Ep 20. You Don't Have to Become Unrecognizable Before You Leave

  ***PSST, NO EPISODE NEXT WEEK SEPTEMBER 10, WE WILL BE BACK SEPTEMBER 17 IN LIGHT OF LABOR DAY*** In this episode, we chat: Why being comfortable and confident setting boundaries with other people might start with getting better at telling yourself no—and what your day-to-day choices can teach you about saying no when letting things slide, minimizing the severity of an issue, or simply going along with it feels like... the easier option. What you'll learn in this episode: Why setting boundaries is about more than knowing what to say—and how the way you manage your impulses and emotions in everyday life can show up, positively or negatively, in the boundaries you set with others. What it looks like to tell yourself no when yes is still an option, and why being able to do something doesn't always mean it's in your best interest to do it. How to actually begin building the muscle to hold boundaries with others without the guilt, mind-spiraling, and preoccupation with how they will receive what you say. Book recommendation mentioned: Nonviolent Communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg, PhD IG: @clearernotlouder

In this episode, we chat: Why you should consider yourself—and the things you're drawn to—interesting and worth paying attention to, not just other people, and how uncovering the unique perspectives God has placed within you connects to the purpose over your life. What you'll learn in this episode: What the people you consider "interesting," "unique," and "cool" are doing differently that causes them to stand out—and why it's not what you think. How dropping performance and developing your own unique point of view around your interests can make you far more interesting than trying to be interesting. How the things you're naturally drawn to and curious about tell a story about the gifts and skills the Lord has equipped you with for the purpose & assignment over your life. IG: @clearernotlouder

In this episode, we chat: The FINE line between what it's like to have a connection-- a friendship, a relationship etc-- with someone who is delighted to learn the ins and outs of you and someone who... wants to relate to you on their terms What you'll learn in this episode: What it looks like when you make a decision to no longer FIGHT and adjust yourself in order to be seen. The difference between being mindful about how you communicate to someone and changing who you are to sustain the connection-- adapting vs. self-sacrificing. Why someone NOT taking the time to know the ins-and-outs and quirky little facts about you does not mean you're not worth getting to know deeply-- they might just not be... for you ESPECIALLY if you're a whimsical and curious girly. IG: @clearernotlouder

In this episode, we chat: How to stay CLEAR AND FIRM on what you know, want, and believe when someone else's pressure or reactions challenge your boundaries, values and opinions. What you'll learn in this episode: Why a friendly "come onnn" after you've already said no is worth paying attention to—and how easily a decision can become a negotiation you never agreed to have. Why someone telling you all about who they're going to be can distract you from paying attention to who they're showing you they are right now. How dramatic reactions and "well, what about you?" arguments can leave you questioning a choice you were perfectly clear about five minutes ago—and what that can tell you about your discernment. IG: @clearernotlouder

In this episode, we chat: The fine line between someone loving you and someone loving who they ARE and who they BECOME around you. What you'll learn in this episode: Why someone can genuinely enjoy being around you—and still be more attached to how they feel with you than to who you actually are. How to recognize the difference between someone who values you for your utility and someone who remains invested in you as a person. The subtle difference between someone who carries your company and someone who carries your story—and why one leaves you feeling familiar, while the other leaves you feeling deeply known. IG: @clearernotlouder

In this episode, we chat: Why it's high time you stop giving everyone but *yourself* the benefit of the doubt when something is off with that friendship, that job, that relationship etc. What you'll learn in this episode: • Why the benefit of the doubt becomes expensive when you're the only one paying for it. •  Why grace needs... discernment and why you don't have to overextend yourself under the guise of "giving the benefit of the doubt" • Why assuming everyone would handle a situation the way you would might be keeping you from seeing the truth (because yes, even though you think they would NEVER... they might just) IG: @clearernotlouder

In this episode, we chat: Why you don't have to wait until you are a shell of yourself, hanging on a thread, practically on life support to leave or change your boundaries in that friendship, relationship, job, or business partnership. What you'll learn in this episode: • The difference between sacrificing yourself and making a willful sacrifice that doesn't steal from you • Recognizing when to say WHEN... early, rather than waiting until you are completely exhausted and unrecognizable to make a decision for yourself • Why noticing that something is... off over and over again—and having an internal WAR with yourself about it—might just be enough. IG: @clearernotlouder

In this episode, we chat: Staying in a relationship, job, career, or friendship longer than you planned because of the investment of....time even when you're stressed, unhappy, and dissatisfied and... how to gain the courage to choose different. What you'll learn in this episode: • The sunk-cost fallacy and what you might be doing early on that causes you to stay even when you're questioning the relationship, the friendship, the business, or the job. • Why your pride might actually be keeping you in that relationship, job, career, or friendship-- NOT embarrasment, fear of what people may think, or the investment of "time". • You don't have to endure and survive a job, a friendship, or a relationship-- and nearly fall apart and lose your mind in the process-- just because they have *some* good traits that you enjoy amongst all the alarming ones. IG: @clearernotlouder

In this episode, we chat: That moment when you're getting to know a friend, someone you're dating, a new workplace, someone you are considering collaborating with and you feel something is... off. You can't put your finger on it, but something isn't... right. But are you overthinking it? Are you being judgemental? Should you just... wait and see?  What you'll learn in this episode: • Why whimsical, optimistic girls often overthink a situation that they usually... are right about the first time. • The importance of leaning into your God-given discernment when it comes to clocking when something is... off. • How wondering if you're overthinking what you're seeing may actually be a sign that you struggle with trusting your own perception and... what to do about it. IG: @clearernotlouder

In this episode, we chat: Embarrassment-- it has a bad reputation. Let's fix that. This week, we introduce a fresh perspective on confidence, embarrassment, and why your willingness to look a little foolish may be one of your greatest assets. What you'll learn in this episode: • The relationship women with a strong sense of agency and confidence have with embarrassment compared to those with lower self-esteem. • The relationship between pride and your capacity to experience embarrassment—and how both influence your willingness to pursue success. • How your capacity to experience embarrassment impacts your ability to fulfill God's purpose and assignment for your life. IG: @clearernotlouder