys and Personal Perceptions 14:41 Emotional Maturity and Sense of Self 27:53 Job Interviews and Authenticity 32:13 Case Study: Spiritual Expectations 35:42 Thriving Without Sleep 35:52 The Faith Crisis Hits 35:59 Understanding the Pendulum Swing 36:15 Unique Faith Journeys 37:06 Embracing Personal Growth 37:25 The Beauty of Diverse Faith Outcomes 37:48 Navigating Faith Deconstruction 38:42 The Reframe: Moving Forward 38:53 Faith in Yourself and God 39:06 Riding Without Training Wheels 39:31 Respecting Different Journeys 40:04 The Hero's Journey 40:21 Helping Others Through Faith Crisis 40:56 Developing a Strong Sense of Self 41:29 Working with Faith Leaders 42:03 Emotional Immaturity in Faith Communities 42:41 The Power of Parables 43:14 Unspoken Pressures in Religious Settings 43:44 The Hypothetical Couple: Jack and Jill 45:59 Humanistic Therapy Principles 47:46 Intermittent Reinforcement and Trauma Bonding 48:58 The Four Pillars of a Connected Conversation 50:57 Separating Observations from Judgments 56:25 The Therapist's Emotional Journey 58:06 The Paradox of Therapy 01:02:11 Navigating Discomfort in Relationships 01:04:20 Concluding Thoughts and Encouragement

Tony, a licensed marriage and family therapist, author, speaker, and podcast host, welcomes viewers to an engaging TikTok Live session. Joined by his daughter Mackie, Tony answers questions on various topics including relationships, mental health, and narcissism. They discuss the concept of the shadow self, the 'Let Them' theory, handling emotional triggers, and the importance of differentiation in relationships. Tony offers advice on dealing with controlling siblings, building clientele as a therapist, managing ADHD and its effects, and overcoming trust issues in relationships. They also touch on practical self-care tips and the journey of personal growth, using real-life examples and interactive discussions with their audience. 00:00 Welcome to TikTok Live 00:10 Introducing the Hosts 00:16 Engaging with Viewers 02:12 Discussing the Shadow Self 04:55 Exploring Family Dynamics 05:51 Romantic Relationships and Vulnerability 06:35 Understanding Emotional Reactions 08:07 Differentiation and Parental Influence 09:59 Setting Boundaries with Parents 10:47 The 'Let Them' Theory 15:20 Dealing with Emotional Regression 17:29 Navigating Breakups and Grief 20:43 Control and Mental Health 22:16 Book Recommendations for Couples 24:09 Making Small Changes for Big Impact 29:56 Managing Depression and Anxiety 31:43 Understanding and Accepting Anxiety 32:28 Facing Fears and Building Connections 33:43 Navigating Negative Environments 38:22 Inner Critic and Self-Acceptance 42:00 Challenges in Therapy and Relationships 01:01:59 Dealing with ADHD and Rejection Sensitivity 01:05:20 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

When Ashlee Boyson answered her door at age 28 to find detectives bearing unimaginable news—her husband murdered, an affair revealed—she became a widow with five children including a six-week-old baby. In this powerful episode of the Virtual Couch, Tony Overbay, LMFT, explores how this defining moment led Ashlee to become not just a survivor, but a guide for others navigating grief's complex terrain. Her groundbreaking book "One Day: A Child's Journey Through Grief and Loss," illustrated by her daughter Bostyn, takes a revolutionary approach by deliberately omitting facial expressions and colors—creating space for authentic emotions rather than prescribing how one "should" feel when grieving. Beyond the book, Tony and Ashlee dive into the messy truth of grief—how contradictory emotions can coexist, why well-intentioned comfort often invalidates emotional reality, and practical strategies for creating genuine healing. With moments of unexpected laughter amidst profound wisdom, they explore how Ashlee's journey led her to develop courses on infidelity and widowhood, practice foot zoning, and most importantly, help parents understand that there's no "right way" to grieve. Whether you're personally experiencing loss or supporting someone who is, this conversation offers a masterclass in compassionate presence and emotional intelligence that transcends age, making it essential listening for anyone seeking to process grief authentically. 00:00 Introduction and Announcements 01:35 Introducing Ashley Boyson 02:10 Ashley's Incredible Story 03:27 Ashley's Journey Through Grief 03:54 Discussing Ashley's New Book 12:04 The Healing Power of Foot Zoning 17:40 The Importance of Emotional Awareness 26:35 Addressing Children's Emotional Pain 27:06 Recognizing and Validating Emotions 27:45 Personal Experiences with Suppressed Emotions 28:52 Navigating Grief and Loss 30:33 Complex Emotions and Healing 31:30 The Importance of Open Communication 32:25 Balancing Past and Future Fears 34:11 Encouraging Emotional Expression in Children 35:51 Handling Grief Triggers 43:45 The Role of Truth in Healing 46:21 Final Thoughts and Resources

What happens when two first responders fall in love, face career, life, and faith crises, and embark on a radical journey of healing? How do couples navigate from survival mode to genuine connection after years of chaos and trauma? Tony welcomes Steph and Craig Salazar, the authentic couple behind the popular podcast "The Steph and Craig Show." What begins as a reunion of newfound friends quickly transforms into a profound exploration of relationship transformation, personal growth, and the messy beauty of healing together. Steph and Craig share their remarkable journey from meeting as a police officer and dispatcher to becoming relationship content creators who are changing lives through radical vulnerability. They don't hold back as they discuss the chaos of their early relationship—blending families, career crises, mental health struggles, and the imbalanced dynamics that nearly tore them apart. Listen as they reveal the pivotal moments that shifted their path: Craig's life-changing men's retreat that Steph secretly feared might end their relationship, Steph's breaking point in her dispatch career and her courageous pivot to follow her dreams, and how they both found healing through therapy, spiritual practices, and even psychedelic-assisted healing experiences. This conversation isn't about relationship experts who have it all figured out. It's about two people who've "taken the scenic route" through life's challenges, hitting every obstacle along the way, and discovering that true connection happens when we heal individually first. Whether you're facing relationship challenges, navigating career transitions, or doing your own healing work, this episode offers profound insights wrapped in genuine, heartfelt conversation. Steph and Craig's mission to create a mirror where others might see themselves and feel less alone in their struggles shines through every moment of this unforgettable discussion. Join Tony, Steph, and Craig for a conversation that proves we're all healing together—one vulnerable step at a time. The Steph and Craig Show is available at https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-steph-craig-show/id1742462702 or wherever you listen to podcasts, as well as on YouTube. You can find the episode that Tony references on their show at https://youtu.be/n_LiTO_nt5w?si=GAmnZF3rFdh7QPFH 00:00 Introduction and Welcome 01:07 Special Guests: Steph and Craig 01:49 The Transformative Podcast Episode 02:22 Authenticity and Vulnerability 03:35 The Journey of Steph and Craig 04:03 Career Transitions and Challenges 04:39 The Scenic Route to Healing 07:30 Magic and Connection 10:04 Meeting and Early Relationship 12:02 Navigating Careers and Personal Growth 22:28 Curiosity About Life Changes 23:32 Spiritual Awakening and Energy Healing 24:28 Journey with DreamPod and Financial Stability 25:44 Stephanie's Career Shift and Personal Growth 28:49 Balancing Masculine and Feminine Energies 33:19 Men's Retreat and Emotional Connection 44:12 Therapy and Healing Together 48:45 Current Focus and Future Plans **Show Notes:** - How Steph and Craig met in law enforcement and blended their families - The career crisis that sent Craig into depression and changed their trajectory - Why Steph thought sending Craig to a men's retreat might mean the end of their relationship - Their journey through energy healing, spiritual awakening, and finding authentic connection - How individual healing created the foundation for relationship transformation - The role of therapy, MDMA-assisted healing, and psychedelics in their growth - Their transition from couples coaching to content creation focused on vulnerability - Tony's reflections on masculine/feminine energy and the burdens in relationships **Keywords:** relationship transformation, healing, vulnerability, law enforcement trauma, men's work, couples therapy, psychedelic healing, content creation, authentic connection

Every couple starts their marriage journey with hearts full of hope and eyes bright with optimism. But what happens when the fairy tale meets reality? In this compelling episode of the Virtual Couch, marriage therapist Tony Overbay takes listeners on an intimate journey through the evolution of marriage, sparked by his observation of a young newlywed couple, Hannah and Cody, during a recent podcast interview. Drawing from over 20 years of experience as a marriage therapist, Tony bridges the gap between those magical early days and the complex reality that many couples face years into their marriage. He addresses the common refrain of "just wait until..." that many newlyweds hear, while offering hope and practical tools for couples at all stages of their relationship. Key insights include: - The power of intentional curiosity in long-term relationships - Why emotional maturity matters more than initial chemistry - The critical balance between self-care and partner care - How to maintain individual growth while nurturing your relationship - The four pillars of connected conversation that can transform your communication Tony shares vulnerable moments from his own 34-year marriage journey, demonstrating how the principles he teaches aren't just theoretical—they're battle-tested. He tackles the delicate balance between maintaining individual identity and building a strong partnership, offering practical insights for both newlyweds and seasoned couples. Whether you're basking in newlywed bliss like Hannah and Cody or navigating the complexities of a decades-long partnership, this episode provides a roadmap for understanding how to evolve together while maintaining the spark that brought you together in the first place. Tony's unique perspective helps couples understand that while change is inevitable in marriage, it doesn't have to mean growing apart—it can mean growing together in new and deeper ways. This episode is essential listening for: - Newlywed couples wanting to build a strong foundation - Long-term couples seeking to reconnect or deepen their bond - Anyone curious about the real journey from romantic love to lasting partnership - Couples wanting practical tools for better communication and understanding Join Tony as he unpacks these insights and more, offering both hope and practical strategies for couples at any stage of their marriage journey. Follow the Q&A Files Podcast on Spotify https://open.spotify.com/show/1k2Oh4rY9VCp1tVeu14dxk?si=a39537613900475b Apple Podcasts https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-q-a-files/id1730736061 or wherever you listen to podcasts. 00:00 Introduction and Podcast Overview 01:52 Reflecting on Marriage and Personal Experiences 03:42 The Importance of Communication in Relationships 05:42 Premarital and Newlywed Counseling Insights 06:59 Four Pillars of a Connected Conversation 11:15 Navigating Discomfort and Growth in Relationships 19:52 Intentionality and Integrity in Commitments 23:22 Embracing Change and Curiosity in Marriage 25:49 Expressing Authenticity 26:00 Navigating Online Dating 28:01 The Game of Emotional Immaturity 28:44 The Challenge of Authenticity in Dating 30:07 Saying 'I Love You' 32:38 Psychological Flexibility in Relationships 39:06 The Importance of Self-Care 42:56 Boundaries and Pathological Kindness 45:07 Choosing Love Daily 46:53 Conclusion and Future Topics

What happens when you walk face-first into a wall at the movies? For therapist Tony Overbay, it led to a deep discussion about relationships, self-worth, and the challenges of being true to yourself in a world that often demands conformity. In this engaging episode of The Virtual Couch, Tony is joined by his daughter Mackie for their regular Sunday night Q&A session. After sharing a humorous story about his movie theater mishap (complete with butterfly stitches), they dive into profound conversations about relationships, mental health, and personal growth. The episode explores the concept of "normal" versus "pathological" narcissism, with Tony breaking down Eleanor Greenberg's research on how healthy ego differs from defensive narcissism. They discuss how true confidence comes from actual accomplishments rather than a fragile facade of superiority. A significant portion focuses on the challenges of maintaining authenticity in relationships, particularly when dealing with emotional immaturity. Tony explains how many people lose themselves trying to make others happy, and the importance of choosing self-care first - not as an act of selfishness, but as a necessary foundation for genuine connection. The father-daughter duo tackles numerous listener questions, covering topics like: - Setting healthy boundaries versus giving ultimatums - The impact of being a "scapegoat" in family dynamics - Dealing with betrayal trauma and infidelity - The struggles of highly sensitive people (HSP) - Navigating relationships with emotionally immature partners - The challenges of being authentically yourself in a society that often rewards conformity Throughout the episode, Tony emphasizes the importance of differentiation - developing a strong but flexible sense of self while maintaining connections with others. He provides practical advice for listeners struggling with various relationship challenges, including resources for finding affordable therapy and support groups for those dealing with emotionally immature partners. The conversation weaves together clinical insights with personal experiences, creating an authentic and relatable dialogue that helps listeners understand they're not alone in their struggles. Tony and Mackie's natural rapport adds warmth and accessibility to complex therapeutic concepts, making them more digestible for a general audience. 00:00 Introduction and Setting the Scene 01:06 Super Bowl and Halftime Show Reactions 02:30 Movie Theater Mishap and Story Time 07:10 Relationship Dynamics and Self-Care 11:47 Understanding Narcissism and Healthy Ego 17:34 Questions from the Audience 41:14 Navigating the Online Dating World 41:50 The Struggle of Authenticity in Relationships 43:20 The Journey of Emotional Growth 47:22 Dealing with Narcissistic Relationships 53:54 The Importance of Setting Boundaries 01:11:12 Overcoming Trauma and Seeking Therapy 01:14:15 Confronting Relationship Challenges 01:19:59 Final Thoughts and Resources

Tony welcomes sisters Sarah Bailey and Karla Cragg, who share a passion for enhancing the social lives of individuals with autism. They introduce their Breaking Social Barriers PEERS program, an evidence-based social skills training course designed specifically for young adults on the autism spectrum. Their program is based on UCLA’s acclaimed PEERS treatment model, the only research-backed method proven to help young adults with autism form and maintain meaningful friendships. Sarah and Karla provide an inside look at their curriculum, which offers practical strategies for entering, maintaining, and exiting conversations—along with other essential social skills that set individuals up for success. They emphasize the importance of honoring autistic individuals' authenticity while equipping them with the social tools they may need. The conversation also explores key topics such as the differences between autism and highly sensitive person (HSP) traits, the impact of diagnosis and labeling, and the increasing demand for targeted social skills training. Tune in to discover how Sarah and Karla’s approach is making a profound difference in the lives of autistic individuals—whether formally diagnosed or self-identified. Learn more about their evidence-based programs at BreakingSocialBarriers.com. 00:00 Welcome to the Virtual Couch 01:11 Diving into Autism Awareness 02:22 Carla's Journey into Autism Education 05:31 Introducing the Peers Program 08:27 Navigating Social Skills for Young Adults 12:44 Understanding Autism and Neurodiversity 20:43 Navigating Social Interactions with High Functioning Autism 21:27 Teaching the Art of Trading Information 23:30 The Importance of Evidence-Based Social Skills Programs 25:18 Addressing Loneliness and Social Isolation 26:24 Course Structure and Content 29:43 Role Playing and Practical Applications 35:56 Enhancing Authentic Social Interactions 38:29 Conclusion and Contact Information

Have you ever been told you're 'too sensitive' or that you need to ‘get over it,’ or ‘don’t worry about it,’ but that only causes you to worry more, or feel less connected to others, or even yourself? Or have you been told that your sensitivity must mean you're on the autism spectrum? Or are you on the autisim spectrum and can you also identify with many of the characteristics of Highly Sensitive People? With over 2.2 million views and hundreds of comments on recent viral videos about Highly Sensitive People (HSPs), it's clear this topic strikes a nerve. Drawing from his experience working with both HSPs and individuals with ASD, Tony dives deep into why these distinct experiences are often confused - and why understanding the difference isn't just interesting, it's essential for creating a more empathetic world. Through viral video statistics, personal anecdotes, and real-world examples, he breaks down how HSPs (representing 15-20% of the population) and individuals with ASD navigate life differently. From sensory processing to social dynamics, discover why that deep emotional processing might actually be an evolutionary advantage rather than a disorder. Along the way, the discussion explores how ADHD and NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) intersect with these experiences. This episode provides crucial insights into recognizing, understanding, and supporting both HSPs and individuals with ASD. Whether questioning your own experiences or trying to better understand someone else's, listeners will find the clarity and validation they've been seeking. Perfect for anyone who's ever felt misunderstood about their sensitivity or confused about where they fit in the neurodiversity spectrum. Join Tony for an eye-opening discussion that might just change how you see yourself - or someone you love." 00:00 Welcome and Introduction 00:30 The Viral Video on Highly Sensitive People 01:04 Behind the Scenes: Social Media Stats 02:05 Addressing Misconceptions and Personal Insights 03:26 A Personal Anecdote: The Butterfly Bandage 04:12 Responding to Drive-By Comments 04:29 Understanding Highly Sensitive People (HSP) vs Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) 07:27 Story Time: Sarah and Michael's Interaction 18:57 The Evolutionary Purpose of High Sensitivity 21:39 Traits and Characteristics of Highly Sensitive People 29:17 Challenges Faced by Highly Sensitive People 33:59 The Importance of Curiosity and Understanding 35:30 Understanding Human Uniqueness 36:22 Fascinating Facts About Human Preferences 37:22 The Complexity of Sensitivity 39:20 Exploring Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) 40:49 Comparing HSP and ASD Sensory Experiences 54:50 Social Interactions: HSP vs. ASD 01:00:47 Nonverbal Communication Differences 01:04:26 Emotional Energy and Social Fatigue 01:08:05 Final Thoughts and Listener Engagement

Have you ever tried selling a grand piano on Facebook Marketplace? Our latest episode of the Q&A Files kicks off with some personal tales of downsizing and the hilarious adventures that come with it. Join us as Trisha Jamison, a board-certified functional nutritionist, and Tony Overbay, a licensed marriage and family therapist and seasoned podcaster from The Virtual Couch, and Waking Up To Narcissism, discuss these issues for Tony's podcast, The Virtual Couch. Trisha and Tony discuss emotional immaturity and narcissistic traits and offer a path to healthier relationships. We share our own journeys of growth and healing to show how. This episode delves into the challenges of navigating emotionally complex relationships and the power of validation. Whether dealing with resistance from a partner or unlocking the transformative potential of self-awareness, our candid discussions aim to provide fresh perspectives and practical strategies for listeners who might be walking similar paths. Join us next time as we discuss how to keep your relationships fresh by talking to a newlywed couple who are just as cute as can be! Follow the Q&A Files Podcast on Spotify https://open.spotify.com/show/1k2Oh4rY9VCp1tVeu14dxk?si=a39537613900475b Apple Podcasts https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-q-a-files/id1730736061 or wherever you listen to podcasts.

Are you tired of repeating the same relationship patterns? Whether it's constant worry about abandonment or a tendency to keep people at arm's length, these behaviors - known as attachment styles - aren't set in stone. In part one of this two-part series, therapist Tony Overbay examines the science of attachment theory, tracing its development from John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth's pioneering "Strange Situation" experiment to current research demonstrating how people can actually change their relationship patterns. Through clinical examples and accessible explanations, Tony breaks down how early experiences with caregivers create blueprints that influence adult relationships - and more importantly, why these patterns can evolve. Tony explains how understanding attachment style connects to emotional maturity and self-awareness. Listeners will learn about different attachment patterns, how they manifest in daily life, and why these early-developed patterns aren't a reflection of personal failure - they emerged before conscious choice was possible. This episode provides the foundation for a deeper exploration of attachment style change and relationship transformation. For anyone dealing with trust issues, abandonment fears, or struggles with emotional intimacy, the discussion offers concrete insights into becoming more secure in relationships. Part 2 will delve into specific strategies for building secure attachments and showing up differently in relationships. As Tony often says, "You're not broken, you're human" - and humans have a remarkable capacity for growth. 00:00 Welcome Back and New Beginnings 00:28 Understanding Narcissism and Emotional Maturity 02:05 Personal Struggles and Emotional Growth 04:40 Podcast Updates and Future Plans 06:59 Introduction to Attachment Theory 10:06 The Strange Situation Experiment 12:28 Attachment Styles and Their Impact 17:25 Early Childhood and Relationship Templates 21:04 Avoidant Attachment in Adulthood 22:07 The Painful Dance of Intimacy 23:52 The Role of Fathers in Attachment 24:37 Presence and Radiance: A Father's Influence 26:18 Emotional Safety and Consistency 29:31 Navigating Emotions and Independence 39:53 Challenges of Absent Fathers 44:12 Healing Attachment Wounds 44:33 Conclusion and Next Steps Find more from Tony Overbay: TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@virtualcouch Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/virtual.couch/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tonyoverbaylmft/ Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-virtual-couch/id1275153998 Website: https://www.tonyoverbay.com/ Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/virtualcouch To learn more about Tony's upcoming re-release of the Magnetic Marriage course, his Pathback Recovery course, and more, sign up for his newsletter through the link at https://linktr.ee/virtualcouch Available NOW: Tony's "Magnetic Marriage Mini-Course" is only $25. https://magneticmarriage.mykajabi.com/magnetic-marriage-mini-course Subscribe to Tony's latest podcast, "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A - Premium Podcast," on the Apple Podcast App. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/waking-up-to-narcissism-q-a/id1667287384 Go to http://tonyoverbay.com/workshop to sign up for Tony's "Magnetize Your Marriage" virtual workshop. The cost is only $19, and you'll learn the top 3 things you can do NOW to create a Magnetic Marriage. You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=bSWcEQ