The Relaxed Male podcast

The Trouble When You AssUMe

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Question of the Week by The Brotherhood of Men 

I suffer from anxiety and depression. Not debilitating because I keep a job and social life. I'm 32 and have never left home. My parents are enablers and never pushed me out. What advice would you give someone like me?

By the way, you phrased the question I would say you already know the answer. You need to move out. You can function out in society. You have already stated that you have a job and a social life. So move out. That anxiety you feel is normal for everybody. My daughter actually came to me crying. All because I made a suggestion with her being 18, that she needs to start spreading her wings, and looking for a place she can move to.

She had the thought loop that I didn’t love her anymore because I was wanting her out of the house. That was the farthest from the case. She was telling herself the story that I was throwing her out into this big world unarmed and that the lions were going to eat her.

It is scary to move out on your own. You have all these new bills and responsibilities that you have to take on. Some are downright unpleasant, while other experiences give you a huge sense of accomplishment. The anxiety is from thoughts in your head. Your mind is just trying to protect you to your own detriment.

Take that anxiety you are feeling and turn it into exhilaration by taking the first step. Move out. Your first apartment is going to suck and it is going to be small and not have anything you really want to have in it. Yet many of your favorite memories of your youth will be in that small apartment.

That small apartment will also give you the incentive to find a way to create more value so that you get paid more so you can move to a larger apartment or even eventually a house. Don't believe the Crap your mind is telling you. Your mind is trying to protect you from dying but again the only way you grow and become better is to face the discomfort.

Main Topic

You have probably heard the phrase when you assume you make an ASS out of U and ME. This practice we have of assuming one this has some roots in trying to protect us, yet these days they are rare that you will be hurt.

Now assumptions are not intuitions

you avoid responsibility for action

You are passing the buck

They are thoughts

It is us looking for a pattern

assumptions are not facts

It keeps us from connecting and getting to know people

Ask yourself some questions from Harley Therapy

  • What facts do I have to prove this thought is true?
  • What facts do I have to prove this thought isn’t true?
  • What is a more realistic, in-the-middle way of seeing this?
  • Is this really my own opinion, or did someone else teach it to me and I didn’t question it?
  • Is this even really what I think or want to think in the future?
  • What would life be like if the opposite of this assumption were true?
  • What if this assumption didn’t exist at all in my life – who would I then be?

Assumptions leading cause of Misjudgements

Common assumptions that are holding you back

  • That being wrong is a failure
  • It's about you
  • You have to be available all the time
  • Busy and productive are the same thing
  • Your emotions are created by outside events
  • You can do it by yourself
  • You are a victim 

These assumptions are all bad in their own ways.

 

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    Your Basket of Beliefs

    36:55

    Question of The Week By The Brotherhood of Men What are some unknown laws of manhood? There really aren’t any unknown laws of manhood. There are things in men's lives that they need to do to have a great and masculine life. Men have purposes and it needs to be at the top of objectives to find out what that purpose is. Most times that purpose is something that is bigger than them. They are helping other people to achieve their purpose. That could be through a service-based life. Like being the best employee you can be for your employer. You could also be that you need to join up with a charity or even start a charity. There is a chance that you see a need that isn’t filled. Therefore you may have the purpose of starting a business and helping the local community by providing a product that enriches their life. There really is a lot of options you can do. The objective of this is to live your life to the fullest. Don't sit around wishing that you can do something. Get up off the dirt and do it. take action. face that fear you have that it won't work. You never know till you try. Your uncle who is shooting down your ideas doesn’t know. Your parents don't know. You don't know till you act. Men are meant to protect their families. Provide for their family, and lead their family. You do this by making sure you take care of yourself. By working on your Mind, Body, Soul, and building a community of men who can help you. Main Topic What are beliefs? At the root, these are thoughts that you perceive to be true. As we walk through life we gather different beliefs. We see something that catches our eye and we decide whether we will put it into our basket of beliefs. As we continue through life that basket starts to fill up. There are times that we have to trade one belief for another or we struggle to try to keep both beliefs in the basket. Yet our basket is so full that we start going down avenues of suffering because we are trying so hard to make sure we keep all the beliefs together though they clearly don't all fit. The cool thing about beliefs is that though we use them to define us we can actually take a belief out of our basket and set it down. If it doesn't serve us anymore. If we find a prettier stone that would fit just nicely in our basket we may have to put the old belief down for someone else to find. It doesn't hurt you to change your beliefs often if you look at a belief long enough you will see that it's not quite as alluring as you once thought and so it doesn't do you any harm to set that belief down and go about your day. You are able to get a better knowledge of yourself as you examine your beliefs. As you read you are able to find new nuggets of beliefs

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