Why Grit Isn’t Enough to Get What You Want | Angela Duckworth

Your pain will keep pushing you until a bigger vision starts pulling you instead. Not the vague, hopeful kind either, but the gut-level knowing that there’s more waiting for you than the life you’ve been tolerating. Most people never feel that pull until the pain gets loud enough to force it. Michael Beckwith knows that shift intimately. Long before he became the founder of Agape International Spiritual Center, the global spiritual community he’s led since its first Sunday service in 1986, he was an agnostic revolutionary who spent his early twenties trying to talk Christians out of their faith. Then came a dream where three men held him down and drove a knife into his heart, and he woke up inside a wave of presence and love so overwhelming he spent the next four decades trying to help other people find their way back to it. These days he’s walking through his own separation, from a marriage that began in 2000, and he refuses to call either of his marriages a failure. He calls them both successful, because love that changes shape isn’t love that disappeared. That kind of honesty runs through the whole conversation, including his mother’s sudden death and how quickly he chooses to forgive. You’ll hear him explain where racism actually comes from and why mediocrity always attacks excellence the moment you start to grow. He also leaves you with the three truths he’d want you to carry if everything else he ever said disappeared, starting with this: give away more than you take before you go. Prosperity, Plenitude & Infinite Possibilities Life Visioning: A Transformative Process for Activating Your Unique Gifts and Highest Potential 40 Day Mind Fast Soul Feast: A Guide to Soul Awakening and Inner Fulfillment The Answer Is You Spiritual Liberation: Fulfilling Your Soul's Potential Michael's Instagram Michael's Facebook In this episode you will: Discover how a near-death dream reoriented an atheist revolutionary into a spiritual founder Reframe two “failed” marriages as two successful ones by redefining what a relationship is for Recognize why mediocrity attacks excellence, and stop shrinking to keep others comfortable Overcome the shame of teaching principles you're still struggling to live yourself Distinguish crisis from insight as the two paths people use to grow into their purpose For more information go to https://lewishowes.com/1979 More SOG episodes we think you’ll love! Get More From Lewis! Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

You get good at whatever you practice, and most of us have quietly mastered waiting.Kier Gaines knows what that waiting costs. He's a licensed therapist who grew up in a rough DC neighborhood never expecting to see 21, and now spends his sessions untangling why people freeze right before the moment they've prepared for actually arrives.He walks you through the difference between blame and responsibility, and why anger can feel like armor until it quietly becomes the thing holding you back. You'll hear why self-victimization can feel like the safest story to tell yourself, even when it's the one keeping you stuck.His new book, “It All Starts When You Do,” pushes back on the idea that healing has a finish line. He talks about interrogating his own beliefs instead of protecting them, and why letting his daughters struggle a little now and then might be the most loving thing he does as a father.By the end, you'll be sitting with his simplest, hardest question: how much is actually enough, and what would it feel like to stop waiting for a perfect moment that was never coming anyway?Pre-order It All Starts When You DoKier on InstagramIn this episode you will:Trace how childhood anger shifts from a protective “sword and shield” into a limiting anchor, and what it takes to finally release itUnpack why self-victimization feels more natural to the brain than accountability, and reclaim your own agency insteadConfront the excuse of “waiting for the perfect moment” and recognize the fear that's really driving your inactionSeparate who you are from what you've done so a single failure stops defining your identityProcess survivor's guilt without letting it block your own joy, peace, and abundanceClose the gap between who you say you are and how you actually show up, using consistent action to build self-trustFor more information go to https://lewishowes.com/1978More SOG episodes we think you’ll love! Get More From Lewis! Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Angela Duckworth, the psychologist who made “grit” a household word, sat down with Lewis and confessed something her research almost missed. Effort alone doesn’t build a great life. The situation you’re in does, and no one shapes that situation more than the person you marry. She traces it back to her own mother, a gifted painter who gave up her art for fifty years married to a man who walked past her paintings without a word.Then Angela goes further, into a marriage crisis she and her husband Jason never talked about publicly. Both of them were try-harder people who worked themselves into misery during the 2008 crash, until Angela told him on a walk that she cried every night and didn’t want to be married anymore. What saved them wasn’t more grit. It was therapy, three therapists between two people, and a willingness to change the situation instead of just pushing through it.Lewis matches her story with his own, requiring therapy before he’d even commit to dating Martha, because every past relationship had only gone to therapy once it was already collapsing. Angela ties it back to the Pygmalion effect. Your confidence is borrowed from the people who believe in you before you believe in yourself.By the end you’ll want to look around at your own life and ask who’s actually bringing out your best. Angela’s mother didn’t paint again until her husband died. Now, at 91, she paints every day.Situated: Find the People and Places That Bring Out Your BestGrit: The Power of Passion and PerseveranceAngela's InstagramAngela's LinkedInAngela's FacebookIn this episode you will:Discover why proximity, not just grit, determines whether your effort ever pays offLearn how changing your situation, not trying harder, rescued a marriage on the brink of divorceRecognize the fundamental attribution error and why the power of situation is invisible until you name itChallenge the shame around therapy and see how it can rebuild a struggling relationshipUncover the Pygmalion effect and how others' belief in you shapes your own confidenceFor more information go to https://lewishowes.com/1977More SOG episodes we think you’ll love! Get More From Lewis! Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

80% of people feel stuck in their own lives right now, and it has nothing to do with willpower. Dr. Katy Milkman, author of How to Change and professor at Wharton, breaks down why status quo bias and sunk cost thinking keep us glued to relationships, jobs, and habits that stopped working long ago. She explains the fresh start effect, why moments like Mondays, birthdays, and new zip codes actually rewire our motivation, and why waiting for a bigger breakdown might be costing you years. You will hear how she turned a dreaded gym habit into something she craved just by pairing it with Harry Potter audiobooks, and why a Google experiment on exercise proved that flexible backup plans beat rigid discipline every single time. She also gets honest about her own struggle with work life balance, choosing late night work over time with her five year old, and what she is doing to change that pattern right now. If you have ever broken a promise to yourself and felt the confidence drain out of you a little more each time, this conversation hands you the science to forgive yourself and start again smarter. Katy walks through commitment devices, temptation bundling, and the exact if then plans researchers use to make change stick long after the motivation fades. How to Change: The Science of Getting from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be Dr. Katy’s website and newsletter In this episode you will: Diagnose the exact barrier, impulsivity, procrastination, forgetting, or low confidence, that’s keeping you stuck, and match it to the right fix Harness the Fresh Start Effect to launch new habits at moments that actually stick, not just January 1st Turn dreaded tasks into cravings using temptation bundling, like pairing workouts with audiobooks you can’t put down Build flexibility into your goals with Marissa Sharif’s emergency reserve strategy so a missed day doesn’t derail your progress Reframe big numbers into small daily wins, using the Acorns savings study, to make saving or goal-setting feel effortless Recover from failure faster by understanding why rigidity, not lack of willpower, is what really breaks habits For more information go to https://lewishowes.com/1976 More SOG episodes we think you’ll love! Get More From Lewis! Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

The version of you who thinks debt is the enemy has never heard it explained this way. Sharran Srivatsaa went from dumpster-diving for food his first week of college to running Acquisition.com alongside Alex and Layla Hormozi, and the money rules he lives by now would sound insane to the kid who once got mugged for $100 within seven hours of landing in America. He talks about the ratchet clause that quietly shrank a $47 million payout down to under $5 million, and why that single contract mistake sent him to business school and Wall Street to learn the language money is actually written in. You will hear why he thinks money loves speed but wealth loves time, why every goal needs an actual plan instead of a wish, and why the four money monsters (inflation, taxes, interruption, fees) are quietly eating your future more than any bad investment ever could. He also gets honest about losing a million dollars to a con artist who vanished three days after cashing his check, and the four questions he now asks before trusting anyone with his money again. This one will change how you think about your 401k, your credit card, and the number you have been waiting to hit before you finally feel free. Press play and start rewriting your own rules about money today. Acquisition Sharran's Website Sharran's Youtube Instagram Facebook In this episode you will: Discover the “four goods” framework (good people, good intentions, good rationale, good contracts) for vetting any partner or deal before you sign Rewire the belief that debt is inherently bad and learn how to use it strategically to build financial freedom Climb Sharran's Wealth Ladder and Golden Stairways models to turn a first income stream into lasting, passive wealth Guard against the Four Money Monsters, inflation, taxes, interruption, and fees, that quietly erode your returns Apply the Past-Present-Future and Context-Issue-Risk-Steps frameworks to make sharper, faster money decisions For more information go to https://lewishowes.com/1975 More SOG episodes we think you’ll love! Get More From Lewis! Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

That chest pain you can't explain, that anger that fires before you can think, that heart you've quietly sealed off since someone broke it. There might be a reason it's still there. Dr. Bradley Nelson spent 18 years as a chiropractor, and what kept showing up led him to a wild realization: about 90% of the physical pain he saw traced back to emotions his patients never fully processed. Anger, grief, and guilt don't just disappear when we bury them, he says. They get trapped in the body, distort its energy, and quietly run the show. About a decade in, he started building a method around what he was seeing: The Emotion Code — and has spent the last 20 years certifying more than 17,000 practitioners in 108 countries. He talks about the “heart wall,” an invisible barrier that around 93% of people build without knowing it, and how taking it down has helped people fall in love, heal from depression, and let go of pain they'd carried for decades. Lewis shares his own story too, a years-long ache in his chest that finally released in a single, almost electric moment during deep therapy work. This one will make you rethink every “unexplainable” symptom, every instant overreaction, every wall you've built without realizing it. You'll walk away wondering what you might be storing, and what could shift the moment you finally let it go.Watch The Emotion Code in Action FREE The Heart Code: The Breakthrough Method to Open Your Heart and Transform Your Life The Body Code: Unlocking your body’s ability to heal itself Emotion Code: How to Release Your Trapped Emotions for Abundant Health, Love and Happiness Free Healing Course Discover Healing Website Dr. Bradley's Instagram Dr. Bradley's Facebook In this episode you will: Uncover why 90% of chronic physical pain traces back to trapped emotional baggage rather than the body itself Identify a Heart-Wall, the invisible barrier 93% of people carry that blocks love, health, and abundance without their knowledge Learn the Emotion Code and Body Code frameworks for locating and releasing inherited and personal trapped emotions Dismantle the belief in unworthiness that quietly sabotages relationships, success, and self-expression Discover how muscle testing taps into the subconscious mind to reveal hidden emotional causes behind pain and behavior Recognize real cases of instant healing, from vanishing rage to eliminated chronic pain, once trapped emotions are cleared For more information go to https://lewishowes.com/1974 More SOG episodes we think you’ll love! Get More From Lewis! Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Your body is talking to your brain constantly, telling it either 'I'm safe' or 'I'm not safe.' The posture you default to when no one's watching might be the thing keeping you stuck. Amy Cuddy, the social psychologist behind one of the most-watched TED Talks ever, sat down to unpack what actually builds confidence when the world feels unstable. She talks about the difference between faking it and becoming it, why imposter syndrome hits 75-85% of people, and why the bullies who came after her post-TED fame taught her more about personal power than the research ever did. You'll hear about the exact breathing pattern she uses before high-stakes moments, the simple writing exercise that beats any pep talk, and why she thinks reframing anxiety as excitement changes everything. There's also a story about a nurse named Alex Wubbels who got thrown against a wall for doing the right thing, and what that taught Amy about the kind of bravery that has no glory attached to it. This conversation will make you rethink every time you've shrunk yourself to avoid being noticed. Sit up straight, not for anyone else, but because you deserve the respect you keep giving away. Bullied: The Culture of Cruelty and the Surprising Power of Social Bravery Presence: Bringing Your Boldest Self to Your Biggest Challenges Amy’s website Amy on Instagram Amy on LinkedIn Amy’s TED Talk In this episode you will: Reclaim your sense of personal power using postural feedback and 4-7-8 breathing before high-stakes moments Rewrite the self-doubt that keeps you silent by practicing self-affirmation theory rooted in your core values Transform pre-performance anxiety into excitement using Alison Wood Brooks's reframing research Discover why bumblers earn more trust than pointers when things go wrong in public Overcome imposter syndrome by shifting focus from how you're judged to how you can serve others Draw the line between confidence and arrogance so self-belief fuels you instead of blinding you For more information go to https://lewishowes.com/1973 More SOG episodes we think you’ll love! Get More From Lewis! Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

That feeling when a small comment ruins your entire day? There's actually a name for it, and it's not a character flaw. Dr. Sasha Hamdani is a board certified psychiatrist and ADHD specialist who spent years thinking something was fundamentally wrong with her before she connected the dots between her emotions and her ability to function. She was diagnosed with ADHD in fourth grade but her parents never told her, calling her medication a “vitamin” until she found out by accident in medical school, mid breakdown, after a grade crash she couldn't explain. In this conversation she breaks down why ADHD is genetic rather than trauma driven, why women are diagnosed on average at 35 instead of childhood, and why so many get handed antidepressant after antidepressant for the wrong diagnosis. She also opens up about rejection sensitive dysphoria, the moment her father's sudden death taught her that unregulated emotion can shut down your whole life, and the years she spent secretly dating her now husband while terrified of rejecting her family's expectations. If you've ever felt like your emotions hijack your entire day, or you've been told to just calm down when your whole nervous system feels like it's on fire, this one will change how you see yourself. Pre-Order Too Sensitive: Rejection, Resilience, and the Science of Feeling Deeply Self-Care for People with ADHD: 100+ Ways to Recharge, De-Stress, and Prioritize You! Dr. Hamdani Instagram In this episode you will: Distinguish real ADHD from anxiety, trauma, and depression so you stop cycling through the wrong diagnosis and medications Uncover why women are diagnosed with ADHD nearly three decades later than men, and what that misdiagnosis actually costs Recognize Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) as a neurological response, not a character flaw, so you can finally make sense of overwhelming emotional pain Replace well-meaning but harmful advice like “just calm down” with language that actually helps someone spiraling from rejection Transform deep sensitivity into a genuine strength instead of a source of shame Build emotional regulation habits early so grief, rejection, and stress stop hijacking your ability to function For more information go to https://lewishowes.com/1972 More SOG episodes we think you’ll love! Get More From Lewis! Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

You can't manifest a new life while you're still living inside an old identity. Transformational coach and hypnotherapist Jim Curtis has worked with entrepreneurs and public figures on the pattern behind their stuck points. He calls it release, align, become, a framework built to break the subconscious programming running your life. It starts with forgiveness. Not the version where you forgive everyone else. The version where you look yourself in the mirror and say I'm sorry first. Your subconscious can't build a life it doesn't believe you deserve. Chase the money or the relationship hard enough without changing the belief underneath it, and it finds a way to hand it back. This episode gets into imposter syndrome in high achievers, the Three Gs of grounding, giving, and gratitude, and the exact prayer Jim uses to settle his own fear. You'll want a mirror by the end of it. Pre-order Jim's New Book: The Book of Possibility The Stimulati Experience: 9 Skills for Getting Past Pain, Setbacks, and Trauma to Ignite Health and Happiness Jim's Website Jim on Instagram In this episode you will: Learn the release, align, become framework Jim Curtis uses to help people rewire their identity and finally get unstuck Discover why forgiving yourself first, using the Ho'oponopono prayer, can unlock what years of goal setting couldn't  Understand the Three Gs, grounding, giving, and gratitude, and why Jim says they're the real key to receiving wealth Recognize the confidence gap and imposter syndrome that quietly runs even the most outwardly successful people Explore how a hidden subconscious belief will sabotage your success until you release the identity behind it For more information go to https://lewishowes.com/1971 More SOG episodes we think you’ll love! Get More From Lewis! Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

The reason your kid melts down over a puzzle has nothing to do with the puzzle. It's about whether they've ever been shown that frustration is survivable instead of something to run from. Dr. Becky Kennedy, a clinical psychologist who spent years teaching parents the textbook model built on timeouts and sticker charts, once stopped mid-session with a paying couple and told them she no longer believed what she was teaching them. That moment of honesty became the seed of Good Inside. She walks through the three lines she leans on with her own kids in almost any hard moment, starting with letting them know she's glad they came to her at all. It sounds small, but she says it might be the single most healing thing a parent can offer a kid who's struggling. Boundaries come up too, and she reframes them completely. A boundary isn't a threat or a punishment, it's what lets a kid feel like someone calm is actually flying the plane, even while they're the one melting down in the back. By the end you'll understand why she thinks punishment quietly teaches kids the opposite of what parents intend, and why she keeps coming back to one word above all: repair. Good Inside website and app Dr. Becky’s books: One More Book!: A Good Inside Story About Bedtime Leave Me Alone!: A Good Inside Story About Deeply Feeling Kids That's My Truck!: A Good Inside Story About Hitting Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be In this episode you will: Learn why treating a child's identity as separate from their behavior is the foundation of raising a genuinely good kid, not a fear-based one Discover the three lines Dr. Becky uses to defuse almost any hard moment with her kids  Understand why validating your kid's feelings alone isn't enough, and how boundaries keep those feelings from running the whole household Break down what actually causes entitlement, and why rescuing kids from frustration too quickly backfires later in life Practice the Same Team framework for handling conflict and misbehavior without turning it into a fight you have to win Rebuild your own confidence as a parent by learning to validate yourself instead of chasing your child's approval For more information go to https://lewishowes.com/1970 More SOG episodes we think you’ll love! Get More From Lewis! Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.