The Relaxed Male is a podcast that helps men find their purpose and learn to breathe. We offer solutions for when life gets tough. Whether it’s divorce or just the stress of everyday life, we can help you get back on your feet and be the man you want to be. You deserve more than what society tells us we should do as men. Be the father your children need, be the partner your spouse needs, and most importantly - be yourself! This all starts with you getting out of your own way.
54:46News going to be making some changes to when things are being released. I want to keep the current release schedule for the video of the week the Wednesday blog post and the podcast but I have lots of other plans for the site that are being ignored so Once a month there will be only a video and a podcast. If I can do the other plans and take out an item of the honey-do list and I still have time to write then you can consider the blog post a bonus. But I have been learning about some of the steps I am needing to attract more clients for signing up. To do that I have to focus on other parts of the site. For instance the landing page for the divorce recovery workshop. Still working on the name but I want to get it done so I can help those men struggling with their purpose in the midst of their marriage falling apart. I also need to work on the Brotherhood of Men's Landing page. I am getting people looking at it but they are not nibbling. So many items like this that need to be changed. The Podcast will keep going I am not willing to let it slide just yet. I know I need to work on my short game for this business and the long game will still be there. I am also going to drop the question of the week. Been doing it for about a year and no emails. So I will wait for enough listeners to show up and start asking questions when that happens then I will bring it back. It was a good experiment to see if I can get some people to interact with the show but they just are talking yet. Main Topic We are men of power yet what is keeping us from being powerful? We often want to point the blame to someone else or some external circumstance Examples of Disempowering thoughts It's not MY fault, Everybody/somebody did something to me and now I'm all screwed up. I can’t do follow my dream, I need to prioritize OTHER people because I’m a good person I can't think of that right now I am in too much pain. I don't have time right now I am just too busy. When the kids are out of the house When the time is right I will get it done someday I would if I have enough money It's easy for them! If I had their influence... If I had their money... If... I am practical I'm not that good That's how they get you That just how it goes I have the worst luck I suck at_______ I know they are laughing at me I should have started 10 years ago I don't want to be a jerk. It's easier said than done She doesn't like me She doesn't like sex I cant perform as she wants I can't satisfy her How to change why are you thinking small? You think small because of fear. You fear the worst may happen. Could the worst happen? what is the worst? For some, the worst is looking like a fool. While others fear being successful and being called all the. names they called successful people. It could be that you are fearing that you will be judged by your friends as a sellout or worse. According to Tripp Lanier many times we play life small because want one or more of these 4 things and we are afraid that if we don't play life small we won't get these Freedom Love Aliveness Peace In fact, because you are living life small is why you are not receiving most of these. Ask yourself probing questions Ask yourself questions that dig deeper into why you are thinking this way. What is your why? Why do you think the way you do? When were you told that thought? Who was always telling you that you weren't good enough When as you were growing up did you notice adults saying that very thing? Is what you believe really true or are you just basing it on what you were told? Did someone close to you tell you your dreams were wrong or impractical? Are your thoughts based on fear or scarcity? Where did these thoughts originate? Be honest with your answers This can be difficult but it is possible to tell yourself the truth. Often we will actually lie to ourselves so that we don't have to face the uncomfortable feelings of our beliefs are actually not matching up to what we are believing. Change your Programming When you find yourself thinking these thoughts that are holding you back change that programming. Instead of you are always unlucky, try I make my luck. I am not good enough to be a part of that group try I am good enough or I am going to be good enough that they can't ignore me. You can take those limiting beliefs and with determination, you can alter them. It's not easy and you will fall back into your old habits when you aren't paying attention. Yet, you can change how you view yourself. Start doing the opposite of what you are telling yourself. Think you can't cook? then start cooking. Are you going to burn the eggs from time to time? Yep, but you have a choice to get mad at yourself, make it fun give yourself grace and laugh it up. Life is way too short to take seriously.
Your Basket of Beliefs
36:55Question of The Week By The Brotherhood of Men What are some unknown laws of manhood? There really aren’t any unknown laws of manhood. There are things in men's lives that they need to do to have a great and masculine life. Men have purposes and it needs to be at the top of objectives to find out what that purpose is. Most times that purpose is something that is bigger than them. They are helping other people to achieve their purpose. That could be through a service-based life. Like being the best employee you can be for your employer. You could also be that you need to join up with a charity or even start a charity. There is a chance that you see a need that isn’t filled. Therefore you may have the purpose of starting a business and helping the local community by providing a product that enriches their life. There really is a lot of options you can do. The objective of this is to live your life to the fullest. Don't sit around wishing that you can do something. Get up off the dirt and do it. take action. face that fear you have that it won't work. You never know till you try. Your uncle who is shooting down your ideas doesn’t know. Your parents don't know. You don't know till you act. Men are meant to protect their families. Provide for their family, and lead their family. You do this by making sure you take care of yourself. By working on your Mind, Body, Soul, and building a community of men who can help you. Main Topic What are beliefs? At the root, these are thoughts that you perceive to be true. As we walk through life we gather different beliefs. We see something that catches our eye and we decide whether we will put it into our basket of beliefs. As we continue through life that basket starts to fill up. There are times that we have to trade one belief for another or we struggle to try to keep both beliefs in the basket. Yet our basket is so full that we start going down avenues of suffering because we are trying so hard to make sure we keep all the beliefs together though they clearly don't all fit. The cool thing about beliefs is that though we use them to define us we can actually take a belief out of our basket and set it down. If it doesn't serve us anymore. If we find a prettier stone that would fit just nicely in our basket we may have to put the old belief down for someone else to find. It doesn't hurt you to change your beliefs often if you look at a belief long enough you will see that it's not quite as alluring as you once thought and so it doesn't do you any harm to set that belief down and go about your day. You are able to get a better knowledge of yourself as you examine your beliefs. As you read you are able to find new nuggets of beliefs
The Folly of The Red Pill
39:27Question of the Week By The Brotherhood of Men If you mess up your life in the eyes of family and friends, how do you get it back? Well, know that the phrase “messing up your life” is just a thought. It isn’t a fact. It is an opinion. That is all. You not living your life to the prescribed manual that your family has for you just means that isn’t how they would do it. It's not right nor is it wrong. Every event in your life is neutral it's neither right nor is it wrong. It's not positive nor is it negative till you apply thought to it. So the events that have happened in your life are viewed by you, and they matter to only one person, you. Now you can choose to live your life by your family's manual, that set of instructions they believe you should follow. Then again you can choose to love life on your terms. However, you do it it is up to you to be ok with that decision. Your family can create their own suffering but having any negative emotion they want you aren’t going to feel that emotion, You are simply reacting to their actions. Main Topic There. are some movements that have been going on for a while and I trip over different factions of them from time to time there is the MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way) and the Red Pill. Now I wanted to look and see if I could find anything about the red pill to be able to better understand it. Did the preliminary search online and came across this Guardian article which is flat out doesn't understand. It is written by a woke journalist. The Writer Stephen Marche defiantly has an odd agenda but he does have a conversation with a guy who is a moderator for The Redpill subreddit which has apparently been around for 10 years. There are some telling parts to what The moderator is saying. I noticed that the dating game wasn’t what I was taught – what my parents prepared me for, and what I learned from movies I found myself putting in all this effort for nothing, it was very defeating. It’s not the way courting worked when my parents met. One interesting thing that is mentioned here is, "We’re accused of misogyny almost daily. I won’t deny that the language is colorful and there’s a lot of emotion expressed by the men on the forum." This goes against everything that feminists state about men in that we are not caring and that we don't express our emotions. Yet when we do it is often misinterpreted. Why are men turning to these movements? The main reason I am seeing from these different groups is that they are disillusioned and so they decide to give up and either decide that it's not worth it or that the field is stacked against them. Is this true? Not really it can seem that way. As masculinity is being shunned for all the good that it does in society there is something that has to take its place and many people look to feminists to do that. Yet as talked about before men and women process the same situation differently. While there are times for tact and men are good at that women are better suited for other types of situations. Can Women lead? Hell yeah, they can lead and they do a bang-up job. There are times though that man is needed. There is a time and place for everything a At the core, the MGTOW and Redpill movements are men who get wrapped up in their victim mindset and give up. This doesn't serve them nor does it serve society. Most of these guys like the moderator are actually Nice Guys and you know that nice guys finish last because nobody respects them. Women don't like Nice guys. because nice guys communicate in passive forms of communication. These nice guys are people pleasers and as we have discussed before people leaders are liars and don't think for themselves. They wonder why they can't keep a person around for long. That is because when manipulating another person it causes the person being manipulated to expel more energy than when you are in a symbiotic relationship. When one person can trust that you are going to do what you say, and not have to harp on you to do it. Women are actually often in leadership positions though they aren't in the limelight quite as much. I know many a huge burly man in my youth who wouldn't step into the kitchen after his wife mopped the floor. Now was this out of fear? A little but it was also out of respect.
Surviving a Divorce
36:05Quick Mention about the Event Operation Tears of the 22, Off the Hardball, is coming quickly if you are a veteran this event is free, if you are not a vet then it is only $20 and you get a good time and you are helping out those veterans that are stuck in a dark place. Question of The Week by The Brotherhood of Men What is the most important thing to teach a child so they will be successful? That they are in control of their emotions. They can be happy or sad and that is OK. Nobody can make them feel anything they don't want to feel. To be able to teach kids that emotions are not things that happen to us but we feel because of a thought we had about an event. Main Topic Divorce is devastating. Not only for the children involved but for the men and women. Often we see the ugly side of people when the lawyers get mixed in. Suddenly the woman you loved and adored seems to be a greedy witch and is dead set on making your life hell. So how do you survive a divorce or even stop a divorce from going through? This is a challenge but this is where applying and working on your 4 pillars of a man come into play. You need to build those pillars back up and get them reinforced. Those 4 pillars are A man's Mind, Man's Body, Man's Soul, and a man's community. each one helps you to find the footing you are needing for the challenge ahead. Why are these helpful for a man going through a divorce? This is because they are intricate for you to have a healthy life. You don't have to curse women or go their own way or even take that red pill that many men are pushing Man's Mind This is your learning pillar. Always be growing More on this can be found In Episode 36 Man's Body This is your health pillar. You have nothing if you don't have your health. You can listen to more on this on Episode 35 Mans Soul This is your creation pillar. You need to be creating something. Be it painting carving a blog a business or a charity. It needs to be your calling, your passion. You can listen to more on this on Episode 37 Mans Community This is your band of brothers but also your family and your town. the different organizations that are involved in your area. You need to be an active member of the community and you can listen to more on this in Episode 38
Making Peace with Porn, Talking with Matt Sinkovitz
48:15The guest is Matt Sinkovitz He Helps men to overcome their attraction to porn. Social Media Facebook Group - Making Peace with Porn: We are Noble Men Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/matty2sinks/ How Can You Promote Change Your Brain on Porn - Book He has a How to Quit porn for good event
Why Marriages Fall Apart
58:00Event: Operation Tears Of the 22 Off the Hardball This event is to help veterans to reset mentally SIgn up Question of the week be Brotherhood of Men Why is the divorce rate so high, especially in Western countries, if love marriages work? Well, there are theories as to why. The number one resin though is the No-fault divorce. This was started in 1969 by one of the greatest presidents the US had. Now Reagan later said he regretted signing the bull when he was governor of California. He did this as a means to cut down the fabrication of wrongdoings being slung at each other trying to get a divorce. Since then the divorce rate has skyrocketed. For a long time, men were the primary people who started divorces but as time has gone on, now women initiate around 80% of all divorces today. Why? Well, that’s where the theories come into play. Most of the time it is because one person or another is having an affair but money issues also play a part. Yet with the affairs, the problem is that many men have stopped being men and now women are busy having to take up the slack. Men have been told they are to spill their emotional guts to their wife and that does nothing but add stress to their wife’s life. The overly emotional man causes the woman in the guy's life to lose respect for him. All because he listened to society and stopped doing guy things out of fear that he was going to be seen as a toxic masculine guy. Men have stopped doing several things that attracted the woman to him. These things are what turned her on to him. All because he was doing manly things and then after saying I do he started sharing way too much and ditching his friends for his wife. What did these men stop doing? There are several things men have stopped doing that caused their women to not respect them. These things are part of the 4 pillars of a relaxed male. Man's mind Men stop learning they get a job and start working and they think that is it. Job accomplished! Nope, they are providing for their family that is important, but he stops learning and expanding his mind getting smarter. Most men stop reading after high school and read-only if it is required. They don’t learn for the sake of learning. Man’s Body They get a dad bod. Now a few extra pounds isn’t a deal-breaker but 50 pounds? That isn’t sexy to a woman. Now men don’t have to be chiseled, but I shape so that if they can protect their family if needed. You hear women claim that they like a soft chubby man. Yet those claims don’t ring true when you hear who they think is sexy. Bro-Thor wasn’t nearly as hunky as fit Thor. You could hear that from the women's reaction when they saw Avengers End Game. Men need to be in shape so that they are healthy enough to take care of their wives when they get old. A fat man will not live as long as a healthy man. Mans Soul Men have stopped perspiring their passions after they get married. Women love to see men who are driven to accomplish something. Now, this doesn’t mean that the men are to become workaholics. This means that they have work and a hobby or a side business or an activity that feeds their soul. Most men when they are dating have something like this. Then they drop it when they get married and start turning their full attention to their wives. The wives have other things to do too other than sit around and give their husbands all their attention. Mans Community this is the pillar that falls almost completely apart after marriage. First off any friends before marriage disappears. The wife and kids get 90% of the man's attention. He can’t go camping because of his wife and the kids. He does go sit and talk with his band of brothers because of his wife and kids. It not that the wife and kids demand it all the time. It’s just we guys believe that is what we are supposed to do. So we lose our friends and we don’t replace them with new ones. Before we know it 20 years have passed and we have 1–4 friends. And maybe only one of them is dependable enough that we could call them at 3 am with a problem. We don’t have normally get together with other masculine men so we can talk about our problems. So what do we do? We tell our wives our problems. That’s because we have been told we are supposed to share our emotions with our wives. That is only partially the solution we are supposed to talk about with our wives but we share the positives with them and share the negative with our band of brothers. We take the negative from our lives we help them and we ask our close friends to help with the emotional weight it may have. Telling a wife all the financial problems you have doesn’t help her have confidence in you. It doesn’t help her to see you as the provider. You are extra emotional baggage that she has to deal with when you come in and start dumping all over her how crappy your boss is. Women won’t respect you for that and a woman can’t love a man she can’t respect. The other thing that will help a marriage last is to know how to fill your partner's emotional tank. That is know how to talk and be present with them when they are talking. Learn to speak their love language. That will go a long way in keeping wondering eyes from going anywhere other than to you. Main Topic Men stop being who they are supposed to be Victim mindset No responsibility Men act surprised They let their wife’s emotional rank run empty A marriage needs to have lots of communication for a person's emotional tank to stay full. Now the problem is many times we are using the wrong language. In marriage, there are 5 different love languages that can be spoken in the same house. We are often speaking our love language and it's getting lost in translation. GIfts Quality time Words of Affirmation Acts of Service Physical Touch They stop talking Many times we stop talking we don't sit and listen. We aren't present while our wives are speaking. We are thinking of everything else that is going on and not what is happening right there at the moment. We miss so many nuances of what is being shared. In doing so we lose the opportunity to connect. They stop being spontaneous With life, you have to stop and smell the roses. Or as Robert Herrick said in his poem, "To the Virgins, to Make Much of Time", Robert Herrick "Gather ye rosebuds while ye may," — Robert Herrick We let time slip past us with kids and houses and just life in general. You may have financial problems but you can still exercise your creativity and be spontaneous. They just drift Drifting isn't only an example of not paying attention to what you are doing, but also is about you not having a goal set to pursue. You not having a reason why you jump out of bed excited to take on the day is a huge example of drifting. Their pillars have collapsed Man's mind You stop learning You aren't reading You would rather not listen to audiobooks or podcasts but music only When you stop learning you start dying Man's body They are out of shape They are not the physique of when they met They can’t protect their family when they are out of shape. Man's soul What feeds your soul? That is the question if you don't have a passion. Find something to create. Maybe it's a blog or you take up painting, or woodworking, or even blacksmithing. You need to be creating something. From charitable work to a business. Have a purpose in your life. Man's Community This is the huge one for us men these days. We don't spend enough time with other masculine men. We don't sit with other men eating and talking about our lives. A mastermind of like-minded men Is there for you to find balance in your life. They are there to take the negative so you don't have to burden your woman with those negative events, and you can shower her with the positives.
Navigating Midlife with John Teng
55:08This week we have a conversation with John Teng. John is a public speaker author musician and lover of life. He has written a book called the Hero Mindset: Become(ing) the Hero of Your Own Adventure. This book is not just for men but also for women. People through the ages have struggled with one huge problem and that is the dreaded Midlife Crisis. John talks about how it actually isn't a crisis at all. Yeah, your life is almost halfway over but it really isn't a reason to panic and suddenly try to find yourself. We look at the different landmarks you have in your life to successfully navigate the different pitfalls of your midlife. Talk about laying out a map for you to use so you can enter and pass through the midlife area of your life and be better for it in the end John Teng has several avenues that he is enjoying life to the fullest and on his terms from rocking it out in a band to writing and helping others to find their path. So listen in and see how John Teng and his book can help you. Social Info LIVXTRA: www.livxtra.net Twitter: @midlifemagazine Instagram: @johnjteng YouTube: @midlifemagazine Facebook: @midlifemagazine
The Art Of Being Present
25:46Also, Check out the Operation Tears OF the 22 Off the Hardball happening on August 5-8 at Byrd Adventure Center The Question of The Week By The Brotherhood of Men Help me. How do I stop feeling hurt when people say mean things about me? Is what they are saying true? If not then why are you giving these people all your power? You are volunteering your peace of mind and happiness to people who obviously don’t have your happiness in mind. Stop with the victim mindset. You have the power to let some bozo hurt your feelings or not. When you can look at your thoughts and decide how that affects you. You will gain the power back from people who don’t even know how to control their own emotions. They need pain from others to beef up their own selves. How sad is that? Now if what they are saying is true you still have all your power. You can take responsibility for what you did and make the needed changes. People only say things about you when they think they can take power away from you and you can choose to react or respond. The big difference between the two. There is an old saying that seems to have been forgotten in the last 20 years or so. That saying is Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. Start applying it. Stop handing your power and agency over to other people. You have the power over what you think and how you think. Your emotions come from those thoughts not from some jerk offs actions. Remember that words don’t have power till you decide they have power. If it affects you and it is a lie, then I would ask why are believing the lies others are saying? Main Topic Aren’t we always present when talking to others? No, often we are sitting around waiting for our opportunity to voice our thoughts. Doing so What does it mean to be present? Being present means not trying to wait for a response. Not forming a thought and just being there with the person you are talking to. There can be a lot of details that are missed and even ignored when we are waiting for our time to talk. This often means that we are not fully understanding what the other person is saying. We are not hearing them we are listening but we are missing a lot that is being conveyed. How does being present help? Some people point out that you will have better concentration and more attention to details. And though they are right that is more because being present can be tied to mindfulness. Mindfulness is essentially paying attention to your thoughts which is of immense benefit when you are doing thought work. Better communication skills Better social skills Less worrying about wrong implications How do you become present? Being present can be difficult
The Trouble When You AssUMe
43:20Question of the Week by The Brotherhood of Men I suffer from anxiety and depression. Not debilitating because I keep a job and social life. I'm 32 and have never left home. My parents are enablers and never pushed me out. What advice would you give someone like me? By the way, you phrased the question I would say you already know the answer. You need to move out. You can function out in society. You have already stated that you have a job and a social life. So move out. That anxiety you feel is normal for everybody. My daughter actually came to me crying. All because I made a suggestion with her being 18, that she needs to start spreading her wings, and looking for a place she can move to. She had the thought loop that I didn’t love her anymore because I was wanting her out of the house. That was the farthest from the case. She was telling herself the story that I was throwing her out into this big world unarmed and that the lions were going to eat her. It is scary to move out on your own. You have all these new bills and responsibilities that you have to take on. Some are downright unpleasant, while other experiences give you a huge sense of accomplishment. The anxiety is from thoughts in your head. Your mind is just trying to protect you to your own detriment. Take that anxiety you are feeling and turn it into exhilaration by taking the first step. Move out. Your first apartment is going to suck and it is going to be small and not have anything you really want to have in it. Yet many of your favorite memories of your youth will be in that small apartment. That small apartment will also give you the incentive to find a way to create more value so that you get paid more so you can move to a larger apartment or even eventually a house. Don't believe the Crap your mind is telling you. Your mind is trying to protect you from dying but again the only way you grow and become better is to face the discomfort. Main Topic You have probably heard the phrase when you assume you make an ASS out of U and ME. This practice we have of assuming one this has some roots in trying to protect us, yet these days they are rare that you will be hurt. Now assumptions are not intuitions you avoid responsibility for action You are passing the buck They are thoughts It is us looking for a pattern assumptions are not facts It keeps us from connecting and getting to know people Ask yourself some questions from Harley Therapy What facts do I have to prove this thought is true? What facts do I have to prove this thought isn’t true? What is a more realistic, in-the-middle way of seeing this? Is this really my own opinion, or did someone else teach it to me and I didn’t question it? Is this even really what I think or want to think in the future? What would life be like if the opposite of this assumption were true? What if this assumption didn’t exist at all in my life – who would I then be? Assumptions leading cause of Misjudgements Common assumptions that are holding you back That being wrong is a failure It's about you You have to be available all the time Busy and productive are the same thing Your emotions are created by outside events You can do it by yourself You are a victim These assumptions are all bad in their own ways. CLAIM=ee28bc540d3b96875c62a004c5938eeaed9129d8=CLAIM
Talking Relationships with Lindsey Marie
55:45This week we have fellow coach Lindsay Marie Barber on the show. Lindsey is an expert on relationships and helps men to foster better relationships with those of the fairer sex. What is the biggest problem you see with men and their ability to effectively communicate? Website: https://lindseymariecoaching.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lindseymariecoaching/