5 Tips for New Stepmoms I Wish I Knew From Day One

Have you ever felt like the harder you try to be a good stepmom, the worse things seem to get? That was me in my first few years of stepfamily life. I tried to make the kids like me, stepped into authority too quickly, rearranged my entire life around our parenting schedule, and kept wondering why I still felt like I was failing. What I eventually learned is that I wasn't dealing with a lack of effort. I was trying to navigate a stepfamily using a first-family blueprint. Once I started digging into published stepfamily research and the academic work around stepfamily dynamics, so much of what I had been experiencing finally made sense. Those lessons, combined with my own lived experience, ultimately became part of the foundation for the Stepfamily Coach Academy. In Today's Episode, We're Talking About: •  Why trying too hard to make your stepkids like you can actually work against connection •  Why building a relationship needs to come before stepping into authority •  How treating your stepfamily like a first family can leave you feeling like you're constantly failing •  Why keeping your own life, understanding your role, and learning the actual research on stepfamilies can change everything If you're a newer stepmom looking for tips for new stepmoms, I hope this episode gives you something I desperately needed back then: proof that there really is a roadmap for this. Resources Mentioned: The 2026 Stepmom Summit: Out Loud → https://thestepmomsummit.com/We're LIVE September 14th-18th, 2026 with more than 30 experts talking about the parts of stepfamily life we need to start saying Out Loud!  Stepfamily Coach Academy → https://stepfamilycertification.com/    Want to understand stepfamily dynamics on a much deeper level or use what you've lived through to help other families? The Stepfamily Coach Academy brings together published research, the academic study of stepfamilies, practical frameworks, and lived experience to train the next generation of stepfamily coaches. If this episode made you think of another stepmom who is trying way too hard and wondering why it still isn't working, send it to her. And if you haven't already, subscribe and leave a review so more stepmoms can find the support they've been looking for. Love The Stepmom Diaries? Please consider rating and reviewing The Stepmom Diaries on Spotify or Apple Podcasts. Your feedback helps the show grow and reach more blended families who need honest conversations like this one.

Have you ever felt like people see you differently the second they find out you're a stepmom? The wicked stepmother stereotype has been around for centuries, showing up in fairy tales, movies, and cultural stories long before any of us stepped into this role. And even when no one says it out loud, that stereotype can quietly shape how other people see stepmoms and how stepmoms start seeing themselves. In this episode, Cameron unpacks the shame behind the wicked stepmother stereotype and the pressure so many stepmoms feel to prove they're loving enough, patient enough, helpful enough, or "good" enough to belong. She also explores what happens when that pressure turns into overfunctioning, shrinking in your own home, or staying silent about how hard stepfamily life can actually be. In this episode, you'll learn: • Why the wicked stepmother stereotype still affects modern stepmoms • How shame can show up as overfunctioning, shrinking, and silence • Why comparing yourself to your stepchild's biological mom puts you in a competition you were never supposed to enter • How to separate the cultural story about stepmoms from the truth about who you actually are   You did not break up a family simply by becoming part of one. And you do not have to spend your stepmom life proving that you deserve your place in it. Sometimes the first step is recognizing that the story you've been carrying was never yours to begin with.   Resources & Links •  Join us for the FREE 2026 Stepmom Summit: Out Loud, September 14th-18th. Five days of live conversations with 34 experts about the things stepmoms are often afraid to say out loud. Get your FREE ticket at:  https://thestepmomsummit.com/  •  Free Resource: 10 Essential Scripts for Stepmoms: https://stepfamilycertification.com/stepmom-scripts  If this episode hit home, share it with another stepmom who might still be trying to prove she isn't the villain in somebody else's story. And don't forget to follow The Stepmom Diaries so more stepmoms can find these conversations too.   Love The Stepmom Diaries? Please consider rating and reviewing The Stepmom Diaries on Spotify or Apple Podcasts. Your feedback helps the show grow and reach more blended families who need honest conversations like this one.

What does your stepchild actually need from you, even if they cannot put it into words? In this episode of The Stepmom Diaries, Cameron sits down with Robin Breuner, host of Step Stories: Thriving and Surviving Life in Blended Families, to talk about the stepmom and stepchild relationship from a perspective stepmoms do not often get to hear: the adult stepdaughter looking back. Robin shares what she wishes her own stepmothers had understood, what she now sees differently as an adult, and why giving stepchildren space to maintain their relationship with their biological parent can actually help build trust with a stepparent. In This Episode, You'll Learn: • What Robin wishes her stepmothers had understood about her behavior as a child • Why stepchildren may need one on one time with their biological parent, and why stepmoms should not take that personally • How stepmoms can become a safe adult without trying to replace a child's mother • Why education and realistic expectations matter before and during stepfamily life Resources Mentioned: • Learn more about Robin: https://robinbruner.com • Follow Robin on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/stepstoriespodcast/  • Ready to feel less alone in your stepfamily journey? Join thousands of stepmoms at the FREE 2026 Stepmom Summit for expert advice, real conversations, and practical tools to help you thrive. Register HERE for Free! • Free Resource: 10 Essential Scripts for Stepmoms: https://stepfamilycertification.com/stepmom-scripts Love The Stepmom Diaries? Please consider rating and reviewing The Stepmom Diaries on Spotify or Apple Podcasts. Your feedback helps the show grow and reach more blended families who need honest conversations like this one.

When Bio Mom Doesn't Like You: Dealing With a High Conflict Bio Mom There are some parts of becoming a stepmom you expect to be complicated. Your relationship with your partner's ex probably isn't one of them. But when you're dealing with a high conflict bio mom, suddenly someone outside your marriage can affect your schedule, your relationship with your stepchildren, and sometimes even how peaceful your own home feels. And if you're someone who is used to being liked? It can be especially hard to understand why this person seems determined not to like you. In this episode of The Stepmom Diaries podcast from 2021, Cameron talks about how stepmoms can navigate conflict with a biological mom without getting pulled deeper into the drama. She also shares one of her favorite communication strategies for high conflict situations: the BIFF method developed by Bill Eddy of the High Conflict Institute. In this episode, you'll learn: How to create healthier boundaries with a high conflict bio mom How the BIFF communication method can keep difficult conversations from escalating Why protecting kids from adult conflict and loyalty binds matters so much How to stop waiting for bio mom to like, approve of, or validate you One of the biggest shifts Cameron talks about is realizing that you do not have to convince your stepchildren's mom that you are a good person, a good partner, or a good stepmom. You can control your boundaries. You can control how you communicate. You can control the environment you help create inside your own home. You cannot control what she thinks about you. And sometimes accepting that is where the peace starts. Resources Mentioned in This Episode Get your FREE copy of my guide"10 Quick Tips To Dealing With Your Spouse's Ex" that you can download here: https://stepfamilycircle.com/high-conflict-ex-tips  Bill Eddy, of The High Conflict Institute, has some great resources to deal with high-conflict situations - both in blended families and in the workplace.  Another great resource is Stepmom Magazine - an online publication with the tagline, "Even when it's good, it's complicated." Join us for the 6th annual The Stepmom Summit: Out Loud happening LIVE and online Sept. 14-18, 2026.Get your FREE ticket HERE→ https://www.thestepmomsummit.com   Love The Stepmom Diaries? Please consider rating and reviewing The Stepmom Diaries on Spotify or Apple Podcasts. Your feedback helps the show grow and reach more blended families who need honest conversations like this one.

Have you ever felt like you have to be helpful enough, easygoing enough, or needed enough to truly earn your place in your stepfamily? Psychotherapist and bestselling author Terri Cole joins Cameron to explore how a father wound in stepmom life can quietly show up as overfunctioning, people pleasing, resentment, and the belief that everyone else's needs should come before your own. In this episode, you'll learn: Why high achieving, capable women can still carry a deep worthiness wound How overfunctioning and constantly putting yourself last can become your way of trying to belong How to tell when a difficult stepfamily situation may also be activating something from your past How stepmoms can help children feel seen, valued, and emotionally safe without trying to replace a parent Terri also shares her own experience becoming a stepmom to three teenage boys and why she believes stepmoms have to stop silently suffering, walking on eggshells, and waiting for someone else to give them permission to matter. Resources From This Episode Terri Cole's new book, Father Wound Learn more and preorder at fatherwoundbook.com. Terri also shares information there about her virtual Father Wound retreat for preorder customers. Connect with Terri Cole Find Terri, her work, podcast, upcoming appearances, and more at terricole.com. The Stepmom Summit Terri is returning as a speaker for the 2026 Stepmom Summit. Get your free ticket at thestepmomsummit.com. Love The Stepmom Diaries? Please consider rating and reviewing The Stepmom Diaries on Spotify or Apple Podcasts. Your feedback helps the show grow and reach more blended families who need honest conversations like this one.  

The Stepmom Summit is back for its 6th year, and this year we're going Out Loud. Join Cameron Normand and more than 30 stepfamily and relationship experts, including Patricia Papernow, Terri Cole, Jamie Scrimgeour, and Casey and Meygan Caston of Marriage365, for five days of real conversations, practical support, and answers to the questions stepmoms are actually asking. The Stepmom Summit is completely FREE, 100% virtual, and 100% LIVE, which means you can join from anywhere and ask the experts your questions in real time. Find your voice. Take your place. Make no apologies. Register free now at www.thestepmomsummit.com

What happens when you have an ours baby in a blended family and suddenly one child is staying home while their siblings leave for another house? In this episode of The Stepmom Diaries, Cameron sits down with Morgan Lindahl and Amanda Gonzales, two moms and stepmoms who created a resource specifically for the children in blended families who stay behind when their siblings transition between homes. Morgan shares how becoming a biological mom changed the way she saw herself as a stepmom and gave her a new perspective on her stepchildren, their mom, and the emotions that come with moving between two homes. Amanda brings both her personal experience and her background as a children's therapist to the conversation, including why predictability and consistency can look very different in a blended family. They also talk about something that does not get nearly enough attention: what life feels like for an "ours" baby in a blended family when their brothers or sisters leave. For some kids, transition day means suddenly going from a full house to being the only child at home, and those repeated goodbyes can bring some very big feelings. In this episode, you'll learn: How having an ours baby can change your identity and confidence as both a mom and stepmom Why sibling transitions can be especially emotional for the child who stays behind How to create connection and security when blended family schedules are constantly changing Why intention and self compassion matter when you cannot make every transition feel easy Morgan and Amanda also share the story behind their book, How Many More Days?!, which was created to help children process the goodbyes, waiting, and reunions that come with having siblings who live between two homes. Resources Mentioned Learn more about Morgan and Amanda's work and Pre-order a copy of the book, How Many More Days?! & get their 25 Transition Day Rituals download for FREE! Simply add both products to your cart and use the code: STEPMOMDIARIES  https://forthekidswhostay.com  Follow Amanda & Morgan on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/forthekidswho.stay/ The Stepmom Summit: Out Loud  Sept. 14-18, 2026. Morgan and Amanda will be joining Cameron at The Stepmom Summit to continue the conversation about ours babies and blended family dynamics. Get your FREE ticket HERE: https://www.thestepmomsummit.com Get our free Stepmom Scripts Guide with real-life scripts for common stepfamily conversations: https://stepfamilycertification.com/stepmom-scripts   Love The Stepmom Diaries? Please consider rating and reviewing The Stepmom Diaries on Spotify or Apple Podcasts. Your feedback helps the show grow and reach more blended families who need honest conversations like this one.  

When sex starts feeling like one more thing on the to do list, it is easy to assume something is wrong with your relationship. But often, what is happening in the bedroom has a lot more to do with what is happening outside of it. In this episode, I sit down with marriage coaches and Marriage365 founders Meygan and Casey Caston for an honest conversation about intimacy in marriage, sex, resentment, mismatched desire, and why couples need to actually talk about the things they would rather avoid. For stepmoms, this conversation hits especially close to home. Blended family life can come with stress, complicated schedules, parenting conflict, emotional exhaustion, and resentment that slowly chips away at connection between partners. Meygan and Casey share practical ways couples can rebuild trust and intimacy, including why scheduling sex might actually help your relationship instead of hurting the romance. In this episode, you'll learn: • Why intimacy in marriage starts with trust, not sex • How resentment outside the bedroom can affect connection inside it • Why scheduling sex can actually create more anticipation and intimacy • How couples with mismatched sex drives can stop keeping score and start communicating They also break down their four Fs of a healthy sex life: foreplay, frequency, feelings, and fun, and share a simple way to start a conversation about sex with your partner without making it awkward or confrontational. If intimacy has started getting pushed to the bottom of the list, this episode is a reminder that connection rarely happens because you magically find the time. Sometimes you have to intentionally make it. Resources Mentioned Check out Marriage365.com The Marriage Habit by Meygan and Casey Caston Ready to feel less alone in your stepfamily journey? Join thousands of stepmoms at the FREE 2026 Stepmom Summit for expert advice, real conversations, and practical tools to help you thrive: https://thestepmomsummit.com/  Free Resource: 10 Essential Scripts for Stepmoms: https://stepfamilycertification.com/stepmom-scripts The Stepmom Diaries Podcast: Ep 96. A Better Marriage Starts With A Better You, with Casey & Megan Caston   Love The Stepmom Diaries? Please consider rating and reviewing The Stepmom Diaries on Spotify or Apple Podcasts. Your feedback helps the show grow and reach more blended families who need honest conversations like this one.

Have you ever left therapy feeling heard, but not truly understood? Maybe you were told to be more patient, create more family togetherness, present a united front, or step up and discipline your stepchildren. You followed the advice, and somehow things got even harder. That does not mean you failed. In this episode of The Stepmom Diaries, Cameron explains why therapy for stepfamilies can go sideways when professionals apply advice designed for first families to blended families. Most therapists are not given meaningful training in stepfamily dynamics during graduate school or through continuing education. As a result, even a skilled and caring therapist may be working from the wrong family map. Cameron breaks down the gap between what research tells us about stepfamilies and what actually reaches the professionals supporting them. She also shares four practical questions you can ask to determine whether a therapist understands how stepfamilies really work. In this episode, you will learn: • Why traditional family therapy advice can make stepfamily challenges worse • How stepfamily relationships develop differently from relationships in first families • Four questions to ask a therapist about their stepfamily training and approach • What a healthy and realistic stepparent and stepchild relationship can look like The goal is not to criticize therapy or convince you to leave a therapist you trust. It is to help you recognize whether your family is receiving advice that reflects the research on stepfamily development. You are not failing because advice created for a different kind of family did not work for yours. You may simply need a therapist who understands the unique structure, pace, and challenges of stepfamily life. Resources Mentioned Upgrade your bedtime with Cozy Earth's temperature-regulating bamboo sheets and pajamas, and use code STEPMOMDIARIES at CozyEarth.com for up to 20% off. Patricia Papernow's research and clinical work on stepfamily development Todd Jensen's research on stepfamilies and the gap between research and professional practice Patricia Papernow's clinical book for professionals working with stepfamilies Stepfamily Solutions and its evidence-based approach to stepfamily coaching Ready to feel less alone in your stepfamily journey? Join thousands of stepmoms at the FREE 2026 Stepmom Summit for expert advice, real conversations, and practical tools to help you thrive: https://thestepmomsummit.com/

If you are a stepmom, you know how loud the guilt can get and how quiet you may have learned to be. But with 14 million stepmoms in America, you have never been as alone as it feels. The 6th annual Stepmom Summit is back September 14 through 18, 2026, and this year's theme is Out Loud. It is time to find your voice, take your place, and live your life loud and proud. This free, 100% virtual and 100% live event features more than 30 speakers sharing honest conversations, practical tools, and real support for stepmoms. You will also have the opportunity to ask speakers your questions in real time. Join the waitlist now and be first in line when registration opens August 24. Visit www.thestepmomsummit.com to get on the waitlist.